The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Buddha]

hey bro, am in mid 30s.
The day she asked for a relationship, I asked clearly what does it means where she said she wanted a committed relations and we both agreed on getting rid of other ex/hookup from our phone/life.
So it was clear from myside and I maintained the same, while for her it didn't.
Many times she asked me when I was out if I am with another girl or when am on phone she will ask if am still talking to other girls. So for me it was same to ask her.
Why look at her phone? well , I think am glad I did before I spent more effort and emotions later to be found I have been cheated and dumped.

 

[Murk]

Ok I understand it a bit better now, still, exclusivity a couple of weeks in is a red flag. She sounds very manipulative.

 

[RedScorpion]

I’d say the biggest red flag for me (out of the many) is the fact that she had sex with a guy one hour before she had sex with you. One hour! That’s pretty ****ing ridiculous.

I fully accept girls will sleep around, sure - but for her to be jumping around that soon after. That is really rapid. It shows she has no attachment to one particular guy, not bonding through sex. Rather, she’s chasing that feel-good pleasure, from either getting ****ed or having multiple men desire her sexually and passionately. I suspect the second due to her sending out the same revealing photo to multiple men.

There’s no way you could have had a dream of her cutting her previous men out of her life. That’s her M.O. - her way of life (unfortunately). Even if she fully wanted to change, people cannot change that rapidly. She will keep her style until she is forced out of it. Probably due to age or losing her looks (men no longer enticed by her). Even then...

Make no mistake, she was the one who blocked you initially, not her colleagues. She wants and craves that attention and drama - and control. Her messaging those men is feeling control over them, knowing that they are under her spell per say. Or infatuated with her. She plays those games right in front of you as well (texting another guy right there - massive disrespect).

She feels wild because she is wild. She’s an out of control bull that will chase any sudden movement in front of it - and trying to bulltame it is just as impossible and deadly as it might seem. She’s only playing the relationship angle because that’s what society deems acceptable and proper for people - but there’s no way she’ll hold to that.

I completely understand the desire to find a decent girl, who is also a fun and interesting girl. And the unfortunate allure of the wild and fun chick. But I don’t think it’s in any way possible with her (any sort of stability), and you’re more than likely just to get trampled under her charge.

 

[Murk]

Yes definitely, this is a wild hot temptress, we've all known them, eventually some beta cuck (and I don't use that term loosely) will wife her up and be sucked into a life of hell (if they have kids).

These women need to be either steered clear of or pump and dumped.

 

[Buddha]

You hit the nail. She likes being desired by older richer man- dumping their wives/girlfriends and throwing money at her. Her favorite stories to tell how men chasing her.
Every time I saw her texting other guys, I punished her by walking out and she came running crying and begging that she will change but just need some more time.
To be honest, being in this game we man start liking the challenge and she just gave me that enough challenge to chase her which made me agree on the relationship part because it was fun and challenging unlike other girls I was/am dating which is easy and boring.

My question on this forum would be what next move should I make. As I am blocked in her IG , but I know she started dating some other man.
I am in NC for last 3 weeks now and she has not blocked me in other chat apps.

Well, do I want a relationship with her ? NO WAY ... but hangout and keep her in rotation? YES ... Plus just dating her make me learn so many things as these girls are natural player and so much things to be learned from them.

 

[TBG]

I done goofed guys, but I feel somewhat better for it.

So I broke contact and met with the girl I mentioned in here. The one that chose someone else and let them move in after less than a month, but hoped we could still hang out and still talk etc etc as "friends" i.e fill in for him when he's away for work.

She saw on social media I was needed a temporary sofa whilst I fully furnish my flat. She sent some inside joke about hers and asked if I wanted it as she was getting rid to make room for a new one. It would save me money so I was blunt and told her sure if she arranged delivery I'd PayPal her the money. So she did, and even paid half of it. Next day she messaged asking if it had arrived alright and asking if I wanted to grab food one night after work.

Sooo we met up.

