The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mrgoodstuff]

Day whatever.

A few weeks of insaaaane panic attacks/ptsd like sh1t from all the cognitive dissonance of the devaluation/love bomb cycle, but I'm finally past it. Was like the worst 2 weeks I've ever had post breakup physically. I swear I've never had more extreme emotions than with this girl. Anyway, hottest girl I've ever even had accept a date is coming over Friday, 9+.

Hit it hard

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 21

Just a note on reframing and how it worked for me. My thought process works as follows:

• I recognise that I have incredible value while acknowledging a continuous necessity to better myself personally, mentally and financially. I’m not improving myself in order to be a better Ken doll to these Barbies but because life is brilliant when you have a positive attitude, great social skills, an awesome network of friends and money to fly around the world and enjoy the finest things in life.
• Even if she felt she had a legitimate reason to leave, this is no longer a reflection of who you are now and who you will be in the future. What happened in the past is done. Take an honest look at yourself, acknowledge any flaws, learn from it and grow.
• It is a shame she wasn’t able to see your value or potential, because if she had she wouldn’t have left, but it’s for the best. You only want to be with woman that genuinely recognise your true capabilities and LOVE the idea of being with you because of this. I don’t even like my tea lukewarm, let alone my women.
• Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.
• She is free to come back and hop on the BeTheChange growth train any time she chooses but there’s only so many passengers the train can hold and if she doesn’t buy a ticket then some other lucky lady will

This last point is really important. When I broke up with my ex briefly back in June I talked through it with my cousin. I mentioned she met me only two weeks after moving to the UK and he said “wow, she’s pretty lucky she found someone like you that quickly”. It wasn’t said in an artificial or non-authentic way, but more like a nonchalant afterthought. He had looked at her and what she was doing with her life and mentally made the same comparison with me and had not even considered the possibility of me being the fortunate one in this relationship. He saw something that I had failed to see in myself by the end. That I was “the prize”. I didn’t believe it when things ended again three weeks ago otherwise why would I have spent two days trying to convince her to stay with me. But it’s true. There are more women like her than there are guys like me. That is a fact. If she doesn’t see it that’s her problem, not yours. I am internalising this prize mentality now and I look back on those days like I was crazy. It’s actually insane when you think about it. Why should I have to convince her to be with me??!! If you gave someone a million dollars would you need to convince them to take it?? High value people know their worth and behave accordingly.

We preach “Be the Prize” so much on this website but genuinely internalising this belief is paramount to one’s success and should be the focus, before anything else. Thankfully I am moving further towards this state and it feels great.

Day 41

Need to get back to this mentality. Have slipped last few days and started to see her as above me, which is a natural to do when you're the one who's been dumped. But it doesn't serve my interests or growth to think in those terms.

 

[markmitchell29]

Even if it hurts the no contact challenge is the first step to being happy again

 

[tutu78]

Day 31

Only today after 2 months of breakup and 31 days of NC, I had the courage to unfriend her on Facebook after seeing who she had become friends with. It still stings badly. I realize that NC include not cheking her social media. Hope one day i wil be able to look at this posts and smile.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 31

Only today after 2 months of breakup and 31 days of NC, I had the courage to unfriend her on Facebook after seeing who she had become friends with. It still stings badly. I realise that NC include not cheking her social media. Hope one day i wil be able to look at this posts and smile.

Day 44

I was mulling over this point a few weeks ago. I rarely get an urge to snoop - out of site out of mind - but whenever I'm on Facebook she always appears near the top of my "whose online" list, presumably because I had the most interaction with her. If you wave over their name it comes up with who they've recently added as friends. I unfollowed her the day we broke up but unfollowing doesn't remove them from this list. I only slipped once two or three weeks ago. She'd been on a friend adding spree, which actually annoyed me given she added/accepted about 5 people in the year we were together. Was tempted to unfriend her right there and then. Since then I've not taken a look but it's actually a very irritating feature because it means I'm forced to see a snapshot of my ex's profile whenever I log on.

I've only ever unfriended one chick. A plate who I'd fvcked a few times but who was really hot and cold with me. Eventually she told me she was seeing someone else and I unfriended her in a pathetic act of defiance. Looking back now I regret it. It was emotional, weak and salty. Better to just do nothing. Never let them know they had that power over you. I already wrote my ex a letter the day after we broke up like an absolute pvsssssssy. I don't need to give her yet another ego boost by unfriending her too. The best revenge is reaching IDGAF status combined with success. If they want to stay friends with you on social media and see you shine then let them stargaze.

