The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[spred]

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

 

[dude99]

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

Keep your head high.

I am starting today NC.
Background: met online, lived in different cities at the time, chatted for a year, she initiated.
After one year she asked me out, went ok. Kept contact (still different cities). 2nd date this X-mas, 3rd and 4th January.
Kept chatting and calling each other, she was interested. Made some mistakes lately, she started to pull away. Flaked last 2 dates, I left it at Call me when you t are available. Silence on texting.
Met today for errand, she is cold.

NC for reattraction.
Set up today day 1 date with another, intend to go dancing class and work out.
I keep you updated.

Use the NC to heal. It sounds like she has already moved on to someone else. Going cold for no reason tells you everything you need to know about her true nature.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself



So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

“ “

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers

Hey Lotus, your reply to her was way too much and too deep. You should be playing it cool and showing indifference.

The reply made you seem to eager to find resolution in order to ease your pain. I get it, I used to do that. I just couldn’t resist back then.

A simple “Good morning” would have started filling her with mystery and uncertainty. It would be better to minimize conversation and let things unfold at a natural pace.

 

[spred]

Day 2/60
Things are well, started to forget.
Interesting how the mind ****s with you, start the day with no negative stuff, then she comes back into mind one time, two times, then constantly. After a few hours on my mind, the illusion of actions becomes obvious, the little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny

 

[dude99]

Day 2/60
little devil on the shoulder wants me to check out messages, her social media,....
Is almost funny

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.

 

[Barrister]

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.

Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.

 

[spred]

Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.

In my case it's the opposite, she pulled away and is silence across social media and messages. I am doing NC to reattract, we didn't break up.

This is why there is the need to block her on all social media. The temptation to look only prolongs your healing.

I broke NC to text her some important info (we dont have any common friends or aquaintances ), it was a covid test result. She took her time to respond, but the response was warm and caring (in contrast to her behaviour from yesterday when we met). She is clearly playing games.
So I am back to day 0 tomorrow.

 

[dude99]

Most women go out of their way to make their life look extra wild and crazy following a breakup. Usually with some bullsh1t tags like "#livingmybestlife" or some other equivalent nonsense. It is all a smokescreen and not remotely accurate. Also many times intentionally including some random guy in a picture with them to elicit a response from us as the ex. It is all so predictable. In sum - you are absolutely correct that there is no reason to look and may as well just block them.

Truth. Whether or not they are "#livingthebestlife" or "#livingthebestLIE" Their ententions are to hurt you. Why give them the chance to?

 

[dude99]

In my case it's the opposite, she pulled away and is silence across social media and messages. I am doing NC to reattract, we didn't break up.


I broke NC to text her some important info (we dont have any common friends or aquaintances ), it was a covid test result. She took her time to respond, but the response was warm and caring (in contrast to her behaviour from yesterday when we met). She is clearly playing games.
So I am back to day 0 tomorrow.

Indeed she is. Don't let her.

Did she really need to know the results of your covid test? It is no longer her business what goes on in your life.

If she was worried about getting covid from you or anyone for that matter she can get tested herself. You owe her nothing moving forward

 

[viking22]

Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.

 

[dude99]

Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.

Time to put a fork in it. This one is done. You need to block and unfollow and delete her contacts and go date other women.

Never put or ask to put a label on things when you are facking a chick. That is her job. You just focus on facking her. Besides It was only 3 months. You don"t even know if you even like a girl at 3 -6 months yet. She should still be proving herself to you.

I remember one time a chick asking me after we were dating for a month and a half "what are we? Are we a couple or what?" My reply to her was "it's only been a month and a half. I am still getting to know you. I don't know the real you yet." And on the surface she was angry and was trying to get me to commit to her right there. I held my ground and held my frame and told her if she was in a hurry for something that i wasn't ready for then i would show her the door. She spent the next year being as sweet as pie. Some times you just have to stand your ground.

When she said "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term," you should have answered with "whew i am glad it's not just me. I didn't want to rush this decision but i agree there is nothing here. Since you feel the same, You take care and good luck."

