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What is Your Stance on Getting into Committed Relationships with Single Moms?

SW15

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As men, we are supposed to be the gatekeeper to committed relationships.

Single moms are a contentious topic in the Manosphere.

I want to focus this discussion upon committed relationships and not casual sex/plating arrangements. To me, that is a different topic.

Men age 30+ are often confronted with the issue of single moms in their dating pool. This is even a relevant consideration for Millennial men now in their 30s and early 40s, despite many reports of increased childlessness in the Millennial generation.

I have noticed 4 different schools of thought of committed relationships with single moms.

1. A man will not get into any relationship with any single mom.

I call this "no single moms, no exceptions". This stance seems to work well for a lot of men. I believe that this is the best stance for any childless man. I do not understand the reason why any childless man would get into a committed relationship with a single mom.

This is a more difficult standard for a single dad to have in gatekeeping for committed relationships. Men with children from prior relationships have less bargaining power in asking for only childless women.

2. A man is open to dating any type of single mom.

There are a lot of men that fall into this category. In fact, stances 3 and 4 are variations of this.

This covers such a wide range of men with a variety of viewpoints.

I have seen instances of childless men getting into their 30s and eventually committing to a single mom with 1-2 kids. Soon after, he has his own kids with her. I do think that having your own kids with a woman who had kids from a prior relationship is less bad than committing to a single mom and never having kids with her. This path is less than ideal. I can't figure out why a childless man would do this. It seems to me like a lack of realization of his own value.

There are men who will commit to a single mom in cases where the father of the child is dead or has completely vanished from the mom's life. In those cases, there's less baby daddy drama. There are still a lot of complications with this, and it is even more complicated when the man has his own kids from a prior relationship. Blending families causes a lot of friction.

A very common scenario is a man in a committed relationship with a single mom when the father is still alive and has some joint custody arrangement.

3. A man is only open to dating single moms with older children.

I have heard men express the idea that they don't want to date a single mom with young children, but would date a single mom with older children.

The type of man who usually says this is a 40-55 year old man dating women of a similar age. He usually draws the line with kids somewhere above ages 10-14.

I don't understand this thought process too much. There are still parental issues involved with 12 year olds, 15 year olds, and 17 year olds. Children after age 10 are little bit more independent, but this arrangement still seems unpleasant.

4. A man only dates women with adult children (ages 18+)

This type of interaction is rarely discussed on SoSuave. I regularly mention it but I can't think of any other posters who mention it.

This is a type of interaction that happens with 50+ men dating women similarly aged and/or old grown to have all of her children 18+. Typically, women under 45 don't have all their children 18+.

Many older men, often with their own children 18+, think that they are avoiding single motherhood by following this path. They're not. Also, they are creating unpleasant situations between two sets of adult children. There are issues in these relationships around time spent around one or both partner's grandchildren and inheritance issues in more affluent households.

An adult child who is typically 18-early 40s isn't excited to interact with their parent's new partner at holidays or at other times with family visits. It's not a pleasant situation for the adult children.

Additionally, a lot of 20s/30s young adults in the 2000-present era often need to live at home for some part of their young adult years, which defeats the purpose of dating a woman with adult children. Also, if you're a single dad with adult children, your adult children might need to live at home too, and that can cause issues with your older woman girlfriend/wife.

Which of these 4 stances is your stance on committed relationships with single moms?
 

Young OG

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My current gf is a single mom and I’ve dated other single moms before. She has one kid. I also have a kid which I have most of the time. I’ve messed with plenty of childless women since I’ve had a kid and I feel like it’s easier for me to have a relationship with someone with a kid because they can relate more and do not demand too much of my time. If I didn’t have a kid then I would not date a single mom. I feel like childless men who date single moms are huge losers.
 

corsica

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I have the same opinion as above. I see men who date single moms as losers. Same with white men who date Asian women (Filipina the most common). You know they can't get anything better and they have to settle with something else.

Men will settle with a single mom because they think a similar-looking woman without a kid would not give them a chance. And they might be right. They think taking care or pretending they like another's man child is acceptable to getting laid.

I take no prisoners. As a 40yo man, plenty of women with children appear. It pisses me off because they mention it only after sex.
 

pipeman84

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Me personally I have no interest in them, I also don't judge unless the man claims to be an alpha with options and he goes from single mom to single mom (ie Corey Wayne). Then I'm like...WTF man? :rolleyes:

Men will settle with a single mom because they think a similar-looking woman without a kid would not give them a chance.
I don't know man, I've realized it's better not to make generalizations like this because everyone is different and wants different things out of life. I have a player friend my age who's been dating a single mom an year older than him with a 12yrs old daughter for almost a year now. He says that he can really talk and connect with her, unlike the other girls he's been with. Who am I to judge him and say >man, you're a fool, you gotta get yourself a 23yrs old virgin<, just because that's my preference? :rolleyes:
 

BadBoy89

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As a 40yo man, plenty of women with children appear. It pisses me off because they mention it only after sex.
Why would they mention it to you before sex?

