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34 Married and Unhappy (in Miami)

Metaphysical

Senior Don Juan
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Hoping to get some feedback and thoughts from other guys that might have been in my situation.

Background:
  • I have been married for 2 years. I met her when I was living in the midwest briefly.
  • She is 2 years older than me, reasonably attractive but not in super great shape at least for Miami.
  • She's very smart - which is helpful but she is also condescending especially since I am the one making the money
  • She helps me with occasional work tasks for ~1-2 hours per day, but most of the time she is looking up food and watches TikTok.
    • She does not have a job but she has a degree and lots of education.
    • She was very helpful to my business early days when I was struggling/overwhelmed so I let a lot of laziness slide afterward.
  • No kids so far, but she's pushing for children.
    • I am just not sure she is the right one.
    • My parents like her and think she's great with kids
  • My biggest problems are:
    • She is very boring and dull.
    • Very anti social and does not want to go out of the house. She's paranoid of other women.
    • In terms of sex, I am really not attracted/interested much even though everyone thinks she's pretty.
      • We have sex 1-2x per month on average
      • The sex is okay but she is trying to get pregnant and I am avoiding her
    • I got married at the time thinking about the sanity and companionship angle. I didn't have a ton of friends in Miami.
    • We did a Vegas shotgun wedding basically.
    • She doesn't want to work and wants to be a stay-at-home mom as a career and watch TikTok.
  • For more context, I am making ~$500K per year, living in Miami, FL
    • I am not considered rich in Miami. I am driving an Audi, not a Bentley or Ferrari like the true ballers here.
    • I don't own property but plan to buy in the next year or two
    • The options look much more attractive but also lots of crazy gold diggers as well that might wreck your life.
    • Also younger would be nice too - i.e. 25 to 30 would be ideal
  • We have a prenup agreement
    • I may still need to pay her some alimony not entirely sure
I am considering separation but I haven't had much luck with the dating scene in Miami either. Before marrying her, I had dated quite a few more attractive women, but were mostly crazy/unstable/wreck your life type. I am thinking of moving to Europe (have EU citizenship) but also open to moving to another city.

Any advice from other guys? Am I an idiot?
Looking to hear from other experiences and thoughts.
 

BillyPilgrim

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Assuming the screen name checks out, move to a less superficial place domestically that isn't chock full of latina golddiggers. So, avoid LA or Vegas. Arizona is not a bad choice despite what @SW15 may say.
 

jaymbrs

Master Don Juan
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Assuming the screen name checks out, move to a less superficial place domestically that isn't chock full of latina golddiggers. So, avoid LA or Vegas. Arizona is not a bad choice despite what @SW15 may say.
People can’t just pick up and move especially if they have a ball and chain.
To the OP, as a single guy, women today are all mostly like your wife. If you leave her, you’ll more than likely going to find others like her. Pick your poison. Personally, I would prefer a stay at home boring wife. The roles are clearly defined. Imagine dating a career woman where you both are fighting to be the alpha in the relationship. I had that issue with my ex of 3 years and it obviously didn’t work out.
 

bmp2cpm

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The three biggest factors her that I see:

1) she is older than you. This a major crack in the foundation of any relationship.

2) you make more than enough to divorce and find a new gal

3 You two have little chemistry. Chemistry is important for a relationship.

I would bail and start life over again. You will be fine.
 

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forcerecon01

Master Don Juan
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500 grand is awesome. That's doctor salary. What is it that you do?
 

ManFromTartarus

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The 3 things that stand out to me are:

Only 1-2X a month intimacy after just 2 years. You really must be bored with it.

Anti social behavior, this is almost always a death sentence to a relationship. This means all her social and emotional needs are going to be intensely focused on only one person, you.

Not productive, no Job, sitting around looking at TikTok. Clearly a female that looks at you as the bread winner/cash cow and feels that being a breeder is a fair exchange.



I think the main thing is if you actually plan to build a family and have offspring, you need to be careful of who you invest your life into. Envision what you expect from the mother of your children, and see if she meets or can meet those requirements. Because after you have kids, the world changes permanently.

Your 2yr age difference isn't even worth mentioning, your income puts you in a good place if your prenup is solid (you should verify this), but what stands out are your doubts and concerns, especially after only 2 yrs of marriage, in the end be honest and true to yourself.
 
