Blindsided Breakup

Bougner

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What’s your take on the behaviour of my recent ex?

She broke up with me last week after I failed to notice any warning signs of an impending breakup.

The week prior was my birthday. She had her friends decorate and help prepare a party for me. Her present was a very expensive watch which she had engraved “love always.” She couldn’t wait to give it to me and filmed the entire thing to catch my reaction.

In the week after my birthday we were busy together with each other’s family almost daily. Dinners out, and I even took in her brother’s graduation. She made sure there was a ticket for me and I was included in all their family photos. We took a walk down by the water one night and posed in front of the sunset. A late night movie another night. Everything seemed normal. She even stocked our fridge and freezer with $150 worth of groceries on Friday, a mere 3 days before deciding to end things and move out.

She worked nights that weekend so we didn’t see much of each other. The last time I saw her before she broke up with me was the Sunday. She came to cuddle in with me on the couch before work. On the Monday she had plans to go up north with her mom, step father and her aunt for a night at a cottage. It was on the Monday that she confided in her closest friends and parents that she was going to break up with me.

Tuesday when I got home she broke up with me. We talked for 3 hours before she finally left, without packing anything even though she had all day to do so. Before she left she said she was blown away at how well we were communicating. I rambled on a lot during that conversation but any time I stopped and suggested she just leave as there was no point to my rambling due to the decision she made, she insisted on continuing with the conversation.

I can accept when someone wants out of a relationship. I’ve been through plenty of break ups, yes they suck but I do understand them and why they happen. I don’t understand this one and I’m having a hard time making sense of her motivations. Things were very celebratory the week leading up to her breaking up with me and that's what I'm struggling with. I was built up so high over my birthday only to have everything crash down a week later.

Reasons she gave me included we were too different, she never loved me at all, not comfortable with my family, not enough sex, incompatible parenting skills, she was worried she was forcing me to become someone I wasn’t, we had yet to argue, and she wanted to make sure we broke up on good terms.

Let’s break down her reasons for leaving.

We were too different - we were raised differently. Her family struggles with money while mine does not. Her family is loud, the partying and drinking type, mine is not. She is a party person, dance clubs, drinking on weekends. I never did any of that until I got involved with her but I participated in everything and enjoyed myself. She scaled that back a bit though. Our differences didn’t bother me, they clearly made her feel insecure but she never indicated it.

She never loved me - there are far too many examples where she demonstrated how she felt about me in a variety of ways consistently. I think she's trying to convince herself of this to make the break up easier on her.

Not comfortable with my family - true, although I didn’t know until she told me when she dumped me. She is use to everyone swearing, drinking, being loud. She felt like she had to tame herself a bit around mine. I don’t see this as being a bad thing though. I acted differently with her family than I do with mine. That's pretty normal, all families are different. My parents really liked her and accepted her from the beginning.

Not enough sex - our work schedules made it a little challenging to find that time. She works 12 hour rotating shifts days and nights full time. I work straight evenings. When she worked nights she slept all day and went to the gym for a couple hours before work. When she worked days I was at work when she was off in the evening and she was almost always sleeping when I got home. On her days off she prioritized going to the gym for 2-3 hours late morning to early afternoon and almost always followed that up with errands or other things like tanning and getting her nails done. This left time in the evening but she also complained we usually only had sex in the evening. She also worked part time at a clinic so her “days off” sometimes weren’t even days off because she was working her second job. She said she wanted it 5 times a day, in random places inside and out. That was impossible given our schedules.

Incompatible parenting skills - neither of us have kids or know what it’s like to raise them. She voiced plenty that she wanted to have kids with me and we planned to start in the new year. We had discussed plans within the last few weeks.

Forcing me to change - i’ve done things out of my comfort zone with her, but I did them because I wanted to. I never complained and always enjoyed myself. I was always open to new experiences and trying new things with her. She made me happy. That's all that mattered.

Never argued - the relationship wasn’t even a year old, I don't see anything wrong with not having any big blow outs at the beginning of a relationship. Who wants that conflict when you’re just starting out anyway?

