The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Aurora Demon]

Hmmm.. I think I have the book. What would you rate it 1-10 in how much it helped you keep the 'no contact' and emotionally get over this pair-bond?

 

[bobafatt]

Hmmm.. I think I have the book. What would you rate it 1-10 in how much it helped you keep the 'no contact' and emotionally get over this pair-bond?

The book is worth reading just to keep you in your centre and think about positive things. Remember to do NC for you and your own self improvement! There is also a good channel on youtube called coach lee - the videos and comments on there i find encouraging when im feeling down.

 

[bobafatt]

It's coming up to two weeks of NC, the first week wasn't so bad but I have particularly found the last couple of days difficult. I have found myself thinking about her more than I should. I am very committed to eating healthy and exercising regularly but it's usually the time before bed or waking up first thing in the morning which are hard, especially when you know you've been dreaming about them all night.

I keep analyzing the break up, questioning whether I did the right thing or not. I have to remind myself that it was her who didn't know what she wanted, felt lost and needed space. Originally she agreed to the idea of a break but i couldn't bring myself to go through with that, that is why I met her two weeks ago and told her that it was best that we both moved on and let go. I told her in no uncertain terms that i would be keeping in contact with her and because of the way she felt that it would be up to her to get in contact with me.

She is very stubborn so even if she wanted to she probably wont get in touch, It has been a long two weeks, it's the longest we've gone in 2.5 years that we haven't spoken to each other. She has blocked me on the majority of social sites and i have deleted her number, luckily, i don't know it off by heart but yesterday i had a moment and nearly cracked in a messaged her. She was on my missed calls list on whatsapp and i clicked on the message symbol - she came online and stayed on line for the same amount of time as me, we must of been online together for over a two minutes. I closed whatsapp and immediately opened it again to see that she was offline too. Maybe its my brain looking for something that isn't there but it really felt like the was on the other side of the phone thinking and doing the same as me. LUCKILY I DIDNT CONTACT HER but it messed the rest of my day up! I deleted her number off the list so NOW there really is no way of getting in contact.

Here's to another two weeks! This thread has really helped!

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for at least 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 300 (10 months)

Wow, to think, 2 more months before I sign off for good on this challenge. Crazy how time has flown by so quickly! So much has changed.

Since, my last update, a lot has happened.

I don't really think about the ex much anymore. Probably this has been the least I've ever thought of her, even in simple passing thought.

Plates

The main reason is because I've been really busy spinning plates. Since my last NC update, I've actually created an active rotation of plates, about 3 girls that I managed to lay early into dating. (I mentioned them in my last update, happy to say I've now f'cked all of them). Honestly it has been really fun, dating them and getting them into bed. I am quite new to spinning plates. I used to be very invested in girls and a deep romantic but now I am embracing a more hands-off and RP approach. This has kept me busy as it is a big shift for me. Aside from them, I've also been dating other new girls that I might lay/add into my rotation soon. All of this has kept me mentally occupied. There have been some epic moments, like f'cking a super young 19 year old in a plush hotel agaisnt a night skyscape, that has made me forget about the specialty of my ex entirely. Only on some bad dates, do I sometimes think about her.

But overall, I can see with more women that I meet, I've more less forgotten about her. Yet the more girls I've slept with, the more I've come to see how empty, chasing girls really are. Often times it feels repetitive. Its definitely a bonus and an exciting addition to life, but I think there are greater fulfillments found in developing yourself and chasing your own excellence. I am starting to see this. I am now reminding myself that this is a better path that I should be on.

Breadcrumbs

I have not yet received any news from her for those who are wondering. She has not/never contacted since the break up. Although recently, I've been getting pings that a certain social media account of mine has been viewed by someone who lives in the region she is currently residing in. I suspect it is her. I've also received an unknown number call once with a silent caller before I hung up. Anyway these are just speculations, I am pretty sure, I will never hear from her.

