"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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2007 SI Swimsuit rant...

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ValleyDJing

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Today, as I was walking out of K Mart, I saw Beyonce on the cover and thought what the hell and I scooped up the issue along with a pack of gum. A couple hours later, as I was perusing the pages...ok ok who am I kidding?... as I was jacking off furiously on the toilet I noticed something. When I reached Beyonce's little portion of the magazine, there were like 15 different pics of her. Cool right? Wrong! Not a single shot of her sweet ass in a piece of string that's pretending to be a thong! How is that even possible?! :mad: You have perhaps the second most famous ass on the planet (next to J-Lo of course), and you can't get one picture of it? Heads need to roll dammit! The editor needs to end his own life ASAP! Society no longer has use for that oxygen thief! I'm pissed, I feel cheated! I want my $6 back! :cuss: Rant over.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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sparky0000

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So you are that guy who finds the SI Swimsuit issue appealing.
 
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ValleyDJing

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And you're that guy who thinks he has to be a smartass all the time.

No I'm not that guy...I'm just a fraction of the 95% of adult American males that do.
 
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sparky0000

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ValleyDJing said:
And you're that guy who thinks he has to be a smartass all the time.

No I'm not that guy...I'm just a fraction of the 95% of adult American males that do.
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95% of American males are losers. Just look at what they chase after.
 
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comic_relief

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wow, I want my five minutes back.

comic_relief
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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DJDamage

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ValleyDJing said:
I'm pissed, I feel cheated! I want my $6 back! :cuss: Rant over.
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Does it really make a difference if Beyonce shows her ass or not? by the end of the day you weren't fvcking her, you weren't fvcking another chick but you ended up fvcking yourself. Maybe that is the reason you felt pissed and cheated who knows.
 
nonchalant

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next time, get yourself some hardcore porn dvds.
 
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LA_Chico

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Los Angeles baby!
Her body too bootylicious for you bro!
 
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ValleyDJing

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1. Comic Relief...It took you five minutes to read that?!
2. Nonchalant...I already have porn thanks. The Swimsuit issue is tradition, thats the only reason I got it.
3. DJDamage...I don't even get what you're saying. Maybe I'm pissed because because I didn't get f.ucked? ummm...no I believe I was pissed because I didn't get to see Beyonce's ass in a thong, just like I said. Sometimes, appearances are what they seem.
4. Sparky...I'm not sure what you said because I put you on my ignore list (very hard to accomplish btw...so congrats) because all you do is act like a smartass, not just with me, but everyone in general...but I'm sure what you said wasn't flattering.

Anyways, I didn't realize this would turn into a flame fest. My bad.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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