Making sure we break up on good terms - who cares if we break up on bad terms or good terms. A break up sucks regardless. Why did it have to be a break up in the first place? All of these concerns are easily fixable if given the opportunity to address them.

I’ve spoken to her friends and family since and everyone is confused at the rapid turn of events, especially so soon after my birthday and her brother’s graduation. The reasons she gave me were the same she told her friends, and even they tried to convince her to speak with me before making any rash decisions as they felt she was throwing away something good without even attempting to work through what was bothering her.

I've gone NC with her as of this past weekend. I felt she was dragging out tying up some loose threads and I just needed her to disappear from my life so I could start the healing process. Her best friend does work for me though. She pushed me to hire her just a few weeks back so now I'm stuck with that. She's been pretty supportive though, engaging with me, cracking jokes, seeking me out at the workplace, etc. She even offered to throw away her friend's mail that I had to give her so clearly she isn't impressed either. I've avoided discussing anything with her though.

What gives with this one?
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
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What’s your take on the behaviour of my recent ex?

She broke up with me last week after I failed to notice any warning signs of an impending breakup.

The week prior was my birthday. She had her friends decorate and help prepare a party for me. Her present was a very expensive watch which she had engraved “love always.” She couldn’t wait to give it to me and filmed the entire thing to catch my reaction.

In the week after my birthday we were busy together with each other’s family almost daily. Dinners out, and I even took in her brother’s graduation. She made sure there was a ticket for me and I was included in all their family photos. We took a walk down by the water one night and posed in front of the sunset. A late night movie another night. Everything seemed normal. She even stocked our fridge and freezer with $150 worth of groceries on Friday, a mere 3 days before deciding to end things and move out.

She worked nights that weekend so we didn’t see much of each other. The last time I saw her before she broke up with me was the Sunday. She came to cuddle in with me on the couch before work. On the Monday she had plans to go up north with her mom, step father and her aunt for a night at a cottage. It was on the Monday that she confided in her closest friends and parents that she was going to break up with me.

Tuesday when I got home she broke up with me. We talked for 3 hours before she finally left, without packing anything even though she had all day to do so. Before she left she said she was blown away at how well we were communicating. I rambled on a lot during that conversation but any time I stopped and suggested she just leave as there was no point to my rambling due to the decision she made, she insisted on continuing with the conversation.

I can accept when someone wants out of a relationship. I’ve been through plenty of break ups, yes they suck but I do understand them and why they happen. I don’t understand this one and I’m having a hard time making sense of her motivations. Things were very celebratory the week leading up to her breaking up with me and that's what I'm struggling with. I was built up so high over my birthday only to have everything crash down a week later.

Reasons she gave me included we were too different, she never loved me at all, not comfortable with my family, not enough sex, incompatible parenting skills, she was worried she was forcing me to become someone I wasn’t, we had yet to argue, and she wanted to make sure we broke up on good terms.

Let’s break down her reasons for leaving.

We were too different - we were raised differently. Her family struggles with money while mine does not. Her family is loud, the partying and drinking type, mine is not. She is a party person, dance clubs, drinking on weekends. I never did any of that until I got involved with her but I participated in everything and enjoyed myself. She scaled that back a bit though. Our differences didn’t bother me, they clearly made her feel insecure but she never indicated it.

She never loved me - there are far too many examples where she demonstrated how she felt about me in a variety of ways consistently. I think she's trying to convince herself of this to make the break up easier on her.

Not comfortable with my family - true, although I didn’t know until she told me when she dumped me. She is use to everyone swearing, drinking, being loud. She felt like she had to tame herself a bit around mine. I don’t see this as being a bad thing though. I acted differently with her family than I do with mine. That's pretty normal, all families are different. My parents really liked her and accepted her from the beginning.

