The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BondJamesBond424]

Day #85 of NC.

I haven't seen her but I fear running into her because we frequent the same areas. I did see her truck parked in the gym parking lot a few mornings ago.

Someone help me understand. In all my life I've never felt so much fear, I guess you'd call it, of another person. She's harmless. But somehow this oneitis is arresting my brain.
This would never be happening if I just went ahead and banged her that night instead of being nice guy too respectful to offend her with the sex she wanted.
Don't get me wrong. I DO NOT want to contact her. Doing so would be predictable and look super weak.
She is a boring gal herself. I suspect the only thing exciting about her would be the sex but I don't even know that because I was too wussy to try to make a move back in Oct. 2017!
I admit I do peep her FB sometimes but not as often as I used to. Her pics say she has over 400 but I only see about 15. She must be posting privately. I am sick and tired of looking for her car or truck when I'm out driving.

Guys, murder that nice/respectful guy that resides in you, and burn him on a stake.
Then, be on the lookout for when a woman wants sex from you and move in for the sex. Kino and escalate. Do not make my mistake and be a nice guy, it will eat at your soul for a long time.

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 3

Feeling FANTASTIC. Much Stronger. I wish I had not texted her that msg and asked to talk. Break up is not bothering me so much today. Got back on Tinder and made a few matches (met my ex on tinder also lol). I saw some of her friends on Tinder as well so I am sure they will tell her about me being back on. I set up a date this evening with a girl i've put on ice so I am eager for that.

Only thing bothering me is still having her on instagram. I want to delete her and move on but I don't want to later regret that and re-add her or something. Also I feel like after going complete AFC during the breakup then at least this way she can see me improving and allow a slight chance of revenge. To stop myself from checking on her, I uninstalled it for now.

Hope this strong feeling lasts.

I don't plan on posting everyday. I guess the first 3 days is enough for a little bit.

Thanks everyone for putting things in perspective for me!

 

[Murk]

Was her bday yday, couldn't help but check her instagram. Deleted instagram (again).

 

[Spaz]

Was her bday yday, couldn't help but check her instagram. Deleted instagram (again).

Murk u gotta lay off any drugs and booze altogether for a couple of months to straighten out 1st.

Dafvck bro, you know why I'm saying this right?

 

[Spaz]

Day 3

Feeling FANTASTIC. Much Stronger. I wish I had not texted her that msg and asked to talk. Break up is not bothering me so much today. Got back on Tinder and made a few matches (met my ex on tinder also lol). I saw some of her friends on Tinder as well so I am sure they will tell her about me being back on. I set up a date this evening with a girl i've put on ice so I am eager for that.

Only thing bothering me is still having her on instagram. I want to delete her and move on but I don't want to later regret that and re-add her or something. Also I feel like after going complete AFC during the breakup then at least this way she can see me improving and allow a slight chance of revenge. To stop myself from checking on her, I uninstalled it for now.

Hope this strong feeling lasts.

I don't plan on posting everyday. I guess the first 3 days is enough for a little bit.

Thanks everyone for putting things in perspective for me!

Delete everything abt her. It helps with moving on and has nothing abt being weak or afc.

Don't do anything for her or like you said; for her/friends to notice any changes.

Do it for yourself, by yourself, and with thoughts of improving into the best version of who you could be.

Don't worry abt women.

Women can smell a successful man anytime anywhere, it's built within their DNA.

 

[beatjunkie]

Delete everything abt her. It helps with moving on and has nothing abt being weak or afc.

Don't do anything for her or like you said; for her/friends to notice any changes.

Do it for yourself, by yourself, and with thoughts of improving into the best version of who you could be.

Don't worry abt women.

Women can smell a successful man anytime anywhere, it's built within their DNA.

Didnt do anything for her. Working on myself and readimg the DJ bible.

Anyone else have any alternate views? Ya'll agree with Spaz?

 

[RedScorpion]

Didnt do anything for her. Working on myself and readimg the DJ bible.

