Thinking About Bailing On Marriage

[BeExcellent]

One idea: since she's a combative type, she might be into this, and it could start you down the path to goodness. And you love role play.

Schedule a date night with a twist. She's dressed up in a bar or other venue, and you are too, but you arrive separately, not having seen one another beforehand. You approach her as a woman you're trying to pick up. You need to agree beforehand not to break character.

You'd get to practice pickup, and she'd get her ego validation, as would you. Also, if she's done up to the 9s, she might get IOIs - and so might you - you both probably would benefit from it. You can let the roll as far as you'd like. She'd like to challenge you, giving her the go-ahead to act naughty. It could be fun.

I often will do this with chicks I'm meeting for drinks I've known forever; I don't set it up; I do it randomly - they catch on fast and jump into the role. Women love shiit like this.

This is brilliant idea. Hell. I might just steal it

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is brilliant idea. Hell. I might just steal it

@BeExcellent don’t forget to leave the skiivies off, unless he’s a lingerie guy…

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

And @Money & Muscle every smart lothario has a pair of nice dark jeans with the right or left pocket cut out of it…

Be creative, be the c0cky guy you dream about being around women, the trick is to be as different as you can be, with class and within reason. Hell make up a persona.

 

[BeExcellent]

@BeExcellent don’t forget to leave the skiivies off, unless he’s a lingerie guy…

What skivvies??? Sexy is a dress and dangerous heels darling. That's IT.

Roflmao........

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah, most of what I'm not getting isn't related to sex. Honestly, if these other items were fixed, I think the sex would be fixed by default. I still get laid like 3x a week on a slow week. I'm no longer starving for sex, I've now developed a taste for which kind of sex I like is all. Anyways, that's not what my primary complaint is.

She used to glow just being in my presence; hang off me 24/7. Wouldn't let me out of her sight. I get that this behavior is probably annoying to some dudes out there, but for me - it's as good as it gets. To get that feeling of being wholly depended on for security and emotional stability is 10/10; to lose that and not feel it again for years fvcking sucks.

I liken it to the relationship between the earth and moon. The moon orbits earth, always following where the earth pulls it. But without the moon, life on earth would have taken far longer to develop (tide pools/salty brine > amino chains > DNA > life).

I just want her to compliment my life. Make my bad days better and my good days great. Make my life easy and turn my house(s) into home(s).


I'll keep the candles hidden. Sex genuinely isn't the important part here.

Are you co-dependant? Some of the stuff you are saying strongly suggests it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What skivvies??? Sexy is a dress and dangerous heels darling. That's IT.

Roflmao........

Commando is in! Hahaha

 

[The Duke]

I have never been married but I wouldnt have thought of "talking" about this with her. I would ´ve felt like Im negotiating desire or something, I would´ve have felt feminine telling her my needs are not being met or any variant of that.

Im not saying Im right and you are wrong. Im just thinking out loud. I wish you the best and I have the feeling you will land on your feet one way or another.

A lot of things are different inside LTR's and marriages. It's a mix of things that made you successful in the dating world but also another set of skills needed in something long term. It's the hardest thing a guy will ever do.

She gets what she needs from me by protection, provision and penis.

And the thing she isn't getting is that emotional connection. That's why her submissive side has evaporated.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I'd say that my painful marriage taught me exactly what I did not want.

Many lessons are used in subsequent relationships, making me look like a great catch.

I need to consolidate. I'm at an age where I should, but I doubt my capacity to be happy without my freedom.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Are you co-dependant? Some of the stuff you are saying strongly suggests it.

No. I used to be but that lead to a dead bedroom faster than a positive STD test.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours.

What is her fear level of losing you? If you think there is still some fear, I would use that to your advantage. If not, the marriage can’t be saved.

I think in this situation, I would focus on being the best father possible. Be completely indifferent towards your wife and stop trying to sleep with her. Maybe stay longer at the gym or start going out more with your buddies. Stop being such a good husband. Your wife can feel you care more about the marriage than she does. It’s time to test that theory.

