Cold Approach in Grocery Store

[Divorced w 3]

How do you guys approach girls (18-25 yo) in grocery stores? What is your opener? How long would you talk before you ask for the #? Would you kino?

To make it a bit more concrete, let's say the girl is alone picking some fruits…

Let’s change the venue and by extension the premise of this question. Let’s assume this was a gym.

 

[pipeman84]

bold; exactly what I did a week ago. Only my retarded opened was are you a lawyer because the 21 year old college girl (soccer player for you Europeans) literally looked like my ex wife’s lawyer and I fvcked her on the wee hours of my father in laws birthday. Tailor made.

Man, you picked up that drunk ditzy bimbo in a night club. WTF has that got to do with grocery store?

she goes to hit the bathroom and I don’t see her for a bit. It’s getting late and she’s going to be fairly buzzed now

 

[Dr.Suave]

I'm 36 and the last 3-4 girls I've dated were 19-21.

This. I just love this.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Man, you picked up that drunk ditzy bimbo in a night club. WTF has that got to do with grocery store?

That’s impressive that in a matter of minutes that you could pick out a post that I wrote almost two weeks ago that was buried 9 pages deep. I think it took me longer to write and post this than it did for you to find, multi quote and edit that response. I’m glad you are well versed in the thread and watching what men are doing.

 

[pipeman84]

@Divorced w 3 I participated in that thread so it immediately sounded familiar...all I had to do was use the search function with the 'lawyer' word and your username.
I appreciate the compliment.

 

[Divorced w 3]

@Divorced w 3 I participated in that thread so it immediately sounded familiar...all I had to do was use the search function with the 'lawyer' word and your username.
I appreciate the compliment.

Deflection noted of actual point made.

 

[mikedee]

That sounds like what a high quality girl would say. See, @oldmanofthesea , they're out there.

I rarely hear this one, it's funny because the ones who say that are the firsts to date random guys on OLD. The most common rejection is: "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend, have a good day (with a smile)".

 

[pipeman84]

@Divorced w 3 what deflection? re the police being called? I think that's extremely unlikely to happen...but the photo situation and reputation being affected are real risks...once that happens, you're fvcked. Every man should judge for himself if the risk is worth it.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I agree with @oldmanofthesea
I can talk to anybody, I rarely get weird looks (almost never), with women I get rejected a lot but they are always polite: I have a boyfriend, I'm not dating strangers, I have to run I don't have time, etc. It doesn't matter if it's true or not. Some "reject" me but say thank you or something like "if I didn't have a boyfriend I would date you". Daygame is fun, rejections don't affect anymore, it's part of the game, what affects me is the regrets I have when I don't approach.

When I approach, whatever the outcome is, I feel like a man. I act on my desire, I shoot my shot. I feel in peace with myself because I know that I did what I had to do.

Well, I dont know about all the YAPPIN....But for the most part, everything that was said in this post also reflects my experiences with cold approaching.

This post needs to be framed.

1. Polite rejections: 97% of all my rejections have been polite, courteous, and flattering.

Mannn listen; I was at the gym one day, and there was this extremely attractive tomboy looking white chick.

She was slim, had a ponytail, and reminded me of Cammy from Street Fighter.

She had a "titty puff" in her chest area, and she was extremely cute in the face.

So what did I do?

I approached her.

She was over there by the free weights (dumbbells) and she had just finished a bent over rows.

I approached her...same lines..

"Danggg. You cute. Are you single?"

And when I delivered the line, you should of seen the blood rush to her cute little white face and the nervous smile she put on.

She was blushing like no one has ever told her she was cute before. She was cute, and it (the exchange) was soooo cuteeee .

She thanked me, but told me she wasn't single, and I said "Ok, can't blame a brotha for trying", and walked away.

The entire exchange was pleasant and I may have wound up making her day more so than her making mines.

I wouldn't even call that a rejection, per se, but I am driving home the point that the vast majority of all of my "no's" have been pleasant, to say the least.

Most guys that are against cold approaching have this negative perception of women, as if women are monsters out there, ready to devour any man who approached them and asks them out.

That is complete bullsh!t, based on my many experiences doing it.

--------

2. Some women have complimented me: Believe it or not, I've actually had women compliment me on my boldness in approaching them!!

Contrary to what you guys think, women aren't getting approached in the day time like you seem to imagine.

Most of their approaches come from night game.

Like I challenged someone else; Go to any grocery/retail store.

See how many men are in there approaching women. They aren't.

