The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

2 weeks short of the 5 month mark... still think about her pretty much every day, but doesn't really hurt as much..

Right now, my focus is purely in getting my shoulder healthy and getting back in the gym... even tho I miss her, I also can see more clearly how bad she was for me..

Also she was not genuine.. but fear of being alone, kept me with her..

I realise my own mistakes too.. i gave myself too easily to her... I should have made her earn my time and efficien.. I should have focused on my own goals and my own life, rather than on her...

That being said, I was only seeing her twice a week, so it's not like I spent too much time with her..

Where I also went wrong, was letting her move in with me...

MISTAKE.. this girls behaviour was not great... she did not deserve to move in with me..

My expectations from what I will tolerate in a relationship should have been much higher...


Guys, you should never fully commit to a woman, unless she is proving her worth to you.. she MUST earn that level of commitment, by treating you well..

If she behaves chitty, is inconsiderate, rude or disrespectful... do NOT waste anytime.. kick her ass to the curb..

Don't let her beauty or good looks fool you... always listen to your gut, it could save your life.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 60 of NC. So here we are. The end. I would narrate my journey thus far. Could be a bit long.

First up, this stuff works. Anyone doubting the power of NC, just try reading through my posts (or any of the other senior guys) from the start and you will see the positive change that NC inspires. Before the start, like many here I was broken and my world centered around this selfish individual who took everything from me. I was her emotional slave and she tortured me endlessly. The worst part was, it was not her fault... The blame lay solely on my shoulders. I was beta like hell suffering from a life which I hated and going under this false pretext that I was there to provide for her. Sex was really bad and the height of that was when she rejected me even during ovulation. A day later, she went on a ski trip with an Ex. Cue, nuclear explosion.

Then came the break up and I was adrift. Like many new guys on this board, I did not know what to do. I was lost. I hated her but I wanted her so badly. Massive case of oneitis. It was almost terminal. Took me weeks of NC just to get over looking at my phone in expectation of a message from her.

The turning point came after a month of NC and working hard on myself. This board provided the support and the stories here shored up my resolve. Every time I felt like breaking no contact, I read through the stuff here and reminded myself of all the bad experiences I had with her. There were tons. Despite all that, some days getting off the bed was impossible. So, I get it guys. You are not alone. We all been there.

I accepted my grief and embraced it. I went into a semi monk mode. I did not stop interacting with girls but I did not go out of my way to find them either. Instead, I took a hard look at life and identified the areas that needed fixing. I needed to learn French. I needed to change my job. I needed to find a passion that would inspire me - dance. And I lifted.

Fast forward another couple of weeks. Solid lifting, learning, dancing, meditating and working filled up the hours. My mindset begin to change. Things were not bleak anymore. I enjoyed waking up and being on my own. People drifted in and out my life. I did not stop or control them anymore. Funny thing was, girls begin to fall onto my lap asking to be taken to bed. Never happened before. For the first time in a long time I felt how it was to have sex with someone who really wanted it. And oddly they stuck around afterwards. I tripped over the concept of IDGAF.

And we come to today. Once again, I reiterate I do not have all the answers. My life is far from being fixed. I do check my email once in a while to see if she has written to me recently especially when I have a hard day. I still take rejections hard. I still struggle at work. I am far from having a muscular body. Many times, I give myself a hard time for not doing enough. The problems are still there. The difference is, I do not wallow in them... I take action now. Thus, I never been in a happier frame of mind. I am starting to enjoy myself and am in love with how my life is turning out. It is amazing now but I am excited at how amazing it is going to be a year from now. I realize to my utmost satisfaction that I can be happy without girls. It was liberating.

Parting note, thanks to you guys on the board who supported me directly and indirectly with your stories, advice and courage. I am in your debt and I will repay it as often as I can. For the guys who are just tuning in, stay NC and lift... See you at the finish line. Peace.

 

[DreamAgain]

Day 2 here.

Don't understand why it didn't work out, she seemed like the perfect girl. Conversations flowed effortlessly, she's smart, good-looking, I thought I found a special one. All of a sudden she went cold, I'm sure there is another guy in the picture, but there is nothing I can do. I didn't even go AFC which is the the strangest part, maybe only slightly to not be entirely aloof. It hurts so much knowing I may never talk to her again, and I constantly think what if there is just one magical text I can send to rekindle her interest.