 

[tutu78]

Day 44

I was mulling over this point a few weeks ago. I rarely get an urge to snoop - out of site out of mind - but whenever I'm on Facebook she always appears near the top of my "whose online" list, presumably because I had the most interaction with her. If you wave over their name it comes up with who they've recently added as friends. I unfollowed her the day we broke up but unfollowing doesn't remove them from this list. I only slipped once two or three weeks ago. She'd been on a friend adding spree, which actually annoyed me given she added/accepted about 5 people in the year we were together. Was tempted to unfriend her right there and then. Since then I've not taken a look but it's actually a very irritating feature because it means I'm forced to see a snapshot of my ex's profile whenever I log on.

I've only ever unfriended one chick. A plate who I'd fvcked a few times but who was really hot and cold with me. Eventually she told me she was seeing someone else and I unfriended her in a pathetic act of defiance. Looking back now I regret it. It was emotional, weak and salty. Better to just do nothing. Never let them know they had that power over you. I already wrote my ex a letter the day after we broke up like an absolute pvsssssssy. I don't need to give her yet another ego boost by unfriending her too. The best revenge is reaching IDGAF status combined with success. If they want to stay friends with you on social media and see you shine then let them stargaze.

Yeah I totally get what you are saying but as I realized that I cannot help but clicking on her profile as unfollowing alone is not enough, I've decided to unfriend her. At this point I cannot care less if my BPD ex has power on me. She already has it. She carries on with her life as if nothing happened. Thankfully my game has not been affected by the break-up. I approach and get numbers here and there starting to be able to back in the SMP. But still sleepless nights are still ongoing.

 

[BeTheChange]

Yeah I totally get what you are saying but as I realized that I cannot help but clicking on her profile as unfollowing alone is not enough, I've decided to unfriend her. At this point I cannot care less if my BPD ex has power on me. She already has it. She carries on with her life as if nothing happened. Thankfully my game has not been affected by the break-up. I approach and get numbers here and there starting to be able to back in the SMP. But still sleepless nights are still ongoing.

Ah BPD is different. That's a bridge you want to burn permanently. I blocked my BPD ex on all social media. I didn't even think of her yesterday but yes in that case that's two chicks I've unfriended.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 45

Best day I’ve had so far internally. NC gets your confidence, and self-respect back, gives you clarity, helps you see the bigger picture and allows you to approach women going forward from a position of strength. When I think about where I was at the end of each of my three serious relationships and where I am now it makes me realise just how good things will be.

Few initial points. I am savage when it comes to applying ratings. When I say a 7, I mean a 7. Most people on SS talk about banging 9s when these girls are actually 6s/7s. Secondly, I’m 5’9, so when I rate myself I do so from the assumption the woman is not a height Nazi. I don’t find taller women proportionally attractive so never been an issue for me.


October 2010. Broke up with ex that brought me to SS after a 3 month one-itis fuelled relationship. HB 7. Physically I was an 8 when we met. When we broke up, I was a 6.5. Had lost all of my gains and skin was poor, as we met volunteering in a developing country (no gym, oily diet). Negative net worth, poor job prospects, weak bachelor’s degree.

October 2013. Meet BPD ex. HB 7.5. Looks-wise I am an 8 when we meet. Negative net worth but rectified my bachelor’s with a strong performance in master’s degree. Managed to land a great job. Have been working there for a year. When things ended with first ex in 2010, I could never imagine that 3 years later I would be working at one of the best companies in the world.

October 2016. Dealing with the aftermath of a BPD nightmare breakup. Struggle to maintain gains throughout the summer due to loss of appetite and depression like symptoms. I am around a 7 in the summer but manage to get back to an 8 by Autumn. Lose job, have some debt and minimal savings of c. $30k. Net worth, maybe $20k.

October 2018. Present day. Broken up with HB 8.5. Physically, she is one of, if not the hottest girls I have been with. When we met a year ago looks-wise I was an 8.5. When we broke up, I was a 7.5 (loss of size) I’m now probably an 8. Aiming to be a 9 within six months as I recover from injury, improve my diet and get a personal trainer. My net worth sits at a little under $300k. I own two investment properties, have 3 years’ worth of living expenses in the bank, make six figures a year in my dream job, rent in one of the nicest parts of town, wear a Rolex, have prominent positions in multiple start-ups, can work from home whenever I feel like it and fly away to foreign countries with ease. All this and I'm not even 30 yet.


I’m not saying any of these things are representative of good character, but when I look back at where I was even just two years ago it amazes me how far I’ve come. And the patterns don’t lie. The chances are the next girl is going to be better than the last one in every way. So how can I stay mad?