I still have some animosity towards her but I don't hate her. We got on like nothing had happened. No awkwardness. No awkward silences. Just caught up with some food and drinks and got on like old times. I didn't ask about her new relationship, but she did let slip about feeling lonely cause he's constantly working away and she feels like she's stuck in the same old routine. I wasn't going to be her emotional crutch so ignored and changed the subject. She did ask about my dating life and I was honest about it, telling her about some of the more recent funnier experiences with photos and message's to back them up. We also got on about my a flat and I jokingly said I need a women's eye when it comes to decorating the place, to which she replied she'll come shopping with me this weekend If I want, even suggesting which day and a time.

Through out the night she was touching me, maintaining eye contact and playing with her hair so there's still some attraction there I feel. Even when it came time to say good-bye she wouldn't let go when hugging me. She initiated talking the next day, with her double texting when I didn't reply. I went out that night so stopped talking to her completely. Woke up to a message about me being in a bar where goths go to and her jokingly asking is that my game plan now because I asked her to put in a word with someone she knows that goes there.

I dunno what changed that day but something flipped and all urge to talk and see her vanished. I didn't respond to her early message so she sent another one asking if we could change the time to go shopping even though it's not until this weekend. Basically told her I wasn't sure if I'd be definitely going but I'd let her know. She insisted she still wanted to go and the earlier time is still okay with her. I just left it there, she later sent a meme to which I never replied to.

I just have no urge to speak or see her whereas in the past I'd (stupidly) drop everything to spend time with her.

I guess that chapter is now finally closed.

 

[Carpathian]

@Buddha - far too much drama there dude. Block her and move on. Seriously, do you really want more of this BS in your life? All this "decoding" is BS dude, she is either into you and you can have good times or she isn't in which case block her. It doesn't matter why she isn't into you, she could be a nutcase and is not into anyone, or maybe she doesn't see you as a LTR option. People over complicate and over analyze something which is in actual fact very simple. We just don't want it to be simple and try and rationalize and look for "signs" and "signals"....

 

[Bwub60]

Well the ex messaged me yesterday. We chatted for a bit and said I would love to see her and made a date for Wed night at my place. She said she was really looking forward to it.

 

[TBG]

She text me asking if we're still going shopping this weekend. Didn't reply.

Text me again telling me she'll come over tonight and help me with anything in the flat if I want.

I actually feel bad for her boyfriend. I bet he has no idea about this situation.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

Here's my story,
I basically missed her clues that she wanted to have sex on our 4th date and was too nice guy /respectful and was too wussy to make the move to flirt/escalate towards sex with her. Acting desperate and AFC. Now she friend zoned me, or, soft rejected me. Her last text to me was "I'll text you another day". (Soft rejection).
That was April 10, 2018. Today is day 62 of NC.
Meanwhile I've been out dating 3 other chicks. I'd really like to get with this one I'm NC. But if she doesn't contact me I'm still practicing my dating and PU skills.

 

[Murk]

Here's my story,
I basically missed her clues that she wanted to have sex on our 4th date and was too nice guy /respectful and was too wussy to make the move to flirt/escalate towards sex with her. Acting desperate and AFC. Now she friend zoned me, or, soft rejected me. Her last text to me was "I'll text you another day". (Soft rejection).
That was April 10, 2018. Today is day 62 of NC.
Meanwhile I've been out dating 3 other chicks. I'd really like to get with this one I'm NC. But if she doesn't contact me I'm still practicing my dating and PU skills.

She won’t contact you unless maybe for some validation from an orbiter. You weren’t in a relationship, there’s no investment from her. Keep doing your thing but mentally you need to let her go.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

She won’t contact you unless maybe for some validation from an orbiter. You weren’t in a relationship, there’s no investment from her. Keep doing your thing but mentally you need to let her go.

It's slowly getting easier to put her out of my mind the longer NC. She's my oneitis but NC is helping greatly, while working and going to the gym and especially having 3 chicks liking me. I messed up with her and I just gotta accept it and forget about her and never be an AFC wussy again. I learned my lesson and it was painful. But fortunately I'm decent looking and don't have approach anxiety anymore.
Thanks for the encouragement dude.

 

[Murk]

It's slowly getting easier to put her out of my mind the longer NC. She's my oneitis but NC is helping greatly, while working and going to the gym and especially having 3 chicks liking me. I messed up with her and I just gotta accept it and forget about her and never be an AFC wussy again. I learned my lesson and it was painful. But fortunately I'm decent looking and don't have approach anxiety anymore.
Thanks for the encouragement dude.

