ImTheDoubleGreatest!
Master Don Juan
Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????You sound like quite a prize.
Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????You sound like quite a prize.
3 months is a very short time for a girl to have your hamster wheel spinning like this.So I have been dating a woman for 3 months or so and everything has been going great up until about 2 weeks ago. There have been some family issues going on that are really stressing her, specifically a serious injury to her ex Brother in Law that is affecting her ex's ability to maintain the custody schedule and leaving her with the kids most days.
She started acting a little distant and colder but has always texted and made sure to tell me how much she misses me and wants to snuggle up next to me, etc...then a few days ago the flood dam opened and she said part of the reason she has been acting that is way is she is afraid I am going to get sick of all her problems and just not want to deal with it anymore. She told me how much she likes me and is imagining all the fun things we will be doing together and how she missed me and wants to spend time with me etc. I tell her I get she is going through some issues and that I am cool with it.
She ends up coming over last night and we were watching a show and she was laying back on me and I had my arm wrapped around her laying on her chest...this is going to sound dumb but normally she rubs my arm or holds my hand when I do that but there was nothing on her end...no sex for the second time in a row and she ended up getting a call from her ex saying he needed to drop the kids off because of a situation going on with the family so she had to leave earlier than expected. But she wasn't planning on staying over anyways which is usually what happens.
So I am not sure what to do with this. I feel she has kind of shut down emotionally due to all the stress and I want to work through it with her but I also don't want it to effect the time we are together.
Is there a way to bring this up tactfully and not either pile on her stress or come off sounding needy?
I have other plates I am spinning but this one had good long term potential in terms of pretty much everything from the way we interact, the sex, how we get along, etc...I kind of feel life is getting in the way and she seems to be putting up this giant wall now.
it’s sad man. I read some of these posts and shake my head!!?? I love the “ did I play this right Posts....guy usually makes it a point to say he’s spinning multiple plates... but this one girl said something... and this guy needs to know from so suave if his response was alpha...... then usually I see multiple posts in the same week from that guy obsessing about that one girl..... I swear they are the same guy with multiple screen names.Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????
I mean it’s literally just dudes pedestalizing women. You can be in the game for YEARS and still say things “your are quite the prize” like ??????????it’s sad man. I read some of these posts and shake my head!!?? I love the “ did I play this right Posts....guy usually makes it a point to say he’s spinning multiple plates... but this one girl said something... and this guy needs to know from so suave if his response was alpha...... then usually I see multiple posts in the same week from that guy obsessing about that one girl..... I swear they are the same guy with multiple screen names.
What’s crazier is these are posts on the mature man section.... not the young guy section. If your a mature man obsessing over if your responses are alpha... or worrying that a single mom is growing cold on you.... you need to take a step back and read as much as you can.
This site is about becoming the best version of yourself and dudes are looking for short cuts... you need to work on yourself.. workout... read... eat right... dress better.... make money... travel... become a social creature... cook... fix things.... but make yourself a true man.... then the females will become a bonus. If your high value and constantly improving you won’t tolerate single moms playing mind games..... or when other chicks try and test you..... you will just move on.
I’d say it to her like this:
“I get that you have lots on your plate right now...but if we are hanging out I need to feel that you are here and not checked out. Would it be better that we just take a break for now until your situation stabilizes?”
And then you see how she responds.
If she gets defensive or affronted by that? She’s emotionally immature. If she gets huffy and says you are being unreasonable or that you don’t understand...
Ask her how she would respond if the situation were reversed. If she can’t see or acknowledge how this affects you then she isn’t going to do well when life happens later in y’all’s relationship.
If she is open to have a forthright conversation with you then she has maturity and can handle things in a stable way. She may not realize her attitude has changed and/or may not realize how you feel. She may apologize and warm up to you...she may bolt.
If she is open to an honest discussion that’s good. If she reacts or shuts down that’s bad.
After you bring it up you’ll know more about how she handles life’s curveballs and whether you remain supportive, apply silence & distance or what.
I’ve been very open about the stressors in my life with the man I’m seeing for example...we chat about them lightly and then I make effort NOT to discuss it ad nauseum because that takes away from enjoying him and getting to know him...and it’s not fair to him really.
So if she can show a similar willingness to see your point of view you might be fine.
I'm totally cool with being scrutinized (I'm certainly no stranger toward doing this to others).Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????
Yeah well you kinda crossed the ‘compliment’ line and entered into supplication territory. Saying that someone is a better parent than others is much different than using SS lingo about being the prize and attributing it to someone simply for being a female who isn’t mentally disturbed like your average hoe momma is quite literally pedestalizing. Fact is, you’re praising her because she’s a woman who’s doing that. You might as well call her your ‘queen’ and you her ottoman. If any of us here were to do the same thing, you’d sneer and say how it’s common sense that we’re supposed to avoid bringing in others from our dating lives around our children. You can lie to yourself, but not to me. There’s other stuff I can say that’ll show you it’s not all that, but this post is already as long as it is and I doubt you’d actually care enough to really consider it. You’re being played like a fiddle, with you being the only player in the room.I'm totally cool with being scrutinized (I'm certainly no stranger toward doing this to others).