These what if thoughts are terrible and I'm trying to minimize them as much as possible.

Going to try to go out tonight and try to meet some new girls, as much as I just want to sulk and feel remorseful. I see many girls out there that don't compare to her...overweight, dull, just boring overall...so finding that same quality of girl will be unlikely. Nevertheless, staying home and sulking will change nothing, so I'll have to go and put myself out there, no other choice.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 2 here.

Don't understand why it didn't work out, she seemed like the perfect girl. Conversations flowed effortlessly, she's smart, good-looking, I thought I found a special one. All of a sudden she went cold, I'm sure there is another guy in the picture, but there is nothing I can do. I didn't even go AFC which is the the strangest part, maybe only slightly to not be entirely aloof. It hurts so much knowing I may never talk to her again, and I constantly think what if there is just one magical text I can send to rekindle her interest.

Everyone here will tell you the same thing. She was "the one". "My soulmate" etc, etc.
You should do absolutely nothing.

 

[finality]

So they ex kind of reached out..spent the last 3 nights here.. no sex. Seems emotionally checked out. Texting all the time.. doesn't answer calls when I'm around her. Pretty much all the red flags of another guy in the picture. When one of the calls came in her eyes light up like fireworks in the sky... then said it was her dad lol.

At this point it seems like a lost cause investing any more. I'm just acting aloof like I don't know what is going on.. she has some things that she has at my house that she will grab soon because she will be working out of town next week. After that I'm just going to go NC. No point in discussing things with her. She says things like.. we should do this on our next date..implying that we will be seeing each other in the future but right now I'm her back up plan it seems. She used to be so affectionate.. would blow up my phone.. would get jealous if I talked to other girls ect.. now she treats me like a roommate.. she has no passion towards me because her mind is fixated on someone else.

Some of this is my fault because I broke up with her 2-3 times when she was getting too clingy.. now I miss that clingy stuff.

Ultimately I would like things to work with this girl but I have totally lost my frame. She's a HB8 so she has tons of options and right now I have zero plates so everything is on her terms. I know the best advice is to go spin plates but at the same time I've been worried if she found out that would be the end of things. But at this point I probably need to accept things for what they are.

I try to rationalize things.. finding reasons for this or that, the best way to make her invest, why she isn't, what I could do differently.. but the reality of the situation is she just doesn't have a high interest level and no amount of anything I do is going to change that.

So I will play it cool until she has her things and then let her live her life. After that I think I will take a break from dating.

 

[MrAddiction]

Day 1 of NC

@finality This was nearly 4 Weeks ago. You still did not go NC and all it brought was more hurt to you. Do not get played by that girl.
She is a HB8? And has options? Fcuk it. Do not care. She has options but you have a life to live. Her beauty will drop sooner than later. But you will keep living a life free of some nagging draining bytch. Go live your life.
Fun does not come from or through women.

 

[finality]

@finality This was nearly 4 Weeks ago. You still did not go NC and all it brought was more hurt to you. Do not get played by that girl.
She is a HB8? And has options? Fcuk it. Do not care. She has options but you have a life to live. Her beauty will drop sooner than later. But you will keep living a life free of some nagging draining bytch. Go live your life.
Fun does not come from or through women.

She is in my bed sleeping right now as I text this. It's messed up. No sex or affection and she is sleeping in sweat pants. Girl in my bed and I'm checking in on SS. How lame.

 

[Young_Don]

I think I've come to terms with it all now. I think I can honestly say that I no longer give a fvck about her at all. I know for a fact that I'm better than any guy she's ever going to find, I treated her so well and she knows that, so in a way I kind of feel bad for her but at the same time I don't give a fvck because she had her chance and blew it.

I'm talking to a few girls but I'm not keen on dating or anything. I think I'm back on the path of finding happiness within myself again like the way I was before I met her. Once I find permanent work I'll be flying high again. I've got a money making project in the works which I'm looking forward to, and the whole rejection/not good enough crap I've been through is really fueling the fire to not only prove people wrong but prove to myself that I don't need **** from anyone.

