What would you guys do?

[Sega Genesis]

I'm guessing all this hot-and-cold/on-off behavior is just part of the game nowadays? I don't remember women being like this when I was younger, but now it happens to me all the time--not just IRL but on apps too.

In fact, my first post on this forum was about a (surfer) girl who would talk-to/flirt-with/hit-on me on an intermittent basis for months. One day acting all into me; the next ignoring me if I tried to talk to her. She'd come back in a couple weeks and do it all again--over and over for months. I can't believe I actually entertained this nonsense for so long.

The weird thing was, even though she'd be rude and ignore me if I talked to her, she'd hover around me and constantly stare. She'd do all the things dating gurus talk about: mirror my behavior; laugh at my (even not funny) antics; hair flipping; talking loudly with her friends...it was all there, but she wouldn't mess with me beyond that.

Eventually I pretty much told her to pound sand and ignored her after that (she continued to stare tho). She chose somebody else (or maybe he was in the picture the whole time?) and moved to a different city, but right before she left she just came up to me one day and talked for like an hour. And she actually looked sad when she left. Go figure.

Maybe it's all the options girls have these days? And they just string along a "bull pen" of dudes that they pick the best out of? Maybe I should just stop interacting with surfer chicks? Who knows? LOL

Did you ever ask her out? A drink?. Ice cream? Something indicating your interest besides just talking?

She may have been waiting for/wanting that. Your behavior may have confused her too.

Sounds like she was into you though always staring and wanting to hover around you, twirling hair. Lots of non-verbal IOIs..

But yeah who knows.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP ignore her. She's a surfer chick who's into guys out of her league, has presumably been burned before by them, is shy up close, exhibits incongruent behavior, and is a psychiatrist (they often choose this profession because they're phucked up themselves, and is likely overly reading into your behavior as well). Next time you talk to her, ask her for some tylenol because she's a headache.

If you do get in a convo with her, make sure to touch her. Knowing what you've said of her though, she likely will only converse with you in depth from across a table with others around. Lol.

 

[Ottocinclus]

Did you ever ask her out? A drink?. Ice cream? Something indicating your interest besides just talking?

She may have been waiting for/wanting that. Your behavior may have confused her too.

Sounds like she was into you though always staring and wanting to hover around you, twirling hair. Lots of non-verbal IOIs..

But yeah who knows.

Asking her out wasn't possible. She would ignore all my attempts to initiate convo. Even a simple wave or "Hi" would be ignored.

Any sporadic communication would be initiated by her and be on her terms, and she would end the interaction before anything could escalate. She even hit on me a couple of times. Gave me the "eyes," and when I went up to her and tried to say something she looked down at the ground as if to say "Go away now." She was clearly doing this on purpose. One of the most bizarre interactions with the opposite sex I've ever had.

I'm guessing the reason she warmed up to me before she left is to leave the door open in case Plan A didn't work out.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Asking her out wasn't possible. She would ignore all my attempts to initiate convo. Even a simple wave or "Hi" would be ignored.

Any sporadic communication would be initiated by her and be on her terms, and she would end the interaction before anything could escalate. She even hit on me a couple of times. Gave me the "eyes," and when I went up to her and tried to say something she looked down at the ground as if to say "Go away now." She was clearly doing this on purpose. One of the most bizarre interactions with the opposite sex I've ever had.

I'm guessing the reason she warmed up to me before she left is to leave the door open in case Plan A didn't work out.

Find out her name and leave a review for her practice detailing this behavior for some good wholesome trolling

 

[Ottocinclus]

Find out her name and leave a review for her practice detailing this behavior LMAO

This is about a different girl. I was writing about a crazy woman who prompted my first post on Sosuave. I'm sure the psychiatrist has some issues, but she doesn't seem as bad as this one.

 

[Ottocinclus]

Asking her out wasn't possible. She would ignore all my attempts to initiate convo. Even a simple wave or "Hi" would be ignored.