Not enough sex - our work schedules made it a little challenging to find that time. She works 12 hour rotating shifts days and nights full time. I work straight evenings. When she worked nights she slept all day and went to the gym for a couple hours before work. When she worked days I was at work when she was off in the evening and she was almost always sleeping when I got home. On her days off she prioritized going to the gym for 2-3 hours late morning to early afternoon and almost always followed that up with errands or other things like tanning and getting her nails done. This left time in the evening but she also complained we usually only had sex in the evening. She also worked part time at a clinic so her “days off” sometimes weren’t even days off because she was working her second job. She said she wanted it 5 times a day, in random places inside and out. That was impossible given our schedules.

Incompatible parenting skills - neither of us have kids or know what it’s like to raise them. She voiced plenty that she wanted to have kids with me and we planned to start in the new year. We had discussed plans within the last few weeks.

Forcing me to change - i’ve done things out of my comfort zone with her, but I did them because I wanted to. I never complained and always enjoyed myself. I was always open to new experiences and trying new things with her. She made me happy. That's all that mattered.

Never argued - the relationship wasn’t even a year old, I don't see anything wrong with not having any big blow outs at the beginning of a relationship. Who wants that conflict when you’re just starting out anyway?

Making sure we break up on good terms - who cares if we break up on bad terms or good terms. A break up sucks regardless. Why did it have to be a break up in the first place? All of these concerns are easily fixable if given the opportunity to address them.

I’ve spoken to her friends and family since and everyone is confused at the rapid turn of events, especially so soon after my birthday and her brother’s graduation. The reasons she gave me were the same she told her friends, and even they tried to convince her to speak with me before making any rash decisions as they felt she was throwing away something good without even attempting to work through what was bothering her.

I've gone NC with her as of this past weekend. I felt she was dragging out tying up some loose threads and I just needed her to disappear from my life so I could start the healing process. Her best friend does work for me though. She pushed me to hire her just a few weeks back so now I'm stuck with that. She's been pretty supportive though, engaging with me, cracking jokes, seeking me out at the workplace, etc. She even offered to throw away her friend's mail that I had to give her so clearly she isn't impressed either. I've avoided discussing anything with her though.

What gives with this one?
On her last trip away she fvcked someone she was attracted to. She was spending most of the days with him and the feelings rose. She feels shytty but theres strong new feelings thus she must invalidate you.
 

In2theGame

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On her last trip away she fvcked someone she was attracted to. She was spending most of the days with him and the feelings rose. She feels shytty but theres strong new feelings thus she must invalidate you.
Unfortunately, This has a high chance of being correct. I'm willing to bet that she was already fvcking someone or at least talking to someone for a bit before she took off.

Man... this bring back bad memories.
 

In2theGame

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What’s your take on the behaviour of my recent ex?

She broke up with me last week after I failed to notice any warning signs of an impending breakup.

The week prior was my birthday. She had her friends decorate and help prepare a party for me. Her present was a very expensive watch which she had engraved “love always.” She couldn’t wait to give it to me and filmed the entire thing to catch my reaction.

In the week after my birthday we were busy together with each other’s family almost daily. Dinners out, and I even took in her brother’s graduation. She made sure there was a ticket for me and I was included in all their family photos. We took a walk down by the water one night and posed in front of the sunset. A late night movie another night. Everything seemed normal. She even stocked our fridge and freezer with $150 worth of groceries on Friday, a mere 3 days before deciding to end things and move out.

She worked nights that weekend so we didn’t see much of each other. The last time I saw her before she broke up with me was the Sunday. She came to cuddle in with me on the couch before work. On the Monday she had plans to go up north with her mom, step father and her aunt for a night at a cottage. It was on the Monday that she confided in her closest friends and parents that she was going to break up with me.

Tuesday when I got home she broke up with me. We talked for 3 hours before she finally left, without packing anything even though she had all day to do so. Before she left she said she was blown away at how well we were communicating. I rambled on a lot during that conversation but any time I stopped and suggested she just leave as there was no point to my rambling due to the decision she made, she insisted on continuing with the conversation.

