How to handle this type of response...

[BackInTheGame78]

Well i didnt respond telling her to pick a day. Just said sounds good and that next week works. she hearted that response and said “ok perfect!”

It’s been a week now and she’s never reached out. With that said are you implying that you’d still give a benefit of the doubt and reach out one final time with a day and time?

She is stringing you along. Move on and find someone interested. This is a prime example of why so many men fail miserably at dating. They become hyper focused on one women and think they have to justify whatever "sunk cost" they have already put into things so they don't feel like they have wasted their time.

But they don't realize that it's far easier to get a lot farther a lot quicker with an interested woman than pull one acting like a mule who doesn't want to go, up a hill.

How many other women do you have in your pipeline right now? If the answer is none, this is your #1 problem you need to work on and why you are so focused on this one.

When you have few options, each one becomes far more important. When you have many options, each one is far less important because there is always another to take their place.

 

[Glassguy]

Well i didnt respond telling her to pick a day. Just said sounds good and that next week works. she hearted that response and said “ok perfect!”

It’s been a week now and she’s never reached out. With that said are you implying that you’d still give a benefit of the doubt and reach out one final time with a day and time?

I would have made her pick a day. After that, it something "came up" on her end and she couldn't make it, she wouldn't hear from me again.
And if she did reach back out, there would be no more "date" offers. She could come over and hang out at my place or go kick rocks.
If she picks a day that she is free only 2 things can happen. 1. She shows up and its business as usual. 2. She doesn't and she is showing you who she is.
Any further effort from her is an invite to come to my house. Because that is her worth- sex only.
These women will show you their interest level and also show you what their worth is if you just pay attention.
Give them the rope to hang themselves. If they do, they do. Thats when you cut your ties and move on.

 

[Solomon]

She is stringing you along. Move on and find someone interested. This is a prime example of why so many men fail miserably at dating. They become hyper focused on one women and think they have to justify whatever "sunk cost" they have already put into things so they don't feel like they have wasted their time.

But they don't realize that it's far easier to get a lot farther a lot quicker with an interested woman than pull one acting like a mule who doesn't want to go, up a hill.

How many other women do you have in your pipeline right now? If the answer is none, this is your #1 problem you need to work on and why you are so focused on this one.

When you have few options, each one becomes far more important. When you have many options, each one is far less important because there is always another to take their place.

Not to Glaze but this post is epic, the mule analogy is an absolute classic!

For me once I internalized this (not gonna lie took me awhile) My flake rate dropped by 75-90%. Took me until my early 30s

 

[Cheeky_James]

Like the other guys said - say “cool no worries. Let me know when suits “ she’s telling you she’s busy this week and can’t meet you. That’s fine, Don’t read too much into it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

The best response is silence. Watch how fast she sends you a follow up based on that. Unfortunately it’s just games playing. After her follow up I’d make the next date my apartment. Shoot your shot with this one. She’s level 2 interest on a 5 scale.

All you are saying with the nonverbal here is you really like her and don’t have a lot of options which is a turn off. No offense.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Thanks, but at this point the ball is in her court in my view.

so why are you asking for help if you’re going to say thanks but in my view?

with that said, you ask her one more time and then if she continues blowing you off you say “okay it’s all good. It doesn’t sound like there’s a fit here. I wish you the best”.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Since this happened almost two weeks ago, this is probably dead in the water. But for next time, when a woman says "maybe next week"? (with a question mark) like others have said, respond/lead with something like "Next week sounds good, what days work for you?"

Then gauge her response. If she gives concrete days/ideas, she's interested. If she goes vague or ghosts, it was (in all liklihood) a soft no.

But don't wait. Strike while the iron is hot otherwise the whole thing ends up fading which is probably where it's at now so just forget it but learn for next time.

 

[Velasco]

Since this happened almost two weeks ago, this is probably dead in the water.

he wrote this post on April 7th. Thurs/Fri of that week ( April 9th&10th) she said she would be unavailable to meet because of her friends birthday and suggested the following week. which is this week. where i said to check her availability for thurs-sat (April 16th-18).

what days work for you?"

Then gauge her response. If she gives concrete days/ideas, she's interested. If she goes vague or ghosts, it was (in all liklihood) a soft no

in the original post, he suggested a concrete day (thursday) a week before they were supposed to meet. with an agreed upon time. which she agreed to. and then later had to cancel for her friends birthday. so rather than repeat the same pattern of confirming a time and date a week out again (asking what day she would be available when she said, “next week”?), he'd be better off checking in with her 2 days ago instead.

he opted for the ball in her court method. which some girls will see that as, “well i guess he’s not interested then!”. which you in turn will interpret as, “well i guess she’s not interested then” if she doesn’t text anything. so both of you guys end up rejecting each other lol

 

[Sega Genesis]

he opted for the ball in her court method. which some girls will see that as, “well i guess he’s not interested then!”. which you in turn will interpret as, “well i guess she’s not interested then” if she doesn’t text anything. so both of you guys end up rejecting each other lol

Regardless of the timing (next week/this week whatever) I wholeheartedly agree with this^^!

