Advice from the old lady:
Listen
@Money & Muscle I *get* that much of my advice in your thread from back in November you didn't really appreciate. That's OK. Right now you have a terrible case of "Grass Must be Greener" syndrome. That and you think your shji doesn't stink. Well it does, trust me.
If memory serves you got married to a girl that showed you attention when you were young and "Blue Pilled", the first gal willing to give you regular sex, so you wifed her up.
That is a position that comes from LACK. Your wife is not an idiot. She knows you were in a position of lack, and that you probably have been the entire time.
You say that the arguing is constant. I agree that is SUPER annoying. But what are you doing (be very very honest here, find a mirror) that is contributing to the arguements? What are y'all fighting about exactly. You say stupid stuff. Exactly what stupid stuff?
These things matter. At times my husband thinks I am terribly disagreeable. Not really, I'm just consistent and he doesn't like that. I am in peri-menopause. I get hot flashes at night. He would have the heat set on 75 degrees at night if he got his way. I am sweating to death at 71 degrees. I can only get so naked without covers, but he can always put on more PJs or add a blanket on his side of the bed.
But he thinks that *his* preference should come first, because he is "The Man". So the whole thing is very stupid. Add to that he really should be on T replacement (his levels are falling as he nears 50), and this would frankly raise his basal metabolism and probably solve the whole problem as his body would then create more heat, but T therapy has a monetary cost associated with it, and he doesn't want to pay that cost. Instead he thinks *I* need to be on HRT. Nevermind that I am 55, still have a regular cycle (so the doctors do not think HRT is appropriate for me), I have a high libido, good muscle mass, etc.
Rather than understand that I cannot cool my body during this life phase, he picks fights about it. He refuses to accomodate my biology. I can't help my biology anymore than you can help morning wood. It just happens ya know? He is finally learning that "thermostat wars" do not serve him.
He has a similarly immature attitude (like OP) about a number of things. Now. My husband does NOT financially support me, (we both pay for our own obligations), but at times he thinks he is going to tell me how to run various things (like how to parent children that are NOT his - Uh, Nope) or how to handle my real estate investments (Uh - Nope) and then he gets but hurt when I shut that down.
This from a man who is a childless man who has never owned a single piece of real estate. I'm not about to defer to him on those things, he has ZERO idea what he is talking about (and my investments do well, and I have extraordinarily well behaved, well adjusted children, by the way, so it's not as though there is a problem.)
His issues stem from self esteem issues, social anxiety, and feeling he is "less than" in some way. From a place of LACK. Now. He has had plenty of sexual encounters over his life until 47 as a bachelor. He found that lifestyle empty. The advantage that my husband has over the OP is that he's been there, done that, got the T-shirt. He got tired of shallow demanding women who expected to be worshipped and catered to, learned that looks are NOT everything, and started seeking a woman with more to offer. In me he got a 5'6", 125lb natural blond bombshell with brains, patience, emotional stability, self esteem, self sufficiency, and I also happen to be sexy and fun. And I look great in a bikini. Got laid this morning in fact. I cook for him regularly, allow him his alone time, and try to be generally agreeable.
But over the weekend he got mad because the place we went for lunch was in the middle of an unexpected street fair. Crowded AF, and no parking to be had. This caused him extreme stress and he starts screaming at me about it. Um. Not my fault. I didn't schedule a street fair or take all the parking. I'm not going to be yelled at period, but certainly not over things that have nothing to do with me. Melt down much? So I do not tolerate that, and of course he takes my refusal to tolerate unreasonableness as "fighting" with him.
Immaturity 101. Selfishness 101. Thinking only of yourself 101.
And that's similar to what I see here in OP. He's on the juice, which is known to cause "roid rage", and has an over-inflated entitlement attitude. She's 34. Even if she's 30 lbs heavy with baby weight, height/weight proportion matter. If she went from 110lbs to 140lbs on a 5'5" frame (for example), then her BMI remains appropriate at 23.3, in the healthy range. In other words, in if she is like my example, she's height weight proportionate (not overweight/obese) and she will have more options out in the wild than OP will be able to wrap his head around.
Meanwhile he's making an OK living for CA at 150K, but he's not rich, he's not getting rich on that (I know, I supported a family of 5 on my income alone for 10 years), but I made more than him, lived in a less expensive part of the US, had self employed tax advantages, and was comfortable and affluent, built my net worth to 7 figures while doing that, but did without new cars, did without fancy vacations, did without 5K handbags, etc. I played the long game.
More next post...
