The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Mauser96

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Day 30

Another text this evening "nevermind"

Still haven't responded.
She is doubting her decision, for sure. It is driving her nuts, that you aren't responding, and she doesn't know what is going on with you, how you feel, if you are dating someone else. GOOD.


For you guys whose ex's are reaching out...……..if you got dumped by HER...…...Whether you want to get back together with them, or not, you may try something like this

" Hi, hey I'm not looking to be friends. You wanted me out of your life, and now I am. I'd appreciate you not contacting me anymore"

My thoughts are ....if she doesn't want to come back, this will give her the polite message to leave you alone.

If she DOES want to come back, this subtly reminds her SHE lost you, SHE caused it, and SHE will not be having any contact with you, nor are you willing to be her friend. She caused it, and now has lost you forever, in every way shape or form. This should kick the hamster into high gear.
 
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Don De Grey

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She is doubting her decision, for sure. It is driving her nuts, that you aren't responding, and she doesn't know what is going on with you, how you feel, if you are dating someone else. GOOD.

Another good sign is she almost never stays up past 10, a text from her 15 minutes before midnight is really odd, so she was probably already spinning.

I interpreted the initial message as a double edged s..t test at the time. (1) because she hasn’t contacted me in a month, and wanted to see how fast I would reply. (2) because of it being that late on a Saturday.

The nevermind message today gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling because it means she minds very much, but even that was in and of itself another s..t test to see if I would come running back because she is mad.
 

dude99

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Day 25. Everything is off track, exercise, sleep, diet. I'm depressed. At times I long for her to contact me. I need to snap out of it.
Do your best to return to your exercise routine. it helps a lot with the healing process keeping your self busy with your normal routine is good for your mental state. Stoping doing your normal routine will contribute to dwelling on her contacting you.

Easier said than done i know but move towards "i dont want her to contact me again."
 
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dude99

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Day 29

She texted me at 11:46 PM with “Hey. How are you doing?”

did not respond.
I'm only suggesting you do this if you are 100% healed. If not ignoring her is perfect , stay the course of what you did. You handled this correctly. But for those who know me closely know i have a humours side to me.

An ex of mine pulled the LJBF thing on me and i went full NC On her.I she reached out to contact me after 3 months of total NC and asked "how are you doing?" I decided to have some fun because i had zero interest in giving her another chance.

Her "how are you doing?"
Me "Jen."
Her "pardon?"
I replied "Jen?"
Her "who is Jen?"
Me "you asked me who i was doing. Jen."

Then the jealous fit began because her LJBF branch she swung to dumped her.

One chance per lifetime sweetheart. when you blow it you blow it.
 

dude99

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Day 28.

Last 2-3 days have been tough. I knew from her friend (I didn't ask though) that she got fired and came back in town some days ago (when she watched my stories again she was already here). It's funny, because in my last message I wrote that I believed she would do great abroad, 'because you're great and beautiful and you will do well', something like that. I was so wrong, she is much worse than that, I guess it was my love writing... She got fired for not showing at work sometimes and going to work with hangover some other :rolleyes: At least this is what she told to her friends, so I think there's even more s**t she didn't tell.

Now she has to pay back a great amount of money because she lost her scholaship, and her family isn't rich, so it's a very bad moment for her. Her friends are going to collect money to help her. This feels so bad because I sincerely care for her. But I am not going to do anything, not even wish her a happy birthday, which is soon. I'm having a hard time, I feel a lot of anxiety and mixed emotions, but she doesn't deserve my help and my affection right now, at least until she will understand her mistakes and be willing to cope, which won't happen.
And tell yourself this "she and her baggage are no longer your concern."

Her failures are just that. Hers and hers alone.
 
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And tell yourself this "she and her baggage are no longer your concern."

Her failures are just that. Hers and hers alone.
Indeed. The sh*t I heard from the relatively brief text conversation last month was more f*cked up than I would have originally imagined. Very glad I don't have to deal with her personal failures anymore.

The resumed silence is either because she could sense my pull-back during the texting, or her drama ramped up again and she's distracted by that. I give it 50/50, or perhaps a combination of both.
 

bcude

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I'm only suggesting you do this if you are 100% healed. If not ignoring her is perfect , stay the course of what you did. You handled this correctly. But for those who know me closely know i have a humours side to me.

An ex of mine pulled the LJBF thing on me and i went full NC On her.I she reached out to contact me after 3 months of total NC and asked "how are you doing?" I decided to have some fun because i had zero interest in giving her another chance.

Her "how are you doing?"
Me "Jen."
Her "pardon?"
I replied "Jen?"
Her "who is Jen?"
Me "you asked me who i was doing. Jen."

Then the jealous fit began because her LJBF branch she swung to dumped her.

One chance per lifetime sweetheart. when you blow it you blow it.
dude99, i know your mindset of one chance in a lifetime with you so you get over your exes completely and don't what anything from them whatsoever, but how would you handle it when the ex (you have a good memory of) keeps reaching out to you to "check in" how you're doing months/years apart?
As in calling, not sending texts where you can see what she wants.
 

