34 Married and Unhappy (in Miami)

[Metaphysical]

Thanks Barrister. For #4 > she does not think there is an issue. She was dating a rich older dude for about 10 years before I met her. He hired a maid while they were living together. We've been married for 2.5 years and she refuses to clean and tells me to pay for a maid instead. We've had many arguments and she ends up crying and eventually cleans up that day but the next day it goes back to normal. She says she's too smart for manual labor like cleaning and I should pay for a maid instead.

To offset this though - she cooks almost as good as a professional chef and she doesn't mind spending 1+ hours in the kitchen daily.

 

[Bling]

Miami. Made decent money with a good career at one point and turned lazy. Never wanted to help around the house. Doesn’t put out.

I’ve got to ask. is she a JAP?

 

[Bokanovsky]

This is lousy. Why did you marry someone 2 year older when you are making $500k a year? At that salary level, you can get a woman 10 years younger.

My guess is that he wasn’t making 500K when he met her.

OP, your marriage is doomed and you know it. The question is, do you divorce now (and minimize your losses) or in a few years, when you have more asets and a kid/kids. The answer is obvious. You are married to a lazy fat chick. She will only get fatter and lazier as the years go by.

 

[Metaphysical]

She’s not a JAP, she’s actually midwestern Christian.

I was not making 500K when I met her. I was doing 175K or so which was good to pay bills and save for a house.

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, cut your losses

 

[Solomon]

How are you not attracted to your wife? Where you attracted initially? did something put you off? i.e. she got fat, bad hygiene etc?

 

[Snag87]

Thank you for the comments guys. To answer some of the questions:

1. I joined here in my teens.
2. I got married because she was "more attractive I am" according to friends and my parents really like her. She is calm and very intelligent. She was also very supportive when my business was about to go under. She sat next to me for a few months and helped me significantly improve the situation and handle the stress.
3. I had recently gotten out of a long relationship where the previous woman was hot & smart, but insane. When the red flags started to come out, I tried to end it. She had self inflicted bruises and scratches and went to my prior boss to get me fired saying I beat her. My wife helped me deal with the aftermath of all that.
4. She was a bit chubby when I first met her and I taught her how to work out and thought that after a few years of gym, she would trim the fat and she would have a great body underneath it. It didn't happen. She lost some weight but carries the weight in the wrong places and prioritizes good food over than looking good. We have 15 types of french and italian cheeses in the fridge as I'm typing this.
5. I was not making as much money a few years ago. I have 3x'ed my salary starting a business.
6. She has not paid for rent, groceries or anything at all for the last 3 years - even when she had a job. She expects me to pay for everything and would get very huffy and "upset" when I asked her to pay for things. (She is not a latina but caucasian from mid-west). Her mother is a stay at home mom as well and spends her whole day on TikTok too.
7. The other frustration is the mess. She does not believe in cleaning and organizing as you go. She does a clean for ~1hr once a week and that's it. The rest of the week, the whole house is a disaster. Dishes in the sink, clothes all over the couch and dining room, shoes by the coach, the whole ordeal.
8. Basically the calculation I made was that a "boring but smart and stable" wife who is also pretty would be better than a potentially hot but crazy wife who could wreck your life.

Some questions:
- Has anyone had a separation that has gone well? Most I see are disasters and get messy.
- We live in a furnished rented place. Our lease is up in a month and we are supposed to be apartment shopping over the next few weeks. I was going to pull the plug in a few weeks since the lease is almost up. I don't really know how to "walk out" of the relationship. Any advice here?
- Regarding alimony, I was going to let her have all our furniture and belongings in storage and pay her a lump sum for approx. 1 year of alimony in exchange for a clean agreement, so we don't waste money on lawyers.

Other comments:
- I like Miami for the low tax rates, but the dating scene is rough. I see lots of hotties but they are giving off serious low-IQ gold-digger vibes and they're with NBA-player type dudes that are driving Rolls Royces and owning $5M penthouses. It's tough to go somewhere else though with higher tax rates, but I guess Las Vegas or Nashville could be other options. Not sure dating options are better.
- I am thinking about taking off to Europe for the summer (maybe Prague or Krakow) and seeing what the dating options look like there. Not sure if anyone has been there.

If you're earning 500k why not pay for a house cleaner 2x a week?