 

[Elliot]

Hi

I know how you feel this might sound a bit insane but I’m considering bailing on mine after only 2 months (I’m 50, partner 38) - I’ve seen immense amounts of projection prior to and after our marriage many examples - eg critiquing me for not updating status on Facebook re marriage - (i haven’t posted since before our marriage - she has - about our cake Which she made (it’s what she does) but no reference to our actual wedding!)

I’ve seen various signs of high and then low interest and her initiating arguments - I used to respond but have not now reacted negatively for 6 weeks) - like you, I’m now descalating arguments (tests I lnow, which I’m now neutralising) - sex already dropping off - at a high level I sense I’ve been too supportive (marriage partly for visa, helped with her CV - now has Job with prestidigious hotel.) have some great signs - cooks food for me and my family (my dad recenrly diagnosed with cancer)

im not new to managing rrelationships (have had 7+ years of various plates/medium commitments and been comfortable with that) - I made the marriage commitment (surprised myself) and stopped other options -

have heard ‘I’m the best husband ever’ yesterdsy to her turning down sex a(happens arou 20-30% of time) after period finished - before heading off for 2 days for family funeral today

the dynamic of constantly living together is I find something difficult

 

[Money & Muscle]

Hi

I know how you feel this might sound a bit insane but I’m considering bailing on mine after only 2 months (I’m 50, partner 38) - I’ve seen immense amounts of projection prior to and after our marriage many examples - eg critiquing me for not updating status on Facebook re marriage - (i haven’t posted since before our marriage - she has - about our cake Which she made (it’s what she does) but no reference to our actual wedding!)

I’ve seen various signs of high and then low interest and her initiating arguments - I used to respond but have not now reacted negatively for 6 weeks) - like you, I’m now descalating arguments (tests I lnow, which I’m now neutralising) - sex already dropping off - at a high level I sense I’ve been too supportive (marriage partly for visa, helped with her CV - now has Job with prestidigious hotel.) have some great signs - cooks food for me and my family (my dad recenrly diagnosed with cancer)

im not new to managing rrelationships (have had 7+ years of various plates/medium commitments and been comfortable with that) - I made the marriage commitment (surprised myself) and stopped other options -

have heard ‘I’m the best husband ever’ yesterdsy to her turning down sex a(happens arou 20-30% of time) after period finished - before heading off for 2 days for family funeral today

the dynamic of constantly living together is I find something difficult

Maybe go make a thread about your own marriage?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Being in shape at your age isn't enough to effectively compete in the market to your highest potential, your looking at your future through a lens that has not and will not be attuned until you pull the trigger on this, maybe it ends amicably, maybe not but assuming you know what the outcome will look like is presumption.

What we do know: Your the bread winner, your a man, your wife is a woman, you have children... I mean, if your outlook isn't "This is ****ing disastrous" then I don't know what to say, like even if you own a business that ownership of it could even be up in the air on this.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

Being in shape at your age isn't enough to effectively compete in the market to your highest potential, your looking at your future through a lens that has not and will not be attuned until you pull the trigger on this, maybe it ends amicably, maybe not but assuming you know what the outcome will look like is presumption.

What we do know: Your the bread winner, your a man, your wife is a woman, you have children... I mean, if your outlook isn't "This is ****ing disastrous" then I don't know what to say, like even if you own a business that ownership of it could even be up in the air on this.

I'm debating whether you are a women who wrote this.

Please, enlighten us, what does a man need to compete in the market?

 

[Money & Muscle]

Update
I spoke to the wife and we both want to stay in this. The ideal outcome for both of us is that we're together; that's the single most important factor and everything else is noise.

I laid out what I want my future to look like, and she likes what that sounds like. 2nd most important factor.

I asked what her personal goals were. What her perfect life would look like. Mostly, she wants to be happier, more sexual, prettier, have more fun. All of these align with my wants for her. 3rd most important factor - check.


I read a post on TRP about playing with women as if they were little girls, and it finally clicked.
I AMOGed the gymnastics meet my daughter had this weekend. Teased the wife about random stuff. The wife saw me catching some strong IOIs from a couple baddies when lifting together.

