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Woman I am dating is stressed about family issues, effecting when we are together. Options for handling?

Machine10033

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I would probably just walk. It’s 3 months and she has a ton of baggage. As I get older I just don’t have the patience to play games or try and maneuver thru their BS. There are probably millions of other chicks out there that would be more fun... just move to another.
 

BackInTheGame78

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4 kids?? Lol wow dude any other options??
You are balls deep in rationalizing a bad situation for yourself.
I mean 2 are adults and not in the house so really there are only 2. I do have options, I just prefer this one.
 

Black Widow Void

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...then a few days ago the flood dam opened and she said part of the reason she has been acting that is way is she is afraid I am going to get sick of all her problems and just not want to deal with it anymore.
This could have been subconscious on her part, but her delivery does have a bit of that passive/aggressive vibe. I say this because this puts you on the spot of saying... b,b,b,but I'll be here for you no matter (or something to that affect).

Like everyone, she deserves some wiggle room and understanding. Just be sure that you don't get sucked in too soon or too deep.

I don’t introduce children until there is a well established relationship. To do otherwise is destabilizing and not healthy for children. Kids, even teens need stability. Cycling lovers through children’s lives is very harmful to them when they are seeking stability.
You sound like quite a prize. You'd be surprised at how many women I've dated (and we're talking typically high caliber) that do not seem to prioritize their children's psychological well-being. I can't imagine why a woman would subject their child/children to potential revolving-door men throughout their lives, but so many do.
 

BeExcellent

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This could have been subconscious on her part, but her delivery does have a bit of that passive/aggressive vibe. I say this because this puts you on the spot of saying... b,b,b,but I'll be here for you no matter (or something to that affect).

Like everyone, she deserves some wiggle room and understanding. Just be sure that you don't get sucked in too soon or too deep.



You sound like quite a prize. You'd be surprised at how many women I've dated (and we're talking typically high caliber) that do not seem to prioritize their children's psychological well-being. I can't imagine why a woman would subject their child/children to potential revolving-door men throughout their lives, but so many do.
Thank you for your kind words.
 

stringpuller

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My advice is solid. A man could have just as easily said the same thing.
Yes i read it. It sounds like girl advice.
OP you have oneitis and this is a next. This girl is prioritizing everything but you.
 

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stringpuller

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Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????
I think we under estimate the amount of men who just cough the pill up over and over. Refuse to believe in rules or hard lines in RP world.
They get taken over when they meet "the one"
Its not just here its in Offline life too.
 

dude99

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So I have been dating a woman for 3 months or so and everything has been going great up until about 2 weeks ago. There have been some family issues going on that are really stressing her, specifically a serious injury to her ex Brother in Law that is affecting her ex's ability to maintain the custody schedule and leaving her with the kids most days.

She started acting a little distant and colder but has always texted and made sure to tell me how much she misses me and wants to snuggle up next to me, etc...then a few days ago the flood dam opened and she said part of the reason she has been acting that is way is she is afraid I am going to get sick of all her problems and just not want to deal with it anymore. She told me how much she likes me and is imagining all the fun things we will be doing together and how she missed me and wants to spend time with me etc. I tell her I get she is going through some issues and that I am cool with it.

She ends up coming over last night and we were watching a show and she was laying back on me and I had my arm wrapped around her laying on her chest...this is going to sound dumb but normally she rubs my arm or holds my hand when I do that but there was nothing on her end...no sex for the second time in a row and she ended up getting a call from her ex saying he needed to drop the kids off because of a situation going on with the family so she had to leave earlier than expected. But she wasn't planning on staying over anyways which is usually what happens.

So I am not sure what to do with this. I feel she has kind of shut down emotionally due to all the stress and I want to work through it with her but I also don't want it to effect the time we are together.

Is there a way to bring this up tactfully and not either pile on her stress or come off sounding needy?

I have other plates I am spinning but this one had good long term potential in terms of pretty much everything from the way we interact, the sex, how we get along, etc...I kind of feel life is getting in the way and she seems to be putting up this giant wall now.
3 months is a very short time for a girl to have your hamster wheel spinning like this.

The way i handle it when a girl starts to pull away or get weird or distant is, do your own thing. Let her know you have options and are a busy guy. Heck at 3 month mark she is still a plate. Nothing more.

Say something like " hey you seem to have some stuff to get through and i dont want to get in the way. I'm going to see other women now, in the meantime when you iron out things give me a call. Take care."

And go do your thing. After that she will make it clear if she wants you around or not
 

Machine10033

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Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????
it’s sad man. I read some of these posts and shake my head!!?? I love the “ did I play this right Posts....guy usually makes it a point to say he’s spinning multiple plates... but this one girl said something... and this guy needs to know from so suave if his response was alpha...... then usually I see multiple posts in the same week from that guy obsessing about that one girl..... I swear they are the same guy with multiple screen names.

