How to handle this type of response...

[BeExcellent]

Agree @RoadKing_Rabbit it is an advanced and acute case of Oneitis.

But clearly our OP (like various knuckleheads around here) has failed to catch a clue.

Why does he suddenly figure out she's low interest AFTER FOUR YEARS when he posits a thread on SoSuave.....and then he proceeds to diss the people who objectively read and respond objectively and thoughtfully?? And he insults the respondents' reading comprehension skills as a bonus.

Why post the thread if he already knows the answer?

Ego protection obviously, but OP would do well to look in the mirror and take stock. HE is the common denominator in his inability to interact with women effectively, not any respondent to the thread.

Perhaps a troll, perhaps an attention seeker looking for validation.

Follow the presription given by Rabbit and call us in a month.

 

[Smartone84]

OP is acting like she blew him off when it couldn’t be further from the truth. The opposite is true, he ghosted her, and now the next time they see each other he has to explain that. Good luck.

From the absolute second I actually went forward in asking her out, and even before that if you read all the details (i.e. her no response to me saying an "offer is on the table" for going out sometime) the woman showed signs of low interest in doing an actual date. After five days of making me wait like a peasant when she likely knew full well she wasn't going, she came up with a (likely bogus to some extent) excuse saying she couldn't go, and then dropped a "maybe next week?" on me. Yes she responded enthusiastically when I said next week works, but given all the history and context from the start I did not view that as some sort of be all end all scenario. In fact, I just viewed it as unique damage control given the fact that we're in the same close friends circle. She's very bubbly, friendly and outgoing after all, which I may not have mentioned.

Of course if you looked at JUST that one interaction, then yes, seems fine. That was about 5% of all that had transpired. So no, I did not tell her that I'd get back to her next week or that we'll discuss a day soon. I simply wrote "Next week works". Because for the most part, I had seen and I had also *felt* enough. Should I have remained in the lead more and tried to put the ball in her court right there with regards to a specific day? Yes, of course I should have. That would have made things monumentally easier for me. But I didn't. I said next week works and that was that.

By no means do I view me not reaching back out and essentially asking her out again after everything, as "ghosting". I find that absolutely ridiculous. I asked the woman out. She showed signs of low interest. She then came back after five days and said she couldn't go. Gave me a maybe next week. I said next week works. She responds positively. I don't reach out about next week. Neither does she. Zero communication whatsoever from her after that period. If anything, and I mean anything, you can make the case that we ghosted each other.
-----------

That being said, here's your UPDATE:

I ended up reflecting a lot and wanting closure, so I decide to reach out this past Monday morning, a mere one week after the "next week" we spoke of initially, saying to her 'Hey I know its been a minute but how does Friday at 7 sound for that drink?'. A last ditch effort of sorts to try and see what was what.



NO RESPONSE.



As in, nothing. Zero. Nothing at all. How's that for "enthusiastic", @Sega Genesis?

But of course I'm sure I'll have at least some of the traditional Sosuave crowd saying I 'deserve' this bc *I* was the one who ghosted her

But yes, thats it. Thats the end of it. As if my intuition from the start wasn't strong enough, this confirmed everything. And to be honest, I'm actually quite floored. We're in the same friends circle and this chick cannot even put together two words to politely decline me, instead choosing an incredibly awkward route for all parties involved. I know I've come off as a bit defensive in this thread and at some points maybe it wasn't justified, but anyone who thinks this was all completely on me is wrong, imo. This woman was an attention and dopamine hit seeker and again, when you look at every detail of what happened it's quite clear that she had no real interest. I really only decided to text her to get closure more than anything else. I didn't expect things to go in my favor.

Thanks to everyone who chimed in on this thread.

 

[JST8828]

This woman was not interested in you.

Good on you for shooting your shot for some closure but after reading all your responses I think the bigger picture (and problem) here is that you developed at least a mild a case of Oneitis. We've all been there but you really have to learn from your mistakes or in this case, poor mindset and make sure you surround yourself with as many women as you can so you don't fall into these types of bad situations again in the future.