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Carson02

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If she is not ambitious with a career or as a stay at home, she will be worse with kids in the picture. Sex will likely become non-existent as well. You provide all the ambition and money she needs to support her lifestyle.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Based on what you said this relationship is pretty much doomed...you are bored with her and don't really find sex all that interesting...and this is BEFORE kids.

Now, imagine her ballooning up 20-30 lbs after kids and complaining she "can't lose the weight" and then her being busy with the kids and you'll end up having sex once every 2-3 months.

Cool, she helped you with your business. If you want to reward her for that then do so...then go find someone you are crazy about...

If you marry this chick you are basically becoming roommates.

You have no kids and have only been married 2 years....she will get minimal resources from you in a divorce.
 

Plinco

Master Don Juan
Joined
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Messages
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Hoping to get some feedback and thoughts from other guys that might have been in my situation.

Background:
  • I have been married for 2 years. I met her when I was living in the midwest briefly.
  • She is 2 years older than me, reasonably attractive but not in super great shape at least for Miami.
  • She's very smart - which is helpful but she is also condescending especially since I am the one making the money
  • She helps me with occasional work tasks for ~1-2 hours per day, but most of the time she is looking up food and watches TikTok.
    • She does not have a job but she has a degree and lots of education.
    • She was very helpful to my business early days when I was struggling/overwhelmed so I let a lot of laziness slide afterward.
  • No kids so far, but she's pushing for children.
    • I am just not sure she is the right one.
    • My parents like her and think she's great with kids
  • My biggest problems are:
    • She is very boring and dull.
    • Very anti social and does not want to go out of the house. She's paranoid of other women.
    • In terms of sex, I am really not attracted/interested much even though everyone thinks she's pretty.
      • We have sex 1-2x per month on average
      • The sex is okay but she is trying to get pregnant and I am avoiding her
    • I got married at the time thinking about the sanity and companionship angle. I didn't have a ton of friends in Miami.
    • We did a Vegas shotgun wedding basically.
    • She doesn't want to work and wants to be a stay-at-home mom as a career and watch TikTok.
  • For more context, I am making ~$500K per year, living in Miami, FL
    • I am not considered rich in Miami. I am driving an Audi, not a Bentley or Ferrari like the true ballers here.
    • I don't own property but plan to buy in the next year or two
    • The options look much more attractive but also lots of crazy gold diggers as well that might wreck your life.
    • Also younger would be nice too - i.e. 25 to 30 would be ideal
  • We have a prenup agreement
    • I may still need to pay her some alimony not entirely sure
I am considering separation but I haven't had much luck with the dating scene in Miami either. Before marrying her, I had dated quite a few more attractive women, but were mostly crazy/unstable/wreck your life type. I am thinking of moving to Europe (have EU citizenship) but also open to moving to another city.

Any advice from other guys? Am I an idiot?
Looking to hear from other experiences and thoughts.
I've been in a similar situation, except mine was that I had zero desire to have sex with a woman whom I married.

If you want to save the relationship, then I'd suggest taking full control and condition her to how you want her to be; expect 100% submission from her, short of that, divorce her.

If you want something better, then divorce her now and save the both of you. She will not make it easy since it is you doing the breakup so you need to assert yourself legally here. Keep everything you have locked up so she can't destroy or take anything when she realizes you are leaving her.
 

Stanley

Master Don Juan
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Dude, did you really join SS when you were 10 years old?
Are you bad at math? He would've been 19/20 years old in 2008. Why are people upvoting this?. Sosuave has been around since like... 2001? He would've had had to join in 1999 to have been 10 lol
 

SW15

Master Don Juan
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This is lousy. Why did you marry someone 2 year older when you are making $500k a year? At that salary level, you can get a woman 10 years younger.

The sex life isn't worth remaining in this relationship. Start over. If the relationship has significant problems now, the problems will compound in time. Get out now while the damage is minimal.

1) she is older than you. This a major crack in the foundation of any relationship.
This is really important. I refuse to date women even slightly older than I am because since my mid-20s, there have been enough women younger than I am. It's a good frame for the man to be the older partner, even if it is an age gap of less than one year.
 

