WTF Girlfriend's best friend is a guy?

[maranathaman]

"and the reason guys have such an issue with this, is self evident in your own post - women don't see this about themselves. women are completely unaware that they are swimming in dangerous waters when they do this."

 

[joekerr31]

perhaps the woman sees her guy friend as a great friend and that's it.

agreed, but its rare. i don't dispute that women tell themselves this though (i just think most of them are lying to themselves).

but i can tell you this, when a woman is down and out and her world is crashing down on her, she WILL be MUCH more open to screwing a man that she trusts, is mildly attracted to and who is 'there' for her. Guys know that if their gf has close male friends it increases the risk that at some point, when the two of them are having a fight, something inappropriate will happen.

like i say, too many of us guys have seen this phenomena at play. i've never banged a chic that was willing ot cheat on her bf (not my style), but i can tell you i've had female friends, they get in a fight with their bf, they start getting all wrapped up in their low self esteem issues, they have a couple of drinks and then suddenly they are flirting with you liek there is no tomorrow.

 

[Latinoman]

Not to threadjack but;
What if this "friend" is a former bf?
or a guy she had sex with in the past?

I wouldn't want to be involve with a woman like that.

 

[STR8UP]

like i say, too many of us guys have seen this phenomena at play. i've never banged a chic that was willing ot cheat on her bf (not my style), but i can tell you i've had female friends, they get in a fight with their bf, they start getting all wrapped up in their low self esteem issues, they have a couple of drinks and then suddenly they are flirting with you liek there is no tomorrow.

If anyone knows a thing or two about female friends, it's ME.

And I agree with you. For a woman, a male friend is a d!ck in a glass jar, as Chris Rock would put it.

I'm not blind enough to not realize that some of my female friends pull that crap on me. the older chick I have messed with in the past, the one who broke down on tears in front of me a few weeks ago.....I know her agenda. I haven't pursued a sexual relationship with her for various reasons, but she seems to pursue it with me, especially during times when she doesn't feel wanted (after a breakup).

But I still stick to my guns on not worrying about a male friend unless there is real reason to worry. You will KNOW if something is wrong. Just having a male friend doesn't mean she's screwing around.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Close male to female interactions lead to intimate encounters - this is the natural order of things!! No way to avoid it - the male will always see her as a female and the female will always see him as a male!!!

 

[maranathaman]

Thanx!

I wouldn't want to be involve with a woman like that.

Thanx for your answer!

 

[Bonez]

Ask yourself if you're looking for conspiracy theories, cause all the Keyboard punks are going to fill your head with BS until you are single again.

Also, you could look towards your peers and ask them directly or follow the advice they've already given you... i.e.:"spin more plates". If you don't know the plates than don't post, go read some advice articles instead.

My opinion, didn't read the OP, is that you shouldn't care. If you have a large goal in life than worrying about your gfs past/present is a HUGE waste of time. Move on if she makes you anxious, find somebody that you can rely on from the beginning.

Lastly, since this is such a controversial topic and this is only your 4th post I have to ask you this question.

Are you a troll?

 

[Latinoman]

My opinion, didn't read the OP, is that you shouldn't care. If you have a large goal in life than worrying about your gfs past/present is a HUGE waste of time. Move on if she makes you anxious, find somebody that you can rely on from the beginning.

I STRONGLY disagree with this advice. Here is why...very early...as early as the dating stages...as early as you start talking and getting to know a woman...as early as possible when you still have ALL your senses (when emotions have not kicked in yet)...that's the perfect timing to pay attention to a woman's past and present. Because it matters.

If you wait too long...you will start developing feelings for that person and you will eventually start overlooking the signs.

It is FOOLISH to drop a guard. Even if you have other goals in life. The thing is...many men want to "married a good woman". That's one of men's biggest goals in life.

You drop your guard and forget about patterns and past and all that stuff and you will end up FALLING IN LOVE (e.g. emotional state that make you overlook things)...and potentially making a mistake that can destroy your future.

Approach every woman that you consider for a relationship as a "potential wife". That's the safe bet.

 

[jophil28]

I STRONGLY disagree with this advice. Here is why...very early...as early as the dating stages...as early as you start talking and getting to know a woman...as early as possible when you still have ALL your senses (when emotions have not kicked in yet)...that's the perfect timing to pay attention to a woman's past and present. Because it matters.

If you wait too long...you will start developing feelings for that person and you will eventually start overlooking the signs.

It is FOOLISH to drop a guard. Even if you have other goals in life. The thing is...many men want to "married a good woman". That's one of men's biggest goals in life.

You drop your guard and forget about patterns and past and all that stuff and you will end up FALLING IN LOVE (e.g. emotional state that make you overlook things)...and potentially making a mistake that can destroy your future.

Approach every woman that you consider for a relationship as a "potential wife". That's the safe bet.

All great advice, Latinodude-
Gentlemen, do NOt take your eye off the ball... She will tell you exactly what she is like deep down IF you observe her behavior and you take the time to sift and evaluate the results of your assessment.
A lot of guys do not "interview'" women very well.. BUT know this -she is observing EVERY tiny thing about you . Women understand that knowledge is POWER.. WE need to grasp and embrace this concept too.

 

[Maverack]

Ok apparently this isn't a guy that she has ever dated or has expressed interest in her whatsoever. To make a long story short, this chick is really into me and, knowing that this stuff bothers me, she told me that she's going to drop the other guy friends for me. She's told me that her other girlfriends have told her it's a bad idea to have so many guy friends and that she wants to get serious with me etc and realizes that she'll have to phase out some of these friendships in order to have a serious relationship.

