You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
I agree with your statement entirely. Which makes it kind of funny that refraining from slvt shaming, making a girl feel that she is not being judged, is a long held PUA technique to get a woman to sleep with them. But guys won't truly value such women, not beyond a sexual experience.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Now I'm confused, you said u r spinning plates?
That's the normal frame of a dominant man.
I was for about a year now. It’s gotten out of control and I don’t feel great about it. Hence all the threads. I think I just need to step back and reevaluate.
This is the 'enlightened' scientific/ sociological view from nowhere. Fact is though we can not get outside of our skins. Reason itself, if we use it, presupposes notions of normativity such as goodness, truth, beauty, unity etc. To say everything is relative is futile as it undermines its own assertion that its true. This critical understanding of reason is largely lacking today. I'd recommend a reading of the Socratic dialogues... followed on by Kant.
OK, this should be a flashing neon sign to you. Ignore it at your peril. Your emotions are your inner core and life... despite what superficial reason [ego justification] has to say on the matter.
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
If we were to compare different civilizations, oftentimes one would be agast at the other.This is the 'enlightened' scientific/ sociological view from nowhere. Fact is though we can not get outside of our skins. Reason itself, if we use it, presupposes notions of normativity such as goodness, truth, beauty, unity etc. To say everything is relative is futile as it undermines its own assertion that its true. This critical understanding of reason is largely lacking today. I'd recommend a reading of the Socratic dialogues... followed on by Kant.
It's the difference between civilization and barbarism. We'd soon revert to barbarism if we didn't keep up the standards. Fascist Europe in the 30s was a reversion to barbarism.