The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Barrister]

NC - Day 41

Ran into a couple of her good friends yesterday while I was shopping at the mall. They are an older couple and the husband actually called out to me and came up and talked to me for a bit about the Super Bowl and some other random things. There was no mention of the ex by either him or by me.

I would like to think I would be feeling better and more myself by Day 60 of this challenge. I AM doing better than I was 2-3 weeks ago, but I am still thinking about her far more than I would like. I am not sure why, even though the logical half of my brain knows it was the decision for the best, my emotional side cannot completely shake her and keeps hanging onto things. I am sure she has moved on and is probably seeing other men at this point (since she already was being inappropriately friendly with another at the end of our relationship). What the hell is wrong with me? Or is this normal since the LTR lasted 2.5 years (even though it was toxic)? Hoping to be able to completely shake her sooner than later.

 

[NSX-R]

Sounds like she breadcrumbed you and just wanted the validation/attention.
Who knows the reason she contacted you but most times it’s not about you, it’s about them being in a ****ty situation. Move on and delete her from your life. She had her chance.

That’s what i also thought. I’ve been myself lately very active on social maybe as a side effect showing her that I’m living the most that is possible during this stupid pandemic, which is true , also posted a couple of insta stories showing off my brand new AMG with a glimpse of the very sexy legs from a hb8 that I’m fcking atm . Obvious move to make her jealous but i believe it worked as intended. Other than that she has been seeing my insta stories as soon as i post them , it feels like she has post notifications for whatever i post on .

But since i don’t want to entertain the idea of us talking again i blocked her in every available form of communication we had for the first time and i do not intend to take that decision back as she used to do 6 times half a year ago lmfao . It’s officially over with her.

 

[Barrister]

NC - Day 43

We ran across each other at court again today. This time not from a distance. She walked into the attorney lounge where I already was and I was on a phone call. We again locked eyes and I gave just a polite "hey" as she walked by. She again said nothing but just raised her eyebrows at me. I started to kind of chuckle to myself. At this point I thought to myself I am not going to hang around in here while she tries a manipulation tactic of childishly ignoring me and talking to other attorneys to upset me since I am sure that is what this is. I grabbed my things and left and went into the courtroom to finish my court call in that court then went upstairs to a different court without going back to the lounge and ignored her the rest of the time. I left the court without speaking to her again.

I have to admit that these childish games of not even saying hello almost make it easier for me. It reinforces to me what a negative, insecure and manipulative person she is to not even being able to say "hello" and instead try to make me upset by saying nothing to me like I am some monster. So silly. It felt good to walk away from her today and not let her have any power over me to make me feel bad and to just ignore her. She looked like hell on top of it. Going to stay in NC. I am sure once she gets bored of whoever is giving her validation in the next few months I will get the inevitable "hey" text from her. Sh1t is so stupid and predictable.

 

[dude99]

NC - Day 43

We ran across each other at court again today. This time not from a distance. She walked into the attorney lounge where I already was and I was on a phone call. We again locked eyes and I gave just a polite "hey" as she walked by. She again said nothing but just raised her eyebrows at me. I started to kind of chuckle to myself. At this point I thought to myself I am not going to hang around in here while she tries a manipulation tactic of childishly ignoring me and talking to other attorneys to upset me since I am sure that is what this is. I grabbed my things and left and went into the courtroom to finish my court call in that court then went upstairs to a different court without going back to the lounge and ignored her the rest of the time. I left the court without speaking to her again.

I have to admit that these childish games of not even saying hello almost make it easier for me. It reinforces to me what a negative, insecure and manipulative person she is to not even being able to say "hello" and instead try to make me upset by saying nothing to me like I am some monster. So silly. It felt good to walk away from her today and not let her have any power over me to make me feel bad and to just ignore her. She looked like hell on top of it. Going to stay in NC. I am sure once she gets bored of whoever is giving her validation in the next few months I will get the inevitable "hey" text from her. Sh1t is so stupid and predictable.

The best revenge is just moving on and living your life well.

 

[Barrister]

Are you in the gym,?

Losing weight and building muscle?

If not, why not.

The better you look, the more she hurts.