At the end of the day as well, I know exactly what she's like. She has some narcissistic traits and she also cannot for the life of her be alone, which is why she clinged onto the first guy that was "nice" to her and probably has no idea about her past. So only up from here for me, determined not to let this happen ever again.

 

[Karaage-]

Day one

We've been broken up for about 8 months but been seeing each other here and there since, I wanted her back... Then I found out she's been liking and commenting like a flirt on instagram over some guy.. I called her out and she told me she had her eye on someone else.

So fvck that - I deserve better than to be someones option.

LET'S GO!!!

 

[attic]

Day 55NC. Still have her blocked.

Had my "never again" moment today when I was driving home from a job. A BPD women can do a lot of harm to a man. Still not over her, though it's the first time I had feelings of never wanting anything to do with her again. It felt good. It is painful to recall this woman's behavior, and to see that I put up with it. Someone can only treat you as bad as you let them...

NC has helped me regain a lot of strength.

I expect to need more than 60 days to recover.

 

[attic]

She is in my bed sleeping right now as I text this. It's messed up. No sex or affection and she is sleeping in sweat pants. Girl in my bed and I'm checking in on SS. How lame.

We hear our own words more than anyone else's. Be kind to yourself.

Get yourself out of the house and go for a walk. Can always ask her if she wants to go. Clear your head and be positive, you deserve that.

 

[Karaage-]

Day 2

Feeling kinda numb today, still finding myself checking my phone. It's wrong and I am working on correcting this behaviour.

There's themes I've found after looking through previous posts.

Reminders are necessary to focus on yourself and only yourself.
Your world does not revolve around her.

The image of her being with someone else is something that needs to be accepted because in time you will be in the exact same position... With somebody else.

Stay strong my friends. This is just a phase

 

[Rxnxg]

18 Days of NC

My last contact with my ex was 7 week ago, as described some posts above. I'm feeling down today, she didn't even try to contact me this week since that last time and it feels like she doesn't care much, it should affect me, but it does. Still working on myself as much as I can.

I hope you guys are doing just fine, be strong.

 

[BeTheChange]

Just over one year since the break up.

Haven't seen or heard from her in about six months.

Boys, the break up was THE BEST THING that has happened to me. It was the catalyst that set me on a path of change.

Can honestly say I don't miss her at all. And best of all I don't need another woman in my life to distract me.

In the past year I've worked to better myself physically, financially and spiritually and things have blown up.

• I doubled my net worth
• Got a new job for a great company
• Put some serious muscle back on
• Found new hobbies like salsa
• Fvcked some outstandingly attractive women
  
• Built a solid social circle that ensures I'm always out when I want to be
• Discovered the benefits of meditation
• Found out exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and developed a plan to exit the rat race and achieve financial freedom

I have achieved things I never thought could be possible in such a short period of time. Things I know would have been difficult had I suffered from the distractions of a poor relationship. Or any relationship for that matter. Women truly can be anchors to weigh a man down and prevent him from actualising his true potential.

I still have a restless ambition, as do all men who seek to accomplish great things, but in spite of this I am truly happy for possibly the first time in years.

I am at a stage where I do not need women. Not just in a DJ-fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of way. But rather a sincere appreciation for my goals and the direction I have set for myself.

I've finally internalised an the understanding that woman should always only ever be a compliment to a man's life, never the focus of it.

Fellas I know it's tough but know that things do and will get better. You have an opportunity to build something magnificent from the ashes of despair. Don't waste it.

 

[finality]

Found empty morning after pill box in gfs car.

She said it was for her acne lol.

Kicked her out. Blocked on everything.

Feel pretty good but I have so much adrenaline right now.. hard is beating a million miles a second but I feel so numb. Feel dead inside after seeing that.

Day 1

 

[BeTheChange]

Found empty morning after pill box in gfs car.

She said it was for her acne lol.

Kicked her out. Blocked on everything.

Feel pretty good but I have so much adrenaline right now.. hard is beating a million miles a second but I feel so numb. Feel dead inside after seeing that.

Day 1

Got to be said. You are a pvssy bro.

You were posting in this NC thread a year ago and even then you'd been posting on and off for a while.

Beyond saving...

 

[finality]

Got to be said. You are a pvssy bro.

You were posting in this NC thread a year ago and even then you'd been posting on and off for a while.