Then flushed her number deleted her contacts then blocked her on all social media and immediately started going out with new women.

 

[DontThinkTwice]

Hey guys
Has anyone had any success with NC after a STR? I was with this girl for 4 months or so.

Things went OK the first 3 months. She wasn't super into me but we were spending a lot of time together, she was texting me a lot and we were having regular sex. Then I made the mistake of bringing up relationship labels and she started pulling away and acting cold and distant. I got confused and upset and this made things worse and the final month she was tired and moody and bitchy most of the time and eventually she gave me the "i feel something is missing" "i dont feel we have a strong enough connection" "I dont think we are compatible in the long term" excuses and broke up.

As soon as she broke up she stopped texting me. I slipped a few times texting her to say I missed her etc and she replied in a polite but dismissive manner. I tried again a few months later with an ice breaker and she replied saying it was a bit odd to hear from me as I didn't text her on her birthday and it is not very consistent and then when I tried to continue the conversation ended it abruptly saying "Take care of yourself". And 2 months later nothing from her since.

Occasionally I check her social media and she is clearly dating other guys and she's updated her dating profile on the dating app we met on.
So seems like she has moved on. But we shared a lot of memories in the time we were together spending Christmas together and New Years and spending a lot of time together going places and doing things and it kinda hurts she doesn't want to at least be friends or catch up or at least have some curiosity why I haven't been contacting her since.

"Iron Rule of Tomassi #6: Women are utterly incapable of loving a man in the way he expects to be loved."

You are upset she is able to disconnect from you so easily. Women love opportunistically. You need to be the badass. You need to seem better than her and you putting a label on the relationship means you need her more than she needs you. "We don't have a connection... feel like something is missing... just doesn't feel right... doesn't have that spark..." whatever... all of it is emotional ******** for I think I can do better, and your follow-ups post relationship validated that.

I know you feel like dog****. I have been where you are and realizing this chick means very little is easier said than done. What you need to realize is that a woman will never make you happy. And even if you two were to get back together and get married, a couple years from now, you'd realize she still doesn't make you happy. Focus on your purpose and women will want to be a part of your life. Focus on the gym, making money, your passions, learning game, talking to women (purposely plural). These are the things that will bring male fulfillment.

Some books that helped me, The Way of the Superior Man, No More Mr. Nice Guy, The Rational Male.

 

[Questies]

Day 1 for me, after a bizarre experience. Was seeing a pretty slvtty woman for about 7 months, the first 8 of which were very casual, we'd meet maybe every 3 weeks or so, hook up, chat a bit in between not every day though..basically fwb. She had various others, no problem. About 4 months in she started showing signs of having some feelings, and we started meeting more often and chatting a lot more, then about the 5 to 6 month point she asked about having a relationship, something never mentioned before. Suddenly she changed and became much more friendly, and happy, and at month 6 I said ok let's give it ago! This is where it all went insane for the following and final 4 weeks. It culminated with me making a joke about her cheating on me, and instead of laughing she looked frozen for a second and I knew it had happened. But she refused for 2 hours to admit it, making all sorts of excuses for the hesitation, and I gave up. At the end of the night she said it was because she had slept with her neighbour just before we got together and felt guilty. Fair enough, but I was annoyed she hadn't said so earlier. Anyway, the next day I woke to a message admitting it wasn't then, it was the night before! No Apology, just loads of excuses about how she had been depressed and just had to get out of the house as she was having an emotional meltdown and wanted to self harm, and it was the only place she could go to be safe and it just happened. She was right, there was an hour gap in the messages that night and she admitted leaving the house straight after messaging me, then messaging again for a while straight on returning. I was pretty taken aback and as we talked she admitted that she'd realised she was going to do it, to feel better, and messaged before and after "to cover myself so you wouldn't guess...because I didn't want you to be hurt" Thanks! She also said she thinks she might have bpd, was high on drugs at work a lot of the time, and acted crazy and a bit violent. "I need lies and secrets in my life to feel in control, but I don't want to be like that so it won't ever happen again". Of course, I couldn't accept that or spend my life wondering, and so it was over. What was interesting was the total lack of remorse, just sorry it had caused an argument. She went from 'it just happened' to 'i deliberately covered it up and did it because I wanted to but I feel guilty now so won't do it again". She said "What I want ideally is to be free to do what I want, and you to be monogamous..but I know I can't". No apology or real remorse, it was crazy. I miss her but I'm glad I found out so early what she is really like, and there was no going back. She wanted a relationship so I wouldn't leave, not because she actually wanted it! And kind of admitted that. Frustrating though, it was all great until she decided to make a relationship of it and then ruin everything.

