"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
3rd annual Anti-approach anxiety competition
- Thread starter Gray The Prince
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Packers2010
Master Don Juan
Approaching women with confidence comes across as desperate. You may get a conversation, a number or a kiss but you'll ultimately hear let's be friends best case, worst case she runs away.
Guys that have value don't approach. The key is to put yourself someplace with a lot of women and ignore them, look important and they'll come to you. That seems to be the only thing I see work for master DJ in real life.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
While this is mostly true, it's not that we CAN'T approach. It's just that the girls do all the work for us, so why bother. Also, why go out of your way when most girls are so annoying; girls are not priority #1 or even #2 at any given time...more like 8.ngdonjuan said:
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
Get the hell out of my thread.ngdonjuan said:
Darth said:
Nobody asked for your commentary either.
HB7 at grocery store. The store was virtually empty but I spotted her and chased her down (stalked her). She turned on the oils isle and I opened her by commenting on how many different kinds there were and if there was really a difference. We talked for a little bit. She would say canola oil is for this and vegetable for that. There were some pauses and I should have escalated, but I didn't. Of course now that I'm home I've got all sorts of ideas on how I could have kept it going. Oh well. I could have and should have escalated this. 1/7 HB
HB7 at dance class. She was in the rotation and I complemented her on her boots. She said thanks. I noticed later she had a ring. 2/7 HB
I went to Guadalupe Street in Austin on Friday morning. It was drizzly and the last day of classes before spring break. Still, this place should be a gold mine for anyone in Austin.
Parked the car and saw a solid HB8 going the opposite way I said hello and asked how she was doing. She smiled and said fine. 3/7 HB
Approached another girl from behind and told her I liked her boots. I'd say she was a 6 when I saw her face. She said thanks in a bit of an uninterested way. I moved on. 4/7 HB
Sat at a cafe to figure out what to do. HB6 was reading her Kindle so I asked her how she liked it. She said she got it only for reading and not the bells and whistles of other readers. I could have and should have escalated this. 5/7 HB
Need to start on numbers.
Went to a bar and chatted up a HB6 bartender. We talked about basketball. As I left I asked for her number and she looked shocked. "I don't give out my number". Incredulous look. OK. Any advice on responding to this? 6/7 HB 1/3 # attempts.
I've actually talked to more than just these girls, but I'm counting them because the approach was intended to fill my quota more than anything. I'm finding that this contest has helped me in approaches, but I am so concerned about the quota that I'm not spending time escalating.
My back is against the wall. I went to a bar that had a great vibe last week only to run into the mom of one of my players. It was just weird. I don't want to screw up my professional life by being a ***** hound in front of her. Not to mention she is apparently separated from her husband.
I may have to do the "put your number in my phone" routine.
HB6 is drunk sitting next to me. I ask her how she's doing and we go through that. When I ask her what she does she gives me a bit by response about how she teaches scuba to guys who ask what she does for a living. Seriously? WTF? HB 7/7 #1/3.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
Edit: Read through the entire thread. CoachD, you're making progress, I like that but it looks like I'll have to give everybody a strike. Which isn't a problem because I know you guys can do this next challenge.
Uncharted
Master Don Juan
Gimme dat strike. I earned it this week.
On another note, I did get my first legit rejection - ie, one that didn't say boyfriend, or that gave me her number and then never responded later. A model at a car show, got told a straight up no pretty much. Felt good, means I'm putting myself out there enough. And it saves time later on a follow up.
Still I'm pretty happy I managed 5/7, with 2 ending in me asking for the number (both rejections haha).
Thats me out I do believe. Good luck lads.
Gunner
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Gray The Prince
Master Don Juan
parad0x
Dali tx o
JohnChops
Nobodycares1
Thechosenone2190
Nite
Wolfbones
gunner26
Uncharted
Plutoman
coachD
packers2010
Everybody has a strike this week and those of you who already had a strike, I will not kick you out of the competition but only just this once. I see that some of you were sick or only completed some or most of the chalenge, so I will let all of that slide.
That being said, you guys MUST complete this week's challenge.
Approach 5 hb7+s and SUCCESSFULLY get 1 number.
In that case, here's the 5 I got last week.