Best advice is to move on....but if you can sting her in the meantime, better yet

Yes - although I was very active throughout my relationship with her anyway. But I have stayed the course and have actually added in some additional routines for to be in better shape. Have gotten a new hairstyle that I think looks much better and have completely revamped my wardrobe with newer things. I definitely look sharper now than I did at the end of the relationship. She on the other hand, for her, looked pretty rough yesterday like she hadn't slept in days or spent all night boozing. Maybe both.

 

[Baibars]

NC - Day 43

We ran across each other at court again today. This time not from a distance. She walked into the attorney lounge where I already was and I was on a phone call. We again locked eyes and I gave just a polite "hey" as she walked by. She again said nothing but just raised her eyebrows at me. I started to kind of chuckle to myself. At this point I thought to myself I am not going to hang around in here while she tries a manipulation tactic of childishly ignoring me and talking to other attorneys to upset me since I am sure that is what this is. I grabbed my things and left and went into the courtroom to finish my court call in that court then went upstairs to a different court without going back to the lounge and ignored her the rest of the time. I left the court without speaking to her again.

I have to admit that these childish games of not even saying hello almost make it easier for me. It reinforces to me what a negative, insecure and manipulative person she is to not even being able to say "hello" and instead try to make me upset by saying nothing to me like I am some monster. So silly. It felt good to walk away from her today and not let her have any power over me to make me feel bad and to just ignore her. She looked like hell on top of it. Going to stay in NC. I am sure once she gets bored of whoever is giving her validation in the next few months I will get the inevitable "hey" text from her. Sh1t is so stupid and predictable.

Yes - although I was very active throughout my relationship with her anyway. But I have stayed the course and have actually added in some additional routines for to be in better shape. Have gotten a new hairstyle that I think looks much better and have completely revamped my wardrobe with newer things. I definitely look sharper now than I did at the end of the relationship. She on the other hand, for her, looked pretty rough yesterday like she hadn't slept in days or spent all night boozing. Maybe both.

You still seem to care too much. She needs to get out of your mind as much as possible. You interpreted every move she did. That’s not healthy man. I’m also thinking about my Ex from time to time but it got lesser and will hopefully disappear.

 

[Barrister]

You're overthinking it and she probably doesn't care as much as you. I'm not fully over my Oneitis because i have to deal with the consequences being with that slvt for the next years but believe me when i say that women do not think as much about a guy they've been w


You still seem to care too much. She needs to get out of your mind as much as possible. You interpreted every move she did. That’s not healthy man. I’m also thinking about my Ex from time to time but it got lesser and will hopefully disappear.

I know brother. You're right -- I do still care too much. I am getting there. I am much better now than I was 2-3 weeks ago. Like I said earlier this was a 2.5 year LTR and we officially ended in mid-Dec. So it hasn't been very long. I have gone out with a few women since but I have had little interest in them (not my type and acknowledge I can be very picky). I know that will be key to moving on is finding some that I am into.

 

[Baibars]

I know brother. You're right -- I do still care too much. I am getting there. I am much better now than I was 2-3 weeks ago. Like I said earlier this was a 2.5 year LTR and we officially ended in mid-Dec. So it hasn't been very long. I have gone out with a few women since but I have had little interest in them (not my type and acknowledge I can be very picky). I know that will be key to moving on is finding some that I am into.

You have to be more self-centered and realise it’s all about you. Keep grinding and live a better life. If you only look for a girl you’re into, the cycle just repeats itself. That’s not solution bro.I believe women aren’t there to fill the void in us. I felt good when my ex came into my life and filled that void and when she branched away, my pain became worse. Trying to fill it with another woman is wrong. Women are there for sex, fun and kids. They are attracted to guys with that independent mindset.

I cut off all contact to my ex for a long time now and the more I focus on myself, the more she disappears from my mind.

 

[Barrister]

You have to be more self-centered and realise it’s all about you. Keep grinding and live a better life. If you only look for a girl you’re into, the cycle just repeats itself. That’s not solution bro.I believe women aren’t there to fill the void in us. I felt good when my ex came into my life and filled that void and when she branched away, my pain became worse. Trying to fill it with another woman is wrong. Women are there for sex, fun and kids. They are attracted to guys with that independent mindset.

I cut off all contact to my ex for a long time now and the more I focus on myself, the more she disappears from my mind.