She ended up initiating a BJ in broad daylight in the parking lot. She never initiates and we've never done a public BJ before.
She was so turned on by it that she wanted more as soon as we got home.

A few passionate days where we fvcked like we were brand new, and everything looks like it's going to be alright. It's early to tell, but things look promising.

I will still be working on my faults here. I'd like to get a few number closes in, then toss the number; it'll be good for me and good for the relationship (losing scarcity mindset).


Thanks for everyone's input here. It is genuinely appreciated.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sincerely hope it becomes a case of

'All's Well That Ends Well"

Cheers

 

[Nitrozv20]

Update
I spoke to the wife and we both want to stay in this. The ideal outcome for both of us is that we're together; that's the single most important factor and everything else is noise.

I laid out what I want my future to look like, and she likes what that sounds like. 2nd most important factor.

I asked what her personal goals were. What her perfect life would look like. Mostly, she wants to be happier, more sexual, prettier, have more fun. All of these align with my wants for her. 3rd most important factor - check.


I read a post on TRP about playing with women as if they were little girls, and it finally clicked.
I AMOGed the gymnastics meet my daughter had this weekend. Teased the wife about random stuff. The wife saw me catching some strong IOIs from a couple baddies when lifting together.

She ended up initiating a BJ in broad daylight in the parking lot. She never initiates and we've never done a public BJ before.
She was so turned on by it that she wanted more as soon as we got home.

A few passionate days where we fvcked like we were brand new, and everything looks like it's going to be alright. It's early to tell, but things look promising.

I will still be working on my faults here. I'd like to get a few number closes in, then toss the number; it'll be good for me and good for the relationship (losing scarcity mindset).


Thanks for everyone's input here. It is genuinely appreciated.

Love to hear this, nice work communicating your concerns. They are turned on by conflict and chaos I swear lol. Hope it works out for you.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

All great news. But the trick is to keep it going.

As they say, keep it fresh.

Take her to a new restaurant, do things you have never done together, recreate dates from the past that were fun (without telling her)—women LOVE surprises.

Update
I spoke to the wife and we both want to stay in this. The ideal outcome for both of us is that we're together; that's the single most important factor and everything else is noise.

I laid out what I want my future to look like, and she likes what that sounds like. 2nd most important factor.

I asked what her personal goals were. What her perfect life would look like. Mostly, she wants to be happier, more sexual, prettier, have more fun. All of these align with my wants for her. 3rd most important factor - check.


I read a post on TRP about playing with women as if they were little girls, and it finally clicked.
I AMOGed the gymnastics meet my daughter had this weekend. Teased the wife about random stuff. The wife saw me catching some strong IOIs from a couple baddies when lifting together.

She ended up initiating a BJ in broad daylight in the parking lot. She never initiates and we've never done a public BJ before.
She was so turned on by it that she wanted more as soon as we got home.

A few passionate days where we fvcked like we were brand new, and everything looks like it's going to be alright. It's early to tell, but things look promising.

I will still be working on my faults here. I'd like to get a few number closes in, then toss the number; it'll be good for me and good for the relationship (losing scarcity mindset).


Thanks for everyone's input here. It is genuinely appreciated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

All great news. But the trick is to keep it going.

As they say, keep it fresh.

Take her to a new restaurant, do things you have never done together, recreate dates from the past that were fun (without telling her)—women LOVE surprises.

Yes...realtionships like everything else take work to maintain. They don't have to take a LOT of work, but they need some work.

Think of having "date nights" once a week or a few times a month like changing the oil in your car.

You can get away with not changing the oil for a long time...far longer than recommended...eventually tho if you don't do it it turns into a thick sludge and you blow your engine(ask me how I know). You don't go from not changing the oil to some minor repair. You go from not changing the oil to a major issue and possibly a new car. In terms of a marriage you don't go from no work on the relationship to a minor fight, you go to a major blowout or divorce.

Date nights turn into sex turn into wanting more sex during the week, turns into good feelings for each other due to Oxytocin and other positive hormones flowing. Scientists have also confirmed that male semen acts as an anti-depressant in women.

The key point to remember is the grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you decide to water it.