If you are inside Walmart, chances are, you may be the ONLY GUY IN THE STORE who is approaching women. You set yourself apart from every other guy inside the store...so you have zero competition in those environments.

Whereas online or at the bar, you are just one of many men who are doing it.

Men become hawks at the club/bar, or on online dating apps.

But otherwise, they are nothing but chickens.

-----------

3. Makes you feel like a man: Like it was said, cold approaching makes me feel like a man, along with the excitement/adrenaline. While I am standing there in their presence, and as they look at me and assessing me; it makes me feel like a man. My confidence, swagger, masculine frame.

--------------

4. My regrets: I have more regrets when I do NOT approach a woman, than I do when I get rejected by the woman. When I get rejection, sure, it hurts. But what I hang my hat on is the closure. I feel better knowing I have closure, than I do when I have one big ass question mark as to whether or not I could get her.

Sorry for the long post but damn, it aint often I find folks on here who are talking the same sh!t that I talk.

So when it happens, you get long posts like this one lol.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

She thanked me, but told me she wasn't single, and I said "Ok, can't blame a brotha for trying", and walked away.

Black guys can get away with being more direct.

/thread.

 

[mikedee]

Contrary to what you guys think, women aren't getting approached in the day time like you seem to imagine.

Most of their approaches come from night game.

Like I challenged someone else; Go to any grocery/retail store.

See how many men are in there approaching women. They aren't.

If you are inside Walmart, chances are, you may be the ONLY GUY IN THE STORE who is approaching women. You set yourself apart from every other guy inside the store...so you have zero competition in those environments.

Whereas online or at the bar, you are just one of many men who are doing it.

Men become hawks at the club/bar, or on online dating apps.

But otherwise, they are nothing but chickens.

This. Really hot girls rarely get approached, it happens yes but not that often, especially during day time.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Black guys can get away with being more direct.
/thread.

Emmitt Till didn't get away with it...

 

[oldmanofthesea]

"Excuse me, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice'.

I have used this exact sentence, and many variations of it hundreds of times. I use it when the girl and I aren't sharing any mutual experience that I can talk to her about and especially if I have to actually stop a girl who is walking. In those situations, being direct is best. Somewhere between 97 and 99% of women are flattered. It's not a "line" - it's not a "pickup phrase" etc. I see a girl I think is hot, I stop her and tell I think she's hot. It's just normal interaction. And just as you mentioned, I will try to tailor the compliment toward something that is unique about her as opposed to just a general statement of looking nice. Like if she has a unique coat or hair style etc. I've also seen cute girls reading novels while waiting for the train and asked them what the book is about. That's a great one - a lot of conversation will come from that.

 

[Don of the north]

A few years ago, I was chatting on line for awhile with an admitted PUA (at the time), it was interesting and fun talking to him and I actually learned a lot from it.

Anyway, one of his typical openers was "Excuse me, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice'.

This was on the street obviously but the line could work anywhere with some tweeking depending on where a man approached, like a grocery store, dept store, wherever.

Anyway, I thought it was a great opener and I've had guys approach saying similar- they liked my look or style, and it gave me a smile no matter if I were interested and available or not.

Typically I was not however I did meet a man on line at the grocery market naturally and spontaneously, and we dated for a few months.

Anyway, I also know women who would have completely shut him down in a very harsh way.

There's no wrong or right imo, whatever works for you.


Just do whatever the hell works for you and allow others the same without all the judgments.

Sorry guys, I know some of you believe I don't belong here, but come on, live and let live for chrissakes.

It's never black and white or one "right" way.

Everyone has their own style.

$.02

Agreed. You don't need lines.
There is WAY too much thought process and mental Gymastics going on here.

She's either into you or she's not, which is based on your face and a little on your vibe/mannerisms(think a dork vs someone cool). A simple hello and giving a compliment will tell that person your "vibe". Imagine screech from saved by the bell vs zach morris just saying hello, which is an extreme example. Just them saying hello is enough to tell their social position if you walked into that fake school even for a guy. It's not just a looks difference between zach and screech. They have a different "vibe"/"energy" as well.

Looks are by far the most important on attraction. But, it's not just looks, but also vibe. You can't really do anything about your vibe unless you want to fake being someone else, which isn't likely to work out obviously.

"Vibe" plays a major role in success in sales and in being able to get people to like you, It's why you can have a terrible person who is a narcist with a ton of friends. They have charisma/good vibe and give people good emotions when they are around them. Ever met anyone you just liked platonically right away? That's a vibe.