I agree with everything you said -- to be clear I am merely looking for women I am sexually attracted to to have fun with (plate spinning). I am not searching for another LTR right now to fill the void left by my ex. I am ways off before I will be ready for that again and I am putting no time table on it.

 

[RyanMan]

Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but split up with my GF (well, she split up with me ) a year ago. We hadn’t been going out long, but I was in a bad place at the time due to family problems (my brother had attempted suicide, but I couldn’t tell anyone as he made me promise, among other issues that had affected me)

Did everything you’re NOT supposed to do when she breaks up with you (“what did I do?”, “I’m crushed...” etc etc!), now it’s almost a year later, I’ve worked through everything, in a much better place and used this time to work on myself. New job, new car, new house, new look, finally learning to ride that motorbike I wanted to do, all of that.

I’m on OLD but truthfully I’m too busy to date them & most don’t even grab my attention, I’m doing my own thing and still working on myself. I do still think of my ex occasionally, & figured I’d give it another crack at some point now I’m ‘myself’, but other than a teasing ping text in December (which I didn’t get a reply to, admittedly!) I haven’t attempted to contact her since March last year.

My question guys, is do I message her in the next few weeks while we’re still in lockdown (I’m in the UK) or wait till the restrictions are lifted to try then? I figure she’s far more likely to be receptive before the world opens up again & everyone is sniffing round ha.

My mindset & everything has changed now, so if she says no then so what. I just figure I might as well give myself the best shot, & not sure if that means messaging before the world opens up or leaving it till afterwards.

 

[Max Baker]

Not sure if this is the right place to put this, but split up with my GF (well, she split up with me ) a year ago. We hadn’t been going out long, but I was in a bad place at the time due to family problems (my brother had attempted suicide, but I couldn’t tell anyone as he made me promise, among other issues that had affected me)

Did everything you’re NOT supposed to do when she breaks up with you (“what did I do?”, “I’m crushed...” etc etc!), now it’s almost a year later, I’ve worked through everything, in a much better place and used this time to work on myself. New job, new car, new house, new look, finally learning to ride that motorbike I wanted to do, all of that.

I’m on OLD but truthfully I’m too busy to date them & most don’t even grab my attention, I’m doing my own thing and still working on myself. I do still think of my ex occasionally, & figured I’d give it another crack at some point now I’m ‘myself’, but other than a teasing ping text in December (which I didn’t get a reply to, admittedly!) I haven’t attempted to contact her since March last year.

My question guys, is do I message her in the next few weeks while we’re still in lockdown (I’m in the UK) or wait till the restrictions are lifted to try then? I figure she’s far more likely to be receptive before the world opens up again & everyone is sniffing round ha.

My mindset & everything has changed now, so if she says no then so what. I just figure I might as well give myself the best shot, & not sure if that means messaging before the world opens up or leaving it till afterwards.

I know its easy for me to say this but i've been there. It's best to cut your losses and keep doing what you are doing. I still think of my ex occasionally but there is no chance id pick up the phone. If she contacts you then deal with it then. Look for someone new, a fresh start.

 

[RyanMan]

I know its easy for me to say this but i've been there. It's best to cut your losses and keep doing what you are doing. I still think of my ex occasionally but there is no chance id pick up the phone. If she contacts you then deal with it then. Look for someone new, a fresh start.

I totally see where you’re coming from Max, & in most normal situations I’d totally agree with you.

My thing is we didn’t end on bad terms (at least I don’t think so!), but I had a lot going on outside my relationship at the time (my oldest sister got sick, my brother got AIDS, really heavy stuff you don’t talk about in the early stages of a relationship) which affected it.

I’m in a totally different place right now, I’d like to be able to say “hey, I’ve a new job working in the city you live now” (which I am) “i’ll be around in the area, if you want a drink feel free to join me...”

It’s not that I’m not still looking for someone new, but nobody else I’ve seen has interested me. I know we don’t always need or get resolution to everything in life, but I’d always wonder because I never got a chance to explain what was going on.

I just wonder if I should get in touch with her (or indeed anyone else) before lockdown ends & the world opens back up, or wait till it’s all back to normal before messaging girls again.

 

[Baibars]

I totally see where you’re coming from Max, & in most normal situations I’d totally agree with you.

