Thinking About Bailing On Marriage

[Money & Muscle]

But what do you do when a forum based on developing "game" tells you almost entirely that it's not the best option and dealing with your home situation is a much higher priority?

That's the irony of it, isn't it?
Yes, I need to fix things at home. I truly believe that most of my own input to the problems I'm having in marriage stem from insecurities in this one area.

I can lie to myself and say "any women would be lucky to have me" as Mystery would recommend... but would they?

i don't understand women but through heuristic and experiences of others. I have a data set of one and I'm married to it. If I was dropped out in the open market, free to do as I wish, I do not know that I could even secure a first date or number.
How do you think that weighs on a man whose put everything into becoming the best version of himself for 15+ years?

I am reading all responses and calibrating. I made this thread wanting to nuke my marriage and I've been backed away from that red button. Now it's a matter of how to fix it. I cannot change my wife, nor do I know if she wants to change for me. But I can change myself, and that's what I'm looking to do. This is one area I have not improved in and I do believe it's holding me back, even if it's mere placebo.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I get it @Money & Muscle I really do. Much as I bust your chops I fully understand the rationale.

It creates internally personal power and confidence to KNOW others find you attractive. It also makes your partner aware, without you saying anything.

I know my husband is attractive to other women. He knows I am attractive to other men. So we both appreciate that at the of the day we both have options but we choose each other. That is a good thing.

You have been forthright about your journey here. That is commendable and I see why it's important for you, for your growth. At the end of the day hopefully it benefits all involved.

Cheers

He is going to cheat on his wife bc a married guy who dresses like zakk wylde and sold him a book suggested it would empower him

he is going to give his daughter the daddy issues we lament so hard here

dont encourage him

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

He is going to cheat on his wife bc a married guy who dresses like zakk wylde and sold him a book suggested it would empower him

he is going to give his daughter the daddy issues we lament so hard here

dont encourage him

Daughters get daddy issues when dads are not around, he will.

@Money & Muscle, Rollo said this "We've always have the keys to our own prisons, we're just scared $hitless to use them" Godspeed my friend, sometimes you have to be the villain in someone else's story, to be the hero in your own.

 

[Nitrozv20]

Okay guys thanks for the divorce tips and all that but I'm not even at the point of talking to a lawyer.

I will be if the woman doesn't shape up, but right now I need to fix my game. And by "fix my game" I mean "start gaming other women".

this actually might be your fix. Rollo talks about it in his book "Preventative Medicine".

Tell her you want to take her on a date, go out to a restaurant you know has good service and good looking women working. Flirt with them in front of her.

 

[Isildur1]

you seem like a pretty accomplished dude , but I would never cheat on a woman I date due to the trauma it might inflict on them- I don't wanna be responsible for someones mental decline

 

[Isildur1]

That's the irony of it, isn't it?
Yes, I need to fix things at home. I truly believe that most of my own input to the problems I'm having in marriage stem from insecurities in this one area.

I can lie to myself and say "any women would be lucky to have me" as Mystery would recommend... but would they?

i don't understand women but through heuristic and experiences of others. I have a data set of one and I'm married to it. If I was dropped out in the open market, free to do as I wish, I do not know that I could even secure a first date or number.
How do you think that weighs on a man whose put everything into becoming the best version of himself for 15+ years?

I am reading all responses and calibrating. I made this thread wanting to nuke my marriage and I've been backed away from that red button. Now it's a matter of how to fix it. I cannot change my wife, nor do I know if she wants to change for me. But I can change myself, and that's what I'm looking to do. This is one area I have not improved in and I do believe it's holding me back, even if it's mere placebo.

Women can get bored of male 10s too. Billionaires , Millionaires too get divorced, professional athletes, End of the day self development and improving is good but it doesn't guarantee you anything - really nothing is guaranteed in the long run. I know dating coaches who've gone through **** divorces , Nick Krausser, Tom Torero , James Marshall to name a few . Tanner Guzy one of my favourite "red pill" coaches just got a divorce after conceiving 7 children with his wife. Theres no real place to hide ever really.

 

[Money & Muscle]

He is going to cheat on his wife bc a married guy who dresses like zakk wylde and sold him a book suggested it would empower him

he is going to give his daughter the daddy issues we lament so hard here

dont encourage him

These are exactly the kind of comments that have you as like the only person on my 'ignored' list.

I can control what I do with my d*ck.

 

[Money & Muscle]

For anyone who disagrees with my approach to fixing some of the problems I identified within myself in this thread, I have a question.
How does one fix an internal/external validation issue such as mine (lack of confidence in my ability to pick up girls / lack of abundance) without doing what I propose?

 

[Divorced w 3]

These are exactly the kind of comments that have you as like the only person on my 'ignored' list.

I can control what I do with my d*ck.

