Why do so many people say dating is easier for men at 28-40?

[bigdave17]

Would, or do? Are you actually DOING?

I tried online dating and got absolutely nothing out of it

I only cold approach occasionally and results are absolutely terrible

 

[bigdave17]

I'm not going to wait for your response. Here's the scoop. When I'm not getting results, I know it's usually for a lack of effort. Sometimes I get busy with other things and that's fine. Other times I've gotten lazy. We all go through slumps, but I know if I've stepped up to the plate over and over again and struck out, I'm still coming home with a grin on my face because at least I tried and learned something. But the bottom line is it's up to me. I own it. When I have success I toast myself and when I strike out I pat myself on the back and/or figure out where I went wrong and correct it. One thing I don't do is worry about the success of others.

Contrary to popular culture, it's not a zero sum game. There is pu$$y to go around, just like there is money to go around. Some guys do very very well and good for them. Some guys were born on third. Others scrapped hard for everything. I worry about me and what I'm doing with the gifts God gave me. Am I maximizing them for a life well lived? When I'm 95 and half-dead will I have a grin on my face or the face of a man who's lived a life of quiet desperation and regret?

I was going to roast you for having 3,000 posts in 18 months, but that's a cheap laugh and maybe it's not fair. After all, I'm on here too. Only you know for sure if you're out there living. Not everything has to boil down to a lay or having a girlfriend. And anyway you need to adjust your attitude first. I gotta go to bed (it's 2 a.m. here) but that's my $.02.

I have a horrible, very defeatist attitude in regards to dating

I don't know how to convince myself that dating and women are not impossible

 

[Mike32ct]

I have a horrible, very defeatist attitude in regards to dating

I don't know how to convince myself that dating and women are not impossible

Actually, that's an extremely common incel view. (I'm not judging you. We're just talking here.)

Then what happens is that some very well intentioned people try to get a guy to go from the "Women/dating is impossible" frame to a "Women/dating is easy (abundance blah blah)" frame. But it's way TOO drastic a shift that the guy isn't ready for. It's a complete (pi radian) shift.

How about just a SLIGHT shift in your view for now? Go from "Women/dating is impossible" to "Women/dating is going to be a brutally difficult mother-F-er, but I can do it."

Go from "impossible" to "extremely difficult but possible."

 

[corrector]

Or women is "impossible" in the terms that I'm prepared to invest my time, energy, money and emotional capital on. I don't think BigDave wants a Pyrrhic victory. He just wants to be able to go online, with his 9+ Armenia photo, and be able to pick up dateable women without feeling that he is at a disadvantage because he doesn't have unique European features. Otherwise he's expending more in this equation than he plans to without getting a hit to his ego and undermining what he feels he has built up for himself in terms of his value proposition.

So, yes it is impossible for BigDave otherwise, he will feel ripped off.

 

[Mike32ct]

Or women is "impossible" in the terms that I'm prepared to invest my time, energy, money and emotional capital on. I don't think BigDave wants a Pyrrhic victory. He just wants to be able to go online, with his 9+ Armenia photo, and be able to pick up dateable women without feeling that he is at a disadvantage because he doesn't have unique European features. Otherwise he's expending more in this equation than he plans to without getting a hit to his ego and undermining what he feels he has built up for himself in terms of his value proposition.

So, yes it is impossible for BigDave otherwise, he will feel ripped off.

Fair enough.

As an underdog, I love Pyrrhic victories.

But you are correct that that is probably not Dave's cup of tea.

 

[zekko]

I have a horrible, very defeatist attitude in regards to dating

I don't know how to convince myself that dating and women are not impossible

I'm not sure that game/seduction forums are the best place to hang around, then.

Guys into this stuff tend to have very bad opinions about women, and perpetuate the idea that they only want the very elite, and that any small mistake will cause you to fail. It can also lead to overthinking and over analysis, not to mention comparing yourself to other guys who appear or claim to have a better outcome than you.

 

[Totallykile]

99% of the challenge of dating is actually getting opportunities. Yea you have to be likeable/personable on a date but that's obvious common sense and let's be honest, that's not difficult at all. Once a woman likes you, you just have to be natural/comfortable/genuine and go through the normal process and you'll be fine.