She said all of this without any coersion from me. She seems sincere, but in a way I feel slightly apprehensive because now am I the guy that didn't let her have guy friends? I mean, this is something she should have done herself without any prompting by me.

 

[Interceptor]

Don't feel guilty. If this is what you want, then this is what you'll get. Don't start feeling guilty now.
Imagine if the situation were reversed. How many women would willingly get into a relationship with a guy who has dozens of girl "friends"?
You know that 99 percent of the time they'll give YOU the Ultimatum.
You did nothing wrong. And thankfully it turned out that this girl recognized what a deal breaker having those afc orbiters were.
Don't get apprehesive about the situation. You didn't say "No friends forever!'
All you wanted is a reduction in the obvious worshipping network this chick was used to.
Do not start to over analyze. Do not let down your guard. And don't slack off and get comfortable. Try to enjoy each day with her as best you can. If she doesn't want any of that, it's her loss.
You're not the bad guy here.
Beware of the people who want their cake and want to eat it too.
If it'doesn't agree with your values you're wasting time being there. An at the expense of your physical, emotional. anmd mental health. Your Peace of Mind and Wel Being is infinitley more important.

This is how it has to be. IF she is not conducvive to providing the right environment and cuircumstance for you to express your love, devotion, affection, and attention..then you have got to move on.

It has to be this way.

We have to learn form our mistakes and that of others.

We need to be aware of the little Scarcity Complex gremlins lurking around back there.

Good luck, and don't get too caught up in over analyzing.
Show her who you really are.
Show her true love and affection.
Have a good time with her. And do all those crazy fun things you've always wanted to do with a girl .Do it with her. And show her.

Don't be afraid.

Don't ever be afraid.

 

[Latinoman]

Ok apparently this isn't a guy that she has ever dated or has expressed interest in her whatsoever. To make a long story short, this chick is really into me and, knowing that this stuff bothers me, she told me that she's going to drop the other guy friends for me. She's told me that her other girlfriends have told her it's a bad idea to have so many guy friends and that she wants to get serious with me etc and realizes that she'll have to phase out some of these friendships in order to have a serious relationship.

She said all of this without any coersion from me. She seems sincere, but in a way I feel slightly apprehensive because now am I the guy that didn't let her have guy friends? I mean, this is something she should have done herself without any prompting by me.

Having lunch during the week (at work, etc.) with male co-workers and even friends is not a bad thing.

Be careful as you don't want her resenting you. It is about balance and creating boundary conditions...it is NOT about trying to control her.

 

[jophil28]

She said all of this without any coersion from me. She seems sincere, but in a way I feel slightly apprehensive because now am I the guy that didn't let her have guy friends? I mean, this is something she should have done herself without any prompting by me.

Your last sentence says this - " She should have done 'the right thing' without me having to push the issue." Huh ? A woman will always keep ALL of her relationship cards intact until she has a reason to re-shuffle the deck.
Perhaps you gave her a reason to shuffle.

However, be warned that women will say that they are willing to "drop off" a guy friend and they will make it sound like she is done with him. In reality she will tell him that YOU are unreasonably jealous and it is best if they "cool it" for a while ( she keeps him on a long leash and they occasionally connect behind your back)

I am still in occcasional email and phone contact with FOUR of my Ex G/fs going back over ten years. They all have steady boyfriends now ,and they ALL have sworn me to secrecy about their continuing contact with me .

Guess what your G/f is going to do one minute after you and she have your first fight ?

 

[Metro3pilot]

Here's the thing ....you ever had a friend who you hung out with all the time and then your bud gets a girlfriend and they get serious, and he don't hang around as much ?

same thing with a women with guy friends ...the guy friends go away when she wants to get serious ....it's when they come back you need to worry ...

chill man and let it ride

:rockon:

 

[decades]

she isn't giving up her guy friends. She is simply going "underground".

 

[chalk]

I've had quite a bit of insight on the male 'friends' thing as i've got 2 sisters and have to observe the horrible thing many times.

My take on it is this: If the girl is even half attractive then 99% of the time the guy is there as a 'friend' on the surface but ultimately wouldn't think twice about bangin the slice if the chance came about. Most of the time if the guy isn't that confident or attractive the 99% turns to 100% guaranteed!

I've had numerous 'friends' of my sisters turn horny on them to the complete surprise of my sisters. One of them was actually my best friend who became very good friends with my sister Jess. Jess was completely unaware of this and was actually angry when my friend confessed his feelings to her! Like he'd done something wrong! The problem is she is the type of girl who hangs around with guys a lot and always ends up getting gibbed by her 'friends' in the same way.

I've had her in some serious states when these 'friends' betray her trust by falling in love with her or some crap like that and i've had to tell her so many times that blokes just don't become friends with hot women for the friendship!

Simple as that unless your one of the 1%, or gay.

The funny thing is that women actually believe that when when a guy is coming on the them he's just being friendly. My ex used to get this all the time and when i told her these guys were cracking onto her she would say in complete honesty "Oh no he was just chatting and being friendly" YA right! She obviously doesn't have the ability to read basic body language.

I think every situation is unique though so you have to use your own perception and intuition, i've just found that more often than not you have to watch out for the guy friends. Keep an eye on them so to speak.

Good luck with your situation