I make friends wherever I go, what can I say. You’re on your way to sinking your own ship, it’s obvious that I am on ignore. I am posting this for everyone else. I don’t mean to be harsh on you, I hope you get help. Your daughter deserves it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

For anyone who disagrees with my approach to fixing some of the problems I identified within myself in this thread, I have a question.
How does one fix an internal/external validation issue such as mine (lack of confidence in my ability to pick up girls / lack of abundance) without doing what I propose?

You see a psychiatrist

 

[Isildur1]

For anyone who disagrees with my approach to fixing some of the problems I identified within myself in this thread, I have a question.
How does one fix an internal/external validation issue such as mine (lack of confidence in my ability to pick up girls / lack of abundance) without doing what I propose?

you already seem to have a good body by the looks of your avatar , you seem accomplished in your career and have a marriage, what else do you want? more women? I guess you can always challenge yourself to do harder things in life. When I entered my LTR I started learning Korean and Japanese to levels of decent fluency it built up my self confidence now being able to communicate with other cultures

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You need therapy

‘honey,rollo, rich and Rian all said i need to go spin plates’

is this real life? do you realize how crazy you sound?

Not really. The views of yourself are set in your formative years and once they get set they are VERY VERY hard to change. Even when you do change as an adult, the way you view yourself internally doesn't even as everyone else externally does. It's almost like you don't believe them.

This is why having messed up childhoods can cause serious lifelong issues for people...if it was just easy to change when you got away from it, then it wouldn't be an issue...but it's almost like as a child your brain is like pourable cement and then once it hardens, that's what it is for the rest of your life. You can't reshape it.

Just look at your situation with not wanting to be alone and jumping head first into relationships when you may not be ready to avoid it. Different issue but same root cause. Same with my view of myself as being fat/overweight and being teased about it as a kid. People ask me if I am a personal trainer regularly but I still view myself in some ways as fat even tho I am approaching a full six pack.

 

[Nitrozv20]

For anyone who disagrees with my approach to fixing some of the problems I identified within myself in this thread, I have a question.
How does one fix an internal/external validation issue such as mine (lack of confidence in my ability to pick up girls / lack of abundance) without doing what I propose?

Setting hard goals and achieving them.

 

[SW15]

You see a psychiatrist

It could be useful here. In general, psychotherapy is limited in what it can accomplish in relation to attracting and retaining women. That's a separate thread. I do see some possible value in this situation.

I have legitimately never picked up a chick. That's a problem.

You did seduce the woman who is now your wife. That's an accomplishment. There are kissless virgin incels out there who wish they could do that.

 

[Money & Muscle]

It could be possible that OP’s ‘frame’ was not where it was when he first entered the relationship. This will always be the image that his wife see him as. As he deviates from that preconceived frame, his wife begins to question his ‘frame’ and resistant to the changes he is making.

I had no frame when I first started dating my wife. Same for when I was married.
This is not the case now.

Yes, my wife will be resistant to the changes. I'm either anticipating a Main Event, or a divorce. I'm not sure which. A Main Event will fundamentally change my marriage into what I want it to be.

 

[Money & Muscle]

You did seduce the woman who is now your wife. That's an accomplishment. There are kissless virgin incels out there who wish they could do that.

We met online (xbox live, back in like 2013 - crazy, I know). She chased me.
I didn't even know how I got her in the first place. If I did really seduce her, it was by accident - which still leaves me in this place of feeling like I'm unable to seduce a woman.

As @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned, a lot of self-image is set in your formative years. I was a kissless virgin in my formative years, and was only saved from that destiny by a woman I didn't think I deserved (at the time).

 

[Divorced w 3]

Right? I'm more like you. Must eat very conscientiously and exercise & weigh every day to track it. The science is quite interesting. I'm trim through great discipline. He's genetic. I eat a much better diet than him historically. But I have to really watch & do intermittent fasting as a lifestyle choice. I *refuse* to be too heavy. Its kinda not fair, lol. Oh well

He’s a rock climber

 

[Nitrozv20]

We met online (xbox live, back in like 2013 - crazy, I know). She chased me.
I didn't even know how I got her in the first place. If I did really seduce her, it was by accident - which still leaves me in this place of feeling like I'm unable to seduce a woman.

As @BackInTheGame78 has mentioned, a lot of self-image is set in your formative years. I was a kissless virgin in my formative years, and was only saved from that destiny by a woman I didn't think I deserved (at the time).

Fire up the xbox again and have a date night man.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Fire up the xbox again and have a date night man.

Tried that. After an hour it turns into us just not talking while we play a game together.

I haven't really played video games since I got married, and I'd actually like to not return to them either. I have a knack for turning to cheap dopamine sources as a means of avoiding negative emotions (eating, p0rn, social media, video games, etc.).

 

[Nitrozv20]

Tried that. After an hour it turns into us just not talking while we play a game together.

I haven't really played video games since I got married, and I'd actually like to not return to them either. I have a knack for turning to cheap dopamine sources as a means of avoiding negative emotions (eating, p0rn, social media, video games, etc.).

make it fun and flirty, idk what games you play but loser starts striping lol