I can accept when someone wants out of a relationship. I’ve been through plenty of break ups, yes they suck but I do understand them and why they happen. I don’t understand this one and I’m having a hard time making sense of her motivations. Things were very celebratory the week leading up to her breaking up with me and that's what I'm struggling with. I was built up so high over my birthday only to have everything crash down a week later.

Reasons she gave me included we were too different, she never loved me at all, not comfortable with my family, not enough sex, incompatible parenting skills, she was worried she was forcing me to become someone I wasn’t, we had yet to argue, and she wanted to make sure we broke up on good terms.

Let’s break down her reasons for leaving.

We were too different - we were raised differently. Her family struggles with money while mine does not. Her family is loud, the partying and drinking type, mine is not. She is a party person, dance clubs, drinking on weekends. I never did any of that until I got involved with her but I participated in everything and enjoyed myself. She scaled that back a bit though. Our differences didn’t bother me, they clearly made her feel insecure but she never indicated it.

She never loved me - there are far too many examples where she demonstrated how she felt about me in a variety of ways consistently. I think she's trying to convince herself of this to make the break up easier on her.

Not comfortable with my family - true, although I didn’t know until she told me when she dumped me. She is use to everyone swearing, drinking, being loud. She felt like she had to tame herself a bit around mine. I don’t see this as being a bad thing though. I acted differently with her family than I do with mine. That's pretty normal, all families are different. My parents really liked her and accepted her from the beginning.

Not enough sex - our work schedules made it a little challenging to find that time. She works 12 hour rotating shifts days and nights full time. I work straight evenings. When she worked nights she slept all day and went to the gym for a couple hours before work. When she worked days I was at work when she was off in the evening and she was almost always sleeping when I got home. On her days off she prioritized going to the gym for 2-3 hours late morning to early afternoon and almost always followed that up with errands or other things like tanning and getting her nails done. This left time in the evening but she also complained we usually only had sex in the evening. She also worked part time at a clinic so her “days off” sometimes weren’t even days off because she was working her second job. She said she wanted it 5 times a day, in random places inside and out. That was impossible given our schedules.

Incompatible parenting skills - neither of us have kids or know what it’s like to raise them. She voiced plenty that she wanted to have kids with me and we planned to start in the new year. We had discussed plans within the last few weeks.

Forcing me to change - i’ve done things out of my comfort zone with her, but I did them because I wanted to. I never complained and always enjoyed myself. I was always open to new experiences and trying new things with her. She made me happy. That's all that mattered.

Never argued - the relationship wasn’t even a year old, I don't see anything wrong with not having any big blow outs at the beginning of a relationship. Who wants that conflict when you’re just starting out anyway?

Making sure we break up on good terms - who cares if we break up on bad terms or good terms. A break up sucks regardless. Why did it have to be a break up in the first place? All of these concerns are easily fixable if given the opportunity to address them.

I’ve spoken to her friends and family since and everyone is confused at the rapid turn of events, especially so soon after my birthday and her brother’s graduation. The reasons she gave me were the same she told her friends, and even they tried to convince her to speak with me before making any rash decisions as they felt she was throwing away something good without even attempting to work through what was bothering her.

I've gone NC with her as of this past weekend. I felt she was dragging out tying up some loose threads and I just needed her to disappear from my life so I could start the healing process. Her best friend does work for me though. She pushed me to hire her just a few weeks back so now I'm stuck with that. She's been pretty supportive though, engaging with me, cracking jokes, seeking me out at the workplace, etc. She even offered to throw away her friend's mail that I had to give her so clearly she isn't impressed either. I've avoided discussing anything with her though.

What gives with this one?
How long were you two together?
 

Medina

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I don't believe she cheated on you. I believe that she is bored

My family too is very crazy, drinks a lot and parties hard all the time

So when my sisters meet a boring guy, I know it's only a matter of time before it ends

Girls need stimulation, especially when they grow up with extreme stimulation

You just didn't fill that hole buddy, it's not personal

You know the old excuse "it's not you it's me" - well for once I think this is true
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Unfortunately, This has a high chance of being correct. I'm willing to bet that she was already fvcking someone or at least talking to someone for a bit before she took off.

