Trouble with wife

[penkitten]

It's like I told my girlfriend. It's not always gonna be "My way or the highway", but half that fukking highway is mine.

thats golden. you should use that as your signature.

 

[Latinoman]

To the creator of this thread...the IMPORTANCE of "economics"...

Read the following (see post #2): http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1092820&posted=1#post1092820

 

[Vulpine]

he damn sure NEEDS her to cut up the credit cards.

*scoreboard clicks from 6 to 7*

 

[wayword]

SInce you've been married she probably feels pretty secure with you and whatever degree of control she has in regards to regulating the flow of sex.

Problem here is that misandrist divorce laws give her all the leverage here now and you both KNOW it. If you divorce, the man has everything to lose and the woman everything to gain.

Taking away a kiss or whatever isn't going to compare to her taking away half your house and 401K. Get REAL, people! These acts aren't even in the same league!

Marriage then is, by definition, the ultimate AFC act. It's voluntary financial castration.

 

[Latinoman]

Problem here is that misandrist divorce laws give her all the leverage here now and you both KNOW it. If you divorce, the man has everything to lose and the woman everything to gain.

Taking away a kiss or whatever isn't going to compare to her taking away half your house and 401K. Get REAL, people! These acts aren't even in the same league!

Marriage then is, by definition, the ultimate AFC act. It's voluntary financial castration.

Wayword...you just posted post #42,000 in the Mature Forum.

 

[azanon]

Problem here is that misandrist divorce laws give her all the leverage here now and you both KNOW it. If you divorce, the man has everything to lose and the woman everything to gain.

Even that article doesnt say that.

Taking away a kiss or whatever isn't going to compare to her taking away half your house and 401K. Get REAL, people! These acts aren't even in the same league!

I think someone thinks women dont have real jobs with real paychecks that help fund those 401Ks and mortgage payments. 1950 called; he wants his typical family setup back.

Marriage then is, by definition, the ultimate AFC act. It's voluntary financial castration.

IMNSHO, suicide is the ultimate AFC act.

 

[penkitten]

1950 called; he wants his typical family setup back.

me too

 

[Vulpine]

Vulpine just called: he wants 1950 back.

 

[wayword]

Vulpine just called: he wants 1950 back.

Well, it was kind of the "Golden Era" of America, really. Full of optimism and stable "Norman Rockwell" families. Crime was low and the Middle Class was large. Women were well-manicured, well-mannered, well-privileged and didn't have an Oprah-sized chip on their shoulder. Men were men who provided for and protected their families well.

Grace Kelly
Barbara Eden
Sandra Dee

Far from perfect, but in this world, it was pretty good times relatively speaking.

And then along came a spider...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Mmm,..hosing down civil rights activists with fire hoses in the south, segregation, a fanatical obsession with the 'red menace", blacklisting Jewish filmmakers as "communist sympathizers", McCarthyism, the Korean conflict,...ah yes the Golden Era of America.

Beware of romanticizng and idealizing yesteryears, they really weren't as magical as we'd like to remember them as.

 

[speed dawg]

Mmm,..hosing down civil rights activists with fire hoses in the south, segregation

PLEASE don't tell me you're gonna go there. I grew up in the heart of the South. Let's just say I'm armed. :trouble:

Just kidding, I try not to even partake in those type discussions anymore.

You two have your eras confused. I'd argue that Golden era ended in the 50s. The EARLY 1900s is what really was the golden years, you know, Roaring 20s and all. It's really difficult to say where the concept of family was lost and why we would do away with such a good institution. You can blame lots of problems today on broken families.

 

[Vulpine]

Every party needs a pooper.

Damn you RT... Joyrobber.

 

[Vulpine]

shoosh, shoosh, shoosh.

The louder you scream, the crazier you look. Let people see what they want to see. Some are happier in the bliss that is ignorance, wayword. Don't go joyrobbing like RT.

Just, shoosh...

 

[ElChoclo]

The others are all worthless and weak Wayword. You are the best.

In the short history of mankind, yes MANKIND, on this earth, there has been only a short time in which democracy prevailed. Before that, there were thousands of years of repression and slavery. A couple of lifetimes worth of an experiment doesn't show it will last forever. Nor will feminism last forever. This too shall pass. An aberration on the path of evolution. Evolution is the exception, extinction is the norm.

Wait a minute what does this have to do with the original question.

 

[Tazman]

I have to say Rollo, your posts on this topic are impressive, very insightful.