 

[Divorced w 3]

From the absolute second I actually went forward in asking her out, and even before that if you read all the details (i.e. her no response to me saying an "offer is on the table" for going out sometime) the woman showed signs of low interest in doing an actual date. After five days of making me wait like a peasant when she likely knew full well she wasn't going, she came up with a (likely bogus to some extent) excuse saying she couldn't go, and then dropped a "maybe next week?" on me. Yes she responded enthusiastically when I said next week works, but given all the history and context from the start I did not view that as some sort of be all end all scenario. In fact, I just viewed it as unique damage control given the fact that we're in the same close friends circle. She's very bubbly, friendly and outgoing after all, which I may not have mentioned.

Of course if you looked at JUST that one interaction, then yes, seems fine. That was about 5% of all that had transpired. So no, I did not tell her that I'd get back to her next week or that we'll discuss a day soon. I simply wrote "Next week works". Because for the most part, I had seen and I had also *felt* enough. Should I have remained in the lead more and tried to put the ball in her court right there with regards to a specific day? Yes, of course I should have. That would have made things monumentally easier for me. But I didn't. I said next week works and that was that.

By no means do I view me not reaching back out and essentially asking her out again after everything, as "ghosting". I find that absolutely ridiculous. I asked the woman out. She showed signs of low interest. She then came back after five days and said she couldn't go. Gave me a maybe next week. I said next week works. She responds positively. I don't reach out about next week. Neither does she. Zero communication whatsoever from her after that period. If anything, and I mean anything, you can make the case that we ghosted each other.
-----------

That being said, here's your UPDATE:

I ended up reflecting a lot and wanting closure, so I decide to reach out this past Monday morning, a mere one week after the "next week" we spoke of initially, saying to her 'Hey I know its been a minute but how does Friday at 7 sound for that drink?'. A last ditch effort of sorts to try and see what was what.



NO RESPONSE.



As in, nothing. Zero. Nothing at all. How's that for "enthusiastic", @Sega Genesis?

But of course I'm sure I'll have at least some of the traditional Sosuave crowd saying I 'deserve' this bc *I* was the one who ghosted her

But yes, thats it. Thats the end of it. As if my intuition from the start wasn't strong enough, this confirmed everything. And to be honest, I'm actually quite floored. We're in the same friends circle and this chick cannot even put together two words to politely decline me, instead choosing an incredibly awkward route for all parties involved. I know I've come off as a bit defensive in this thread and at some points maybe it wasn't justified, but anyone who thinks this was all completely on me is wrong, imo. This woman was an attention and dopamine hit seeker and again, when you look at every detail of what happened it's quite clear that she had no real interest. I really only decided to text her to get closure more than anything else. I didn't expect things to go in my favor.

Thanks to everyone who chimed in on this thread.

What you refuse to understand is that there is a skill involved in timing. Silence is used best to pull back after stimulating engagement. Asking someone out with concrete plans is stimulating. Silence applied after that until the date creates the impression of confidence which creates excitement. Let’s not beat this horse further but one last time, confidence is not displayed by giving an ambiguous answer about some point in the next week like you did. What you did was the exact and complete opposite by not being concrete. Silence is best employed in moderate doses. You have to give them something which is why dates early on are about a week apart, you smatter in a short phone call between them, you don’t leave someone hanging for a week and then think they’re going to get back to you in 48 hours. She’s not going to. But even if she was, shouldn’t she wait a full week now to match your energy?

 

[Smartone84]

you don’t leave someone hanging for a week and then think they’re going to get back to you in 48 hours. She’s not going to. But even if she was, shouldn’t she wait a full week now to match your energy?