Man... this bring back bad memories.
Those feelings rose quickly. Thus the non congruent actions of previously being heavily invested into the relationship just a week before. I did the same shytty thing to someone as a younger man. It was easier to run away towards the new "feelings". But i shytted on a lady who never let me down and our sexlife was good.
 

Julian

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who even gives a fuk dude. u can do all the mental gymnastics u want but h cant justify or quantify a creature who simply goes by their feelings most of the time. this is just another case study why u cant go exclusive as a beta bf for these hoes.

be the alpha. 3 hours convo over the breakup waste of time. when she broke the news u should have just kept it simple "your breaking up with me? you kno what nah b1tch im breaking up with you". turn around walk away and go no contact. fuk closure.
 

Rainman4707

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He states in his OP that the relationship was'nt a year old.
 

Rainman4707

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What’s your take on the behaviour of my recent ex?

She broke up with me last week after I failed to notice any warning signs of an impending breakup.

The week prior was my birthday. She had her friends decorate and help prepare a party for me. Her present was a very expensive watch which she had engraved “love always.” She couldn’t wait to give it to me and filmed the entire thing to catch my reaction.

In the week after my birthday we were busy together with each other’s family almost daily. Dinners out, and I even took in her brother’s graduation. She made sure there was a ticket for me and I was included in all their family photos. We took a walk down by the water one night and posed in front of the sunset. A late night movie another night. Everything seemed normal. She even stocked our fridge and freezer with $150 worth of groceries on Friday, a mere 3 days before deciding to end things and move out.

She worked nights that weekend so we didn’t see much of each other. The last time I saw her before she broke up with me was the Sunday. She came to cuddle in with me on the couch before work. On the Monday she had plans to go up north with her mom, step father and her aunt for a night at a cottage. It was on the Monday that she confided in her closest friends and parents that she was going to break up with me.

Tuesday when I got home she broke up with me. We talked for 3 hours before she finally left, without packing anything even though she had all day to do so. Before she left she said she was blown away at how well we were communicating. I rambled on a lot during that conversation but any time I stopped and suggested she just leave as there was no point to my rambling due to the decision she made, she insisted on continuing with the conversation.

I can accept when someone wants out of a relationship. I’ve been through plenty of break ups, yes they suck but I do understand them and why they happen. I don’t understand this one and I’m having a hard time making sense of her motivations. Things were very celebratory the week leading up to her breaking up with me and that's what I'm struggling with. I was built up so high over my birthday only to have everything crash down a week later.

Reasons she gave me included we were too different, she never loved me at all, not comfortable with my family, not enough sex, incompatible parenting skills, she was worried she was forcing me to become someone I wasn’t, we had yet to argue, and she wanted to make sure we broke up on good terms.

Let’s break down her reasons for leaving.

We were too different - we were raised differently. Her family struggles with money while mine does not. Her family is loud, the partying and drinking type, mine is not. She is a party person, dance clubs, drinking on weekends. I never did any of that until I got involved with her but I participated in everything and enjoyed myself. She scaled that back a bit though. Our differences didn’t bother me, they clearly made her feel insecure but she never indicated it.

She never loved me - there are far too many examples where she demonstrated how she felt about me in a variety of ways consistently. I think she's trying to convince herself of this to make the break up easier on her.

Not comfortable with my family - true, although I didn’t know until she told me when she dumped me. She is use to everyone swearing, drinking, being loud. She felt like she had to tame herself a bit around mine. I don’t see this as being a bad thing though. I acted differently with her family than I do with mine. That's pretty normal, all families are different. My parents really liked her and accepted her from the beginning.