Anyone else have any alternate views? Ya'll agree with Spaz?

I don’t disagree. Not seeing what she’s doing is the best way of moving on. Any new info about her (good, bad, or neutral) will pull her back into your mind, back into your current reality. Even indirectly, such as I remember my mom giving info about my ex to me (and how she was pissing people off, etc.). Nothing positive or jealousy inducing right? It still sent my mind spinning back, remembering all the previous stuff about her (and more). The main impact can be simply reminding that she’s not interacting with you. Which can be stressing. I firmly believe it’s actually part of the tactics girls use against us.

However, I recommend holding off removing her until you’re absolutely sure about it. Give yourself a few days to firmly decide about it. I usually give myself 3 days of consistent ‘yeah, this is what I want to do’. This is so you don’t make a decision off of a emotional response, as well as minimizing the chance of regretting your action soon after. Then you know you’ve thought it through, you have your reasons (regardless of what it may look like and how it seems to her), and you can fall back on them when you have your doubts.

I’m right there with you on this decision currently. I have the urge to simply remove this girl, but for myself, the best decision as of right now is to leave her on. That is mostly due to the fact that I can ignore her/not see her ****, and I know I can forget about her with or without it. I can always remove her later. Part of it is resisting checking up on her. Another girl in the past, I could not resist checking on what she was up to... and all I saw was pictures of her partying to the nth degree. It stirred me up along with all the previous crap that had occurred with her. So that was the call for me.

I recommend as part of your decision, if you can’t resist checking up on her/seeing what she’s doing - then factor that into whether or not to remove. Ultimately, this is all about your recovery, your health. Make your decision from a calm state of mind, and I think you’ll be fine.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 14 b!tches

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 15

In the taxi back home. Just banged a 21 year old photographer at her place across town. Wifie potential. Have another date tomorrow - that one is unlikely to hit the criteria for girlfriend spot but still worth letting her audition. Saturday I'm out with the boys salsaing and Sunday I'm heading to an all day party with another group of friends. This is how life should be.

The ex is dead to me. Reminiscing about our shared past is devaluing and disrespectful to myself. Best summarised by the master @guru1000

A new thing I have been practicing of late that I will share on the topic of achieving greatness is an absolute conscious refusal to commit to de-valuing thoughts or acts a/k/a "weakness."

- Thoughts about how to "game" or "keep" a particular girl is de-valuing

- Nostalgia and thoughts about an ex are de-valuing

- Thoughts about how Person A had screwed you is de-valuing

-Thoughts about how Person B <insert negative act> is de-valuing

-Aspiration toward mediocrity is de-valuing

-Indulging in superfluous worry is de-valuing;Etc. (Insert your personal demons here)

YOU are above these de-valuing thoughts. This is not to be confused with not properly preparing, planning, or coordinating the finer details but rather transcending the fruitless contemplation which intercedes. Some of our time may be spent in this mode of "fruitless contemplation," where we are buried in these circumscribing thoughts. I am here to say that those thoughts are indeed de-valuing and de-validating, which, collectively, can belie the "frame" of greatness which you already own.

The mind cannot operate with "greatness" and "weakness" concurrently. For most, the mind is in constant flux, though predominantly in weakness as the past (and thus the future) is familiar, somewhat bearable, and thus comfortable. For the great, the mind is more focalized, predominantly in greatness as the idea of the unknown and less familiar is welcomed, and the impending recondite challenges are embraced. Be conscious of your thoughts; they pave an unequivocal road.

Have a good day lads and stay strong.

 

[beatjunkie]

Darn darn darn! Sweating bullets. Was just on Instagram and saw a selfie she just posted. The background was this resort we used to go to on weekends. Who is she with???? Or is this exactly how she wants me to react?

I am in the airport now and heading out of town to attend to a friends wedding. This selfie put me back. Darn darn darn!

If delete her now i know i am going to regret it after. Have to grind my teeth for another week before doing so. Will be posting pics this weekend with the friends.