Appreciate your two cents, but this is just where we will never agree. Because your opinion is that I left her hanging. Mine is that of, again, there was very low interest, in addition to the fact that I never actually "left her hanging". It's completely subjective. I didn't tell her I'd talk to her next week or that we'll pick a day soon. I told her next week works. She was the one who said maybe next week. It was some what grey, admittedly, but in my gut it all felt off. Sure a case maybe could be made that I should have reached out last week, but by last Monday when I thought of doing so I felt so strongly in my gut that it wasn't a good idea, that I didn't do so. Never mind the fact of course that I didn't hear one word from her since our last exchange which was about one week prior to that.

You also talk about matching each others energy. The woman showed me about 5% of good energy from the moment I asked her out through her eventually saying she couldn't go after five days of radio silence. Me taking one extra week to end up going back to her almost felt like the better and more justified move, or "matching" energies to me. Also she didn't ask me something flat out that I took over a week to get back to here. She simply said "So maybe next week" and wrote back ok perfect when I said next week works. On Monday I asked her something flat out and she flat out has not answered.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Appreciate your two cents, but this is just where we will never agree. Because your opinion is that I left her hanging. Mine is that of, again, there was very low interest, in addition to the fact that I never actually "left her hanging". It's completely subjective. I didn't tell her I'd talk to her next week or that we'll pick a day soon. I told her next week works. She was the one who said maybe next week. It was some what grey, admittedly, but in my gut it all felt off. Sure a case maybe could be made that I should have reached out last week, but by last Monday when I thought of doing so I felt so strongly in my gut that it wasn't a good idea, that I didn't do so. Never mind the fact of course that I didn't hear one word from her since our last exchange which was about one week prior to that.

You also talk about matching each others energy. The woman showed me about 5% of good energy from the moment I asked her out through her eventually saying she couldn't go after five days of radio silence. Me taking one extra week to end up going back to her almost felt like the better and more justified move, or "matching" energies to me. Also she didn't ask me something flat out that I took over a week to get back to here. She simply said "So maybe next week" and wrote back ok perfect when I said next week works. On Monday I asked her something flat out and she flat out has not answered.

You asked her out knowing your social dynamics. I am of a different opinion of some others here, in that given you know the dynamics you chose to pursue her anyway. I want to reiterate this until the lights turn on, you committed to playing the game, so play it right: men pursue. The window in which you should have clarified was when she said ‘maybe next week’ you hammer it down with a concrete date and time. This would have done a couple things for you - it would obviously have sussed out how she felt - but it would have repositioned your status socially with her and that group by being someone who is confident and definitive. You had the opportunity to display status and you didn’t. You deferred to hers. Learn from it, don’t harp too hard on it, and go find another.

She may even come around one day. My oneitis just did. Do you want to hear how that’s going and why it’s different this time?

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Appreciate your two cents, but this is just where we will never agree. Because your opinion is that I left her hanging. Mine is that of, again, there was very low interest, in addition to the fact that I never actually "left her hanging". It's completely subjective. I didn't tell her I'd talk to her next week or that we'll pick a day soon. I told her next week works. She was the one who said maybe next week. It was some what grey, admittedly, but in my gut it all felt off. Sure a case maybe could be made that I should have reached out last week, but by last Monday when I thought of doing so I felt so strongly in my gut that it wasn't a good idea, that I didn't do so. Never mind the fact of course that I didn't hear one word from her since our last exchange which was about one week prior to that.

You also talk about matching each others energy. The woman showed me about 5% of good energy from the moment I asked her out through her eventually saying she couldn't go after five days of radio silence. Me taking one extra week to end up going back to her almost felt like the better and more justified move, or "matching" energies to me. Also she didn't ask me something flat out that I took over a week to get back to here. She simply said "So maybe next week" and wrote back ok perfect when I said next week works. On Monday I asked her something flat out and she flat out has not answered.

Ok, so let's say she was giving you exasctly 5% 'good' energy. Would you place a 5$ bet on 5% odds?

