Pierce Manhammer
Moderator
OP, can I ask your age and hers?
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Sure im 33 she’s 27 @Pierce ManhammerOP, can I ask your age and hers?
Yet, you followed the example of The Intersectionalist-leaning freshgirl... Cautioned by several sane, intelligent people not to get blackout drunk at frat parties, she went ahead and did so anywayEveryone here advised me to move on after telling her I wanted to try things seriousley and her declining that she didn't have confidence that would work...
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Thanks I’m going to think about it@Gambino -
I wouldn't be so hard headed over the contacting her concern. If she is truly interested then it won't matter. The girls you have to play games with to attract/re-attract aren't worth it anyways.
I'd take my time and be patient. Make sure this is what you want. A LTR will likely be the only card on the table in this situation. If you start seeing her again, I would be skeptical and just take it day by day.
I've had these deals go 2 ways.
A. Start seeing each other again and its only about sex & friendship. Eventually she says no more and/or you find some other girl.
B. You make an effort to resolve the problems that created the divide, yet things never get back to how they were before and the relationship comes to an end again.
Sometimes a guy has to ask himself..........If I was banging some other girl that was hot, sweet, submissive, fuhked, like a p0rnstar, etc would I be interested in seeing my exgf still? If you haven't banged anything else since her and you still miss her somewhat, is this just horniness and old emotions talking or is this something pure and deep?
I wish it wasn't true, but its almost always best to move on and find somebody new. But I wouldn't know this if I'd of never went back to several exes and figured this out. ;-) So there is value to be had from such things. Never hurts to try something again so you know for sure.
All we can do is better realize what you want and need, and learn from our past.
Have to agree, again. @Glassguy it’s just the truth an high interested woman will chaseDid I miss the part that she reached out and started chasing him? Because outside of that, it's la la land.