Not enough sex - our work schedules made it a little challenging to find that time. She works 12 hour rotating shifts days and nights full time. I work straight evenings. When she worked nights she slept all day and went to the gym for a couple hours before work. When she worked days I was at work when she was off in the evening and she was almost always sleeping when I got home. On her days off she prioritized going to the gym for 2-3 hours late morning to early afternoon and almost always followed that up with errands or other things like tanning and getting her nails done. This left time in the evening but she also complained we usually only had sex in the evening. She also worked part time at a clinic so her “days off” sometimes weren’t even days off because she was working her second job. She said she wanted it 5 times a day, in random places inside and out. That was impossible given our schedules.

Incompatible parenting skills - neither of us have kids or know what it’s like to raise them. She voiced plenty that she wanted to have kids with me and we planned to start in the new year. We had discussed plans within the last few weeks.

Forcing me to change - i’ve done things out of my comfort zone with her, but I did them because I wanted to. I never complained and always enjoyed myself. I was always open to new experiences and trying new things with her. She made me happy. That's all that mattered.

Never argued - the relationship wasn’t even a year old, I don't see anything wrong with not having any big blow outs at the beginning of a relationship. Who wants that conflict when you’re just starting out anyway?

Making sure we break up on good terms - who cares if we break up on bad terms or good terms. A break up sucks regardless. Why did it have to be a break up in the first place? All of these concerns are easily fixable if given the opportunity to address them.

I’ve spoken to her friends and family since and everyone is confused at the rapid turn of events, especially so soon after my birthday and her brother’s graduation. The reasons she gave me were the same she told her friends, and even they tried to convince her to speak with me before making any rash decisions as they felt she was throwing away something good without even attempting to work through what was bothering her.

I've gone NC with her as of this past weekend. I felt she was dragging out tying up some loose threads and I just needed her to disappear from my life so I could start the healing process. Her best friend does work for me though. She pushed me to hire her just a few weeks back so now I'm stuck with that. She's been pretty supportive though, engaging with me, cracking jokes, seeking me out at the workplace, etc. She even offered to throw away her friend's mail that I had to give her so clearly she isn't impressed either. I've avoided discussing anything with her though.

What gives with this one?
She has gave a lot of reasons why she has broke up with you.
My advice for you is - accept it is over. This is what she wants. I know it hurts, but it's want she wants. Best thing you can do is meet other women and forget about her. I think she will be straight out there looking for other guys ...if she has'nt got one already.
 

lamath

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who even gives a fuk dude. u can do all the mental gymnastics u want but h cant justify or quantify a creature who simply goes by their feelings most of the time. this is just another case study why u cant go exclusive as a beta bf for these hoes.

be the alpha. 3 hours convo over the breakup waste of time. when she broke the news u should have just kept it simple "your breaking up with me? you kno what nah b1tch im breaking up with you". turn around walk away and go no contact. fuk closure.
This

Seriously that 3 hour conv was for her to feel better about leaving. This is all.
Dont waste time thinking about it, ***** is gone NEXT!
 

Bougner

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On her last trip away she fvcked someone she was attracted to. She was spending most of the days with him and the feelings rose. She feels shytty but theres strong new feelings thus she must invalidate you.
You may be partly right.

I know for a fact she went up north with family. I was originally invited but couldn't go due to work. She also visited her friends cottage nearby and had a long talk with her about what she planned to do. Her friend confirmed this and was quite annoyed with her over all of this.

She may have hooked up with her ex, but if she did it would have been weeks prior at the earliest so it still seems odd she would go through paying for an expensive watch and engrave it knowing she wouldn't be able to return it if she planned to end things. There's also including me in her brother's graduation, the weekend before my birthday we were out with her father for Father's Day, the money she continued to spend on groceries, Saturday we went out to get me a bathing suit for our day at the beach with her mom which was suppose to be the following week, I could go on forever! Her behavior and attitude didn't change until the weekend and even then I'd say not till Sunday night.

Her ex was also a using and emotionally abusive *******. He racked up $40,000 of debt in her name and stuck her with it.
 