Second, if you just go "t1t for tat" on communication is there a frame set for your leadership? It's reactive to HER and not a directive or suggestion toward shared intentions. If you escalate or attempt to and she is still cold, you stop. If she said "Maybe next week." "Ok great. MAYBE Tuesday. I'm going to Academy Outdoors to check out a recurve. Meet me there at 6." She refuses? Fine. Keep her number, but go after other ladies until someone says yes.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

You asked her out knowing your social dynamics. I am of a different opinion of some others here, in that given you know the dynamics you chose to pursue her anyway. I want to reiterate this until the lights turn on, you committed to playing the game, so play it right: men pursue. The window in which you should have clarified was when she said ‘maybe next week’ you hammer it down with a concrete date and time. This would have done a couple things for you - it would obviously have sussed out how she felt - but it would have repositioned your status socially with her and that group by being someone who is confident and definitive. You had the opportunity to display status and you didn’t. You deferred to hers. Learn from it, don’t harp too hard on it, and go find another.

She may even come around one day. My oneitis just did. Do you want to hear how that’s going and why it’s different this time?

^1,000,000,000!^

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ok, so let's say she was giving you exasctly 5% 'good' energy. Would you place a 5$ bet on 5% odds?

Good energy is still good energy. She’s allowed to have a bad week. It’s really more about is she giving off bad energy. Then pull away. When you’re engaged in the game, play it to its logical conclusion.

When you talk about 5% odds I immediately think of betting theory - if they payoff is great enough then you make a small bet, as bet size is relative to odds and payoff.

 

[Velasco]

@Smartone84

I’ll share an example with u of what i said to you here.

This girl is very attractive. 18 years old and in a sorority (i shared a photo of her before (which mods deleted….). so she can pretty much have any guy she wants. We’re still going strong 3 months later. but at the beginning it was very similar to ur situation. here’s how i handled it

so this is from the same night i had met here. we had some chit chat and then i got her number and bounced. because i saw that i wasn’t going to pull her that night. later on while im at the after bars food spot i decide to hit her up to see if she’s still available. I say another night. which she just “hearts”. no day is picked.

the next day i ask her when is she free? which she ignores. and then the next day I “ping” that heart broken emoji to get a reaction out of her. NO response….

low interest right?

doesn’t matter

one week later (look at the dates) i circle back and just say “hey”

2 hours later she finally responds back. we got a live one…

we chit chat and i find out she’s actually still a virgin. i try to get her to meet while she’s out. but nope rejected again. i say we can do tmrw night. and good luck with ur interview. which she doesn’t respond to

low interest indicator right? i said tmrw night and she didn’t say anything

so the next night I say “hey” which she ignored and then I double text (beta as fvck right?). she’s out with her friends again.

we chit chat. i don’t see a window so i end the conversation with lol. the next day i ask when would i get a chance to meet her. like what’s her availability. she responds that i could meet her while she’s out (isn’t that what ive been trying to do lol?). now despite her going out every weekend. i learn later that this girl is very busy. has a 4.0 gpa. and is studying a difficult major. while hitting the gym pretty much every day. so really one of those unicorn type girls.

 

[Velasco]

i say next week. no day picked. she again “hearts” the message. low interest right?

i respond 5 days later when it’s the weekend. and she tells me she’s going to a frat.

you see when i said “ok”. that was me basically right when i was about to give up. this girl telling me she wants to meet but then always flaking. but then she agreed. I sent her an uber to pick her up and bring her to my place and then took her virginity (raw btw. i know i know). 3 months later we still meet up every weekend.

if i put the ball in her court i would have never got her to meet up. if i stopped texting her, she would have forgotten about me or ruled it as me losing interest which would cause her to lose interest. so i needed to persist. despite every sign telling me this girl wasn’t actually serious about meeting up.

 

[BeExcellent]

Well done @Velasco. The guys need to take note of how chill & relaxed you are. You did not get insecure or weird, you did not judge her for being a party girl & going to "frats", you were patient, persistent, present and chill. Non judgemental.

When she'd flake you were cool & eventually she got curious enough to come see you and now you have at least a nice FWB going on.