Heretolearn
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2005
- Messages
- 575
- Reaction score
- 7
ps some great posters looking out for others eg. BPD (Jophil etc).
thank you
thank you
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
I think I may be BPD too.Heretolearn said:*smiles
THank you for this thread. I NEVER believed that my experience with a BPD would ever be positive. I harbour so much anger and frustration even today. Yet one TINY silver lining is seeing this thread. With an OUNCE of my experience I would suggest RUNNING LITTERALLY away everytime you heard a BPDs name. Seriously it is THAT messed up. Not even good for fun or whatever justification you can make.
Think venom from spiderman. They are symbiotes. They make you feel powerful but suck your soul and make you weaker and dependent.
You cannot get a little bit pregnant. And you cannot mess around a little bit with a BPD.
The rattlesnake metaphor is perfect. Just avoid and focus on the better things on life. TRULY believe in yourself and that you are better than this.
A BPD in my case was a distraction from life. It can be the end of it for many!
Vlad the Impaler said:I think I may be BPD too.
Yes, I am a grown ass man but I think I may have it too. That's why I love the BPD women and I hate the women who are normal. Women are not the only one's with BPD.
What then?
jophil28 said:Vlad. That tells you all you need to know about her. Proceed at your own risk.
Here is a classic example of how a woman's history will tell a new guy how she is going to behave with him.
Expect drama, faked up hysterics, breakups and makeups.
IF you can not get emotionally involved, then continue to see her, BUT I sense that you are already invested somewhat even though you claim to be able to "control it ". Ultimately the test of being 'in control' is our ability to just walk away if the situation degenerates.
Wrong mentality!Vlad the Impaler said:Well, things deteriorated with her this weekend and I'm going to try
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
piranha45 said:Wrong mentality!
*Yoda quote*
There's nothing to "try" over. Cut communication entirely, and there's no issues left. She's going to throw you multiple drama hooks, but all you have to do is ignore them by not communicating. Communication is the only weapon she has against you. So be rational; don't feed her anything.
piranha45 said:It's easy to make the woman the scapegoat, "Oh she's BPD, this is inevitable". That way you can easily justify your behavior to yourself; you're not to blame for anything. Shes some cruel btch and you're just some hapless victim....
But you are a MAN. You take control of things and stay in control. So recognize the problem and DEAL with it--- "F*ck, I'm turning AFC, I need to straighten myself out".
By ALWAYS keeping enough mental strength in reserve to walk away from her on a moment's notice. You don't let the woman's actions dictate your life. If she steps out of line, you walk away and find a new one. You should've cut her from your life the moment that happened.Vlad the Impaler said:Yeah, I acted properly for the first two months, and then I found out she was a lying cheating hor behind my back. Not sure how a MAN can control a lying cheating woman behind our back.
piranha45 said:By ALWAYS keeping enough mental strength in reserve to walk away from her on a moment's notice. You don't let the woman's actions dictate your life. If she steps out of line, you walk away and find a new one. You should've cut her from your life the moment that happened.
Read Str8up's and Rollo Tomassi's posts in this thread, and apply them to your situation:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=163120
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
This is exactly why we all need to create for ourselves a clear and precise list of dealbreakers which we are will to apply regardless of our "feelings" for the woman.Vlad the Impaler said:I acted properly for the first two months, and then I found out she was a lying cheating hor behind my back. Not sure how a MAN can control a lying cheating woman behind our back.
I should have just manned up and dumped her. I tried that, but I still cared for her and wanted her back. That's when the AFC came out.
That is a great idea.jophil28 said:This is exactly why we all need to create for ourselves a clear and precise list of dealbreakers which we are will to apply regardless of our "feelings" for the woman.