Bougner

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I don't believe she cheated on you. I believe that she is bored

My family too is very crazy, drinks a lot and parties hard all the time

So when my sisters meet a boring guy, I know it's only a matter of time before it ends

Girls need stimulation, especially when they grow up with extreme stimulation

You just didn't fill that hole buddy, it's not personal

You know the old excuse "it's not you it's me" - well for once I think this is true
This is highly plausible as well. We were always doing things though when she was off work. We never just sat around doing nothing. The majority of the time it was things she planned or wanted to do too. She was very aggressive that way. I certainly never held her back or even refused when she wanted to do something that was outside my box. I always engaged and let loose. I was integrated into both her circle of friends and family with ease and meshed well with everyone. Who knows.
 

Bougner

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who even gives a fuk dude. u can do all the mental gymnastics u want but h cant justify or quantify a creature who simply goes by their feelings most of the time. this is just another case study why u cant go exclusive as a beta bf for these hoes.

be the alpha. 3 hours convo over the breakup waste of time. when she broke the news u should have just kept it simple "your breaking up with me? you kno what nah b1tch im breaking up with you". turn around walk away and go no contact. fuk closure.
I completely agree with you. I was just blindsided after a week long of celebratory **** and some real good highs with her. I did make her reimburse me for money I put down on our trip and then proceeded to severe all ties with her, tying up loose ends myself when she was taking her time with everything.
 
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highSpeed

Master Don Juan
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I don't believe she cheated on you. I believe that she is bored

My family too is very crazy, drinks a lot and parties hard all the time

So when my sisters meet a boring guy, I know it's only a matter of time before it ends

Girls need stimulation, especially when they grow up with extreme stimulation

You just didn't fill that hole buddy, it's not personal

You know the old excuse "it's not you it's me" - well for once I think this is true
Then if she needs to be constantly entertained, she's probably not worth it. Remember what Bruce Lee said about relationships and marriage:

Many young couples live a very exciting life when they are in love. So, when they marry, and their lives are reduced to calmness and dullness, they will feel impatient and will drink the bitter cup of sad marriage.
 

Medina

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Then if she needs to be constantly entertained, she's probably not worth it. Remember what Bruce Lee said about relationships and marriage:

Many young couples live a very exciting life when they are in love. So, when they marry, and their lives are reduced to calmness and dullness, they will feel impatient and will drink the bitter cup of sad marriage.
This is highly plausible as well. We were always doing things though when she was off work. We never just sat around doing nothing. The majority of the time it was things she planned or wanted to do too. She was very aggressive that way. I certainly never held her back or even refused when she wanted to do something that was outside my box. I always engaged and let loose. I was integrated into both her circle of friends and family with ease and meshed well with everyone. Who knows.
"Going along for the ride" won't cut it with chicks like that

Laying the law down would have been a better option

It's not as bad as dating abused women, but it's still tricky

One of my party sisters (all 9's btw) has settled now with an alpha

If she goes out drinking he gives her a curfew

Break that curfew and it's the silent treatment for days

It works

She hates going out now
 

Bougner

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She has gave a lot of reasons why she has broke up with you.
My advice for you is - accept it is over. This is what she wants. I know it hurts, but it's want she wants. Best thing you can do is meet other women and forget about her. I think she will be straight out there looking for other guys ...if she has'nt got one already.
I do accept this is over. Believe me, I'm glad this happened now and not down the road when larger purchases have been made or kids have come along. It was clearly going to happen regardless.

I've always been the type of person that tries to make sense when something fails. I apply this to all aspects of my life, including relationships. I want to learn from it and grow so I don't make similar mistakes down the road. I'm trying to learn why things shifted so suddenly and why I was blindsided because of it. I've been in plenty of relationships in my life ranging from one night stands to several long term relationships. This has been the only time where I've been completely caught off guard so I want to understand and learn from it.

My point with the reasons was the majority of them seemed very forced, made up or greatly exaggerated. I know there isn't any way to explain or prove support that but when you have her inner circle of friends, and even her own family members sympathizing with the ex over her and offering support it's a little telling is it not?

