Why this sudden change of heart?

Senderious

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So six months ago I met a girl at a local festival in my hometown. The way she smiled at me and eyed me made it clear she wanted me. Thus I decided to approach her. We had fun and kissed. After that we kept in touch through texting. A week later I coincidentally needed to go to her town for an exam, so I arranged a date. She flaked last minute. Since we both lived in different towns and I needed to focus on acquiring my Masters degree I decided to stop texting her; I thought it wouldn't lead to anything.

During these six months she found excuses to text me about trivial stuff and if I'll go to event X where she will be going: definitely IOIs. Because I was still busy focusing on my goals I didn't have any desire to chase her, until four weeks ago: I came across her at a party again. She told a friend of mine that she really find me attractive. So I decided to approach her again; had a fun convo and made out again. She also confessed that she flaked on the date because she was really nervous and that she really wanted to date me now. So I decided why the hell not. We had three dates:

· 1st: Drinks at the beach, at the end she grabbed for my hand and initiated making out;
· 2nd: Minigolf and sex;
· 3rd: Cinema and drinks; made out, when I brought her home by car we had a heavy makeout session and she grabbed my ****.

In between the dates we didn't text a lot during the day, since I reply slow (3-4 hours). which she started to do as well. However she drunk called me in between the dates, and said she really looks forward to see me again and sends hearts. Then four days later I receive this text:

"I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed our dates. I like you as well and I can laugh with you, but honestly I don't really see this going anywhere. I find this unfortunate as well but I hope you'll understand."

I actually wanted to ask her why she had such a change of heart, but I just replied with "Ok". It's so confusing; why give all these positive signs (besides copying my late replies) and then just quit? It sucks because I started to like her; she is really smart and besides having a good time we had good conversations as well. Why such a sudden change of heart?

tldr; girl chased me for six months, finally started dating, gave me many positive signs and then suddenly cuts it off. Why this sudden change of heart?
 
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sazc

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Hmmmm, I'm reading what you posted and wondering if maybe she took your lack of texting in between dates as a sign that you weren't really interested in her as a relationship? Of course this would depend on the timeline of date 1,2,3 and the final text? Texting in the initial stages of dating is touchy. Too much is a turn off, too little can signal genuine disinterest to some people while others are fine with it.

Then again, maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?
Maybe she got scared and decided that she didnt want to be open and vulnerable with someone for fear of getting hurt in the end.

it's hard to say exactly why
 

AttackFormation

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Reply in bold inside of quote.

So six months ago I met a girl at a local festival in my hometown. The way she smiled at me and eyed me made it clear she wanted me. Thus I decided to approach her. We had fun and kissed. After that we kept in touch through texting. A week later I coincidentally needed to go to her town for an exam, so I arranged a date. She flaked last minute. Interested girls don't flake Since we both lived in different towns and I needed to focus on acquiring my Masters degree I decided to stop texting her; I thought it wouldn't lead to anything.

During these six months she found excuses to text me about trivial stuff She put you into orbit and if I'll go to event X where she will be going: definitely IOIs You don't know if it's an IOI until she's grabbing your d!ck. Because I was still busy focusing on my goals I didn't have any desire to chase her, until four weeks ago: I came across her at a party again. She told a friend of mine that she really find me attractive. So I decided to approach her again; had a fun convo and made out again. She also confessed that she flaked on the date because she was really nervous lol, you buy this? and that she really wanted to date me now Sure she does. So I decided why the hell not. We had three dates:

· 1st: Drinks at the beach, at the end she grabbed for my hand and initiated making out;
· 2nd: Minigolf and sex; Good job - you've done your part now, ******* or sex within 1-2 dates, now it's time to downgrade her as a priority so she will want to keep seeing you
· 3rd: Cinema and drinks; made out, when I brought her home by car we had a heavy makeout session and she grabbed my ****. She wanted to fvck again but you dropped the ball

In between the dates we didn't text a lot during the day, since I reply slow (3-4 hours). which she started to do as well. However she drunk called me in between the dates She's not mature enough to talk to you without being drunk, that's not good, and said she really looks forward to see me again and sends hearts She's drunk. Then four days later I receive this text:

"I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed our dates. I like you as well and I can laugh with you, but honestly I don't really see this going anywhere. I find this unfortunate as well but I hope you'll understand." She had some fun but doesn't think you are the best she can do

I actually wanted to ask her why she had such a change of heart, but I just replied with "Ok" Excellent reply. It's so confusing; why give all these positive signs (besides copying my late replies) and then just quit? If you start to think about stuff like that, why she did this, why is she doing that, you are playing her game It sucks because I started to like her; she is really smart and besides having a good time we had good conversations as well "We" had fun. "We" had good conversations. No, all you know is you did. You don't really know what she felt. Why such a sudden change of heart? Who knows, and who knows if she ever had a "change" or was just playing around. You don't know and it's useless to think about

tldr; girl chased me for six months, finally started dating, gave me many positive signs and then suddenly cuts it off. Why this sudden change of heart?