People who are great salespeople tend to have a great vibe with people, while others won't be able to sell a thing even having great product knowledge and being very smart. People act on emotion and feelings/instinct more than logic when making a purchasing decision like a car for example. The salesman has a good vibe that allows him to take the lead and control the entire interaction. In cold approach dating, you are essentially selling yourself, which is totally emotional. Vibe is based on your looks, your facial mannerisms, the way you are dressed, the sound of your voice, tonality. Think barry white's voice as an example. Some guys try to deepen their voice when cold approaching, but this will strain your voice and is not sustainable and will properly come off an incongruent unless you're a oscar worthy character actor. Everyone has different mannerisms/the way you lips move when you talk. It's a TON of non verbal stuff going on. There's a reason women will find jason Statham as hot. He's got "bad boy energy". Women love the way statham WALKS! He's bald and like 50, but women love him. Vibe is totally as superficial as just looks and only takes a minute for a woman to figure out.

Modern entitled Women will feel "creeped out" if they perceive you as ugly, while a good looking guy saying the EXACT same thing can do no wrong and the woman will be into him.

(I'm ignorning social status/money since you need A TON of it ie be a celebrity/millionaire/college superstar athlete for it to pull off miracles)

 

[pipeman84]

Now here's a good example of the fundamental difference between our views on interaction with women:

I've also seen cute girls reading novels while waiting for the train and asked them what the book is about. That's a great one - a lot of conversation will come from that.

I'll first assume you approached her while she wasn't actually reading but had the book on her lap or something...otherwise is rude to interrupt and take advantage of the fact most women are too polite to directly say you're a bother and to leave them alone. If she wanted to talk to strangers on the train platform, she wouldn't have a book in her hands, she'd just stand/sit there and look around.

The approach comes across as sleazy and inauthentic...as if the girl is naive enough to believe you're really interested in the novel she's reading. So what's really going on during this 'lot of conversation' ... you're not concerned in what she's saying and waiting for a chance to get to something meaningful, and she knows you're not interested and she's just wasting breath. After this (hopefully short) awkwardness passes, you get to see if the interaction can be saved in spite of the 2 bullet holes it has (cold as opposed to warm approach and phony opener). Most probably not, ie she has a boyfriend (which can be true or not). Now for the Nth time I repeat, if one enjoys doing these theatrics, keep doing what you're doing.

I and many (most?) guys don't enjoy going uninvited into girl's personal spaces and be inauthentic. Now when I say uninvited, you read it as if I expect the girl to chase me and jump in my arms in order to approach. Totally wrong. An eye contact and a smile is plenty invitation. I'll end with a quote from Zan Perrion's book The Alabaster Girl which I think is germane to this topic.

I rarely approach women uninvited. I never really have, I suppose. I don’t need to. I am already in constant communication with them. I approach from afar, if that makes sense. I am always scanning a room, checking in with every woman, watching for their signals, letting them know that I am here. I let them know with my eyes and my smile that I see them, oh yes I do. Everything is already presented and laid out before them, like a map on a table.

The ones who are open to my approach-from-afar, or even mildly curious, will let me know. They will speak to me in a soundless, but loud and clear voice. I only go where I am invited. I never waste a moment of my time approaching women who are indifferent to my presence. And because I never go where I am not invited, I never fail. There. I said it.

 

[patb]

A lot of you have a powerful need to believe cold approach aversion is about "balls," or whatever. The reality is that for the introverted, sober cold approach is taxing and unenjoyable. It can be difficult to switch mental tracks between a 'work' mentality and a social or approach mentality. Moreover, day game in particular resembles cold calling or even panhandling. There's therefore something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

That said, at this point in life, I'm about out of cards to play. The quality I get from OLD and bars is mostly unacceptable. So I intend to try it anyway.

 

[pipeman84]

Moreover, day game in particular resembles cold calling or even panhandling. There's therefore something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

That's exactly how I see it. And it's even more degrading when age gap is involved...a 23yrs guy stopping in his tracks, walking fast/running to catch up to a 23yrs girl and deliver this line, is one thing. A guy my age, or 40+ doing the same... I just shudder when I picture it in my mind.

Anyway, one of his typical openers was "Excuse me, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice'.

 

[Divorced w 3]

A lot of you have a powerful need to believe cold approach aversion is about "balls," or whatever. The reality is that for the introverted, sober cold approach is taxing and unenjoyable. It can be difficult to switch mental tracks between a 'work' mentality and a social or approach mentality. Moreover, day game in particular resembles cold calling or even panhandling. There's therefore something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

That said, at this point in life, I'm about out of cards to play. The quality I get from OLD and bars is mostly unacceptable. So I intend to try it anyway.