I'm torn between thinking she ended things because there was someone else she wanted to pursue (or already had), and her just being incredibly insecure with herself and she just ran.

The events that played out suggest the latter. Her decision came very suddenly, literally overnight, and it surprised everyone in her life, and her actions leading up weren't of someone who was out banging someone else. When she's insecure she tends to make rash decisions out of panic. ****, I've even done the same in the past. We all have I'm sure.

She's also impulsive and admitted as such. She'll sometimes act before she thinks and in most cases it rarely makes sense. There was one night I came home from work shortly after 11pm and she had gone out and bought bags of cleaning supplies and groceries, and decided at 10pm when she got home that she would clean our entire place, while also cook a late night dinner for us and do laundry. It was crazy, but she felt like doing it so she got started. Obviously it all didn't get done, but it's a simple example of how impulsive she can be and do things that make no sense to other people.

When she's not the center of attention she tends to get jealous, insecure and sometimes breaks down. Her one friend confided in me recently that my ex had a small breakdown back in April because she felt I wasn't paying enough attention to her at her mother's birthday party. Everyone was drunk, me especially. My ex chalked this up as evidence that she never loved me, but the friend that was with her, while she was drunk and going through it, said it was because she overreacted to me not noticing her while I was acting drunk and stupid with some of the other guys present.

The entire week leading up to her dumping me she was not the center of attention. It was all about me (my birthday weekend and several birthday dinners with family) or her brother (his graduation). This would have contributed to some insecurity for sure, especially the multiple dinners with my family.

You have the insecurity from my birthday weekend in regards to the lack of sex when the other couple bragged about all they were having while on vacation and kid free. She almost quoted them exactly during our break up so clearly she felt insecure about that.

The insecurity during my one family dinner when my mother kept shushing my brother when he swore, and when my brother made comments about how I never use to drink and get drunk before she came along.

I also stopped initiating texting starting the Saturday night because I picked up on some grumpiness, called her out on it and thought maybe she just needed some space after all the busyness of the week. That carried through to Sunday and in to Monday and also would have made her feel insecure.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is every reason she gave me aside from "I never loved you", each one was brought up to some degree by other people during the week prior. Is that just a coincidence? Our differences, lack of sex, forcing me to change, her grumpiness, worrying about our relationship getting worse down the road, being insecure around my family, and even the parenting skills, all of those were in the spotlight at some point.

To further how insecure she is, she use to weigh 300 pounds but had lost 135 of that so far through vigorous exercising at her gym and bariatric surgery. She continues to have a real genuine fear of gaining all the weight back. She is so insecure about her body that she plans to have her breasts done and her stomach done, yet has no way to even finance the surgery because she has zero credit. She also continues to buy lessons with her personal trainer, and I'm positive she does this just to remain the center of attention at the gym. She kills it at the gym, she knows what she's doing, she knows how to lift properly. There's no need to continue paying someone hundreds and even thousands of dollars to help with exercises when you've proven you can do them just fine on your own.
 

Julian

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Bro you went full beta. She broke up with you because you adapted yourself to her traits and lifestyle when it shoud be the other way around.

She made the plans

She set the tone

She asserted dominance in the relationship

She lost respect for you, that on top of not d1cking her down properly or regularly.

She was trying to let u down easy. She was over the relationship a longgg time ago


Women are great actresses they can act like they love u and do all this lovey dovey bs while taking backshots from random alphas off tinder or just guys shes fked before etc.

Never surrender yourself a woman or her wishes. You dont even drink dude then she comes along and you completely changed yourself for her. Thats weak and she sensed it and she led u the entire way even thru the breakup and u still cant realize why she left you?

Yoo exhibited nothing but weakness and submissive behavior. U were not a challenge at all and sexually u did not satisfy her. The writing was on the wall bro. U got blinded by being lovebombed and showered with gifts and meaningless crap like partying.


Not only that but u got rekt since she was a 300lb hambeast yikes bro.
 
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