If I got 3 or 4 dates with decent women, I would have a girlfriend in a week. I just get zero easy opportunities with anybody dateable

last week, this ugly fat indian girl tried like 6 times to approach me at a bar. That's the only kind of opportunities I get.

I'm no don Juan yet but if you really want to increase your chances and have a good reason to talk with woman from a 6+ spectrum get a part time job at a bar or gym or other highly social areas where the women you are looking for are. I know you dont need this job for money but it would put you in a position where they would almsot have to talk with you. See how that goes for you. . . who knows.

 

[corrector]

I'm not sure that game/seduction forums are the best place to hang around, then.

Guys into this stuff tend to have very bad opinions about women, and perpetuate the idea that they only want the very elite, and that any small mistake will cause you to fail. It can also lead to overthinking and over analysis, not to mention comparing yourself to other guys who appear or claim to have a better outcome than you.

This forum doesn't do that. Any online dating site would lead to that jaded experience when you see nobody takes you on there, and those that do have issues that would make them unsuitable, but then you feel pressured to take them because your ego just got bombed by all the ignores, no replies, etc.... or go without.

 

[zekko]

This forum doesn't do that.

This forum doesn't intend to do that, but that can be the effect for some. You talked about OLD, that's a perfect example.

Posters tell stories about how online women have far more options than guys, how they only go for the best looking 20%, how women get so much attention through social media. They talk about how these women are garbage quality, have been riding the carousel for years, and are not suitable for LTRs. You can see how some guys might find this discouraging.

 

[escaleraroyal]

It's different for everyone. FUKIN PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION.

 

[bigdave17]

It's different for everyone. FUKIN PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION.

there's just no way that dating is easier for the average 5-7 men at 30 than 16- 20, not a chance. At 16-20, you're constantly around quality women in your day to day life - this means a 1,000 times more than anything related to success and career as you get older. Now is it possible that a man could be so strong at 30 in terms of looks and willingness and ability to approach women that he has way more success than he did at 16-20? Sure but that doesn't mean things are easier. It just means he's so much stronger now that he can win a much much harder game

 

[Mike32ct]

there's just no way that dating is easier for the average 5-7 men at 30 than 16- 20, not a chance. At 16-20, you're constantly around quality women in your day to day life - this means a 1,000 times more than anything related to success and career as you get older. Now is it possible that a man could be so strong at 30 in terms of looks and willingness and ability to approach women that he has way more success than he did at 16-20? Sure but that doesn't mean things are easier. It just means he's so much stronger now that he can win a much much harder game

And young women are any LESS blackpill lol?

I think it’s even worse for young guys.

 

[corrector]

This forum doesn't intend to do that, but that can be the effect for some. You talked about OLD, that's a perfect example.

Posters tell stories about how online women have far more options than guys, how they only go for the best looking 20%, how women get so much attention through social media. They talk about how these women are garbage quality, have been riding the carousel for years, and are not suitable for LTRs. You can see how some guys might find this discouraging.

Because it also happens to be true. Do you use online dating services? I have used it since 2006 and quit about 2015 and concluded it's not for me, and that includes Christian sites like Christian cafe. This board didn't make me quit, it's the results of it. I'd say 9 years at it is quite a while. The complaints most people have about not getting much traction online is something I had since I started it in 2006 and I was 13 years younger than I am today. Garbage people I've meet, I've met women with kids, women who divorced their ex-husband who also happened to be a pastor who was praying for them to repent and return back to them who has Turner's syndrome and was like a 4.5 feet tall, I mean you can't make some of this stuff up.

The only thing that I have not done is change my profile picture to a stereotypical white guy or "Chad" and see if that dramatically changes the response as other people have done to test to see if it's their profile, or to see if women are just so superficial and shallow that they'll just look at the picture and it doesn't really matter what you write on there, etc.... I also don't have a sister or close female friend (but I know Black women struggle online as well) to see how they are doing online to compare notes. So it's fair if other people have that benefit to compare notes with a sister or close friend, or have the time to conduct elaborate experiments and post the results, then it's good information, not toxic, because it saves my time if I wanted to go that far, right?