Conclusion

Overall, I am in a much better place now. My life is much more fun now. I don't emo over my ex anymore. My mind is more busy thinking about the new girls I am seeing and how I can turn them into great FWBs and also new girls that I am planning to ask out. Its incredible to think about how I felt during the first month of NC. I literally thought I could not live without her, she was the color of my world. Yet, I was living as such a betatized male. I literally stayed home and avoiding dating to appease her. Life is so different now. I've slept with more girls in a single month than I ever did since I dated her. The possibilities are endless, yet I am also still on the search for greater fulfillment too. Nevertheless, for now, I am celebrating the win of getting over the rut of the break up.

-James

 

[powersize]

Been 2 years since my last serious NC.

There is a girl which gave me hard time since August. I did all the things that the man should not do:

• overreacted when she refused to come over to my place
• double texted
• kept chasing
• tried to fix stuff and reatract the girl

Today was the last drop. I had "the talk" with the girl when i texted - "are you going with me on the trip or I will block you and will never talk with you again?". It might sound weird but i don't wanna go deep in the context behind this text (the flaked ton of times on my invitations, did not respond on my text and played all sort of games). So she said "I really like to be with you....please do not block me" and in general that every time I ask her out she has stuff to do. I said "what are you doing tonight" - she sent me photo with her and friends having dinner, than "what about tomorrow" - she is going with friends somewhere again. I called her out and said - if the person wants to be with another person she will find the time, otherwise it is all BS. She replied that she tells true and it is not BS, she is a busy girl.

I blocked her number after that message, blocked IG. No Contact day 0.

 

[MissouriMark]

60 DAY CHALLENGE! Lets DO this! Ex girlfriend, forget her!!

My girlfriend dumped me a week before Valentines day, saying she just wanted to be friends. After begging and fighting it, I tried no contact then caved 4 days later when she said I had no respect for her because I was ignoring her . I couldn't help not responding, don't you dare question my feelings for you. Woke up the next morning feeling stupid for talking to her and realized nothing was changing in her. She dumped me 2 weeks ago. I stopped ALL CONTACT WITH HER on the 16th this month. 9 days after she dumped me to be friends, and 1 day after 2nd NC she texts me saying "I just ****ed some guy, just saying." Then that night text I love you. I almost responded to both, but I had my bros WRESTLE ME TO THE GROUND FOR LITERALLY 2 HOURS until I calmed down so I wouldn't respond. BTW, having awesome friends helps this process more than you know, anyway.

I didn't respond to those 2 BIG TEXTS THANK THE LORD, It's been 5 days since. She has called, texted, and skyped me a **** TON!!! At first it was indirect talking like, Your a **** for ignoring me", or " you never loved me, you wouldn't care if I died". Now after she sees I am serious about NC, she has texted me saying, "I really need someone to talk to. please pat." and calling me 5 times in a row at 11. I used to fall for this, but i refuse to be an emotional tampon to the period she created for herself. I don't want to be friends, ever.

It will only hurt me and I know better now. Not saying I don't wish it would've worked out or that I don't care about her, just saying living in some movie fairy tale happy ending were you get her back in your head doesn't help you AT ALL. Attention all guys going through ****, : SOMETIMES GOODBYE IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU.... I'm only 5 days in of no contact, but I can say that now after reading about all the stories of my fellow bros who wrote forums going through this NC and seeing the light 3 months later that its true. Time and space does wonders on a willing mind.


and I have been reading literally hundreds of post on this website to give me some ****ing idea of what to do that wont end up shooting me in the heart again, like trying to win her back. I may miss her, but I deserve better, I am the prize, even if its weird to believe I could be someones prize, I am.