Any sporadic communication would be initiated by her and be on her terms, and she would end the interaction before anything could escalate. She even hit on me a couple of times. Gave me the "eyes," and when I went up to her and tried to say something she looked down at the ground as if to say "Go away now." She was clearly doing this on purpose. One of the most bizarre interactions with the opposite sex I've ever had.

I'm guessing the reason she warmed up to me before she left is to leave the door open in case Plan A didn't work out.

Another interesting thing: a few days after she hit on me, I saw her hanging out with a guy with definite boyfriend energy.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Another interesting thing: a few days after she hit on me, I saw her hanging out with a guy with definite boyfriend energy.

Are you in SoCal OP?

 

[Ottocinclus]

Are you in SoCal OP?

No, SF Bay Area

 

[BillyPilgrim]

No, SF Bay Area

Tough field to play in. Best of luck. Sac town girls may be easier if you don't mind the drive. Farm girls can get easily bored.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Asking her out wasn't possible. She would ignore all my attempts to initiate convo. Even a simple wave or "Hi" would be ignored.

Any sporadic communication would be initiated by her and be on her terms, and she would end the interaction before anything could escalate. She even hit on me a couple of times. Gave me the "eyes," and when I went up to her and tried to say something she looked down at the ground as if to say "Go away now." She was clearly doing this on purpose. One of the most bizarre interactions with the opposite sex I've ever had.

I'm guessing the reason she warmed up to me before she left is to leave the door open in case Plan A didn't work out.

Omg, quit giving this girl attention

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Omg, quit giving this girl attention

OP lives in the hardest metro to game in the US. This is a typical woman's behavior there. He probably needs to relocate if women are a high priority for him.

 

[Bigpapa]

Asking her out wasn't possible. She would ignore all my attempts to initiate convo. Even a simple wave or "Hi" would be ignored.

Any sporadic communication would be initiated by her and be on her terms, and she would end the interaction before anything could escalate. She even hit on me a couple of times. Gave me the "eyes," and when I went up to her and tried to say something she looked down at the ground as if to say "Go away now." She was clearly doing this on purpose. One of the most bizarre interactions with the opposite sex I've ever had.

I'm guessing the reason she warmed up to me before she left is to leave the door open in case Plan A didn't work out.

this is called being in the back pocket

even if you saw her with another guy, it does not mean that guy was not also in the holding pattern or in her back pocket. Women whom are good at keeping guys in the backpocket n are quite good at capping things too and keeping guys in the holding pattern

Women’s Back Pocket Mentality

We’ve discussed why if the aim is to sleep with or even get into relationships with women, you’re normally better off cultivating the image of “great potential lover” rather than the image of “great potential boyfriend” that the majority of men compete on (or, even worse, “great potential...

www.girlschase.com

 

[RangerMIke]

The first thing we do when we meet someone is we decide if they are attractive or not. This is superficial and based on how they appear and present themselves. What people think is attractive is different for everyone. What I believe is attractive is different from what others think this is attractive. If someone does not think another is attractive, nothing is going to happen. It's simple math, any number multiplied by zero is zero.

Now this is an oversimplification, since when you meet someone (man or woman), it is a continuum not a black/white evaluation. But when you meet someone, you place them in a quadrant, are they 'useful' or are they 'fun'. People can be fun/useful; fun/NOT useful, NOT fun/useful, NOT fun/NOT useful. What someone considers 'fun' and 'useful' will change with each person who evaluates others.

What I consider 'fun' is going to be different with someone else. Likewise, what I consider 'useful' will also be different with others.

Having said that, back to the OP topic:

When you are engaging with a woman you are interested in romantically, it is always best to be perceived as fun because even if someone is fun but not necessarily useful is still worth spending time with... even if it is short term. Now you have no idea what any particular woman thinks is fun... so be and do things you think is fun... then she gets to decide if she wants to go along with that.

When you tap dance around trying to figure out what you are going to do... well that's not fun. Right now the OP is agonizing over what he should do... agony is not fun. Be a confident fun guy doing what you like to do. Then date and see if you can find women that fit you.