Now for this...

Hmmmm, I'm reading what you posted and wondering if maybe she took your lack of texting in between dates as a sign that you weren't really interested in her as a relationship? Of course this would depend on the timeline of date 1,2,3 and the final text? Texting in the initial stages of dating is touchy. Too much is a turn off, too little can signal genuine disinterest to some people while others are fine with it.

Then again, maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?
Maybe she got scared and decided that she didnt want to be open and vulnerable with someone for fear of getting hurt in the end.

it's hard to say exactly why
If she wanted to be with him, she would have brought that up in one way or another. But this woman actually brought up that she wanted to end it with him because she didn't want to continue. So yeah, it's the other way around.

"Maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?" there's your winning bet.
 
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Senderious

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Hmmmm, I'm reading what you posted and wondering if maybe she took your lack of texting in between dates as a sign that you weren't really interested in her as a relationship? Of course this would depend on the timeline of date 1,2,3 and the final text? Texting in the initial stages of dating is touchy. Too much is a turn off, too little can signal genuine disinterest to some people while others are fine with it.

Then again, maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?
Maybe she got scared and decided that she didnt want to be open and vulnerable with someone for fear of getting hurt in the end.

it's hard to say exactly why

Concerning the timeline: we dated once every week. She sent the rejection text in the fourth week. I think it might be one of the reasons. On the third date she mentioned that her friend read our conversation and found it boring. To which I replied I'm not really into texting.

Reflecting on the dates, we always ended up having conversations about serious topics. I should've opened up more and be more witty.

On a side note: she had an LTR for five years, (from age 15 ~ 21) and was single for a year now.
 

Roober

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Could be a couple things, but only one things matters... she cut it off, so it's time to move on... NEXT!


Re-calibrate, think of what you may have done wrong based on your studies and try again
 

17 shots

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You put no effort in texting, and never called her to talk. then when she says she has a change of heart all you respond with is "ok"... which only further confirms in her mind that you must not care that much... why don't you pick up the phone and talk to her about it if you really care, which I'm assuming you do since you made this thread. Stop trying to play it so cool. You don't have to do that when a girl is chasing you
 

Senderious

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Reply in bold inside of quote.




Now for this...



If she wanted to be with him, she would have brought that up in one way or another. But this woman actually brought up that she wanted to end it with him because she didn't want to continue. So yeah, it's the other way around.

"Maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?" there's your winning bet.
Reply in bold inside of quote.




Now for this...



If she wanted to be with him, she would have brought that up in one way or another. But this woman actually brought up that she wanted to end it with him because she didn't want to continue. So yeah, it's the other way around.

"Maybe she's just flaky like this all the time?" there's your winning bet.
· She wanted to fvck again but you dropped the ball": No, when driving back to her house I proposed to hang at my place but she was feeling tired (****ty lie I think). Just before I dropped her off she grabbed my ****. Weird right?


Thanks for the reply. realize that I can vent all I want, it doesnt change things; it is how it is. I don't know why she changed her mind and I never will. I'm fed up with it but the only thing I can do is accept it.

You put no effort in texting, and never called her to talk. then when she says she has a change of heart all you respond with is "ok"... which only further confirms in her mind that you must not care that much... why don't you pick up the phone and talk to her about it if you really care, which I'm assuming you do since you made this thread. Stop trying to play it so cool. You don't have to do that when a girl is chasing you
So throwing my self respect out of the window and beg her to reconsider? When did that ever work out, this ain't a romcom but it's real life.
I do care and have shown during the dates that I like her.
 
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17 shots

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So throwing my self respect out of the window and beg her to reconsider? When did that ever work out, this ain't a romcom but it's real life.
I do care and have shown during the dates that I like her.
Nobody said anything about begging dude... asking her why she feels that way is not begging or throwing away self respect. Why not get your answer straight from the horses mouth as to why she had a change of heart, instead of asking us. Then you will have closure. If her answer is one you don't like, then say nothing. It's that simple
 

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And dude...a Women who really likes you is going to want to hear from you outside of just the days you're on a date. Especially if you've known her for over 6 months
 

sazc

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It sucks when sh1t like this happens
Nobody said anything about begging dude... asking her why she feels that way is not begging or throwing away self respect. Why not get your answer straight from the horses mouth as to why she had a change of heart, instead of asking us. Then you will have closure. If her answer is one you don't like, then say nothing. It's that simple
Lol, u mean talk to her like an adult?!?!