Beyond saving...

Different chick a year ago

 

[finality]

Day 2.

Maybe this is just me but basically every girl I have dated/broken up with the pain of the breakup has nothing to do with the girl and its really only about the ego. Like so many times I've told myself I need to break up with a girl and then once I realized that their is another guy in the picture I get competition anxiety and convince myself that she is perfect. It is super messed up but when I think a girl is cheating on me I always like her more than if she is faithful.. its like my ego is tied up with her loving me and only me and once I sense she talking to other guys I become obsessive and NEED her. Its really messed up.

But I basically caught my ex cheating.. day after pill in her truck so some other dude shot a load inside her... that's pretty hard to get over man. You view women a certain way and then your view of them ends up to be totally wrong. It makes you feel like such an idiot for trusting them. I feel terrible for not trusting my gut. The signs were all there but I let her convince me that I was "crazy".

I was in a 6 month relationship so its pretty hard because I have no plates at the moment.

I've been cheated on now the last 3 relationships I've been in. Each time I never listened to my gut only to get burned. I think this same situation will keep happened until I trust my gut and end things without proof. Like the same things keep happening because I don't learn the lesson that life is providing me. So the same lesson will keep repeating itself until I learn.

I don't have a solid group of male friends and pretty much spend all my time with the women I am seeing. Obviously that is a huge issue because I have nothing to fall back on when times are tough. Pretty sure I am codependent which is why I have such a hard time walking away. When I first meet a women my frame is always rock solid but once they have the hooks in me I become total AFC.

I've been on here for over a year and still haven't gone 30 days NC with my last ex from 1 year ago. Current ex is only 2 days and I find myself checking my phone 100 times a day to see if she texted me even though I have proof that she cheated on me. I used to be so strong mentally but after I run in with a BPD I'm left damaged

As we all know BPD's can never walk away for good so now I expect that in all my relationships. I project the past BPD relationship on all the women I date. In all my relationships I brake up and get back together like 5-10 times. That's normal for me. Its like I am addicted to the drama. I break up just to see if they will come back and when they don't I overvalue them and become total AFC.

This is a long ramble but I'm messed up in the head. 30 days of NC to me seems like forever. Its like each minute of my life feels like a year because I am so caught up in my own thoughts. Analyzing every single thing, looking for signs, I'm just messed up guys.

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 500ish

I was just thinking about this forum as I haven't been on in so long. Some other life events came up and reminded me of my ex. I saw a pic of our dogs, and then I immediately felt crummy about how we ended.

I remembered this forum and it took me forever to find it again.

I'm living proof that life gets better though. Do I think about her occasionally, yes. Does it destroy me, absolutely not. She's now married, and I'm soon to be engaged. It's been 2 years since we last saw each other, and a year and a half since our last texts.

I promise you if you focus on you, realize that each moment is important, and live in those moments, something miraculous will happen for you. Positive outlook results in positive outcomes.

Finality, come up with a plan to improve yourself. It sounds like you could use a network of friends, and now is a strange time to make friends, but you should try. What hobbies do you have? I guarantee you're not the only person that likes those hobbies, make male friends through shared interests.

We're all here for something, you're not that important in the grand scheme. So don't worry about who thinks what about you, conquer your fears and nerves buddy and just be raw and real and present for the next 6 months. You'll get right again! It's possible I could disappear from this forum again, but I do want to come back if I remember. So take 30 and craft a plan, then come back and post it for us.

Stay strong, stay awesome!

 

[soulforge]

5 months no contact for me now...

Some days I feel proud and relieved that I got rid of this toxic woman in my life..

Then some odd days I miss those great times we had together...

Overall I'm 90% sure i did the right thing.. I have absolutely no idea if she has tried to contact me, as I have changed my mobile number..

Some days i feel, maybe changing my number was too extreme.. but I did it to protect myself..

To avoid the breadcrumbs, and to avoid getting sucked back in..

Believe me at times i have a strong urge to check my other sim card, and see if she has texted, but nothing good will come of this...

If she was a good woman, and you made mistakes, then learn and grow from this experience and become a better man..

If she was a chitty woman, then fight this addiction you have with her... again improve yourself and find a woman who will respect you and treat you well..