I’m excited for the future. As a man as long as you improve, life gets better.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 47

Another great day. Stick with NC guys. You'll feel so much better after a couple of weeks.

Main chick HB7.5 continues to show high interest. Two other chicks I've been talking to on and off for weeks are back in the city and want to meet this week. All atleast HB7s.

Closing is my forte. So will have 2/3 solid plates I'm banging by end of week. Then it's a case of upgrading the harem from there until I am consistently smashing 9s. Can't handle more than three though.

I won't settle for an LTR with anything below an 8 at this stage and ideally HB8.5 or above.

Talking to a couple of HB8s with promise all in the 22 - 24 range. One who lives 5 minutes walk from my house too.

Once again realising and internalizing the belief that it is truly men who have all the power in this game especially when spinning plates.

Making solid progress in the gym. Recovering very well from injury and pushing heavy again. Almost back to making consistent gains.

Life is good.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 54

Birthday a few days ago. Didn't get a text from the ex. Wasn't expecting one. Don't have any strong feelings about it.

Hard to believe by the end of this week it'll be 60 days and the challenge will have been 'completed'. Definitely glad I went NC. Even the breakup itself was the right thing in retrospect, as painful as the rejection was at the time. I'll be a better man for it.

I don't miss her at all anymore. The only brief moments of sadness are ironically when I'm having intimate moments with a plate, because it reminds me of the fact she is doing the same, with someone else. Enjoying that new, fresh pvssy? Well, remember some new guy is balls deep in your ex right now. LOL...leaving nothing but the nuts hanging out.

We pretend at the time it means something special and unique when in reality we're just slightly more sophisticated chimps. But that's the game.

 

[BeTheChange]

You're going great I think. Not an easy breakup by any means.

Day 55

Cheers man. Last few days have seen a shift in my thinking as I've been contemplating the merits of contacting my ex at some point after NC, probably in January. Why January? Well I'd like to believe I'm thinking objectively by now but another two months would definitely make things clearer.

There's also a Spanish girl I had a fling with more than a year ago, a few months before I hooked up with my ex, who I've been pursuing on and off since then, although I stopped pursuing while I was LTR'd. She's been back in Spain for a while, but is moving to my city again in January. I'd 100% choose her over my ex given the opportunity. In my top 3 lays as far as hotness goes. Figured it would make sense to spread the risk of rejection too!

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 55

Cheers man. Last few days have seen a shift in my thinking as I've been contemplating the merits of contacting my ex at some point after NC, probably in January. Why January? Well I'd like to believe I'm thinking objectively by now but another two months would definitely make things clearer.

There's also a Spanish girl I had a fling with more than a year ago, a few months before I hooked up with my ex, who I've been pursuing on and off since then, although I stopped pursuing while I was LTR'd. She's been back in Spain for a while, but is moving to my city again in January. I'd 100% choose her over my ex given the opportunity. In my top 3 lays as far as hotness goes. Figured it would make sense to spread the risk of rejection too!

Fvck this sh*t. Temporary thoughts of weakness. I've been saying to myself time and time again if I can't replace her with atleast ONE girl who is as hot or hotter than her then I never 'deserved' her to begin with.

I just came out of my first bachata night in a year. Had to leave early before the crowds arrived due to not having eaten dinner beforehand. But could already see that this venue would be a major source of hot poon going forward.

Be social. Get b*tches.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 56

Contacting the ex is the path of least resistance. Justify it anyway you want but that is the road of the weak man.

A man with confidence, a man with options, a man who knows his value doesn't chase an ex.


Approaching hot chicks daily is harder than the alternative.

Desensitising yourself to rejection from new HB8s and 9s is harder than the alternative.

Hitting the gym and working on yourself is harder than the alternative.

Joining a new class or taking up a new hobby in order to facilitate building a better social circle and meeting new chicks on par or hotter than your ex is harder than the alternative.


So most people either settle for a substandard plate or run back to their ex. That will never be me.

There are no shortcuts. If it were easy then we would all have a harem of HB9s. You have to suffer. You have to go through that sh*t. The hard rejections from b*tchy HB9s, the transient moments of self-doubt or desiring the familiar, overcoming the aches and pains from training, the early morning rises. Most people don't realise just how difficult it is to maintain a social life, a good career AND go to the gym on a regular basis. Getting up at 5/6 AM and hitting the club to 11PM the same night after a full day at the office...You have to be unbelievably disciplined both physically and mentally to maintain that for any reasonable amount of time. When that alarm goes off your mind races through a million different reasons why you should stay in bed. When you finish work heading home to netflix and swipe on tinder seems like like the better option than going out but you have to resist.