Here is what sane single women want:

fun/useful: This is the guy all sane women want.

fun/NOT useful: Good for going out, short term entertainment. She might date this man and shape him into something useful.

NOT fun/useful: Women will settle for this under certain circumstances.... she will try to make you into something she considers fun.

NOT fun/NOT useful: No sane woman wants this.

When you meet someone... be fun rather than trying to demonstrate usefulness. Usefulness is boring. We all want useful people in our lives but when that comes with boredom that gets old.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@RangerMIke "When you tap dance around trying to figure out what you are going to do... well that's not fun. Right now the OP is agonizing over what he should do... agony is not fun. Be a confident fun guy doing what you like to do"

Being coy and bashful CAN be enduring when practiced by really young gents, like so 5:03-7:04

I can only infer, based on what OP has shared, that he is NOT in his tweens-early 20s anymore, ergo his approach appears indecisive and weak. Which dries out a vijayjay faster than sending kids off to K-12, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, extinguishes any affinity for learning they might have

 

[CornbreadFed]

OP lives in the hardest metro to game in the US. This is a typical woman's behavior there. He probably needs to relocate if women are a high priority for him.

Nowhere is harder than Nashville, Tn lol. You have to look like Riley Green or Orlando Bloom to have a shot at a 5 there.

 

[BaronOfHair]

No, SF Bay Area

Relocate. The only folks hooking up in that neck of the woods from The 1970s-the present have been Village People

 

[Clockwerk50]

I'm guessing all this hot-and-cold/on-off behavior is just part of the game nowadays? I don't remember women being like this when I was younger, but now it happens to me all the time--not just IRL but on apps too.

In fact, my first post on this forum was about a (surfer) girl who would talk-to/flirt-with/hit-on me on an intermittent basis for months. One day acting all into me; the next ignoring me if I tried to talk to her. She'd come back in a couple weeks and do it all again--over and over for months. I can't believe I actually entertained this nonsense for so long.

The weird thing was, even though she'd be rude and ignore me if I talked to her, she'd hover around me and constantly stare. She'd do all the things dating gurus talk about: mirror my behavior; laugh at my (even not funny) antics; hair flipping; talking loudly with her friends...it was all there, but she wouldn't mess with me beyond that.

Eventually I pretty much told her to pound sand and ignored her after that (she continued to stare tho). She chose somebody else (or maybe he was in the picture the whole time?) and moved to a different city, but right before she left she just came up to me one day and talked for like an hour. And she actually looked sad when she left. Go figure.

Maybe it's all the options girls have these days? And they just string along a "bull pen" of dudes that they pick the best out of? Maybe I should just stop interacting with surfer chicks? Who knows? LOL

It is not. Even though "plate theory" is traditionally taught as a masculine framework designed to build an abundance mindset, women are the natural plate spinners. The underlying logic is even rooted in historical courtship where women would entertain multiple suitors while evaluating who was the best option before being exclusive with them. They would accept attention, dates, gifts, and attention from several men simultaneously, which allowed them to compare their characteristics before deciding who they wanted to commit to.

In that sense, this girl may have been attracted to you, but attraction clearly wasn't enough for her to pursue anything.

Nonetheless, keeping multiple options open isn't some new behavior created by dating apps. The thing is modern dating has made the process far easier and more visible.

 

[RangerMIke]

Being coy and bashful CAN be enduring when practiced by really young gents, like so 5:03-7:04

I can only infer, based on what OP has shared, that he is NOT in his tweens-early 20s anymore, ergo his approach appears indecisive and weak. Which dries out a vijayjay faster than sending kids off to K-12, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, extinguishes any affinity for learning they might have

Good point. Younger men can pull this off, and it comes off as cute. For me in my 50s... I might as spray on female repellant.

 

[BaronOfHair]

For me in my 50s... I might as spray on female repellant.

Worse case scenario, one can always opt for

Instead