Any input is welcomed

 

[RedScorpion]

Darn darn darn! Sweating bullets. Was just on Instagram and saw a selfie she just posted. The background was this resort we used to go to on weekends. Who is she with???? Or is this exactly how she wants me to react?

I am in the airport now and heading out of town to attend to a friends wedding. This selfie put me back. Darn darn darn!

If delete her now i know i am going to regret it after. Have to grind my teeth for another week before doing so. Will be posting pics this weekend with the friends.

Any input is welcomed

Mute her on instagram. Especially since you know you’ll regret deleting her.

PS - Yes, this is something girls do. Great for them because you generally can’t ‘prove’ they are trying to get you jealous. But if it’s a bit unusual activity from them, then it’s probably accurate.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 16

Date last night. Beautiful girl. Spicy and argumentative but good fun. Ended up back at my place with a bottle of prosecco. Claimed she was on the rag but gave me an awesome bl0wjob. Said she "loved giving head". Having a great time at the moment. Two girls in two days only two weeks after the breakup and that's despite having been incredibly picky.

I'd say the key reasons it's been so easy to recover is:

- The gym
- Throwing myself into major self improvement
- Having high standards for the quality of the rebound chicks
- Socialising regularly and getting myself out there into social hobbies like salsa
- The World Cup (lol). It's coming home!
- Reframing the situation and refusing to reminisce on the good times with the ex

Life is good.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 17

Decided to start looking seriously for a long term relationship. I will be 30 this year. Starting a family is a long term goal and I have always been conscious of the fact it takes time to really know someone well enough before committing to having children - in an ideal world five years.

I don't subscribe to the philosophy a man should be free and non committal until 35. In fact a supportive LTR/marriage is vastly superior to spinning plates for the career minded man or entepreneur because it allows them to FOCUS.

I recently studied the Sunday Times Richlist and the number of men who married young speaks volumes. The same can be observed for the CEOs and senior management of Fortune 500 companies. Even newer ones like Facebook. Time to get busy.

 

[resilient]

Day 6

After flaking for 4th of July fireworks and not confirming that she would counteroffer hanging out next time, I instituted my own no contact to get her to invest and reach out. No official breakup but with this flake and time delays between text responses leading up to day 1... my gut knew we were most likely over.

I saw her posing at the beach the day after she flaked looking sexy in a one piece. She looked fine. She didn’t look like she had the stomach flu. That set me back. I also saw her hiking with her best girlfriend the next day on instagram. I muted her stories, posts and her friend as well.

I’ve been out socially almost everyday and night this week. I don’t want to be at home and alone with my thoughts. I haven’t had much of an appetite.

I met a cool younger chick Friday night at a social gathering and watched the World Cup the next day with her in another social setting. Some kino, #close and set up for a tentative date for next weekend. She may flake because it’s not sooner. If nothing else, this helped me practice getting out there and talking to single women again.

A third-party app told me that the ex blocked me last night on Instagram. I think she got tired of viewing my stories looking like I was out having fun and not looking hurt from her ghosting me the whole week.

I’ve got to work to get my confidence back up. I’m going to start daily affirmations of things I like about myself to rebuild my self-esteem.

I’m going to push it harder in the gym, join a kickboxing venue, stay busy, eat healthy, maybe start up salsa again to get out of this fog of depression.

 

[resilient]

I watched a ton of Spartacus Fortune on YouTube last night when my brain went into overdrive. Check him out if you’re struggling with no contact. I won’t break contact because I don’t want her back. The 60 days are for me to move on, create a better life, and self-improve. Most women don’t like seeing an ex move on, happier, and successful.

The underlying theme I like about his videos though is how he internalizes IDGAF. He stresses frame building big time. That an ex can’t have power over you if you don’t let her in the first place.

Tip 1
The best tip I’ve read so far is to write down 100 things I like about myself. Believe it 100%. That’s my homework for today. He says to remind yourself “I’m attractive, I’m awesome, people like me, I love myself, etc.”