I’m basically throwing in the towel on OLD. I don’t care enough to try - I find the quality to be low - I have had some success but I don’t want or need to pay for a service that I can do better than in real life anyway. When I was fresh out of my marriage it had its uses but I’m in a good spot now. I don’t need to match up with anyone on any particular set of criteria either - I think spontaneous is best personally. Just me

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Moreover, day game in particular resembles cold calling or even panhandling. There's therefore something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

I can understand how someone could get into that mindset, however, think about it like this: Are girls generally asking men out on dates? Do you just stand around and wait, actionless, for something to happen to you, like you are a passenger in life? Girls can express their interest in you in covert ways, yes, but it only happens so often, and even if they express interest in you, they aren't going to ask you out on a date - YOU still have to do that. So even if you meet a girl through your social circle, ultimately YOU the man has to put your cards down on the table and ask her out on a date, and YOU the man has to make the move for the first kiss, etc. You put yourself up for rejection by doing this (even if you are getting signals, it's not a guarantee because some women will put signals out just to get the attention but when you ask her out, she will say no) and I understand that for many people, this is uncomfortable and scary - so much so that some guys form fantasies that prevent them from facing those fears and they literally cannot see or hear genuine facts that run contrary to their protective fantasy. That's one way to go, but wouldn't it be more ideal if you could truly get yourself to a place of self-development where a girl rejecting you has no impact on your own self-esteem and sense of self worth? This would be ideal for more than just dating... it would apply in all aspects of life, work and social.

Since you have to make the first move with women in any scenario, cold approach is simply making the first move while also cutting down vast amounts of time and effort to find out who is interested in dating you and who isn't, and it gives you an endless pool of women to select from. You are not limited by the number of women in your social circle nor constrained by any social dynamics in the social circle.

I understand those who say it is like selling yourself - or cold calling, but I don't see it that way. If you watch some day-game guys on youtube, it can definitely look like that. Classic Mystery Method would be a good example of that and some guys do operate this way - as the entertainer and the panderer. That's not how it looks or feels when I do it. I am not trying to entertain her or "get her to like me". That's the wrong frame. The frame is: I am choosing to evaluate her and if she impresses me then I will give her the opportunity to get to know me better by going on a date. I see a girl, I think she is cute, I have a polite conversation with her, and IF I like talking to her and feel there is chemistry, I ask her out. If she says no, it could be for one of hundreds of reasons, but if the reason is that she is just not into me, that's ok - I can't be every woman's type. Just because this particular girl isn't into me doesn't mean I'm not desirable to vast amounts of beautiful women. The problem is - when some people first start cold approaching, they might not know or think they are desirable to vast amounts of beautiful women. This makes it harder for them to accept and believe that they are desirable while being rejected by the first handful of women they approach. But after sticking through that first rough patch and having success, it becomes a part of you forever and now you truly know it in your core. This is very powerful.

There's therefore something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

I too felt like this when I made the choice to start. But with the right mindset shift followed by a lot of success with women I used to only dream about when I was blue-pilled, things completely changed. Having a positive attitude and facing your fears head-on will bring you much more happiness in life in general, and in your romantic life.

Lastly, I hate the terms cold approach and day game. I don't see what I do as any kind of game or trick. I see it as completely normal to make conversation with strangers. Judging by the average reaction of people I start conversations with, they feel it is normal and enjoyable as well. I only use the cold approach label to have a way of quickly describing talking to women you don't know. And while you can go out with the sole purpose of approaching a bunch of women, and I have tried that myself, I have found that to be exhausting and not worth it. These days I simply do it as I go about my daily life, which is why grocery stores are so great because I'm there twice a week.

 

[Divorced w 3]

That's exactly how I see it. And it's even more degrading when age gap is involved...a 23yrs guy stopping in his tracks, walking fast/running to catch up to a 23yrs girl and deliver this line, is one thing. A guy my age, or 40+ doing the same... I just shudder when I picture it in my mind.

Cmon dude. The girls 24 maybe, vacuuming the gym today as I’m working out. I’m inverted doing dumbbells. I lean over and I tell the girl they need to get her one of those robots to which she laughed at - you mean to tell me my 38 year old ass didn’t have a good chance if I felt like going further with it? I don’t do pickup in the gym but maybe I should. I like my gym a lot.