So here goes the 60 DAY NO CONTACT CHALLENGE!! I accept this challenge and WILL WIN BACK MY MANHOOD, BALLS, AND DIGNITY!!! NO MORE WHINING, OR FEELING SORRY, JUST TIME TO MAN UP, AND LIVE MY DREAMS OUT NO MATTER WHAT. I will post everyday until I hit 60 DAYS!
p.s. thank you SOO MUCH TO ALL YOU WHO i READ ABOUT OR GAVE ADVICE! I never in only 5 days would be this strong if it wasn't for seeing how trying to win her back doesn't work, and really you don't want it either until later you realize it. No homo, but I love all you guys. Thanks for helping me get back to changing the world, and being happy with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks day dreamer, you got some skills with them wurds! ha

I'm in the process of reading these posts in my free time, and even though this is an old post, it still really pizzed me off. It's like she dumped the guy and then wants to know why he's ignoring her.... it's like what the fuk does she expect????? SHE made the decision to leave him, so leave him alone!!! And then brag to him that she fuked some other guy. It's a wonder why we even associate with women sometimes. Luckily not all are THIS fuked up.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 330 (11 months)

1 more month till the end of my 12 months challenge!

It has been an incredible past month! I been keeping myself busy with plates and getting lays that really at this point, I am no longer fazed by the ex. I've met many beautiful women and had great sex with many of them. There were even a few times over the past weeks, where I had back to back hook-ups. Literally I'd get a hotel room for a few days and invite different girls over different nights. The sex has been fun with different women and it has been fun partying and just enjoying life, to a point where I started to get a bit tired. Too much hedonism. Currently trying to tone it down and recharge myself. It has been nice to feel the rush of spending time with different women and experiencing passion with them. Has also been fun just partying and spending night outs. There is a certain level of excitement of sleeping with different women that I've never really experienced in my past life with the ex.

I don't think I would trade my current life with my past life if given the chance. I was totally caged up being with her in that relationship. I can't believe how much I gave up for her. The more I spent time with different women and the more I looked at things through RP lenses, the more I realised how bad I had it back then.

Love does that to you. I was definitely a romantic and although I might have experienced the romance of being with my ex; but I realised it may all have been me. The reality was different from the rosy picture I had painted in my mind. So recently I've been thinking that romance is actually an impediment. Maybe a fiction invented to have you committed to a woman and let them get away with diminishing who you are as a man. Being in love feels like a great feeling, but after spending so much time with different women I realised, that you have to be careful who you fall in love with and although almost all women might seek your love, not all of them deserve your love. Its important to remain rational.

For my brothers who are just started NC, it does get better. And for those of my brothers who are hoping for breadcrumbs, I've received nothing over the past 11 months. They don't always come back, but you get to a point, as cliche as it sounds, where that doesn't matter anymore.

-James

 

[sickwithu]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

 

[Barrister]

Hello everyone!
Been dumped, said it's a relief if I block her. Seemed nice to hear, like I'm some kind of monster, I'm an introvert and I don't even chat much. She asked me to block her on Whatsapp. I said ok, it's your decision. Still have her on Facebook. I don't see a difference if I block her there or not, she doesn't care anyway. She has been ignoring me for a while saying she is too busy, blah blah so I've seen it coming. It hurt but that's how it goes. NC day 3 for me.

She ASKED you to block her? Definitely a drama queen/AW alert with this one. Wants to tell all of her friends she is blocked by you for extra attention. I would one-up her and just deactivate the account altogether. When she sees you completely gone from the social media scene she will probably panic.

Regardless, good luck with it, brother. You will find a lot of good stuff in this thread for dealing with this.

 

[sickwithu]

Been 2 years since my last serious NC.

There is a girl which gave me hard time since August. I did all the things that the man should not do:

• overreacted when she refused to come over to my place
• double texted
• kept chasing
• tried to fix stuff and reatract the girl

Today was the last drop. I had "the talk" with the girl when i texted - "are you going with me on the trip or I will block you and will never talk with you again?". It might sound weird but i don't wanna go deep in the context behind this text (the flaked ton of times on my invitations, did not respond on my text and played all sort of games). So she said "I really like to be with you....please do not block me" and in general that every time I ask her out she has stuff to do. I said "what are you doing tonight" - she sent me photo with her and friends having dinner, than "what about tomorrow" - she is going with friends somewhere again. I called her out and said - if the person wants to be with another person she will find the time, otherwise it is all BS. She replied that she tells true and it is not BS, she is a busy girl.

I blocked her number after that message, blocked IG. No Contact day 0.