Dr.Suave

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You can do better op
 

Bling

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 16, 2005
Messages
901
Reaction score
31
Location
Davie, FL
To answer your questions. I sort of did this. I married at 28 to a 23 year old when I was living in Miami too. Had all the same problems you had.

I got divorced at year 3. I’ve been paying one of my two paychecks to her every single month since august. Will be done in June. Was it the right move? Absolutely. If I was miserable practically all the time during my marriage. Was it super painful to admit I ****ed up and have to pay out, absolutely. Im happier now. But my bank account is still hurting. Definitely do it. Just own that things are going to be painful for a solid year. It gets better every day though.
 

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Metaphysical

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Thank you for the comments guys. To answer some of the questions:
  1. I joined here in my teens.
  2. I got married because she was "more attractive I am" according to friends and my parents really like her. She is calm and very intelligent. She was also very supportive when my business was about to go under. She sat next to me for a few months and helped me significantly improve the situation and handle the stress.
  3. I had recently gotten out of a long relationship where the previous woman was hot & smart, but insane. When the red flags started to come out, I tried to end it. She had self inflicted bruises and scratches and went to my prior boss to get me fired saying I beat her. My wife helped me deal with the aftermath of all that.
  4. She was a bit chubby when I first met her and I taught her how to work out and thought that after a few years of gym, she would trim the fat and she would have a great body underneath it. It didn't happen. She lost some weight but carries the weight in the wrong places and prioritizes good food over than looking good. We have 15 types of french and italian cheeses in the fridge as I'm typing this.
  5. I was not making as much money a few years ago. I have 3x'ed my salary starting a business.
  6. She has not paid for rent, groceries or anything at all for the last 3 years - even when she had a job. She expects me to pay for everything and would get very huffy and "upset" when I asked her to pay for things. (She is not a latina but caucasian from mid-west). Her mother is a stay at home mom as well and spends her whole day on TikTok too.
  7. The other frustration is the mess. She does not believe in cleaning and organizing as you go. She does a clean for ~1hr once a week and that's it. The rest of the week, the whole house is a disaster. Dishes in the sink, clothes all over the couch and dining room, shoes by the coach, the whole ordeal.
  8. Basically the calculation I made was that a "boring but smart and stable" wife who is also pretty would be better than a potentially hot but crazy wife who could wreck your life.
Some questions:
- Has anyone had a separation that has gone well? Most I see are disasters and get messy.
- We live in a furnished rented place. Our lease is up in a month and we are supposed to be apartment shopping over the next few weeks. I was going to pull the plug in a few weeks since the lease is almost up. I don't really know how to "walk out" of the relationship. Any advice here?
- Regarding alimony, I was going to let her have all our furniture and belongings in storage and pay her a lump sum for approx. 1 year of alimony in exchange for a clean agreement, so we don't waste money on lawyers.

Other comments:
- I like Miami for the low tax rates, but the dating scene is rough. I see lots of hotties but they are giving off serious low-IQ gold-digger vibes and they're with NBA-player type dudes that are driving Rolls Royces and owning $5M penthouses. It's tough to go somewhere else though with higher tax rates, but I guess Las Vegas or Nashville could be other options. Not sure dating options are better.
- I am thinking about taking off to Europe for the summer (maybe Prague or Krakow) and seeing what the dating options look like there. Not sure if anyone has been there.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Thank you for the comments guys. To answer some of the questions:
  1. I joined here in my teens.
  2. I got married because she was "more attractive I am" according to friends and my parents really like her. She is calm and very intelligent. She was also very supportive when my business was about to go under. She sat next to me for a few months and helped me significantly improve the situation and handle the stress.
  3. I had recently gotten out of a long relationship where the previous woman was hot & smart, but insane. When the red flags started to come out, I tried to end it. She had self inflicted bruises and scratches and went to my prior boss to get me fired saying I beat her. My wife helped me deal with the aftermath of all that.
  4. She was a bit chubby when I first met her and I taught her how to work out and thought that after a few years of gym, she would trim the fat and she would have a great body underneath it. It didn't happen. She lost some weight but carries the weight in the wrong places and prioritizes good food over than looking good. We have 15 types of french and italian cheeses in the fridge as I'm typing this.
  5. I was not making as much money a few years ago. I have 3x'ed my salary starting a business.
  6. She has not paid for rent, groceries or anything at all for the last 3 years - even when she had a job. She expects me to pay for everything and would get very huffy and "upset" when I asked her to pay for things. (She is not a latina but caucasian from mid-west). Her mother is a stay at home mom as well and spends her whole day on TikTok too.
  7. The other frustration is the mess. She does not believe in cleaning and organizing as you go. She does a clean for ~1hr once a week and that's it. The rest of the week, the whole house is a disaster. Dishes in the sink, clothes all over the couch and dining room, shoes by the coach, the whole ordeal.
  8. Basically the calculation I made was that a "boring but smart and stable" wife who is also pretty would be better than a potentially hot but crazy wife who could wreck your life.
Some questions:
- Has anyone had a separation that has gone well? Most I see are disasters and get messy.
- We live in a furnished rented place. Our lease is up in a month and we are supposed to be apartment shopping over the next few weeks. I was going to pull the plug in a few weeks since the lease is almost up. I don't really know how to "walk out" of the relationship. Any advice here?
- Regarding alimony, I was going to let her have all our furniture and belongings in storage and pay her a lump sum for approx. 1 year of alimony in exchange for a clean agreement, so we don't waste money on lawyers.