Which translated means what @Divorced w 3 posted:

It doesn’t sound like there’s a fit here. I wish you the best”.

Different expectations. It's not uncommon in fact I think it's quite common especially during initial stages..

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Depends in her age. Under 25 girls get more slack. As they are basically adolescent-brains.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Since this happened almost two weeks ago, this is probably dead in the water. But for next time, when a woman says "maybe next week"? (with a question mark) like others have said, respond/lead with something like "Next week sounds good, what days work for you?"

Then gauge her response. If she gives concrete days/ideas, she's interested. If she goes vague or ghosts, it was (in all liklihood) a soft no.

But don't wait. Strike while the iron is hot otherwise the whole thing ends up fading which is probably where it's at now so just forget it but learn for next time.

so why are you asking for help if you’re going to say thanks but in my view?

with that said, you ask her one more time and then if she continues blowing you off you say “okay it’s all good. It doesn’t sound like there’s a fit here. I wish you the best”.

This is good advice for people who have abundance and other options already, essentially giving her another chance while still seeing other women.

Not such good advice for someone who doesn't and is sitting with her as the only option because it is teaching him the wrong things, IMO.

He needs to learn to stop wasting time with uninterested women and start focusing on finding interested ones so he can understand the differences in how these interactions go. Then once he has pipelines set up, he can implement this sort of thing since he already would have a solid foundation laid down.

As it is, OP is already overextending himself with this one initially and should be focused on dating other women, not trying to salvage something with an uninterested one. He needs to learn how to get to the point where it makes sense to do that, but he has to go from level 1 to level 2 to level 3 first...he can't jump from level 1 to level 4 and skip the others.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

so why are you asking for help if you’re going to say thanks but in my view?

Because he's the SmartOne.

 

[Sega Genesis]

He needs to learn to stop wasting time with uninterested women...

^^I agree however how high an interest do you guys expect a woman to have before a first date?

She had pre-made birthday plans and granted a very highly interested woman may have either broken her plans or kept the original date plan.

Versus her "maybe next week"? (Question Mark). Which in this particular context may have meant "how about next week"? Or "are you available next week"?

Words can have different meanings depending on context. And when it's framed as a question.

Anyway, he replied "next week sounds good." She responded with an enthusiastic "ok perfect! with a hearts emoji, how is this low interest?

I'm not quite getting that. Granted again it may not be super high interest but they haven't even had one date yet.

There was a book out YEARS ago for women called "The Rules," some women still discuss and follow it today.

Personally I think it's a stupid book but nevertheless it is what some women follow with rules such as "if a man calls any later than Wednesday for a Saturday night date, he is NOT interested.

Or...

"If a man doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your birthday, dump him, he's NOT interested."

That is what some of you guys sound like. Expecting a woman to rearrange her schedule, sometimes her life, before ever even having one date with you.. And if she doesn't? Dump her, low interest.

In this case, her interest may not have been off the charts high enough to rearrange her birthday plans but it was sufficient enough for him to lead/follow up on her "ok perfect"! (with heart emoji) response and ask her "great what days work for you"?

The ball was in your court OP but then again perhaps it was YOU who was not all that interested which is fine, just own it and stop blaming her..

 

[BackInTheGame78]

^^I agree however how high an interest do you guys expect a woman to have before a first date?

She had pre-made birthday plans and granted a very highly interested woman may have either broken her plans or kept the original date plan.

Versus her "maybe next week"? (Question Mark). Which in this particular context may have meant "how about next week"? Or "are you available next week"?

Words can have different meanings depending on context. And when it's framed as a question.

Anyway, he replied "next week sounds good." She responded with an enthusiastic "ok perfect! with a hearts emoji, how is this low interest?

I'm not quite getting that. Granted again it may not be super high interest but they haven't even had one date yet.

There was a book out YEARS ago for women called "The Rules," some women still discuss and follow it today.

Personally I think it's a stupid book but nevertheless it is what some women follow with rules such as "if a man calls any later than Wednesday for a Saturday night date, he is NOT interested.

Or...

"If a man doesn't buy you a romantic gift for your birthday, dump him, he's NOT interested."

That is what some of you guys sound like. Expecting a woman to rearrange her schedule, sometimes her life, before ever even having one date with you.. And if she doesn't? Dump her, low interest.

In this case, her interest may not have been off the charts enough to rearrange her birthday plans but it was sufficient enough for him to lead/follow up on her "okay perfect"! (with heart emoji) response and ask her "great what day works for you"?

The ball was in your court OP but then again perhaps it was YOU who was not all that interested which is fine, just own it and stop blaming her..

Interested women don't say "Maybe next week" in response to that.

Women who are playing games, have no intent of actually going out with a man and want a guy to chase them say that.

At least in that context.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Interested women don't say "Maybe next week".

She framed it as a question, not a statement. Which changes the context.