We have all be there dude, that's why the advice is solid.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

We have all be there dude, that's why the advice is solid.

Thanks again for the encouragement and not making fun.
I've been in a relationship for 6 years and when I dumped my then gf I realized I had no game.
That's when this hot 49yr old blond hit on me at work and being inexperienced, I totally messed up any chances I had with her.

What I struggle with now is what she must think of me for being too wussy to make a move toward secs, what she told her close friends, etc. My only saving grace is that I'm busy making a comfortable life AND practicing skills with other chicks. I'm also conscious of having social proof everywhere I go.

My strategy is to pretend I'm an actor playing the role of James Bond and I always think of how JB would handle situations and I play it that way.

Too bad I didn't have this info just one year ago. She's 50 now, blond, cute face (wears makeup), great body, secsee as f, fun to hang with. Not relationship material. But If I had this info just a year ago her and I could be regular F buddies this whole time. Stabs my soul to think of how AFC beta I was.

If, and thats a big IF, if she ever contacts me again, I'll definitely be a way different guy she may not even recognize. Thats a good thing.

 

[Murk]

Well she's 50, I'm sure you can find a 40 year old or younger, one that you DON'T work with. Banging work chicks is more hassle than it's worth, I find it the easy option.

 

[RedScorpion]

She text me asking if we're still going shopping this weekend. Didn't reply.

Text me again telling me she'll come over tonight and help me with anything in the flat if I want.

I actually feel bad for her boyfriend. I bet he has no idea about this situation.

I just read your entire story about this girl. Seems really unfortunate that she's continuing this endless drama of dragging you into her life. She has a main bf that she clearly isn't willing to give up, yet is continuously pursuing another relationship with you. It's not fair to either guy to be doing this. I think it's the right move to be withdrawing yourself from her.

I might be getting myself into a similar situation... I won't explain it all out. Dealing with a girl possibly trying to get me jealous indirectly, even though she has a bf. Timings is a bit too coincidental for multiple parts, but none of it I could say for sure is for me. Probably trying to see if I'm still hooked on her... regardless, looking to stay outside that whole entanglement. She can flail in the background if she wants. I figure no reaction will be the best, since any reaction would show all the wrong things here I feel. Just slightly annoying.

 

[TBG]

I just read your entire story about this girl. Seems really unfortunate that she's continuing this endless drama of dragging you into her life. She has a main bf that she clearly isn't willing to give up, yet is continuously pursuing another relationship with you. It's not fair to either guy to be doing this. I think it's the right move to be withdrawing yourself from her.

It's a case of her wanting the best of both worlds as she just can't be on her own. No one in their right mind would let someone move in after only dating for a month.

Her 6 year relationship ended at the beginning of last year. During the time between that ending and us meeting she had three short relationships and God knows how many hump and dumps.

She's now in a relationship with a guy that works away for long periods of time, so again she's left alone. She even told me she feels "abandoned" when he's away. It's no coincidence she gets in contact and want's to hang out when he's away. She's looking for someone to fill that void.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 2

First post on this site in a long time.

With this chick for nine months. Didn't bang anyone else in that time. Probably caught some oneitis. We weren't right for each other at all.

Been through NC once before with an ex of three years. The more you talk, write or think about her the harder it is so won't be posting regular updates. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

[Murk]

Ping my ex an email - blame the coke and wine. She just ran 42.1 km for charity.

 

[TBG]

Like clock work she gets in touch.

Last weekend I put on my Instagram Story a post asking if anyone wanted to come help paint my flat. She sees it, but boyfriend is obviously back as I see on Facebook they went to a family event together.

Tuesday night comes round and she texts me late at night some meaningless question. I take that as her boyfriend is now away for work so I ignore it.

Today I'm once again working in my flat, and once again ask for help on Instagram. Its done in a joking way and plates normally get in touch. It's an always an easy in to go for a drink afterwards. Anyways she sees it but time times messages me "Wellll. Pffftt". Replied with "????". She's replied pointing out I didn't reply to her message from the other day. Seriously.

It clear she's butt hurt over me not asking her for help. Hopefully she's starting to realise she doesn't have the contol over me she once had.