What’s crazier is these are posts on the mature man section.... not the young guy section. If your a mature man obsessing over if your responses are alpha... or worrying that a single mom is growing cold on you.... you need to take a step back and read as much as you can.

This site is about becoming the best version of yourself and dudes are looking for short cuts... you need to work on yourself.. workout... read... eat right... dress better.... make money... travel... become a social creature... cook... fix things.... but make yourself a true man.... then the females will become a bonus. If your high value and constantly improving you won’t tolerate single moms playing mind games..... or when other chicks try and test you..... you will just move on.
 

Lynx nkaf

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good advice here Back, good luck
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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it’s sad man. I read some of these posts and shake my head!!?? I love the “ did I play this right Posts....guy usually makes it a point to say he’s spinning multiple plates... but this one girl said something... and this guy needs to know from so suave if his response was alpha...... then usually I see multiple posts in the same week from that guy obsessing about that one girl..... I swear they are the same guy with multiple screen names.

What’s crazier is these are posts on the mature man section.... not the young guy section. If your a mature man obsessing over if your responses are alpha... or worrying that a single mom is growing cold on you.... you need to take a step back and read as much as you can.

This site is about becoming the best version of yourself and dudes are looking for short cuts... you need to work on yourself.. workout... read... eat right... dress better.... make money... travel... become a social creature... cook... fix things.... but make yourself a true man.... then the females will become a bonus. If your high value and constantly improving you won’t tolerate single moms playing mind games..... or when other chicks try and test you..... you will just move on.
I mean it’s literally just dudes pedestalizing women. You can be in the game for YEARS and still say things “your are quite the prize” like ??????????

If you’re bluepill in the sense that you still want to find ‘the one’ because you see just how low quality women are nowadays and thus just long for one who simply isn't low quality like that, then I get it. But if you’re doing simp shit like asking for their opinions about these situations because you think they’d have better insight for being women themselves, then it’s apparent they haven’t learned ****. Just because a woman is ‘redpilled’ doesn’t mean she’s suddenly immune to female nature.

The only thing useful is seeing how they think, not what they say. And how they think can be observed based off their posts anywhere in the forum, not just here. It’s not like you’ll suddenly gain some new and profound wisdom to their postings if they post here. And if you do, you’re either new to all this or you’ll find that the stuff they said was actually taken from somewhere else rather than discovered on their own. Or maybe you just forgot lol.

“Taking a break” is fine if you don’t know how to handle this situation and wish to remain neutral. It’s honestly not a bad idea, but the rest of the post (along with the other) begins nuancing into what would become full blown beta behavior which is exactly what leaves me flabbergasted after each time I read her posts lmao
 
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stringpuller

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Negotiating desire is not sexy to women. . OP needs to reread the Iron rules of Tomassi. They are universal and ive added a couple myself for personal use.
.
 

Alvafe

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I’d say it to her like this:

“I get that you have lots on your plate right now...but if we are hanging out I need to feel that you are here and not checked out. Would it be better that we just take a break for now until your situation stabilizes?”

And then you see how she responds.

If she gets defensive or affronted by that? She’s emotionally immature. If she gets huffy and says you are being unreasonable or that you don’t understand...

Ask her how she would respond if the situation were reversed. If she can’t see or acknowledge how this affects you then she isn’t going to do well when life happens later in y’all’s relationship.

If she is open to have a forthright conversation with you then she has maturity and can handle things in a stable way. She may not realize her attitude has changed and/or may not realize how you feel. She may apologize and warm up to you...she may bolt.

If she is open to an honest discussion that’s good. If she reacts or shuts down that’s bad.

After you bring it up you’ll know more about how she handles life’s curveballs and whether you remain supportive, apply silence & distance or what.

I’ve been very open about the stressors in my life with the man I’m seeing for example...we chat about them lightly and then I make effort NOT to discuss it ad nauseum because that takes away from enjoying him and getting to know him...and it’s not fair to him really.

So if she can show a similar willingness to see your point of view you might be fine.

thing is there is nothing to say really, and he shouldn't say anything, its not his problem, he is not the problem, and he shouldn't associate himself with her problem. they are in only for 3 months, also remember the way people deal with they problem also tell about then a lot, anyone who let others notice you have problems tend to fish for pity, and normally they also love to toss they problems on others, hoping again for pity.

the most important here would be he, still screening her, he is not at fault for her problem and she shouldn't be using him.

or maybe she is just not feeling and his captain save a ho instint is kicking him to save her, with again is a problem.


he should drop it and let go, not making a case on what he had to do
 

BeExcellent

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There is nothing wrong with good communication in a relationship between 2 adults.

There is no need to be an ass hole either. The ability to communicate in a mature way is a skill worth cultivating.

Not everyone here is looking to endlessly up the notch count and pump & dump women.

It’s advice. That’s all. The fact that some posters are going to rail at me because I’m female is immaterial to me. The funny thing is these are men who are either married or would like to find a quality woman one day.

Being an ass hole who can’t communicate? Not how you end up with a good woman in your life. I drop men who show emotional immaturity and so will other women worth having.