 

[DontThinkTwice]

Day 1 for me, after a bizarre experience. Was seeing a pretty slvtty woman for about 7 months, the first 8 of which were very casual, we'd meet maybe every 3 weeks or so, hook up, chat a bit in between not every day though..basically fwb. She had various others, no problem. About 4 months in she started showing signs of having some feelings, and we started meeting more often and chatting a lot more, then about the 5 to 6 month point she asked about having a relationship, something never mentioned before. Suddenly she changed and became much more friendly, and happy, and at month 6 I said ok let's give it ago! This is where it all went insane for the following and final 4 weeks. It culminated with me making a joke about her cheating on me, and instead of laughing she looked frozen for a second and I knew it had happened. But she refused for 2 hours to admit it, making all sorts of excuses for the hesitation, and I gave up. At the end of the night she said it was because she had slept with her neighbour just before we got together and felt guilty. Fair enough, but I was annoyed she hadn't said so earlier. Anyway, the next day I woke to a message admitting it wasn't then, it was the night before! No Apology, just loads of excuses about how she had been depressed and just had to get out of the house as she was having an emotional meltdown and wanted to self harm, and it was the only place she could go to be safe and it just happened. She was right, there was an hour gap in the messages that night and she admitted leaving the house straight after messaging me, then messaging again for a while straight on returning. I was pretty taken aback and as we talked she admitted that she'd realised she was going to do it, to feel better, and messaged before and after "to cover myself so you wouldn't guess...because I didn't want you to be hurt" Thanks! She also said she thinks she might have bpd, was high on drugs at work a lot of the time, and acted crazy and a bit violent. "I need lies and secrets in my life to feel in control, but I don't want to be like that so it won't ever happen again". Of course, I couldn't accept that or spend my life wondering, and so it was over. What was interesting was the total lack of remorse, just sorry it had caused an argument. She went from 'it just happened' to 'i deliberately covered it up and did it because I wanted to but I feel guilty now so won't do it again". She said "What I want ideally is to be free to do what I want, and you to be monogamous..but I know I can't". No apology or real remorse, it was crazy. I miss her but I'm glad I found out so early what she is really like, and there was no going back. She wanted a relationship so I wouldn't leave, not because she actually wanted it! And kind of admitted that. Frustrating though, it was all great until she decided to make a relationship of it and then ruin everything.

Judge women by their past. She belongs to the streets.

 

[Anti-Simp Equation]

Men, stop over complicating No Contact. It’s actually very easy. The reason so many men make it complicated is because they are invested in some way or another.

Think about it, how many men are worried about going No Contact if a telemarketer doesn’t contact them? Exactly, because the man is not invested. Men also need to stop “applying” No Contact in hopes of getting the girl to come back. That has to be the weakest mindset ever.

No contact = Delete her number, delete her photos, block her number, delete anything related to her, no keeping tabs on her, and MOVE ON (forever).

 

[Barrister]

Men, stop over complicating No Contact. It’s actually very easy. The reason so many men make it complicated is because they are invested in some way or another.

Think about it, how many men are worried about going No Contact if a telemarketer doesn’t contact them? Exactly, because the man is not invested. Men also need to stop “applying” No Contact in hopes of getting the girl to come back. That has to be the weakest mindset ever.

No contact = Delete her number, delete her photos, block her number, delete anything related to her, no keeping tabs on her, and MOVE ON (forever).