She ASKED you to block her? Definitely a drama queen/AW alert with this one. Wants to tell all of her friends she is blocked by you for extra attention. I would one-up her and just deactivate the account altogether. When she sees you completely gone from the social media scene she will probably panic.

Regardless, good luck with it, brother. You will find a lot of good stuff in this thread for dealing with this.

Thanks for the support.. i dont really think she even has real friends.

 

[sickwithu]

Day 4. Hurts like hell. I know NC is there for us to heal. I don't know why I felt some kind of hope that she will change and contact me. I'm an idiot. Phases go around circles, from denial, anger, hate to sadness. The acceptance will come, just don't know when. I hope soon. I'm a complete mess at the moment, and it's not my first time. But it's always hard as it can be.

 

[indiff]

Day 4. Hurts like hell. I know NC is there for us to heal. I don't know why I felt some kind of hope that she will change and contact me. I'm an idiot. Phases go around circles, from denial, anger, hate to sadness. The acceptance will come, just don't know when. I hope soon. I'm a complete mess at the moment, and it's not my first time. But it's always hard as it can be.

Yea, it sucks man. Even though you know what needs to be done and this feeling is only temporary, for some reason, your body didn’t seem to get the memo, putting you through this roller coaster of emotions. Hang in there and take care.

 

[sickwithu]

Day 1.. yeah the idiot broke NC. we did some talk and apparently she says I love you. 2 days after , she holds the grudge for the fight when i say to her "**** you" lol. still dont want anything.. just stupid excuses. i'm so dumb. Ok day 1 and day ****ing forever because there is no turning back ever again..

 

[Barrister]

Day 1.. yeah the idiot broke NC. we did some talk and apparently she says I love you. 2 days after , she holds the grudge for the fight when i say to her "**** you" lol. still dont want anything.. just stupid excuses. i'm so dumb. Ok day 1 and day ****ing forever because there is no turning back ever again..

Continuing to have additional "talks" with her does nothing. She has made up her mind. You are giving her a validation rush every time you reach out to her. Likewise, when you get a big blowup from one of these talks that also fuels her validation because she sees that she is able to affect you so strongly.

Bottom line -- talking to her only makes you feel worse and her feel better. Her little breadcumbing comments of "I love you" are just that. She is trying to keep you hooked while she looks elsewhere. Don't keep doing this to yourself.

 

[The Diver]

I realized it may all have been me. The reality was different from the rosy picture I had painted in my mind.

False evaluation creates distorted reality, which creates artificial qualities that were not there in the first place.
This is where many fail, even the experienced ones : fail to eliminate the "Love" which clouds our judgment to see true reality.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers

 

[sickwithu]

Hey guys

I’m back

after five years

tldr

dated for five years
She broke up with me 01/24, last Monday
I still wanna be your friend lotus. I said no
She messaged me the next day 01/25
I said let’s talk
We spoke in person 01/27
I’ve said let’s try again.
She said no. I cried.
She said I have to change. But not together
I said either you see me change together or you won’t see me at all. She said she wanted to part ways
I said I will not contact you ever again

And now here I am. Day 02
Some damage done. But what’s done is done

she is not the first
She is not the second
I thought she was the one. Guess I was wrong

NC all the way guys!

cheers

Support bro, be strong.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Support bro, be strong.

tks mate!

Quick status update:

she just messaged me this morning

saying Gooood Mooorniiiing!



I hate this kind of thing

she dumps.
she says she don’t want to try again
Go out on the weekend
And then Wake feeling sad on a Sunday morning and message me saying good morning as if nothing happened

to hell

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys

status update.

I’ve spoken to several friends of mine, some of them have great experience DJing, some have great experience breaking up, and two girls.

bottomline

I’ve decided to reply her good morning, 12 hours after receiving the message, following the advice from these guys, plus the directive given in the NC challenge itself

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.

So I’ve politely replied to her:

“hey, how are you
Your message caught me off guard, wasn’t expecting it.