Don De Grey

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I'm only suggesting you do this if you are 100% healed. If not ignoring her is perfect , stay the course of what you did. You handled this correctly. But for those who know me closely know i have a humours side to me.

An ex of mine pulled the LJBF thing on me and i went full NC On her.I she reached out to contact me after 3 months of total NC and asked "how are you doing?" I decided to have some fun because i had zero interest in giving her another chance.

Her "how are you doing?"
Me "Jen."
Her "pardon?"
I replied "Jen?"
Her "who is Jen?"
Me "you asked me who i was doing. Jen."

Then the jealous fit began because her LJBF branch she swung to dumped her.

One chance per lifetime sweetheart. when you blow it you blow it.
I’m not quite ready to go nuclear on her just yet. She’s a good girl, just inexperienced in relationships and handling her emotions. To be honest I was probably the first real boyfriend she has ever had.

Like most women, she just doesn’t know what the f..k she wants. Possibly me adopting a more alpha mindset is just the push she needs to dig her head out of her ass. One thing is for certain if I give her another shot, there will be consequences to her actions that I don’t like; and she is going to earn anything she gets.
 
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Don De Grey

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Day 31 - and then it got weird...

So I changed my profile picture on Facebook today, hid the notification from my timeline.

Within 30 minutes the ex changes hers, to a picture she hated but I told her was one of my favorite pictures of her.

When Rollo says women default to covert communication, this is what he’s talking about.
 

Robert28

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Day 2 for me

I deleted her from social media so she turned around and blocked me. Guess that’s my “closure”. I have her number blocked at least but I’m sure she’s blocked or deleted mine too since she’s blocked me on Facebook. This whole “relationship” went to **** fast and spiraled out of control the last few weeks. I think her ex was moving back next month and she had to get rid of me somehow so I decided after she ignored a text that I’d just leave quietly. That’s how I got blocked, by deleting her and not making a scene. Oh well.
 

Don De Grey

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Day 31 - and then it got weird...

So I changed my profile picture on Facebook today, hid the notification from my timeline.

Within 30 minutes the ex changes hers, to a picture she hated but I told her was one of my favorite pictures of her.

When Rollo says women default to covert communication, this is what he’s talking about.
Rollo also said that women only resort to overt communications when they are out of options. Shortly after the picture change she posts this:

I’ll accept your baggage, but I need your communication. I’ll accept your insecurities, but I need your trust. If you’re not willing to grow out of your pain, then what’s the point of any of this?
 

bcude

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Rollo also said that women only resort to overt communications when they are out of options. Shortly after the picture change she posts this:

I’ll accept your baggage, but I need your communication. I’ll accept your insecurities, but I need your trust. If you’re not willing to grow out of your pain, then what’s the point of any of this?
One thing's for sure. She's desperate of getting your attention.
 

andreihaha

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Reading the last few pages here, i remembered i actually thought about contacting an ex from a few months ago for some casual sex.
I'm so glad I'm so used to drinking lots wine and didn't do more than think about it for a few secs .;)
Stay strong, mates!
 
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I’ll accept your baggage, but I need your communication. I’ll accept your insecurities, but I need your trust. If you’re not willing to grow out of your pain, then what’s the point of any of this?
Can't get this across well via a posting, but my GF has a way of saying "Excellent!" that is an exquisite combination of deadpan-yet-dripping-with-sarcasm. I could hear my GF's voice loud and clear in my head when I read the above tag line.

Last year, about two months post-breakup, I broke NC and went a bit off the rails over text in a cringy-and-futile venting session over her behavior. Her response was; "if we're going to see each other again, it has to be after you've healed". I didn't say it in the moment, but my immediate thought was that when I'm healed, it will be when I no longer want to have her in any part of my life.

Your ex's tag line is right up there on the same plane of reality-disconnect. I mean, really? "What's the point of any of this?" Don't even know where to begin...
 

Mauser96

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Day 2 for me

I deleted her from social media so she turned around and blocked me. Guess that’s my “closure”. I have her number blocked at least but I’m sure she’s blocked or deleted mine too since she’s blocked me on Facebook. This whole “relationship” went to **** fast and spiraled out of control the last few weeks. I think her ex was moving back next month and she had to get rid of me somehow so I decided after she ignored a text that I’d just leave quietly. That’s how I got blocked, by deleting her and not making a scene. Oh well.

Now you need to focus on moving forward, filling the void with friends. exercise and hobbies.
 

Mauser96

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Rollo also said that women only resort to overt communications when they are out of options. Shortly after the picture change she posts this:

I’ll accept your baggage, but I need your communication. I’ll accept your insecurities, but I need your trust. If you’re not willing to grow out of your pain, then what’s the point of any of this?

Remind us of who broke up with who, and the reason's for it. It is clear she wants you back.
 

narcissist

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Day 13
 
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