when to send a confirmation msg

[tick37]

Say whatever the fvck you want to say and whenever you want to say it. Just don't convey that she's above you or that you're not good enough. You're not going to kiss her a$$ to get her out with you.

 

[tick37]

duplicate

 

[DonGorgon]

Agree to meet at 6 then flake ........ call the next day like all is cool and tell her that you think she is really cool but your just not sure if you have time to see her... then she will become eager.

 

[tick37]

Agree to meet at 6 then flake ........ call the next day like all is cool and tell her that you think she is really cool but your just not sure if you have time to see her... then she will become eager.

Sounds good to me. You're not losing anything by doing this because you don't have her anyway. Oh, and I've done this, and it works.

 

[ezily]

why do you have to confirm it with her? Did you guys set up a time to meet or not?

If you set up a time then just be there. If she doesn't show up then NEXT her after finding out why (if you want).

Look, she said she'd text you to tell when she'll be able to meet. If she doesn't text you she doesn't want to meet. Don't text her and give her a chance to flake.

 

[Mr. Me]

she sent back: 'I dont know they're planning to leave quite late. so I dont know.. would you like to meet tomorrow at 6?'

that seems reasonable enough except gives her another chance to flake..

I really f'd up.. cos im at the location with my prior engagement so it be convenient for her to meet, I text back 'maybe but I cant do 6 though. my meeting just finished, but I need to go shops for few hrs now so I could meet u later tonight. how late ur friends leaving?'

she got back to me and asked me when I will finish shopping. how should I respond?

I was thinking of sending 'dont know im getting a new phone so looking for a good one right now. give me a time to meet and we'll meet.'

You're really making more work for yourself and making it worse for yourself.

When she offered tomorrow at 6, that was a definite counter offer and you rejected it.

Now you're back in the vortex of trying to set something up again. You had it in your grasp and you threw it back.

Don't make up lies as excuses. Women can smell BS excuses a mile away.

Not that you should be pursuing this with someone who's known to not have much interest and flake on you in the first place.

That reasoning of yours, "except gives her another chance to flake" just doesn't make ANY sense at ALL! I mean, you're trying to get a time to meet with her, BUT wouldn't ANY thing you work out be also at the same time an opportunity for her to flake? Sure it would! So, what difference would it have made to accept her offer?

Anyway, what you're doing now is trying to arrange an "immediate date" for later tonight and that just signals that you have no other options going. Compounded with her already low interest in you, you're not doing anything here to counter act that.

What you really ought to do is walk away. But since you don't have the cajones to do that, try this: contact her and say, "Sorry. Looks like later's not good for me either. Let's touch base another time. Bye!" and then don't call her at all for a week. See if she calls. If she doesn't call by next Tuesday, then ring her and, IF you get her on the phone (IOW Don't leave any messages) THEN invite her out for the following Sunday. If she yes, great. If not, or any strings such as "let's confirm", then just drop her.

Of course, this requires patience and self-discipline.

All you're doing now is showing her how impatient you are, which is not an attractive trait, and how you are available you are to meet her whenever. She's losing more and more interest, I'll bet.

One more thought:

so it be convenient for her to meet

Maybe it would be better NOT to make things too convenient for a woman, you know? Have her show some effort. Not a lot, I don't mean make them jump through burning hoops. You really want someone to date you because hey, it's "convenient" for her? You know what I mean?

 

[tick37]

the thing bare in mind she's already semi flakey and i was only lucky that i did quite well on the phone the other night that increased her interest level a bit more..

Dude, since you think you're the lucky one, you've already failed. Forget about her and find yourself.

 

[DonGorgon]

Dude, since you think you're the lucky one, you've already failed. Forget about her and find yourself.

that was a harsh reality.

 

[MacAvoy]

I would just tell her to call you after her friends leave and leave it at that. That way your not agreeing to anything or setting yourself up for failure. That way your putting the ball back in her court and you can say you can't make it when she calls or you can accept.