My thing is we didn’t end on bad terms (at least I don’t think so!), but I had a lot going on outside my relationship at the time (my oldest sister got sick, my brother got AIDS, really heavy stuff you don’t talk about in the early stages of a relationship) which affected it.

I’m in a totally different place right now, I’d like to be able to say “hey, I’ve a new job working in the city you live now” (which I am) “i’ll be around in the area, if you want a drink feel free to join me...”

It’s not that I’m not still looking for someone new, but nobody else I’ve seen has interested me. I know we don’t always need or get resolution to everything in life, but I’d always wonder because I never got a chance to explain what was going on.

I just wonder if I should get in touch with her (or indeed anyone else) before lockdown ends & the world opens back up, or wait till it’s all back to normal before messaging girls again.

Doesn't matter she still left you and she had her reasons. Now you want to hit her up and you rationalize your emotions why it's ok to do that.
It's only ok if you have options and she hits you up. You're saying that you have no other options now and you would like to contact her because of that. This isn't a good position to be in if you want to contact an ex that dumped you and didn't even give you any signs of interest now.

 

[Max Baker]

I totally see where you’re coming from Max, & in most normal situations I’d totally agree with you.

My thing is we didn’t end on bad terms (at least I don’t think so!), but I had a lot going on outside my relationship at the time (my oldest sister got sick, my brother got AIDS, really heavy stuff you don’t talk about in the early stages of a relationship) which affected it.

I’m in a totally different place right now, I’d like to be able to say “hey, I’ve a new job working in the city you live now” (which I am) “i’ll be around in the area, if you want a drink feel free to join me...”

It’s not that I’m not still looking for someone new, but nobody else I’ve seen has interested me. I know we don’t always need or get resolution to everything in life, but I’d always wonder because I never got a chance to explain what was going on.

I just wonder if I should get in touch with her (or indeed anyone else) before lockdown ends & the world opens back up, or wait till it’s all back to normal before messaging girls again.

I know where you are coming from but its still not a good idea. I was in a bad headspace when i was with my ex. I had my own issues going on, although so did she but at least i acknowledged it and worked on them instead of jumping into another relationship quickly like she did. I turned my life around and made big changes to my life. I stuck around because she got sick and she saw and acknowledged the changes i made but it wasn't enough for her to come back. It got to the point where i walked away and stayed in no contact to preserve my own sanity. Best thing is, my ex knows i changed and she has to live with it now.

I would concentrate on yourself because if you are still thinking of contacting her you haven't recovered yet. Let some time pass and you'll probably find you won't want her anymore. Breakups happen for a reason or reasons.

Remember, there is always someone else better for you and also if she wants to talk to you she will find a way. You are the prize my friend.

 

[NSX-R]

That’s what i also thought. I’ve been myself lately very active on social maybe as a side effect showing her that I’m living the most that is possible during this stupid pandemic, which is true , also posted a couple of insta stories showing off my brand new AMG with a glimpse of the very sexy legs from a hb8 that I’m fcking atm . Obvious move to make her jealous but i believe it worked as intended. Other than that she has been seeing my insta stories as soon as i post them , it feels like she has post notifications for whatever i post on .

But since i don’t want to entertain the idea of us talking again i blocked her in every available form of communication we had for the first time and i do not intend to take that decision back as she used to do 6 times half a year ago lmfao . It’s officially over with her.

She reached out to me 2 days ago 4:00 in the morning through the Viber app which i forgot to block her there cause we never ever used to chat there and never thought that she would use it . So after everything that she has done to me she had the hypocrisy and texted me that she can’t understand why i blocked her and gave the blame to me that I’m lame . Lmfao .
Anyway i left it 2 days to pass without replying but today i thought i should give the final shot . Whole text went exactly like this
Her: I don’t understand why you blocked me
Her: For once again
Her: You are lame
(2 days pass)
Me: Hey N.
Me: I forgot
Me: I’m blocking you here as well , use a letter next time you want to talk to me .
“Blocked”

Many would just respond directly to her words and start writing essays on why she’s at fault or even emotionally respond by using insults and give her more excuses to remove any guilt she feels and confirm how lame you are .

I just didn’t give much attention at anything she said , didn’t fall into the drama trap , responded 2 days later by ignoring her and making her dry by no giving any validation and closed the case by holding solidly on my decision and in a way saying i don’t give a f. of your existence.