If I say I'm going to do something I do it. And I don't give myself any leeway. You have to callous the brain. Set a goal and stick to it. Because the moment you slack of you are communicating to yourself that you lack the willpower and strength of conviction to stick to it and it will make it all the harder to keep it up. The next time it will be even harder because you've already set a precedent for failure. Similarly if you continue to set goals and achieve them every single day you are training your mind to become a machine that cannot be broken down.

It goes back to one of my favourite quotes by David Goggins:

Inner strength isn't "found" it's created

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 59

Abundance mentality. You are as good as your last close. Even though I’ve moved on quicker than in previous breakups (e.g. BPD ex), as I'm generally a more confident and centred than I was a few years ago, I never maintained a sense of loss after two months of NC like I do now. I believe this is due to having no major reference points for top tier women.

When I split up with my BPD ex the first two months were hard because my confidence was so shaken that I struggled to get any girls, but then I fired up tinder and got myself out there more. I eventually realised it was pretty easy to find a girl as hot as my ex (HB7 – 7.5). Cute but not quite top tier – we all know that girl. I am dating one right now. Within 3 months of the breakup I had probably fvcked 10 girls on par with her, some of whom were open to LTRs.

The problem is that now I lack that same reference point for top tier women. My ex was a HB8.5, possibly even a 9 on a good day for those who are fans of the big bum/small waist combo. I have a lot of 7s on my list but think I’ve only had sex with five or six HB8s/9s in my life with my ex being the only one open to an LTR. Point is I don’t really know what it feels like to be highly desired by top tier pvssy in the way I know what it feels like to be wanted by HB7s.

What’s to blame for this over the last two years? Laziness, not approaching, overreliance on dating apps, being exclusive with my ex way too early. This is the main reason why I’m trying to do three approaches a day only to HB8s or higher. I think for someone on my level (an 8) approaching and being social is the best way to land these chicks. Dating apps won't do it. I’ve experienced having a harem of 7s. To get that true abundance I need to experience what it feels to have a harem of 8s/9s. Only then can I respond with a knowing smile when a girl of my ex’s calibre walks away from me.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 60 - The End

I was planning to write some deep, inspirational post but honestly there's nothing new that hasn't already been said.

60 days in. She never reached out and probably never will. That's ok. NC is about allowing you to maintain your self respect and getting you to a place of acceptance.

We had a fun time and now it's over.

Over the past two months I've grown a lot but honestly I'm most grateful for the fact the breakup created an opportunity to be become more knowledgeable about the self and cultivate better habits in the process

There are so many habits I have picked up as a result of the catalyst created by the rejection-introspection dynamic which occurs after the end of a relationship

• Counselling as a path towards self-knowledge
• Cognitive behavioural therapy as a means to replace debilitating internal thoughts and behavioural patterns with more helpful ones
• Daily meditation to become more mindful
• Choosing to see the positives in every situation to develop a more appreciative mindset
• Taking the gym and my diet more seriously and already seeing the gains in the mirror as a result
• Building better relationships with my family
• Trying to approach at least one woman daily in order to develop an abundance mentality
• Generally being more social
• Salsaing more often and as a result meeting interesting people and attractive women

I don't always succeed but I never stop trying and I am becoming a better man in the process. Ultimately that's what really matters. Looking forward to what the future holds.

 

[resilient]

Kudos @BeTheChange for your introspection and self-healing. You’re a better man for it. Your next relationship will reap the rewards that you put into forgiving what happened and the how you approach romantic and non-romantic relationships. You have been productive with your time. Keep it up man!

Day60
I never wrote about days1~60 with breakup from the last ex-mainplate. I’ve had some good friends and family to support me through. I also didn’t break NC and neither did she as well. All good.

I’m going to write more about my last few months in my mature man thread I started a while back.

 

[Music_czar]

Day 60 - The End

I was planning to write some deep, inspirational post but honestly there's nothing new that hasn't already been said.

60 days in. She never reached out and probably never will. That's ok. NC is about allowing you to maintain your self respect and getting you to a place of acceptance.

We had a fun time and now it's over.