This way if she's a flake, she'll likely call and say her friends are still there, then you can say thats ok, your already doing something else. This way your not setting yourself up for failure / flake by giving her a time.

 

[DonGorgon]

I would just tell her to call you after her friends leave and leave it at that. .

There is too high of a chance that her friends will not let that happen...

 

[MacAvoy]

There is too high of a chance that her friends will not let that happen...

That is EXACTLY my point. However it puts the ball in her court, Pete is already going to sit around all day waiting for her no matter what instead of going to find new plates.

He might as well put the ball in her court, that way he doesn't give another time for her to flake on, this way, if she does call, he can flake on her whereas she'll likely just call to say she can't make it but regardless, he's NOT giving her a time AGAIN.

 

[pete101]

yeah

 

[DonGorgon]

let it go...

 

[tick37]

Yes, you are AFC. Stop! Don't chase her anymore. Don't chase any women anymore. You should never ever make last minutes plans with a woman you hardly even know. You're too busy, and she isn't into you because you're not being the catch that you should be. You're being too needy and pushy.

 

[DonGorgon]

Yes, you are AFC. Stop! Don't chase her anymore. Don't chase any women anymore. You should never ever make last minutes plans with a woman you hardly even know. You're too busy, and she isn't into you because you're not being the catch that you should be. You're too needy and pushy.

We have all been there..

 

[tick37]

We have all been there..

I know that I was there once. Deep in the dismal black hole of AFCism. Most of my life, and I was so unhappy.

 

[Mr. Me]

she gives me some stupid text reply about meeting in 2010 as a joke

Not for nothing, but we oughtta get her on here to post advice because she knows how to handle this stuff better than most of you guys.

i responded straight back that I should have rephrased it as 'give me a time tonight and we'll meet.. so what time tonight?'

Which, when translated to the Woman, means = "Look! I'm chasing you now! I'm on your hook! Give me any time to meet you, any time at all. I'll be there! I am SO available!"

she didn't get back to me so I called her 20mins later she didn't pick up (surprise surprise) then 40mins later left it with

Pressure. Desperation. No self-control. Is this AFC you ask? Yes, I'd say so.

i was quite annoyed so I basically told her she's losing points with me

Like she cares.

She has to be laughing over your messages with her girlfriends.

Pete, take a break. Take some time off from women and find your center, eh?

then I said give me a time and be there. no more excuses or last min cancellations.

Gee, you might've intimidated her voice mail.

Walk away from this. This is a cat and mouse game you're in, and she's the cat.

 

[pete101]

guy

 

[tick37]

guys i dont understand what the hell is going on..

i call her now with no caller id so she doesn't know who it is (i dont think shes smart enough to realise these things yet..)

i completely make no mention of todays indiscretions and just acted c+f, i made some joke on the phone immediately and had her laughing then she says to me 'i've never met anyone like you before who's so ****y..'

i didn't know how to respond so i said 'well im not ****y and arrogant, im ****y and funny.'

i guess it raises my level a bit that she thinks im self assured.. i just need to prove it. but anyway she's meeting me tomorrow.

unless of course she cancels on me last min.. how come this girl isn't following by the rules and things you guys have been saying in regards to flaking etc?

obviously i'll be embarassed if she ends up flaking.. she sounds like a girl of high interest on the phone.. but she wont take my calls unless she doesn't know it's me.. crazy.

You're now going beyond AFC and into the world of stalker. Stop calling. You should have given her space and time to decide on her own. Now you're pushing her and being selfish. You didn't even give her a chance. You started chasing, and she started to run. They always run when you chase.

 

[trverb]

I was also that soldier once....but just realising that none of this really matters in the long run. This is just one girl of many. If you are just looking for sex get a hooker or go to a bar. If you want a relationship with her I think she has proven to you it would not be great. In my experiance the worst type of girls are the ones that constantly flake.....at least with golddiggers etc you know what your getting but with flakes your always in the dark which is where she should ideally be.

give it a stab but dont hold any expectations