It's hard for people to do that. Most people don't like opening up and being vulnerable because they fear rejection, etc. Not to mention, do you really think SHE is going to open up? She has been pushing and pulling with him for awhile. She probably isn't the type to open up and communicate either.

You can certainly try and ask her what happened. Just be prepared for a garbage reply, of she replies at all.
 

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It sucks when sh1t like this happens

Lol, u mean talk to her like an adult?!?!

It's hard for people to do that. Most people don't like opening up and being vulnerable because they fear rejection, etc. Not to mention, do you really think SHE is going to open up? She has been pushing and pulling with him for awhile. She probably isn't the type to open up and communicate either.

You can certainly try and ask her what happened. Just be prepared for a garbage reply, of she replies at all.
Her even sending that last text is communication in my eyes. She could have easily just ghosted his ass like most chicks do lol
 

sazc

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Her even sending that last text is communication in my eyes. She could have easily just ghosted his ass like most chicks do lol
True
 

Senderious

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Nobody said anything about begging dude... asking her why she feels that way is not begging or throwing away self respect. Why not get your answer straight from the horses mouth as to why she had a change of heart, instead of asking us. Then you will have closure. If her answer is one you don't like, then say nothing. It's that simple
Yeah that's true, I'll consider it. On the one hand I get closure, but on the other end I can expect a garbage reply like sazc says. I think she simply missed chemistry and I should've opened up more.

But I won't get her back when doing it, which is what I want at the moment. I dated a lot of girls but these were the most fun dates I had in a while
 

MrOctober

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You did your job.

Nothing more you can do and to think about it is unproductive.

You came, you saw, you conquered.

The text thing might of been it. I'm pretty sure I had one bail due to my lack of presence recently. oh well.
 

btownbuck2012

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Concerning the timeline: we dated once every week. She sent the rejection text in the fourth week. I think it might be one of the reasons. On the third date she mentioned that her friend read our conversation and found it boring. To which I replied I'm not really into texting.

Reflecting on the dates, we always ended up having conversations about serious topics. I should've opened up more and be more witty.

On a side note: she had an LTR for five years, (from age 15 ~ 21) and was single for a year now.
^ That guy could potentially be back in the picture.
 

btownbuck2012

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^ That guy could potentially be back in the picture.
One thing that's also important to note here is that while often times getting the "I don't see this going anywhere", "let's be friends" lines after you've had sex with them, been dating a few months has to do with them seeing another guy, don't make the mistake of thinking that new guy is somehow better than you. A-lot of people have problems with intimacy and when they sense the relationship is taking that next step, this could be something as simple as having sex with you once or twice and knowing that things are headed in the LTR directions, they'll cut bait and bail. But again, don't get caught up in thinking you're inferior to whomever she is seeing now, if anyone. The infidelity is a way to sooth their intimacy problems not them moving on to something better, it's basically something new and more uncommitted.

However, it could very well be in this specific case that the old bf is back in the picture and you were a type of reboundish guy until she smoothed things over with him.

At the end of the day though, hell with her. Move on.
 

Senderious

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^ That guy could potentially be back in the picture.
One thing that's also important to note here is that while often times getting the "I don't see this going anywhere", "let's be friends" lines after you've had sex with them, been dating a few months has to do with them seeing another guy, don't make the mistake of thinking that new guy is somehow better than you. A-lot of people have problems with intimacy and when they sense the relationship is taking that next step, this could be something as simple as having sex with you once or twice and knowing that things are headed in the LTR directions, they'll cut bait and bail. But again, don't get caught up in thinking you're inferior to whomever she is seeing now, if anyone. The infidelity is a way to sooth their intimacy problems not them moving on to something better, it's basically something new and more uncommitted.

However, it could very well be in this specific case that the old bf is back in the picture and you were a type of reboundish guy until she smoothed things over with him.

At the end of the day though, hell with her. Move on.
Could be, basically anything could be the cause. I'll never know.
I should quit lingering on it and focus on my goals again. Thanks for the heads up though!
 

dude99

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You are not the only dog in the yard. She couldn't divide her attention between you and the other guys who are vying for her attention so she cut bait with one or two perhaps. Unfortunately you were one she cut bait with.
 

Juanto

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Nobody said anything about begging dude... asking her why she feels that way is not begging or throwing away self respect. Why not get your answer straight from the horses mouth as to why she had a change of heart, instead of asking us. Then you will have closure. If her answer is one you don't like, then say nothing. It's that simple
Horrible advice
 
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