After 1.5 year of this shyt i believe it’s finally over, for the first time i don’t feel anything at all, i feel the winner even though it brought me down by many other potential relationships but any hardship is for good so I’m glad it ended that way with her feeling down and me being on top .

 

[soulforge]

You dont need to tell her she is a selfish immature... you know what. She will see that as you still having feelings and are acting butt hurt.

Best approach if she reaches out is just to have no time for her. Being too busy for her tells her you owe her nothing, not even your time. Nothing. It tells her she isnt even an afterthought in your life and you have moved on.

Don't give them any satisfaction.. You don't need to ask any questions.. Only silence has an effect on them.. No contact means no contact

 

[Max Baker]

Don't give them any satisfaction.. You don't need to ask any questions.. Only silence has an effect on them.. No contact means no contact

Are you guys saying to ignore her if she ever contacts me again? Because i won't ever contact her that's for sure.

I'm asking this because I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes i think i miss her still and then i get angry at myself for thinking like that. I'm missing an illusion because my brain likes to play tricks on me. Everyone I've told in real life tells me she'll reach out at some point, but my brain can't comprehend that. Is it because even though i understand female nature, my brain can't comprehend it? I have days where i don't think about her and i don't care, but i still have fleeting moments where i do care. Anyway, I've got to continue to push on, not contact her and ill be ok. Even though i know its female nature and i know why she did it, it still shocks me how after being serious with me and wanting a family, how she was able to move on so quickly and live with a new bloke and carry on.
I just want to add I've had plenty of girlfriends before and I've moved on well. Its just that this girl was the first girl i lived with and my best friend. So its a little harder to get her completely out of my mind at this stage.

 

[Baibars]

Are you guys saying to ignore her if she ever contacts me again? Because i won't ever contact her that's for sure.

I'm asking this because I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes i think i miss her still and then i get angry at myself for thinking like that. I'm missing an illusion because my brain likes to play tricks on me. Everyone I've told in real life tells me she'll reach out at some point, but my brain can't comprehend that. Is it because even though i understand female nature, my brain can't comprehend it? I have days where i don't think about her and i don't care, but i still have fleeting moments where i do care. Anyway, I've got to continue to push on, not contact her and ill be ok. Even though i know its female nature and i know why she did it, it still shocks me how after being serious with me and wanting a family, how she was able to move on so quickly and live with a new bloke and carry on.
I just want to add I've had plenty of girlfriends before and I've moved on well. Its just that this girl was the first girl i lived with and my best friend. So its a little harder to get her completely out of my mind at this stage.

It's ok to have this feelings but don't act based on them. You're not fully over her. It doesn't matter if she reaches out ever or not. You have to come to the point were you don't care.
You have to focus on yourself, on your purpose and on other chicks. Do you know why she doesn't reach out? Because she doesn't care and she made many experiences with other guys after you.
The focus shouldn't be on No Contact. Focus should be on creating abundance and on yourself.
It's good that you learned about female nature but you still have this fake image of her you created in your head. This is not her.
The person she pretended to be and you got to know isn't her. It's her lovebombing you and being a chameleon in order to fit you.
It's not easy to accept but that's just reality.

 

[dude99]

Are you guys saying to ignore her if she ever contacts me again?

Yes.

 

[Max Baker]

It's ok to have this feelings but don't act based on them. You're not fully over her. It doesn't matter if she reaches out ever or not. You have to come to the point were you don't care.
You have to focus on yourself, on your purpose and on other chicks. Do you know why she doesn't reach out? Because she doesn't care and she made many experiences with other guys after you.
The focus shouldn't be on No Contact. Focus should be on creating abundance and on yourself.
It's good that you learned about female nature but you still have this fake image of her you created in your head. This is not her.
The person she pretended to be and you got to know isn't her. It's her lovebombing you and being a chameleon in order to fit you.
It's not easy to accept but that's just reality.

She's been with the one guy since we split. She is the insecure, clingy needy type and i did experience love bombing and the rest during the relationship. Plus she contacted me for the first 13 months of their relationship behind his back. I was the first to walk away yet she continued to contact me for another 5 or so months after that. I think she finally got the hint and stopped. It seems she had trouble letting go.

Everything else is spot on. It is hard to accept but and there are days where i do but there are moments where it still shocks me. But I'll get there.