Other comments:
- I like Miami for the low tax rates, but the dating scene is rough. I see lots of hotties but they are giving off serious low-IQ gold-digger vibes and they're with NBA-player type dudes that are driving Rolls Royces and owning $5M penthouses. It's tough to go somewhere else though with higher tax rates, but I guess Las Vegas or Nashville could be other options. Not sure dating options are better.
- I am thinking about taking off to Europe for the summer (maybe Prague or Krakow) and seeing what the dating options look like there. Not sure if anyone has been there.
Yeah you have a pending disaster on your hands if you marry this woman.
 

bat soup

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
4,297
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Hoping to get some feedback and thoughts from other guys that might have been in my situation.

Background:
  • I have been married for 2 years. I met her when I was living in the midwest briefly.
  • She is 2 years older than me, reasonably attractive but not in super great shape at least for Miami.
  • She's very smart - which is helpful but she is also condescending especially since I am the one making the money
  • She helps me with occasional work tasks for ~1-2 hours per day, but most of the time she is looking up food and watches TikTok.
    • She does not have a job but she has a degree and lots of education.
    • She was very helpful to my business early days when I was struggling/overwhelmed so I let a lot of laziness slide afterward.
  • No kids so far, but she's pushing for children.
    • I am just not sure she is the right one.
    • My parents like her and think she's great with kids
  • My biggest problems are:
    • She is very boring and dull.
    • Very anti social and does not want to go out of the house. She's paranoid of other women.
    • In terms of sex, I am really not attracted/interested much even though everyone thinks she's pretty.
      • We have sex 1-2x per month on average
      • The sex is okay but she is trying to get pregnant and I am avoiding her
    • I got married at the time thinking about the sanity and companionship angle. I didn't have a ton of friends in Miami.
    • We did a Vegas shotgun wedding basically.
    • She doesn't want to work and wants to be a stay-at-home mom as a career and watch TikTok.
  • For more context, I am making ~$500K per year, living in Miami, FL
    • I am not considered rich in Miami. I am driving an Audi, not a Bentley or Ferrari like the true ballers here.
    • I don't own property but plan to buy in the next year or two
    • The options look much more attractive but also lots of crazy gold diggers as well that might wreck your life.
    • Also younger would be nice too - i.e. 25 to 30 would be ideal
  • We have a prenup agreement
    • I may still need to pay her some alimony not entirely sure
I am considering separation but I haven't had much luck with the dating scene in Miami either. Before marrying her, I had dated quite a few more attractive women, but were mostly crazy/unstable/wreck your life type. I am thinking of moving to Europe (have EU citizenship) but also open to moving to another city.

Any advice from other guys? Am I an idiot?
Looking to hear from other experiences and thoughts.
Get rid of her before she gets pregnant and ruins your life.
 

BillyPilgrim

Master Don Juan
Joined
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OP your name is "Metaphysical" and she watches TikTok all day. Leave. Not only is she dull, she has no depth to boot.
 
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