This kind of enlightenment always seems to happen after the end of a good relationship where you invested alot and all of a sudden you go bankrupt and are left wondering what went wrong. It forces you to take a long hard look at yourself and the things you did wrong. If you want to become a better you, and better yourself you will fix the things you think you need to fix.
Listening to advice from others helps you figure things out to an extent but when you come here and start taking the advice of others blindly and applying it and get mixed results you're left wondering WTF is going on. WTF is going on is you're not being yourself you pretending to be the person that's giving you the advice without understanding it, simply because you haven't lived it.
The goal is to take the advice and use what you think is the right advice because the reason you agree with that advice is that's the person you are and only through trials and tribulations will you learn which advice allows you to still be the person you are and which advice requires you to become a different person.
The best way to grow as a person and truly become your best self is to experience things for yourself, because only then will you truly understand them and only then will you not have to think about things and pretend to be someone else. You will just incorporate them into your life because through your experience you become the person you are.
You can pretend to be someone else and succeed in getting laid but if you want something lasting the only way you're gonna find it is to be yourself and learn from your mistakes. Sometimes they can be painful but that other old saying that "We learn from our mistakes" that's just as important as "Just be yourself"
Learn from your mistakes, embrace them, it's only through making them that you will lose your insecurities because it's only then that you will truly understand them and incorporate that into your life. Naturals aren't naturals, they're just more experienced.
If I wasn't a black belt, gunsmith, proven AA IPSC shottist, etc, I'd not be happy with me at all. I long ago achieved the things that I wanted most. Women rank several places below the things that matter most to me, and "the woman" has to be top notch in all the categories that I care about, or she doesn't rate consideration at all. the number one category? She has to really believe that I am hot stuff.