Bit of a situation.

[Grounded eagle]

Long time member returning here. So I’m in a bit of a situation here, and I thought I’d run it past you guys, hopefully get an informed opinion on how I should handle it.

So I met this girl. A real nice girl. Checks all the boxes. Humble,family oriented, and hot in the specific way that appeals to me. In short, girlfriend material, not a common potential lay. So a couple of weeks ago, I got into a situation with a girl who has considerable proximity with her friend group. I was banging her in public at some party, and long story short, we got arrested. Spent the night in jail.

I am concerned that this might have reached the potential girlfriend, and I am concerned that it might derail my efforts with her.

I am not really concerned about people knowing what happened, I am mainly concerned that it will hamper my efforts with said nice girl.

What are your thoughts? Should I play it cool and proceed like nothing’s going on? Or should I preempt the whole thing and tell her?(perhaps it would be better if she heard it from me)

I should also probably mention that this all went down before me and her ever formally met or spoke,but I’d seen her around frequently.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t preemptively bring it up or explain myself over something that happened before you two even formally met.

You’re giving this incident more importance than it may actually have. If she hasn’t heard about it, there’s no reason to introduce it yourself. If she has, let her decide whether it’s worth asking you about.

Sometimes drawing attention to something only gives it more significance than it deserves. Don’t pick at a scab that might otherwise heal on its own.

 

[Plinco]

Don't feel or act guilty about it because you will make yourself more guilty in her mind then you need to be. Be completely honest about it. It's something that happened some time ago and you've moved on. If she ever brings it up in the future, just say "yeah that happened x years ago but I'm with you now."

 

[Grounded eagle]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t preemptively bring it up or explain myself over something that happened before you two even formally met.

You’re giving this incident more importance than it may actually have. If she hasn’t heard about it, there’s no reason to introduce it yourself. If she has, let her decide whether it’s worth asking you about.

Sometimes drawing attention to something only gives it more significance than it deserves. Don’t pick at a scab that might otherwise heal on its own.

I hear you, however, I think that there is a significant chance that she knows or has heard, and very recently at that. I suspect so because someone asked someone I know about it.

And things were going quite well with me and her.

Don't feel or act guilty about it because you will make yourself more guilty in her mind then you need to be. Be completely honest about it. It's something that happened some time ago and you've moved on. If she ever brings it up in the future, just say "yeah that happened x years ago but I'm with you now."

I don’t feel guilty about it really,just concerned that it might affect my plans. And it didn’t happen years ago,it happened about three weeks ago.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I was banging her in public at some party, and long story short, we got arrested. Spent the night in jail

Hey @Grounded eagle , I am female and your b***ing another girl before you met me would not bother me.

For me and perhaps her, it would depend on what it was you got arrested for.

Do you feel comfortable sharing that?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey @Grounded eagle , I am female and your b***ing another girl before you met me would not bother me.

For me and perhaps her, it would depend on what it was you got arrested for.

Do you feel comfortable sharing that?

Public indecency I am guessing?

 

[Grounded eagle]

Hey @Grounded eagle , I am female and your b***ing another girl before you met me would not bother me.

For me and perhaps her, it would depend on what it was you got arrested for.

Do you feel comfortable sharing that?

“Public nuisance.”
It was the doing it in public that I got arrested for.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

“Public nuisance.”
It was the doing it in public that I got arrested for.

Yup, similar concept...they have different terms in different places for it.

Hopefully you are least busted a bit to make it worth it

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

My advice; remain single and you won't have to answer to NO ONE.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Give it time OP. Let the incident get pushed to the back of the news cycle and moreoever get over your oneitits. Try back in 6 months if the opportunity presents itself.

 

[RangerMIke]

Well that certainly is a situation.

My advice... do nothing, say nothing. It's really not any of her business what you do with other women, since you aren't in a committed relationship. If it gets back the girl you are interested in... well don't be surprised if a 'public nuisance' arrest, having sex in public with another woman, ends things. If that happens, let it go.

In today's digital age, it's almost impossible to hide anything, so I were you I would assume she will find out eventually.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I hear you, however, I think that there is a significant chance that she knows or has heard, and very recently at that. I suspect so because someone asked someone I know about it.

And things were going quite well with me and her.

I don’t feel guilty about it really,just concerned that it might affect my plans. And it didn’t happen years ago,it happened about three weeks ago.

Well, unfortunately for you, there are three possibilities here: “you don’t have all your ducks lined up in a row,” meaning you don’t have your **** together; or three weeks is too soon to know she’s girlfriend material; or you simply cannot negotiate attraction, and this incident may have changed how she sees you.

If you want to “fix” things, ask her out, show her a good time and a great night, and see where things go.

Good luck!


PS:There could be a bunch of reasons why she has taken a step back. This could be one of them, but it could also not be the reason. The reality is that you barely know her, so you can’t make that assessment yet.

 

[Poonstra]

I am concerned that this might have reached the potential girlfriend, and I am concerned that it might derail my efforts with her.

It all depends on her character and morals, but if she's a bit introverted and timid, she might look up to someone with this much bravado. Have you considered that this might actually be a good thing?

Continue as normal, don't bring it up.
If she asks about it be honest.
If it is a deal-breaker for her it's too late now.

 

[Grounded eagle]

It all depends on her character and morals, but if she's a bit introverted and timid, she might look up to someone with this much bravado. Have you considered that this might actually be a good thing?

Continue as normal, don't bring it up.
If she asks about it be honest.
If it is a deal-breaker for her it's too late now.

Yeah I did consider that it might be a positive somehow. Also considered that it might be best to ignore it and only bring it up if she does.

And yeah,if it’s a deal breaker, got nothing to do but walk. I’m okay with that.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

How is the interaction with "nice girl" going? You really don't directly mention if she is resonding the same as before or not....

If you like "nice girl", you ask her out. As long as she says yes, you proceed as before. This other thing is a distraction. You do not need to say anything. If she asks you directly, you say, yes, well, that was a little bit of a crazy night, and drive on like No. Big. Deal.

My husband has all sorts of crazy stories. I think they are for the most part, pretty funny.

 

[ludovic991]

You're treating this like a PR crisis when you haven't even started dating her yet. Take a breath. You were single, and this happened before you two met. Get to know her normally, but understand that she might have questions or opinions if she hears about it. You can't control what she thinks, only how honestly you handle it.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Advice from the old lady:

How is the interaction with "nice girl" going? You really don't directly mention if she is resonding the same as before or not....

If you like "nice girl", you ask her out. As long as she says yes, you proceed as before. This other thing is a distraction. You do not need to say anything. If she asks you directly, you say, yes, well, that was a little bit of a crazy night, and drive on like No. Big. Deal.

My husband has all sorts of crazy stories. I think they are for the most part, pretty funny.

So we’ve been talking and it’s been going well actually. Last conversation was a few hours ago, and I am mostly happy with how it went. We got some stuff scheduled for tomorrow (an activity date)
I don’t think she knows about my incident, or if she does it’s not a big deal to her. At least, she hasn’t brought it up if she does know.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I wouldn’t worry about the arrest but it is concerning that you are putting this girl on a pedestal