1. Out for a friends birthday, dressed up in red and red paint for the theme. Hit town, start a conversation with a HB6 at the bar.
Gunner: There's a trick to getting served you know
HB6: Oh really?
Gunner: Yea, watch and learn *Turns back to the bar, leans right over and huge grin at nearest free barman/maid*
Gunner: Yea I'll have a -Insert Drink- *Turn back to HB* See, it's easy.
HB6: *Giggle* That was quick
Gunner: Yes it was, it's all in the smile give it a try
HB6: Ok *Tries, fails*
Gunner: Haha, keep trying, wave your hands around a bit too
HB6: *Waves hands, eventually get's served*
-Fluff talk, whats your name blah blah-
Gunner: I like your hat, where'd you get it from?
HB6: I'm out with the hockey team, we're all dressed as builders
Gunner: Oh cool, mind if I try it on?
HB6: Sure
Gunner: Nice, give me your number and I'll tell you when to come pick it up
HB6: Haha no, I don't give my number out to stranger
Gunner: I see, well have a nice night *walk away with hat*
So I probably shouldn't have just ejected as soon as I got rejected, but we live and learn eh.
2. Gone to the kebab shop with a friend one evening, start talking to a HB6 at the counter while waiting for food.
Gunner: Hey, you know if the donner meat is any good here?
HB6: I don't know, I don't really like donner
Gunner: But your at a kebab, what else you guna get?
HB6: I'm actually getting chicken nuggets and chips, they're so good
Gunner: Ahh ok, you know theres a mcdonalds just around the corner right?
HB6: Yea, but I prefer this place, it's cheaper
Gunner: Fair enough, so you got a name?
-Begin fluff talk until food arrives-
Gunner: Listen I gota scoot, me and my mate don't really fancy eating in.
HB6: Ok bye
Gunner: Later
Forgot to ask for the number as me and my mate were in a hurry after getting the food.
3. On the dance floor at a club (music wasn't that loud, could still have a conversation if you spoke up a bit), same night as #1. Start talking to a girl I've never seen in my life, who reckons she knows who I am.
Gunner: Hi
HB7: Hi
HB7: OMG I know you *pinches my cheek?!?*
Gunner: Really? I haven't got a clue who you are, you got a name?
HB7: You don't remember me?
Gunner: Sorry, nope, I was just saying hi
HB7: Oh..
Gunner: Well anyway I wanted to say hi to you, so you know my name already right, what's yours?
HB7: It's Bryony
Gunner: Pretty nice name, more unique than mine anyway haha
HB7: Haha yea
Gunner: So what is my name?
HB7: Eeerrm...
Gunner: Haha, you don't know do you?
HB7: No, no I do, its .....
Gunner: Haha nope, try again
HB7: its .......
Gunner: Wrong again, one more go on
HB7: Ok one sec *Thinks long and hard* its ...... for sure (Says a name very similar, but not quite right)
Gunner: Looks like you don't know me haha, it's actually .......
HB7: *Gasps* That was it, not bloody .....
Gunner: Yea ok, whatever you say. You just wanted to chat with me didn't you?
HB7: No really I do know you, I swear!
- Friend comes over and tells me that me and my group are leaving-
Gunner: Ok sure you do Bryony, anyways it was good meeting you, but I'm off to -New Club- now, maybe I'll meet you again in there
HB7: Oh ok, bye
Gunner: *Wink* See ya in a bit * Exit stage left*
In all honesty I probably could have got this girls number straight off the bat, but I made the cardinal sin of thinknig I would see her later in the night and then ask her then, obviously not. Wasted chance.
4. One of my weakest attempts ever, I just walked past a HB6 said Hi, got a hello back and immediatly asked for the number. Outright no haha. That was the end of the conversation. Although a terrible attempt I'm still quite happy with it, having the balls to straight up ask a random for their number. That was more important to me than the rejection, I've found I normally smile to myself if I get rejected, almost as if it's the girls loss.
5. This one was at a football game, had a quick chat with one of the uni cheerleaders (HB7) at the bar, got her name and what year of uni she was in. Then she got her drink and left. Nothing else happened.
So there you go, theres my 5/7 approaches from last week.
Gunner
One thing this contest has reaffirmed is that I want to sell my house and move out of the suburbs. Life is to short.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.