Tip 2
If you hear a compliment that day, write it down, review it before sleep, so you go to sleep on a good note, this forces you to not concentrate on rejection. Remove the self-critical thoughts that keep you in depression. If you catch yourself moping, rewrite the thought with self-compassion. Learn from your mistakes, it’s absolutely important to stay positive.

Tip 3
Another YouTuber has a daily routine of waking up and telling herself this:
‘No matter what anybody says or does, I choose to accept and love myself, and everything about me.”

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 7

Just got back from a friend's wedding overseas. I had great fun. Posted on Instagram yesterday. Obviously no likes or views from her. Pretty sure she had me on mute.

Not feeling great today but certainly not like the first days. I have no urge to call, only stalking via social media. Which i am not proud of. Will be off social media till Friday where I plan to travel again and live it up this weekend.

Slowly accepting it is over. Only hard part is imaging her with another guy...I must drill it in my head that she is probably getting laid.

Made a few matches on Tinder and will be following up right after this post.

It's a struggle trying to move on.

 

[beatjunkie]

Crucial update:

I just received a text notification saying that she tried to call me twice yesterday evening. My service provider gives these notifications when the phone is switched off or when I am overseas.

Interestingly these calls came after me posting the wedding photos. Could it be because she wanted to check whether i am actually overseas?

Do I call back or let that little hamster spin??

 

[resilient]

Beat,

You have to put her posts and Insta story on mute. Seeing selfies of her having fun somewhere w/o you will just continue to set your progress back as a man in NC. If she doesn't see your likes and views, she'll get the drift that you're starting to move on. Continue the Tinder matches, yet I would also suggest cold approaches in public, flirt with check out clerk, Starbucks girl, whatever. At the very least keep yourself busy socially now that you're back from overseas.

As to whether or not to call her back, I wouldn't. The relationship didn't work out because of the hard drawn line in the sand of religious beliefs correct?

Why waste time with someone that isn't compatible? You're more likely to develop oneitis.

 

[beatjunkie]

Beat,

You have to put her posts and Insta story on mute. Seeing selfies of her having fun somewhere w/o you will just continue to set your progress back as a man in NC. If she doesn't see your likes and views, she'll get the drift that you're starting to move on. Continue the Tinder matches, yet I would also suggest cold approaches in public, flirt with check out clerk, Starbucks girl, whatever. At the very least keep yourself busy socially now that you're back from overseas.

As to whether or not to call her back, I wouldn't. The relationship didn't work out because of the hard drawn line in the sand of religious beliefs correct?

Why waste time with someone that isn't compatible? You're more likely to develop oneitis.

Thank you bro. Those last two paragraphs are what i needed to hear! She is on mute on Instagram. Regarding the call, i will not call back. That hardline she took with me is all i ever need to move on. I cant believe i, at some point and well before the breakup indicated i would convert. Thank heavens i didnt.

I am also traveling again this coming weekend and obviously posting. Everytime I travel i splurge and live well. I am a diplomat and have diplomatic immunity so i go wherever I want, do whatever I want and whenever I want without worrying about reprecussions so much. She lost a big catch. Its time she realizes it.

Will continue implementing NC until i emotionally untangle myself from this itis.

Reading DJ bible using the daily reading guide.

Thanks everyone for your support. To those just starting or unsure about NC; give time, time!

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 8

She just sent me an email with a receipt from Apple for a monthly subscription I had helped her pay and wrote "Hey, i received this email but i haven't subscribe to anything." I recall she was using my credit card info on her Apple ID. They charged my card $27 today as part of a recurrent monthly payment.

I replied and said "Please delete my credit card info from your apple ID. Otherwise i will be charged monthly. Thank you."

She then forwarded me an email confirming the changes in the billing address and wrote "Done"

Question: because I responded does that mean I broke NC? It was strictly regarding her using my damn credit card to make purchases. nothing else.

Do I count from zero again?