"Maybe next week"? Framed as a question could very well have meant "how about next week"? Or "are you available next week"?

Especially when followed by "ok perfect"! with hearts emoji. A low or no interest woman wouid not have responded that way.

Versus a statement. "I dunno maybe." Or even "maybe next week" both of which sound evasive and very low (if any) interest.

How are you not understanding that? That words can have different meanings depending on context and how they're framed?

 

[Smartone84]

She framed it as a question, not a statement. Which changes the context.

"Maybe next week"? Framed as a question could very well have meant "how about next week"? Or "are you available next week"?

Especially when followed by "ok perfect"! with hearts emoji.

Versus a statement. "I dunno maybe." Or even "maybe next week" both of which sound elusive and very low (if any) interest.

These are good points and they are points I took some time (probably too much time) to think about, but ultimately I made the decision not to follow up with asking her out again.

I appreciate everyone’s two cents but there’s also a good amount of context I left out that played into my decision. For example after I initially asked her out and wrote back a time for the date (this text was around 6pm in the evening the text was sent), she *ignored* it until the next morning when she hearted it and then changed the topic completely into something else.

Then in that very brief convo I went back to a comment about us likely going out the following week, and she never responded. The next time I heard from her was five days later when she said she couldn’t go. Overall it was just a big lack of enthusiasm I felt from the start with her saying “what time?” as a response to me asking her out not to mention immediately follows up with the text of her telling me she had to confirm with a friend on what night they will have plans.. gimme a break is what I felt right then and there tbh

Lastly, yes she wrote “so maybe next week?” as a question not a statement but I still have to side with @BackInTheGame78 on that when a woman says maybe, it’s just hard to take it as anything other than low interest if not a soft no. After waiting five whole days for her to “confirm” or not with me, i felt it in my gut in that it was low interest and if I had wrote back asking which day works for you, I can almost guarantee she would have given me another “i’ll get back to you” type of response.

In any event, I told her yes, next week works. I didn’t say maybe or we’ll see. I said next week works. Then 10 days went by and I never heard another word from her. A woman who was interested who saw a guy wanting to take her out does not let 10 days go by without a single word, a single text. She also doesn’t leave a guy frustrated and confused by her behavior. She makes it easy for him, at least in my experience.

Now of course some people can make the argument about how I should have went back to her, but given what had played out previously I had to draw the line at some point and I feel my gut and intuition was right.

The best response is silence. Watch how fast she sends you a follow up based on that. Unfortunately it’s just games playing. After her follow up I’d make the next date my apartment. Shoot your shot with this one. She’s level 2 interest on a 5 scale

Well, after me saying next week works I did go silent and never heard from her since so clearly it was real low interest

 

[Sega Genesis]

In any event, I told her yes, next week works. I didn’t say maybe or we’ll see. I said next week works. Then 10 days went by and I never heard another word from her.

^^10 days? Didn't she respond saying "ok perfect!" and hearting your message?

Did I misread that?

In any event, I agree that you are the one that has all the context, the tone of her messages etc.

And if your gut told you to stop pursuing her I totally respect that, you did the right thing.

 

[Smartone84]

^^10 days? Didn't she respond saying "ok perfect!" and hearting your message?

Did I misread that?

In any event, I agree that you are the one that has all the context, the tone of her messages etc.

And if your gut told you to stop pursuing her I totally respect that, you did the right thing.

Yes she wrote that, and that’s where it ended. This is where we disagree I guess. You feel I should have reached back out, and feel it was time for her to finally give me something. I mean I said “next week works” to her “maybe next week?”. So in my view, especially considering I already asked her out once with a date and time, the ball was in her court now. Aside from that one single “ok perfect!” text, her communication was grey, had low enthusiasm and even several flat out ghost jobs (albeit temporarily). I wasn’t about to go in and get rejected again. Interested women dont act like this when it comes to setting up a date and they also don’t just stop communicating with a guy they’re into

 

[Sega Genesis]

Interested women dont act like this when it comes to setting up a date and they also don’t just stop communicating with a guy they’re into.

^^Fair.

I'd be interested in hearing her side though because in her mind she may have expected (needed) you to respond to her last. While you expected her to follow up (double text).

Like what @Velasco posted earlier. You essentially rejected each other. Perhaps the interest wasn't high enough for either of you.

Anyway, obviously this wasn't the right fit on both sides.

Sorry it didn't work out.

 

[Smartone84]

@Sega Genesis I will be honest in that you've made me second guess things a bit based on the fact that there have been a few times in the past where a girl I had been talking to had been very difficult to get on a date, playing what seemed like games and a very annoying version of hard to get. I can think of two of these cases over the years and one of them I actually ended up dating short term and the other had a small sexual fling with.

The difference here compared to those ones is that they at least threw me a breadcrumb here and there whereas this woman has gone radio silent on me. I still can't get behind the idea that she could be interested when she hasn't said one word to me in 10 days. Thats all.