"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Ottocinclus

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I'm kinda new to bar approaches. So I was out last night. I order a drink at a bar, and I notice two girls next to me. Both shot me a couple of quick glances. This normally seems like a signal to approach, but they kept their backs turned toward me and just kept facing each other and/or the bar.

I guess I should have just found a way to break into their circle? Tap on the shoulder? Say something louder to get their attention? Or do I even bother unless they are facing me and at least smiling?
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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CornbreadFed

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I'm kinda new to bar approaches. So I was out last night. I order a drink at a bar, and I notice two girls next to me. Both shot me a couple of quick glances. This normally seems like a signal to approach, but they kept their backs turned toward me and just kept facing each other and/or the bar.

I guess I should have just found a way to break into their circle? Tap on the shoulder? Say something louder to get their attention? Or do I even bother unless they are facing me and at least smiling?
Find a wingman or group to go out with. The last bar success I had was a similar situation with two women in some corner. I approached them and said my friend wanted to buy them a shot, and they accepted. That broke the ice; they joined our group for the night and ended up fvcking both of them that night lol. I had no visual cues or any of this BS IOIS I keep seeing regurgitated on this forum. Just two women minding their own business at some table by themselves.
 

zekko

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I approached them and said my friend wanted to buy them a shot, and they accepted.
Lol, did your friend know about it? Kind of brilliant if not, throws all the rejection risk on him. :)
 

Ottocinclus

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Yeah, the only success I've ever had was when I was with my "wing man." It's funny, he's pretty much an incel. I can't figure out why. He's decent looking and has his own business. But he'll approach and entertain anybody, and that's when I'd slide in. Every night I was with him I'd at least get a make out (not with him LOL).

Funny, I think he got mad about this, since he doesn't want to hang out at night with me anymore. Now I'm stuck solo. I guess it's just as well. I should find people that actually have game to hang out with, or at least people with good social circles.
 

Ottocinclus

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I'm just wondering in general, too. I watch women at bars, and it seems like they're scoping out guys and want to be approached, but when a guy they were looking at gets near they just turn away and act like he isn't there.

Seems counterproductive LOL
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Plinco

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I'm kinda new to bar approaches. So I was out last night. I order a drink at a bar, and I notice two girls next to me. Both shot me a couple of quick glances. This normally seems like a signal to approach, but they kept their backs turned toward me and just kept facing each other and/or the bar.

I guess I should have just found a way to break into their circle? Tap on the shoulder? Say something louder to get their attention? Or do I even bother unless they are facing me and at least smiling?
You just have to immerse yourself and embrace the feelings of shame, guilt, and/or fear. The good news is that anything you start, you tend to finish, so just get started. Just accept the embarrassment of the first few you do.
 

BaronOfHair

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@Ottocinclus "I guess I should have just found a way to break into their circle?"

Walking up, and uttering words to the effect of "Yo", "Sup", any variation thereof is MORE underrated than deriding Bible and Koran humpers as blockheads to their faces

Give it a whirl
 

The Duke

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I'm kinda new to bar approaches. So I was out last night. I order a drink at a bar, and I notice two girls next to me. Both shot me a couple of quick glances. This normally seems like a signal to approach, but they kept their backs turned toward me and just kept facing each other and/or the bar.

I guess I should have just found a way to break into their circle? Tap on the shoulder? Say something louder to get their attention? Or do I even bother unless they are facing me and at least smiling?
I would lean in and make a funny comment then go from there. Nothing complicated but it needs to be somewhat humorous or interesting. It needs to be engaging.

Yeah, the only success I've ever had was when I was with my "wing man." It's funny, he's pretty much an incel. I can't figure out why. He's decent looking and has his own business. But he'll approach and entertain anybody, and that's when I'd slide in. Every night I was with him I'd at least get a make out (not with him LOL).

Funny, I think he got mad about this, since he doesn't want to hang out at night with me anymore. Now I'm stuck solo. I guess it's just as well. I should find people that actually have game to hang out with, or at least people with good social circles.
You should have thrown your friend a bone. Help each other out. My wing (who was great at openers) and I would figure out what girl liked who the best and try and make the match happen. I was never going to get in his way if it meant he had a better chance because he was a better fit for whatever girl we were talking to.
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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