 

[danny62]

Wow! I'm amazed at all of the replies- some VERY helpful too. To answer some of the questions for me, I'm 44, she's 42. I was dating her for a year when we got married. I allowed my apartment lease to expire and then moved into her house- she had owned it for 6 years before I met her. I was divorced for 6 years after having been with my first wife for 8 years. I have no kids(I got fixed during my first marriage) and a relatively small personal credit card debt. (About 3k)She has hers, I have mine. I purposely kept it that way too and now you know why. I was NOT desperate to be married again- trust me, and my current wife pretty much approached me about getting married- no b.s. Most of her debt was incurred before we got married although she has tacked on about 8k to hers in the last year. I am for the most part laid-back, although my temper can be volcanic at times: No, I've never hit her or any other woman in my life although I did beat the hell out of a fan and lawn chair recently. Actually, I killed the fan. Hope this answers all of the questions. BTW, what is an AFC? I doubt its the American Football Conference and it probably ain't good. I also want to thank everyone for their replies- some pretty funny stuff too.

 

[dietzcoi]

Danny62

Please explain what you thought you would GAIN by remarrying? Sounds like you just wnet along with her wishes?

Dietzcoi

 

[Latinoman]

Wow! I'm amazed at all of the replies- some VERY helpful too. To answer some of the questions for me, I'm 44, she's 42. I was dating her for a year when we got married. I allowed my apartment lease to expire and then moved into her house- she had owned it for 6 years before I met her. I was divorced for 6 years after having been with my first wife for 8 years. I have no kids(I got fixed during my first marriage) and a relatively small personal credit card debt. (About 3k)She has hers, I have mine. I purposely kept it that way too and now you know why. I was NOT desperate to be married again- trust me, and my current wife pretty much approached me about getting married- no b.s. Most of her debt was incurred before we got married although she has tacked on about 8k to hers in the last year. I am for the most part laid-back, although my temper can be volcanic at times: No, I've never hit her or any other woman in my life although I did beat the hell out of a fan and lawn chair recently. Actually, I killed the fan. Hope this answers all of the questions. BTW, what is an AFC? I doubt its the American Football Conference and it probably ain't good. I also want to thank everyone for their replies- some pretty funny stuff too.

Danny...getting into an $8K debt in a matter of 12 months is a scary thought.

Let's assume she adds 25% of that per year? That's about $2K per year. That adds up. Let's say she dumps you and stop paying those bills...and let's say she dumps you in 5 years (or you dump her). That's what? $10K + the 8K for a total of $18K! Plus interests! How can YOU buy a new house like that? What about YOUR retirement?

Furthermore, you would be 50! And quite possibly, it might take you a year or two to recover from this hell. So, 52 and starting all over again.

It seems to me that you can actually sit down with her and try and put some logic in her brain, just for sake of the marriage. But my guess is that she is not going to change.

Then, you might want to consider doing some arrangments...such as making sure you are PROTECTED (e.g. credit cards, etc., etc. bank accounts...etc., etc.)

Men...you are a young man. You could have found a woman in her 30s!

 

[penkitten]

danny,
my husband and i have been together and living together about the same amount of time as you and your wife, however we didnt marry until june of 06.

if i were to put lets say 100-200 bucks on my credit card, he would roll his eyes at me, and i would know it would be my responsibility to repay those debts on my own credit. however, if i were to put any more than that on there, he would down right kick my ass. to be quite honest, all the debts on my credit cards are things i charged prior to our wedding to help pay for our wedding and honeymoon. (we paid for everything ourselves like most people do these days) we get our tax refund in a few days and i have already been instructed to pay my cards off in full, and to not use them again unless there is an dire emergency. he explained to me how high the interest rate is and thats why many people can not get them paid off. then he explained how anything that is charged needs to be paid off before the actual statement comes out in order not to incure interest charges. before this conversation, i thought that by paying the monthly payments, it would build my credit up. duh, gullible! perhaps your wife has never really had anyone explain it in a way that she could understand and thoughtfully before either. even though the credit cards are all in my name with my debts, you should see him, so happy to be out from under the debt of them , now that they will be paid in full in the very near future. i hope this helps.

 

[Latinoman]

Penkitten...

Your husband did a great job explaining you things.

Remember, the HUGE difference between you (a 29-year old woman, recently married) and her (a 42-year old woman, with a history of debts, and a divorce). You changed because you were still learning the way. That woman is NOT going to change unless something drastic happens.

8,000 dollars in ONE year is RIDICULOUS and scary.