Being single

SeekerOfTheWay

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What are your thoughts on desiring to be, and staying, single? Is it unhealthy? I am struggling with this recently forcing myself to date. And also struggling with keeping these relationships at a certain level as i guess it’s human nature to want more and deeper relationships. But it’s not what I want and i end up pushing my relationships away. For the record i am dating 4 guys, two have been for a about a year, one for 2 years on and off (and i keep pushing him away) and one a few months. Others have also come and gone.

Thanks for any opinions or insights.
 
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Julian

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why wont you commit yourself to one man with all your love and loyalty?
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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why wont you commit yourself to one man with all your love and loyalty?
Good question. I did exactly that for 20 years, since i was 18. I was there for him and him for me and I don’t regret it at all. But I am divorced now (for 3 years) and I love being single. In high school I never wanted a relationship even though I was in one all four years. I just have *always* preferred being single. Even when I was married while I enjoyed many aspects of it, I still wanted to be on my own. I just am happier and function better being single. I am capable of loyal LTRs both monogamous (not my preference) and poly. But I am finding it difficult to find men who are okay with what I want. They always want to escalate into a deeper relationship than I want. I like A LOT of time on my own both alone time and going out and on trips alone. Even my one adamant poly BF wants more from me and he has 2 other Gfs!

I just am wondering if it’s unhealthy to be this way. I started dating a year after my divorce and trying all kinds of relationship dynamics. But overall i really just want to be single and have a part time BF. But men don’t seem down for that. I date older men generally. The two BFs that are my age (39) both want way more than I do. Not kids but moving in and the whole deal.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Likely because its entertaining and fun to her and there is no love or loyalty.
Oh no, I do love at least one of the men I am seeing. And I am loyal in that I stick to whatever we have agreed upon. I have strong affection for the others. I just think that moving in or even having more time with any of them will make me miserable because i like being single so much. I can’t figure this all out.
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Oh no, I do love at least one of the men I am seeing. And I am loyal in that I stick to whatever we have agreed upon. I have strong affection for the others. I just think that moving in or even having more time with any of them will make me miserable because i like being single so much. I can’t figure this all out.
Thats alot of time wasted juggling 4 while you still have a heart. And confused emotions and stress.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Thats alot of time wasted juggling 4 while you still have a heart. And confused emotions and stress.
It is a lot. I have been cutting way back on two and I think 1+ is better for me. I doubt they are stressed or confused, just me. I am open and honest with them. I also like dating 2-4 because of the variety and it helps me not focus on any one too much.
 

Julian

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1st world female problems for real. Chicks in somalia getting their ****s cut off and subjugated to preadolescent sex slavery and here you are whining about which d1ck to ride. So then be single. This is typical woman sh1t right here. Cant decide which out of 4 guys to be with, wants to be alone but still date 4 guys at the same time. Never satisfied. Its never enough. Human nature is this way and female nature especially.

If you want to be alone there really is nothing to be confused about. Then be alone. The problem is you are in western society where 4 guys are vying for you putting you on an immense pedestal when in reality they shouldnt be wasting their time with someone who doesnt want to be a ride or die for them. Which it sounds its what they want. You like the attention and feeling wanted.

After a 20 yr marriage this isnt abnormal though in my opinion.

Dont you have kids
 

Medina

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Classic example of the comfortable western woman

In the old world you'd be clinging to a man for survival

Now with ex hubby's money, unlimited freedom and a safe western infrastructure you're like a kid at Christmas

Just remember -"Freedom without discipline, is degeneracy"

Do you have any idea how you'd be treated outside the western world?

When the chips are down, women like you will revert straight back
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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1st world female problems for real. Chicks in somalia getting their ****s cut off and subjugated to preadolescent sex slavery and here you are whining about which d1ck to ride. So then be single. This is typical woman sh1t right here. Cant decide which out of 4 guys to be with, wants to be alone but still date 4 guys at the same time. Never satisfied. Its never enough. Human nature is this way and female nature especially.

If you want to be alone there really is nothing to be confused about. Then be alone. The problem is you are in western society where 4 guys are vying for you putting you on an immense pedestal when in reality they shouldnt be wasting their time with someone who doesnt want to be a ride or die for them. Which it sounds its what they want. You like the attention and feeling wanted.

After a 20 yr marriage this isnt abnormal though in my opinion.

Dont you have kids
That’s a logical fallacy that i won’t address (there are kids starving in Africa so don’t complain about your malfunctioning iPhone). Look it up.

As far as wanting to be single and saying “just do it” i think you missed the point of my post completely.

No kids. Never had the desire, not my path.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Classic example of the comfortable western woman

In the old world you'd be clinging to a man for survival

Now with ex hubby's money, unlimited freedom and a safe western infrastructure you're like a kid at Christmas

Just remember -"Freedom without discipline, is degeneracy"

Do you have any idea how you'd be treated outside the western world?