I wanted to understand why you’ve messaged me.
if you messaged me bc you thought about what I’ve said last Tuesday then I’m more than open to talk

or

if you messaged me just because you wanted to chit chat?

if is the second option then I’m sorry. I understand that you might be missing me somehow, but since I’ve respected your decision to end things you must respect my decision to not talk to you. Talking to you will only hurt me, specially if I know we are not getting back together.

now if it’s the first option let’s talk. I know we can work things out

you don’t need to reply now
See ya”

In about 30 minutes she replied.
With this:

“ “

sooo
Here we are again

back in day 1

I really think it was a rude and immature reply, considering everything. So I decide following what I’ve said 30 minutes earlier, and not reply.

but even being an immature response, I’ve got what she meant.

for me it was good drawing a line, even though I’ve said to her personally when she broke up with me last Monday that I have no interest in messaging or being friends. And saying it again makes me look weak.

At least I know that now she understood that I won’t reply to her anymore.

I just have one question for you guys:
Should I message her two brothers and her mother thanking them for the last 5 years?

I had a great relationship with them and I think it’s not the manly thing to just vanish, considering that they treated me as family

cheers

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Hey gents!

Hope everyone is doing well!

Like I said, I'll be doing these updates for 12 months, hopefully some of you bros will get something out of my journey.
(I've been updating every 30 days this year, so if you're interested in my journey, click into my profile and you can read how I started and how it went).

NC 360 (12 months) My Last Entry Here

Can't believe we are finally here! I've been documenting my NC journey for the past 12 months. My ex broke up with me on January 21st, 2021. At the time I literally felt like the colours of my life have disappeared. I remember how low I felt. At times I could not breathe. I was so down and beaten. It was truly one of the worst pains I've ever experienced in life. I felt like I discovered what the definition of melancholy was at the time.

12 months later, I can strongly say I no longer feel this way. The deep pain and sense of suffocation has gone. Because the break up led me to discover SS and the RP truths of women. It made me realize how irrational I was. How weak I was. How I have lost my own sense of happiness, excitement for life and passion and given it entirely/had it entirely dependent on a woman. The pain spurred me to a path of self-improvement and since, I have reclaimed back my life and independence. In many ways, the pain turned me into a better man.

Since the break up, I've had a lot of adventures. I've met many hot women. I've had a lot of s3x. I lost weight. I rebuilt myself. I bought myself a sports car. I became confident. Literally I became a different person. My journey has been very memorable.

Through the months, the pain eventually started to dissipate. It does go away. Funnily, in many ways the momentum of my self-improvement has also declined with the lack of pain, pain is a great fuel to push you. It is a blessing in disguise in that way. So working on myself for the sake of myself rather than pain is something I aim to do this year.

The ex never contacted/breadcrumbed me at all in the 12 months. The idea that they will come back is not always true. After having discovered SS and the RP truths; I've realised she had a lot of red flags. She was a very self-centered, attention seeking girl who had a lot of issues and because of that there is just no way she will ever come back. I have just been misled by myself to see the relationship for something that it wasn't. I was living in the clouds and became a weak man. And if the breakup were never to happen and in some hypothetical world we were still together, I'd become a lesser and lesser man. She was totally diminishing me. The universe works in mysteriously ways, it was a blessing that it ended. It wasn't clear to me at the time but very very clear to me now. The girl was a good f'ck, but that WAS it. Not GF material for sure.

I no longer miss her but I'll admit, I do miss some of our moments together. Its more so about my own experience than the girl. Perhaps because of how I felt back then, when I was still a BP beta guy who believed in romance and lived in the relationship through rosy lenses. As much as it isn't realistic and good for me; there was a naivety that made those moments special. I no longer feel this way for the many girls I've met. I've become very rational and invested less in encounters. So in many ways, I've not gone deep into many of the encounters I've had so far; but I guess I just have not met the one that is worth it now that I have my options.

Overall, I've become a much more happier person. I am no longer hurting. I have had a lot of amazing adventures spurred by the break up and NC.

I hope my brothers who are now embarking on this journey can take something away from mine.

If anyone needs some tips/advice from me, just PM me. I'll get back to you.

-James