Over the past two months I've grown a lot but honestly I'm most grateful for the fact the breakup created an opportunity to be become more knowledgeable about the self and cultivate better habits in the process

There are so many habits I have picked up as a result of the catalyst created by the rejection-introspection dynamic which occurs after the end of a relationship

• Counselling as a path towards self-knowledge
• Cognitive behavioural therapy as a means to replace debilitating internal thoughts and behavioural patterns with more helpful ones
• Daily meditation to become more mindful
• Choosing to see the positives in every situation to develop a more appreciative mindset
• Taking the gym and my diet more seriously and already seeing the gains in the mirror as a result
• Building better relationships with my family
• Trying to approach at least one woman daily in order to develop an abundance mentality
• Generally being more social
• Salsaing more often and as a result meeting interesting people and attractive women

I don't always succeed but I never stop trying and I am becoming a better man in the process. Ultimately that's what really matters. Looking forward to what the future holds.

Bethechange, good luck on your journey. It’s sh*tty when they don’t message you but it really is for the best. This is the type of woman who’ll leave you when you need her the most, for any reason at all.

It was either low interest on her part, or if you’re anything like me, you probably did enough stuff to her that she’s so p1ssed she’s hurting and never wants to reopen that chapter with you.

Every time I got oneitis for a girl, and it’s happened in a couple long terms I’ve had, it’s important you go cold turkey because it’s like a severe drug addiction. You get addicted to the extreme attraction you have to that kind of body you really like, and you get addicted by the highs and lows of the relationship. You may not value it now, but what she’s doing really is for your own best interest. Every time I got over a girl like this, and it’s happened a couple times in my life, I always found a better hotter one within 6-12 months later. As you know yourself, it doesn’t always happen right away so focus on improving yourself mentally and physically for the next awesome girl you meet.

Always strive for better, and to be treated better.

 

[bobafatt]

Hello chaps this is DAY 1 for me. A brief history of the relationship, together for nearly 2 years, more downs then ups she was a very jealous, aggresive unpredictable person which made me break up with her. I packed up all my things and moved back in with my parents to escape. This was over a month ago but regretfully didnt go NC straight away, we ended up banging a couple more times and keeping in contact, we have both ended up meeting other people now and think she is now getting with someone else, I have slept with someone else but ended it thinking it was a rebound.

A mistake that was no fault but my own ended up speaking to her last night and told her that i missed her and still loved her but didnt get much back, it was actually her who got in contact with me.

she text me this morning asking if i knew a person where i am from, god knows how she knew him i think its from tinder and she is asking me for whatever reason....i havent replied.

This is important for me to stick to this now i need to fix my life, i recognise problem that i need to address and it all starts from now!

 

[bobafatt]

Day 2

The last 2 days has been alot easier, I found myself pining for her on Sunday but now realise this was only because i was hungover and lonely! This was the last time i spoke to her. I have now blocked her number and she has already blocked me on other platforms prior to this. I am so glad about this! She has always been the one to initiate contact with me wether it be a text, email or phone call but she has stopped doing that now which has been a blessing and a curse at the same time.

Went out last night for a drink with the girl i ghosted and apologised for the way i was but was honest and to the point, we were both happy to see eachother told her id like to see how things go and spend some time together so lets she what happens there - have left the ball in her court.

Apart from that i have been reading alot of posts on here all the way back from 400 which really helps and the advice is GOLDEN! Someone who i have followed on Youtube for years is COACH COREY WAYNE i reccomened to anyone reading this to check him out and also his book which i have read a few times!

I have already started a diet where i am using an app to track what i eat and after work today i am heading to a local gym where i am going to join and start to exersize, this will be the second week where i have been doing small exersize mainly consisting of a job around the block (1 mile in 20 mins) I have such a beer belly right now something that i truly aim to get rid of as well as the amount of beer and bad food i eat!

Some things i really need to cut back on aswell is the amount of time i spend on the PS4 or on my phone in general, This has been an issue for a while and i recognise this now and I WILL CHANGE, the same goes for porn, its such a lazy way out and i also feel this has had a damaging effect to my life.

I have to feel happy for my EX now, we all deserve happiness and i hope she finds it, If i was still with her now then i wouldnt of even began to think the things i am thinking now about my personal growth and development so in a way i kind of thank her aswell.

 

[bobafatt]

Day 4

Its been a good couple of days for me to be fair, there are times when she creeps into my head but am busy with other things for it to upset me. I think weekends are alot worst then weekdays especially if you are drinking alcohol alot!

I actually had a missed call from her last night but because ive blocked her number it goes straight to answerphone and shows on my call list..I havent tried to ring back!...nothing since though.

have been out running every night this week and joined a gym yesterday where i have a plan of action. Have also lost 1kg since my first weigh in which was last week so all in all things are good. I try not to come on here too much but wanted to write today as a bit of therapy for myself. I caught myself looking at photos of us earlier when we first got together, she really isnt the person that i fell in love with its such a shame we got on so well and i love how affectionate she was towards me, ah well on to the next one