When the chips are down, women like you will revert straight back
I can see there’s no real conversation here to be had. Making assumptions and comparing apples to oranges.

Since i am pretty sure you two won’t look it up and don’t know what i mean:

Fallacy of relative privation (also known as "appeal to worse problems" or "not as bad as") – dismissing an argument or complaint due to the existence of more important problems in the world, regardless of whether those problems bear relevance to the initial argument.

Both of you act more like a female than a lot of females in the way you discuss. Am surprised as i thought the forum was better.

I wasn’t asking “what to do”. i was asking for opinions of whether it’s healthy or not. Obviously i am going to do what i prefer so saying “just do it” is not relevant advice or opinion. That was the point of my question. And you know, discussion.

Back on track though, yes, they should move along if i don’t provide them what they want. I have done it for them many times because they do hold on and out. I have found that men in poly or open relationships at least have a somewhat similar philosophy but they are hard to come by.
 
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rando5495

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Classic example of the comfortable western woman

In the old world you'd be clinging to a man for survival

Now with ex hubby's money, unlimited freedom and a safe western infrastructure you're like a kid at Christmas

Just remember -"Freedom without discipline, is degeneracy"

Do you have any idea how you'd be treated outside the western world?

When the chips are down, women like you will revert straight back
**Guy with gonads enters the thread** ^^^

I try not to be an arsehole, I seriously do. But whatever happenned to "begone thot"?
 

Julian

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That’s a logical fallacy that i won’t address (there are kids starving in Africa so don’t complain about your malfunctioning iPhone). Look it up.

As far as wanting to be single and saying “just do it” i think you missed the point of my post completely.

No kids. Never had the desire, not my path.
Your comparison is not accurate at all. If i was complaining about my strawberrys not being perfectly ripened and so i throw them all in the trash, THEN you could bring up the starving african kids scenario. “Another persons problems dont make mine any better” yeah i get that but in reality they SHOULD give you perspective and logically make u feel better but we all know women an logic is like arabs an jews

Anyhoo to answer your question. Its all relative.

Being alone is fine. Being a forever alone typically isnt. Also remember you are on a male dominated forum. We dont sugar coat sht like your fuk buddys!
 
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rando5495

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She gave me a little emoji. How nice. Sadly you are more direct than many men!

Here you are, I'll blow you a little kiss emoji.

Have a good weekend XD
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Your comparison is not accurate at all. If i was complaining about my strawberrys not being perfectly ripened and so i throw them all in the trash, THEN you could bring up the starving african kids scenario. “Another persons problems dont make mine any better” yeah i get that but in reality they SHOULD give you perspective and logically make u feel better but we all know women an logic is like arabs an jews

Anyhoo to answer your question. Its all relative.

Being alone is fine. Being a forever alone typically isnt. Also remember you are on a male dominated forum. We dont sugar coat sht like your fuk buddys!
Haha i know and that why i like to post here. i appreciate the directness and male POV. Definitely most men do cater to women. I don’t see all of them as FBuddies, two are definitely LTRs (i think).

Maybe my comparison isn’t the same. What i am trying to say is, i am not saying woe is me. I am just asking for some thoughts. Not pity or trying to come off as entitled. I am struggling.

Thanks for your replies!
 
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SeekerOfTheWay

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She gave me a little emoji. How nice. Sadly you are more direct than many men!

Here you are, I'll blow you a little kiss emoji.

Have a good weekend XD
I can’t help it, it was funny what you said! I don’t care what you call me, I still like the input. I did like the kiss though.

Really i wasn’t complaining in my OP. I am struggling to the point of thinking to see a professional to get their POV. I just would like some opinions here because women’s forums and my female friends think as I do. so it’s not helpful.

Have a great weekend too! I still look forward to some great insights here. :)
 

guru1000

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Seeker, Everything Is as It Should Be.

When in doubt, remember those words. This is ALL part of your story. And yes it's entirely normal (why would you want to be normal anyway?) to crave variety or freedom after a long monogamous relationship.

Embrace it shamelessly and unapologetically and don't question your desires anymore.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Seeker, Everything Is as It Should Be.

When in doubt, remember those words. This is ALL part of your story. And yes it's entirely normal (why would you want to be normal anyway?) to crave variety or freedom after a long monogamous relationship.

Embrace it shamelessly and unapologetically and don't question your desires anymore.
Wow thanks a lot! I think i have been excessively over analyzing this for a while now. Great remainder and exactly what I needed to hear! Really appreciate your time and words.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Here we go look ^^

Act like a bhuddist and there you are.
i guess i didn’t need opinions afterall. lol. Just reassurance. I feel better about it. I still feel like i have no clue what i’m doing but yeah that’s the journey i guess. :)
 
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