If my advice isn’t a member’s cup of tea? Kindly place me on ignore. Instead certain posters assign me entirely too much power and influence. Thank you ITDG that’s flattering, but I’m just one person on my device somewhere posting free advice same as everyone else. I’m one voice. If what I say resonates, great. If not? Great.

Notice my advice was to suggest to her that he withdraw. Same as a number of other male posters. The only difference is I advised a short conversation about it. There is a reason for that folks.

The reason is because frequently women are covert. Making the statement and asking the question I suggested will prompt her to reveal more about who she is and how she values OP in such a way as to provide him information he’d like to have as he decides how to handle the matter. Equipped with the additional information he can then make decisions in a more informed way.

There is nothing weak or unmanly about the advice I’ve given. But if certain posters want to ridicule me? Fine.

The usual suspects.

Cheers
 

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Black Widow Void

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Shit you too??? Wtf is happening to SoSuave??????
I'm totally cool with being scrutinized (I'm certainly no stranger toward doing this to others).
However, I'm thinking that you might want to re-read your "blue pill" police code handbook.

When I see a forum member prancing (aka "chest thumping") or putting down a newly listed forum member, I call them out.
I also make no apologies for also praising a forum member's admirable parenting practices.

I have great disdain for women that involve their children with men whom they've recently met. It's not healthy for the child and an example of poor parenting. In fact, I've even had arguments with dating acquaintances for their wanting to introduce me too soon. Sadly, this parenting practice is quite common place. Therefore, when @BeExcellent goes against the (so-called) 'norm'.. she does sound like a "prize" rather than the commoner.

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! and @stringpuller I wonder if you two might be too obsessed with sosuave identity politics. Getting spoon-fed a belief system, I believe has hindered your ability to distinguish the difference between a compliment and supplication.
 
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ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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I'm totally cool with being scrutinized (I'm certainly no stranger toward doing this to others).
However, I'm thinking that you might want to re-read your "blue pill" police code handbook.

When I see a forum member prancing (aka "chest thumping") or putting down a newly listed forum member, I call them out.
I also make no apologies for also praising a forum member's admirable parenting practices.

I have great disdain for women that involve their children with men whom they've recently met. It's not healthy for the child and an example of poor parenting. In fact, I've even had arguments with dating acquaintances for their wanting to introduce me too soon. Sadly, this parenting practice is quite common place. Therefore, when @BeExcellent goes against the (so-called) 'norm'.. she does sound like a "prize" rather than the commoner.

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! and @stringpuller I wonder if you two might be too obsessed with sosuave identity politics. Getting spoon-fed a belief system, I believe has hindered your ability to distinguish the difference between a compliment and supplication.
Yeah well you kinda crossed the ‘compliment’ line and entered into supplication territory. Saying that someone is a better parent than others is much different than using SS lingo about being the prize and attributing it to someone simply for being a female who isn’t mentally disturbed like your average hoe momma is quite literally pedestalizing. Fact is, you’re praising her because she’s a woman who’s doing that. You might as well call her your ‘queen’ and you her ottoman. If any of us here were to do the same thing, you’d sneer and say how it’s common sense that we’re supposed to avoid bringing in others from our dating lives around our children. You can lie to yourself, but not to me. There’s other stuff I can say that’ll show you it’s not all that, but this post is already as long as it is and I doubt you’d actually care enough to really consider it. You’re being played like a fiddle, with you being the only player in the room.

Also, please don’t compare me to stringpuller. I’m nothing like him, the only chest-thumping that’s going on is from his end with his million-and-one posts quoting the same person, one right after the other because he gets so amped up about a situation that he thinks about it for several minutes/hours after he logs off. I really don’t care that much, this is mostly just a fun thing for me if I’m being honest. The most I’ll do is edit spelling/grammar when I see it, that’s about it.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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certain posters assign me entirely too much power and influence. Thank you ITDG that’s flattering, but I’m just one person on my device somewhere posting free advice same as everyone else.
Miss, please. It’s not about assigning power or anything like that, it’s just seeing reality invert before you in a pile of words. An example of that would be one in that one thread of mine before it got locked; it would be like me saying to you as a Christian that because Lucifer was the greatest archangel and that the name “Lucifer” simply means “bringer of light”, and that Lucifer was awarded that name because he was the bringer of light, they therefore YHWH is darkness since they both work against each other, and that because we must seek to bring the light of God into this world as per the Bible’s command, that we should therefore worship Lucifer in order to bring that light into the world, and that we must avoid doing the bidding of YHWH in order to prevent darkness. Lucifer good, YHWH bad.

See how I twisted that? I just told you that Lucifer s God and that YHWH is Satan. Imagine showing this to a priest. This is exactly how your posts make me feel lmao which is why I’m often compelled to respond to your posts about how your incorrect nuances lead to corruption.
Would you like some more tea with your crumpets, Ms. I’m-From-Texas-Y’all?
 
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