In sales (movies, tv, music), the female is always young and hot and not married. The bankers know that if the female is a single mother or is married, it will ruin the fantasy of all the men and won’t make them money,

I follow the rich people. Single moms - to go for coffee with OK. To have sex with - no Dice.
 
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SW15

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I’ve had a kid and I feel like it’s easier for me to have a relationship with someone with a kid because they can relate more
I have heard other single fathers say that.

I feel like childless men who date single moms are huge losers.
It's common for red pill and black pill men to feel that way.

I see men who date single moms as losers. Same with white men who date Asian women (Filipina the most common). You know they can't get anything better and they have to settle with something else.

Men will settle with a single mom because they think a similar-looking woman without a kid would not give them a chance. And they might be right. They think taking care or pretending they like another's man child is acceptable to getting laid.
I perceive childless men are thirstier than single fathers, but there are plenty of thirsty single fathers out there. This is difficult to measure.
 

SW15

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There is one major issue for single/divorced fathers who get into relationships with single moms. Many single fathers end up spending more time parenting the single mom's prior kids than his own prior kids. That's not good.

 

BillyPilgrim

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Committed relationships with single moms suck because they view their time as being more valuable than yours. That said, any kind of committed relationship will have its issues. Single moms are good for casual. When you're dealing with the 35+ crowd, single moms are generally more pleasant than the childless ones (who will typically be too demanding or have mental issues).
 

BackInTheGame78

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Doesn't matter to me. Only interested in how the relationship is with her ex involving the kids. If they co-parent well then I am cool with it. Any type of excessive drama between them and I'm out.
 

corsica

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I have a player friend my age who's been dating a single mom an year older than him with a 12yrs old daughter for almost a year now. He says that he can really talk and connect with her, unlike the other girls he's been with...
It's because single moms know their value plummeted and now they have to "fight" for a man. There's not a plethora of options anymore. Now they have to swallow their pride and be pleasant. Even pretend if they're not. They can't complain, act biotchy, bring drama... They know they're walking on eggs and they're afraid of losing the man.

Truth is, single moms have been humbled.
 

Divorced w 3

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Not interested in it. Personally feel as if way too many women exist and I have enough on my plate taking care of my own kids. Down the line maybe someone will be lucky enough to have another kid of mine but that’s the only way it happens for yours truly. Or, put yourself in the other shoes. Imagine I have to deal with myself and I get wind my kids are not happy with the new guy. God help that guy. I don’t need that.
 
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Machine10033

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I have hooked up with single moms. Unless it’s a one time thing I am done with them.

It usually starts fine.... then you end up hearing about how awesome of a mom
She is... how she is an amazing baker, sewer, cook, gardener... and work out enthusiast....

Then you start hearing about the kid...kids.... then about the ex....

Then the texts start with the drama.... baby daddy drama, money drama, work drama... you soon find yourself exhausted listening to this drivel.

Then you realize the puss was not worth the headache....
 

Pandora

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Single moms are good for casual. When you're dealing with the 35+ crowd, single moms are generally more pleasant than the childless ones (who will typically be too demanding or have mental issues).
Exactly. Young prime feminine submissive women are rare as hell. This is especially true for average men like myself. Most attractive young women have mental issues and think they dont have to listen to you at all. Or they are fat.

Single mothers are humbled by life. If they are good mothers well atleast they got that going for them.

Like most things in life its a pick your poison scenerio but men on this forum need to stop acting like stable young women are easy to come by. Nope!
 

Pandora

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I may settle down with a single mother I alpha widowed. Met her and dated her at 18. She is 30 now. On and off crazy passionate toxic at times for 12 yrs. She got pregnant by a beta bucks and named the kid my name.

She is a great mother. Very caring to the kid. I know its far from ideal but atleast I know her very well. I just want a son and she wants to have my kid.

We can say " know you worth" etc but I been around the world 3 times lol. Women are women. Finding a young woman who is childless and is able to submit is like 5% of the population. That 5% gets taken early by the top guys.....and they STILL divorce rape those men.
 

SW15

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When you're dealing with the 35+ crowd, single moms are generally more pleasant than the childless ones (who will typically be too demanding or have mental issues).
As a man in my late 30s, I would rather deal with the childless 30 something women than the ones with a failed relationship and existing kids. It's important for me to not deal with children that are not my own.

I agree that women 35+ are often demanding and have mental issues.

However, childless women in their mid-30s to early 40s are still strongly in demand, often due to their childless status.

There will always be a market for the woman discussed in this thread below. Although she might be annoying in interactions, her childless status is in demanding. Childless + not overweight in that age range is not easy to find.

 

Pandora

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It's because single moms know their value plummeted and now they have to "fight" for a man. There's not a plethora of options anymore. Now they have to swallow their pride and be pleasant. Even pretend if they're not. They can't complain, act biotchy, bring drama... They know they're walking on eggs and they're afraid of losing the man.

Truth is, single moms have been humbled.
Preach. Bingo this is it.
 
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