So, let me paint the correct picture. People come on here because they already have a bad or jaded experience. People who already happy campers or natural Chads that don't have issues at all with women wouldn't even care about going on a place like this. It's not likely they would get any more discouraged.

 

[guru1000]

So, let me paint the correct picture. People come on here because they already have a bad or jaded experience. People who already happy campers or natural Chads that don't have issues at all with women wouldn't even care about going on a place like this. It's not likely they would get any more discouraged.

Negative. Chads run into issues too, just at different leagues. There is no person alive that has not been hit, not even the 21 yo Maxim 10.

Chad myth debunked.

 

[corrector]

I must be an exception. I was never jaded or had a bad experience or had issues with women before I joined Sosuave. I had strikeouts, and failures to launch, but I wasn't jaded.

...then you must be a Chadlite. This means you are Chadsplaining to us incels all along. Nice try though.

 

[zekko]

Because it also happens to be true. Do you use online dating services?

I didn't say it wasn't true. I've never used OLD, I have a girlfriend. From what I read about it here however, it doesn't sound like I'm missing much. Sounds like the most it's good for is for some guys who just want to get a quick easy lay.

I didn't say it wasn't true, I said it might be discouraging for some. Maybe not more discouraging, but still discouraging. People like Dave come here with an idea that OLD is garbage, or that women only want the most elite men, and he probably receives a lot of confirmation from what he reads here. There are a lot of black pill attitudes here.

Many say the red pill is difficult to swallow. Why do you think that is? It's because yeah, it can be discouraging, depending on your situation.

Another possible negative effect is "paralysis by analysis". Some guys get messed up from studying pickup because it gives them too much to think about, and they end up overthinking everything.

Myself, when I talk to women, I can't stand there and use like old Mystery Method stuff, where you analyze what stage you are in, and react accordingly. Because when I talk to women, my focus is turned outward, my focus is on them. If I start analyzing everything going on, that just puts me back "into my head". So I have to take a more natural approach, and rely on my instincts.

 

[guru1000]

...then you must be a Chadlite. This means you are Chadsplaining to us incels all along. Nice try though.

This is not an incel site. You should get stepping ==>

 

[corrector]

This is not an incel site. You should get stepping ==>

I never said this was an incel site, but this is an incel thread. In fact, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. You keep giving advice and then get frustrated the advice isn't listened to, and then give more advice again hoping for another outcome. I don't make these threads, I just surf them. If you are taking them seriously then you are stupid.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I never said this was an incel site, but this is an incel thread. In fact, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. You keep giving advice and then get frustrated the advice isn't listened to, and then give more advice again hoping for another outcome. I don't make these threads, I just surf them. If you are taking them seriously then you are stupid.

Biblical mindset wont work im the dating market. Even in church dating you need attraction and desire.

 

[corrector]

I didn't say it wasn't true. I've never used OLD, I have a girlfriend. From what I read about it here however, it doesn't sound like I'm missing much. Sounds like the most it's good for is for some guys who just want to get a quick easy lay.

I didn't say it wasn't true, I said it might be discouraging for some. Maybe not more discouraging, but still discouraging. People like Dave come here with an idea that OLD is garbage, or that women only want the most elite men, and he probably receives a lot of confirmation from what he reads here. There are a lot of black pill attitudes here.

You are strongly implying to say that it's not true. You don't always have to verbalize something to make a point, like it appears you are doing here.

Many say the red pill is difficult to swallow. Why do you think that is? It's because yeah, it can be discouraging, depending on your situation.

Nobody is saying a red pill is difficult to swallow. However, in an age of technology and smartphones allot of the good old seduction stuff is a bit dated now. We are not in 2005 when you have Neil Strauss' "The Game" being printed out, or the movie "Hitch" with Will Smith or 40 year-old Virgin with Steve Carell, playing in cinemas and being a big thing and people were starting to learn this thing called "game". You don't see that times have changed since then? You didn't have real black-pills or issues during that decade like today.