However, I'm thinking that you might want to re-read your "blue pill" police code handbook.
When I see a forum member prancing (aka "chest thumping") or putting down a newly listed forum member, I call them out.
I also make no apologies for also praising a forum member's admirable parenting practices.
I have great disdain for women that involve their children with men whom they've recently met. It's not healthy for the child and an example of poor parenting. In fact, I've even had arguments with dating acquaintances for their wanting to introduce me too soon. Sadly, this parenting practice is quite common place. Therefore, when @BeExcellent goes against the (so-called) 'norm'.. she does sound like a "prize" rather than the commoner.
@ImTheDoubleGreatest! and @stringpuller I wonder if you two might be too obsessed with sosuave identity politics. Getting spoon-fed a belief system, I believe has hindered your ability to distinguish the difference between a compliment and supplication.
Miss, please. It’s not about assigning power or anything like that, it’s just seeing reality invert before you in a pile of words. An example of that would be one in that one thread of mine before it got locked; it would be like me saying to you as a Christian that because Lucifer was the greatest archangel and that the name “Lucifer” simply means “bringer of light”, and that Lucifer was awarded that name because he was the bringer of light, they therefore YHWH is darkness since they both work against each other, and that because we must seek to bring the light of God into this world as per the Bible’s command, that we should therefore worship Lucifer in order to bring that light into the world, and that we must avoid doing the bidding of YHWH in order to prevent darkness. Lucifer good, YHWH bad.certain posters assign me entirely too much power and influence. Thank you ITDG that’s flattering, but I’m just one person on my device somewhere posting free advice same as everyone else.
Would you like some more tea with your crumpets, Ms. I’m-From-Texas-Y’all?Cheers
You’re an Aggie. You can’t help it, lolThat last one was just playful ribbing lol
Bro I had a situation similar to this with a plate that I really like and this was recent. Although your story is much different than mine .. let’s just say my plate went through some fvcked up sh1t .. was out with her cousin, they were drinking and then stayed at her cousins friends house and the friend tried to abuse my plate on top of that some of her family members had COVID. She would text me super stressed out. One night she texted me saying “I just want you to hold me and tell me everything will be okay”.. so I told her to come over and that’s when she told me everything. Days passed and she would not put out secks so I know how you feel.So I have been dating a woman for 3 months or so and everything has been going great up until about 2 weeks ago. There have been some family issues going on that are really stressing her, specifically a serious injury to her ex Brother in Law that is affecting her ex's ability to maintain the custody schedule and leaving her with the kids most days.
She started acting a little distant and colder but has always texted and made sure to tell me how much she misses me and wants to snuggle up next to me, etc...then a few days ago the flood dam opened and she said part of the reason she has been acting that is way is she is afraid I am going to get sick of all her problems and just not want to deal with it anymore. She told me how much she likes me and is imagining all the fun things we will be doing together and how she missed me and wants to spend time with me etc. I tell her I get she is going through some issues and that I am cool with it.
She ends up coming over last night and we were watching a show and she was laying back on me and I had my arm wrapped around her laying on her chest...this is going to sound dumb but normally she rubs my arm or holds my hand when I do that but there was nothing on her end...no sex for the second time in a row and she ended up getting a call from her ex saying he needed to drop the kids off because of a situation going on with the family so she had to leave earlier than expected. But she wasn't planning on staying over anyways which is usually what happens.
So I am not sure what to do with this. I feel she has kind of shut down emotionally due to all the stress and I want to work through it with her but I also don't want it to effect the time we are together.
Is there a way to bring this up tactfully and not either pile on her stress or come off sounding needy?
I have other plates I am spinning but this one had good long term potential in terms of pretty much everything from the way we interact, the sex, how we get along, etc...I kind of feel life is getting in the way and she seems to be putting up this giant wall now.
Says the TexanYou’re an Aggie. You can’t help it, lol
No offense taken.
too much, after her first msg I would jsut say ok IF at allSo she texts me today that she has the kids this weekend and doesn't know when she could meet to talk.
So I tell her "No worries, I will just be off doing my own thing and whenever you figure it out to get in touch."
She then says that I should because she doesn't think it's fair to keep me waiting around.
I respond with "I mean you are totally right, the situation is hopeless. I would prefer to work things out but you are right it seems impossible."
She then gives me some long spiel about how I was the first long relationship since her breakup and she doesn't feel she is ready to date and isn't able to balance her family life, etc etc...
So I just responded with "Oh OK. Well if your situation improves or you change your mind feel free to reach out. Take care."
And I'm gone like a ghost in the night...
It’s courteous to do as he did. They weren’t dating for one or two weeks but rather for 3 months. There’s no need to be a jack ass and besides he’d look butthurt if he simply vanished or rambled on ad nauseum so a middle path is the most balanced and socially calibrated response.too much, after her first msg I would jsut say ok IF at all