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Totally ****ed up with gf

backseatjuan

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She is type of women who never forgets any little thing. She still hits me with things from little arguments we had earlier in the relationship in later arguments. How do I deal with this type of women it feels like a tactic to divert from the actual arguement and gain the upper hand
There you go, you weeded out a rat out of your life. I'm sorry that you have vag deficit at the moment, I'm sure if you find another vag your perspective will change you will stop crying and btching how miserable your life is and how much you want that hole back. She has red flags, move on.
 

stringpuller

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Hi all. I’ve totally ****ed things up in my 2 year relationship. The ending of the relationship is my fault been abit of a prick the past year tbh and topped it off 3 wk ago when my gf tried to talk about being disheartened with our relationship and me not asking her to stay over during lockdown etc. Anyways as there is a lack of opportunity to meat new women due to current climate and pandemic and having full balls I’ve went crawling cap in hand. She txt me this and I know the writing is on the wall but any advise?

Unfortunately what's done is done. And I know your finding it hard but I'm not exactly finding it easy either. But I can't help how I feel and I can't forgot what's happened in the past and I don't feel like I can ever move on from some stuff or make a fresh start as things will always still be in the back of my head bugging me and that kind of stuff eats away at you. I appreciate you seeing how things have gone wrong. I do wish you all the best in the future and all the best with your relationship with your daughter

I think it’s game over personally and haven’t replied for this morning as not much point
Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Rational Male book1

Apply rule now
 

MILLY1985

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I'm not disagreeing with you, but isn't this trait shared by all women?
It's even described in literature (The way of the superior man) as a female trait.
You can be flawless for 10 years but if you fvcked up last week then those 10 years are irrelevant because all that matters is what you did last week because that's how she feels and how she feels, well, that must be the truth!
Thoughts?
I think this is true tbh. It’s her birthday on 6 days. Do I do anything or not? I know the answer just will probs feel bad she spent like 1k on me in December
 

bcude

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I think this is true tbh. It’s her birthday on 6 days. Do I do anything or not? I know the answer just will probs feel bad she spent like 1k on me in December
This is a common question and a trap for many guys. No contact means 100% no contact, including holidays and birthdays.
I'll give you a good tip that will guide you back on track as soon as you're unsure of what to do.
Do the opposite of what you feel after a breakup and you'll be fine.
 

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MILLY1985

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Woke up today to 2 txts of said girl and 7 missed calls
1st txt. Can I call please
2nd txt. Nevermind. Bye.

please advise ain’t replied or called back yet
 

Lookatu

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There you go, you weeded out a rat out of your life. I'm sorry that you have vag deficit at the moment, I'm sure if you find another vag your perspective will change you will stop crying and btching how miserable your life is and how much you want that hole back. She has red flags, move on.
This.
From everything I read, she was toxic and not the right woman for you. Be glad she didn't WASTE more than 2 years of your life. You're still young and easily marketable and able to reel in real quality woman as long as you can get over your oneitis.

No contact, and look forward. Not backwards. Keep looking, do not give up or sulk in what you perceive something you lost. You've gained your freedom, sanity, and a better future. Persistence and don't give up. :up:
 

mrgoodstuff

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Woke up today to 2 txts of said girl and 7 missed calls
1st txt. Can I call please
2nd txt. Nevermind. Bye.

please advise ain’t replied or called back yet
Woke up today to 2 txts of said girl and 7 missed calls
1st txt. Can I call please
2nd txt. Nevermind. Bye.

please advise ain’t replied or called back yet
Where you fvcking her often?
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

What’s the status now? Obviously you have oneitis...and obviously you were energized to see her contact you. This is the narcissist dynamic. You go radio silent. You remain radio silent. For the first few days or so she is thinking, great! I’m giving him the silent treatment...especially if you are still reaching out...this gives her fuel and validation. She thinks she holds all the cards...BUT...as you continue radio silence the tables turn in slow motion.

As the tables turn she realizes you might actually be gone, she might actually be replaceable, etc. So after a time she feels you have withdrawn your attention and she will start reaching out to see if she can still hook you.

