Day 60 of NC. So here we are. The end. I would narrate my journey thus far. Could be a bit long.
First up, this stuff works. Anyone doubting the power of NC, just try reading through my posts (or any of the other senior guys) from the start and you will see the positive change that NC inspires. Before the start, like many here I was broken and my world centered around this selfish individual who took everything from me. I was her emotional slave and she tortured me endlessly. The worst part was, it was not her fault... The blame lay solely on my shoulders. I was beta like hell suffering from a life which I hated and going under this false pretext that I was there to provide for her. Sex was really bad and the height of that was when she rejected me even during ovulation. A day later, she went on a ski trip with an Ex. Cue, nuclear explosion.
Then came the break up and I was adrift. Like many new guys on this board, I did not know what to do. I was lost. I hated her but I wanted her so badly. Massive case of oneitis. It was almost terminal. Took me weeks of NC just to get over looking at my phone in expectation of a message from her.
The turning point came after a month of NC and working hard on myself. This board provided the support and the stories here shored up my resolve. Every time I felt like breaking no contact, I read through the stuff here and reminded myself of all the bad experiences I had with her. There were tons. Despite all that, some days getting off the bed was impossible. So, I get it guys. You are not alone. We all been there.
I accepted my grief and embraced it. I went into a semi monk mode. I did not stop interacting with girls but I did not go out of my way to find them either. Instead, I took a hard look at life and identified the areas that needed fixing. I needed to learn French. I needed to change my job. I needed to find a passion that would inspire me - dance. And I lifted.
Fast forward another couple of weeks. Solid lifting, learning, dancing, meditating and working filled up the hours. My mindset begin to change. Things were not bleak anymore. I enjoyed waking up and being on my own. People drifted in and out my life. I did not stop or control them anymore. Funny thing was, girls begin to fall onto my lap asking to be taken to bed. Never happened before. For the first time in a long time I felt how it was to have sex with someone who really wanted it. And oddly they stuck around afterwards. I tripped over the concept of IDGAF.
And we come to today. Once again, I reiterate I do not have all the answers. My life is far from being fixed. I do check my email once in a while to see if she has written to me recently especially when I have a hard day. I still take rejections hard. I still struggle at work. I am far from having a muscular body. Many times, I give myself a hard time for not doing enough. The problems are still there. The difference is, I do not wallow in them... I take action now. Thus, I never been in a happier frame of mind. I am starting to enjoy myself and am in love with how my life is turning out. It is amazing now but I am excited at how amazing it is going to be a year from now. I realize to my utmost satisfaction that I can be happy without girls. It was liberating.
Parting note, thanks to you guys on the board who supported me directly and indirectly with your stories, advice and courage. I am in your debt and I will repay it as often as I can. For the guys who are just tuning in, stay NC and lift... See you at the finish line. Peace.