While I agree with what you said in principle, nothing about No Contact is easy. You are weening yourself off of a "drug" - and most men are "addicts" to their exes in this same manner. The sex, the emotional rollercoaster these women put us through (generally caused by their cluster B traits), etc. -- all of these things are things that your brain is used to and thinks it needs. So suddenly cutting it off cold turkey is not easy in the least. It is still the RIGHT decision to make - but it is hard as hell.

Men have to realize it is the right decision though and that No Contact is the quickest way to heal and the quickest way for them to get their lives back on track. This thread is here for us to support men going through that and make them understand that speaking to their exes is feeding that addiction and making it impossible to move on. Hence why No Contact is so important post-breakup and must be maintained for healing to occur.

 

[DontThinkTwice]

While I agree with what you said in principle, nothing about No Contact is easy. You are weening yourself off of a "drug" - and most men are "addicts" to their exes in this same manner. The sex, the emotional rollercoaster these women put us through (generally caused by their cluster B traits), etc. -- all of these things are things that your brain is used to and thinks it needs. So suddenly cutting it off cold turkey is not easy in the least. It is still the RIGHT decision to make - but it is hard as hell.

Men have to realize it is the right decision though and that No Contact is the quickest way to heal and the quickest way for them to get their lives back on track. This thread is here for us to support men going through that and make them understand that speaking to their exes is feeding that addiction and making it impossible to move on. Hence why No Contact is so important post-breakup and must be maintained for healing to occur.

Very true. We are also trained in the matrix to idolize love, find our soulmate, and serve women. I think our "protective instincts" for women play a huge role in men's attachment issues. And then if you aren't great with women, you're going to go through sex withdrawal. Then you see that girl is seeing other men and already moved on, so throw jealousy and territorial instincts in there. Perfect ****tail for depression.

"Men love idealistically. Women love opportunistically."

 

[justanub]

Feel bad and regret that all the times spent together were wasted and feel that many more good times could be created in the future. Enjoyed the time spent together as i felt that she was my lover my friend and my other self that i could share all good things with. Feel like she was mine in heart and soul. All the laughs and joy we shared feel eternal and unforgettable all the hugging and nights shared together that I can never get back. Reason why I want to share this with her is because I miss her and want her to know that.





Want to call her and ask if she needs me to order food for her in case she doesn’t have any more money… Want to ask how she’s doing and if she’s ok…. Tell her i’m worried because she’s working late and has to get a driver to come pick her up…



Feel regret and miss the comfort and consistency of the relationship. Miss the late night calls and sleeping together while the call is ongoing

 

[suavymente]

This is so toxic it isnt allowing me to sleep. I barely manage to fall asleep but I wake up after 3-4 hours and then my brain keeps on thinking what do I do? It's day 2 of breakup and no contact.

 

[SoSuave666]

Feel bad and regret that all the times spent together were wasted and feel that many more good times could be created in the future. Enjoyed the time spent together as i felt that she was my lover my friend and my other self that i could share all good things with. Feel like she was mine in heart and soul. All the laughs and joy we shared feel eternal and unforgettable all the hugging and nights shared together that I can never get back. Reason why I want to share this with her is because I miss her and want her to know that.





Want to call her and ask if she needs me to order food for her in case she doesn’t have any more money… Want to ask how she’s doing and if she’s ok…. Tell her i’m worried because she’s working late and has to get a driver to come pick her up…



Feel regret and miss the comfort and consistency of the relationship. Miss the late night calls and sleeping together while the call is ongoing

There’s no such thing as relationship equity. All those memories you had are because of the different ways men and women love each other. Until you find another woman who is as good or better than your ex, you will look back at those memories idealistically. Eventually when you find someone new, you will look back on those memories with fondness, but emotional detachment.

I think back on all my relationships with fondness and as learning experiences. But I have no emotional attachment anymore, I don’t want the women anymore. You will feel the same over time. I recommend taking some time for yourself. But then you need to go out and meet and engage with women. It will be difficult at first, but in combination with no contact it is absolutely the right way to go.