You are best to remain NC. If you respond you validate her. I’m betting you guys are talking. My recent relationship had this dynamic from his side. He ALWAYS came back...then we’d start talking etc., and the whole cycle started again...

You need to decide what you want in your life. This has devolved into a toxic dynamic and trauma bond. Those bonds can be hard to break, especially if she’s attractive and the sex is hot.

But it’s unlikely to improve. You’re setting yourself up for more of the same unless you fundamentally develop strong frame, which means you DO NOT CARE if she leaves you or the relationship ends. I don’t think you have the chops to hold frame and quit being too nice right now based on what you’ve stated.

My guess is y’all are in touch and so forth...
 

Toddz

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Woke up today to 2 txts of said girl and 7 missed calls
1st txt. Can I call please
2nd txt. Nevermind. Bye.

please advise ain’t replied or called back yet
Her second text and calling you 7 times is quite revealing and child like behavior.

If it were me, I would block her number.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Advice from the old lady:

What’s the status now? Obviously you have oneitis...and obviously you were energized to see her contact you. This is the narcissist dynamic. You go radio silent. You remain radio silent. For the first few days or so she is thinking, great! I’m giving him the silent treatment...especially if you are still reaching out...this gives her fuel and validation. She thinks she holds all the cards...BUT...as you continue radio silence the tables turn in slow motion.

As the tables turn she realizes you might actually be gone, she might actually be replaceable, etc. So after a time she feels you have withdrawn your attention and she will start reaching out to see if she can still hook you.

You are best to remain NC. If you respond you validate her. I’m betting you guys are talking. My recent relationship had this dynamic from his side. He ALWAYS came back...then we’d start talking etc., and the whole cycle started again...

You need to decide what you want in your life. This has devolved into a toxic dynamic and trauma bond. Those bonds can be hard to break, especially if she’s attractive and the sex is hot.

But it’s unlikely to improve. You’re setting yourself up for more of the same unless you fundamentally develop strong frame, which means you DO NOT CARE if she leaves you or the relationship ends. I don’t think you have the chops to hold frame and quit being too nice right now based on what you’ve stated.

My guess is y’all are in touch and so forth...
@BeExcellent is there anyway to truly have a woman who dumped you come back and you end up with the upper hand? Just as a point of reference. Say it was a situation that was your fault in creating that she dumped you...say cheating or finding out you were with someone else, still married, etc and that was the reason for her leaving not the actual relationship with her itself?

Possible or not? And if so how?
 

MILLY1985

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I’ve not contacted btw. Have remained radio silence. It’s her birthday in 3 days. She likely wanted to make up to ensure I spoilt her. That’s my gut instinct
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Yes whenever I wanted she never ever once refused sex. Basically as much as I wanted as often as I wanted. Some days 4 or 5 times
So other than those nagging texts you had it good? I don't think thats too great a cost.
 

BeExcellent

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@BeExcellent is there anyway to truly have a woman who dumped you come back and you end up with the upper hand? Just as a point of reference. Say it was a situation that was your fault in creating that she dumped you...say cheating or finding out you were with someone else, still married, etc and that was the reason for her leaving not the actual relationship with her itself?

Possible or not? And if so how?
Yes is the short answer. I’m headed to get drinks with a girlfriend. I will expound later. Basically it depends on how deeply she cares for the man, how much she loves him.

Women can love deeply despite the board thinking otherwise, lol.

More later, promise. Cheers
 

HyenaPrince

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Yes is the short answer. I’m headed to get drinks with a girlfriend. I will expound later. Basically it depends on how deeply she cares for the man, how much she loves him.

Women can love deeply despite the board thinking otherwise, lol.

More later, promise. Cheers
Yes. Women can and do love. They love their own idea of the man and how this idea makes them feel. That's why looks isn't at the top of their list when it comes to choosing a partner. Men are primarily driven by physical characteristics in women. When a woman isn't, let's say humorous or successful with her career, the majority of men will still be able to love her, as long as she's physically attractive to them.

The same thing doesn't work vice versa. If you're an attractive guy you will obviously attract more women than an average or below average looking guy. But if you're not driven, funny and charismatic, you will lose your woman sooner or later (probably sooner than later).
 
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