"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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2007 SI Swimsuit rant...

ValleyDJing

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Today, as I was walking out of K Mart, I saw Beyonce on the cover and thought what the hell and I scooped up the issue along with a pack of gum. A couple hours later, as I was perusing the pages...ok ok who am I kidding?... as I was jacking off furiously on the toilet I noticed something. When I reached Beyonce's little portion of the magazine, there were like 15 different pics of her. Cool right? Wrong! Not a single shot of her sweet ass in a piece of string that's pretending to be a thong! How is that even possible?! :mad: You have perhaps the second most famous ass on the planet (next to J-Lo of course), and you can't get one picture of it? Heads need to roll dammit! The editor needs to end his own life ASAP! Society no longer has use for that oxygen thief! I'm pissed, I feel cheated! I want my $6 back! :cuss: Rant over.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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sparky0000

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So you are that guy who finds the SI Swimsuit issue appealing.
 

ValleyDJing

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And you're that guy who thinks he has to be a smartass all the time.

No I'm not that guy...I'm just a fraction of the 95% of adult American males that do.
 

sparky0000

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ValleyDJing said:
And you're that guy who thinks he has to be a smartass all the time.

No I'm not that guy...I'm just a fraction of the 95% of adult American males that do.
95% of American males are losers. Just look at what they chase after.
 

comic_relief

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wow, I want my five minutes back.

comic_relief
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

DJDamage

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ValleyDJing said:
I'm pissed, I feel cheated! I want my $6 back! :cuss: Rant over.
Does it really make a difference if Beyonce shows her ass or not? by the end of the day you weren't fvcking her, you weren't fvcking another chick but you ended up fvcking yourself. Maybe that is the reason you felt pissed and cheated who knows.
 

nonchalant

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next time, get yourself some hardcore porn dvds.
 

LA_Chico

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Los Angeles baby!
Her body too bootylicious for you bro!
 

ValleyDJing

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1. Comic Relief...It took you five minutes to read that?!
2. Nonchalant...I already have porn thanks. The Swimsuit issue is tradition, thats the only reason I got it.
3. DJDamage...I don't even get what you're saying. Maybe I'm pissed because because I didn't get f.ucked? ummm...no I believe I was pissed because I didn't get to see Beyonce's ass in a thong, just like I said. Sometimes, appearances are what they seem.
4. Sparky...I'm not sure what you said because I put you on my ignore list (very hard to accomplish btw...so congrats) because all you do is act like a smartass, not just with me, but everyone in general...but I'm sure what you said wasn't flattering.

Anyways, I didn't realize this would turn into a flame fest. My bad.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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