The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

The hard cold truth, yes.

You guys have been very helpful. I've spent these days talking with family and friends. I'm not making the mistake of keeping it inside of myself. I'm very much into weight training and gym. I had a perfect 3 week cut so far. Last week was week 4, and honestly, since all that **** happened friday, week 4 has been bad. I really, REALLY, have to eat around 2300 kcal right now, but it's rough. I have no appetite and I feel like throwing up all the time. The last few days, I've eaten like 1200 kcal a day. F.uck that ***** for ruining my concentration and cut.

But yeah, I'm very glad I ran into this forum.

 

[MrAddiction]

But yeah, I'm very glad I ran into this forum.

Give it a few month and you will see that alone was worth the hole shyt you are going through now.

 

[Young_Don]

A little heads up for your future relationships

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

 

[resilient]

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

One of the hardest things to do besides just holding back what you say in person, social media, email, or text is that once they sense they have you, they have you. In other words, watch your nonverbal communication in your tone, posture, and body language. If you try to lower your interest level in her, you can still subconsciously vibing your real interest level. Eyes are another doorway to the soul. Sometimes you give them the puppy dog look and they know they have you.

Day 0
After plate spinning and nexting the less interested ones for a main plate too early, I'm falling on my own axe after 2+ months. I made a few AFC moves because I was LTR hungry when she wanted to keep it casual.

Now my plate has significantly dropped off in the lovebombing from the initial dating phase. This morning she text me giving me an excuse why she had to break a planned date tonight. I counteroffer something more casual/low key and she rejects that idea but proposes a "rain check". F that. Her interest level is 60% if that and probably lower. It's amazing how a majority of women don't want a LTR. I realize if I was a better catch or my SMV was higher, they would be more likely to pursuit

I'm nexting this one early with no fallback plates before she says she wants to stop seeing me....I've learned too much from this forum to accept lower standards, push/pull, hot/cold tactics from her.

I deleted the phone number, texts, photos and blocked her on social media.

I hope to be productive with my NC and stick to it. I'm going to get my grades back on track since they slipped into B+ territory.

 

[Carpathian]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

Don't feel bad and beat yourself up about this. You are human, have a heart, and make mistakes. We all have and continue to do. But learn from it and do not do it again. You are a man, she should be begging you. Go completely no contact on this woman now. You need to be away from this woman.

 

[dude99]

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

That they won't unless they are forced to change. Right now all advantages are in their basket.

They don't have to face rejection. The man does.
They get to pick and choose from the crop of men that orbit them like shopping for a new purse.
They don't have to pay for the courting stages.
If she cheates on you. It's your fault. Society is doing its best to create a faultless image for women. If she abuses you, it's your fault.
Should they become pregnant ( if they name you the father and you don't contest this in the very small window the law gives men) and the child isn't even your, you could be financially responsible anyways.
If she decides she wants to move in with another guy you can still be financially responsible for her and the kids even whe she is riding the new guy.
If you live together after a duration of time, half your assets can be hers even of she decides to cheat/leave/abuse you. And the law condones this.

Why would they change when they have every advantage in the relationship world. They will only change when forced to change.

How do we force this change. Make them care more. Make them chase you. Put your foot down on dates. If after 3 dates she hasn’t offered to pay once next her. She is a gold digger.

If you two are dating, and she shuts off the sexual tap. Dump her. Women use sex as manipulation tool to control men.

If she brings up the idea of living together, make her sign a prenup that your assets are yours and hers are hers. If she balks this dump her. My personal opinion never live with a girl. Don't give her the chance to take half your assets.

Once she agrees to the prenup contract, the ask her what she had in mind for her share of the expenses. If she think giving you some ***** once or twice a month is good enough and you cover the bills, dump her. She is a gold digger.

If she brings up marriage then you present a brand new prenup stating that if she choses to sever the marriage down the road that you are not responsible for her, emotionally, physically or financially the instant she walks out the door. If she choses to branch swing or cheat then you are off the hook and it is goodbye for good.

Give all girls ONE chance per lifetime. If they know they screw up you are history they will attempt to behave better.

If they balk at any of this give them the guy they deserve. None.

 

[Carpathian]

@dude99 So true. So true.
Society has conditioned women to think this way. Look at all the chick-flick BS that girls watch on TV such as "Friends". All the guys are bumbling, chasing idiots whilst the girls have the power on those shows. Women think they want a man like those clowns. But when they are actually with such a guy they quickly dump them because women are not biologically programmed at a deep level to be the leader like those shows portray - the man should be the leader. The man MUST BE THE LEADER. Girls MUST FOLLOW THE MAN for a lasting, happy relationship, not the other way round. This is not sexism at all. Men and women are equals, with equal rights and equal opportunities. However, as soon as the man starts to chase he will be dumped soon after. This is the reality.

 

[Carpathian]

I disagree, if your value is high enough no matter what you express to her she will hardly believe it.

To tell a woman you love her is fine. Nothing at all wrong with that and you should be saying that to someone where you truly feel that and you KNOW the feeling is mutual. However, she must be reciprocating in spades. And this is where guys go wrong and I'd venture, albeit without any evidence, that this accounts for many relationship breakdowns..... Guys chase and tell them they love them 1000 times a day without regard to what SHE is doing and saying. They are blinded by them and the sex and get completely dopey and blindsided and fail to notice their declining interest.

 

[dude99]

@dude99 So true. So true.
Society has conditioned women to think this way. Look at all the chick-flick BS that girls watch on TV such as "Friends". All the guys are bumbling, chasing idiots whilst the girls have the power on those shows. Women think they want a man like those clowns. But when are actually with such a guy they quickly dump them because women are not biologically programmed at a deep level to be the leader like those shows portray - the man should be the leader. The man MUST BE THE LEADER. Girls MUST FOLLOW THE MAN for a lasting, happy relationship, not the other way round. This is not sexism at all. Men and women are equals, with equal rights and equal opportunities. However, as soon as the man starts to chase he will be dumped soon after. This is the reality.

Agreed. The man has to be the leader. He has to be alpha. He has to care less than she does. He has to take charge.

Women are hard wired to follow a natural leader and pick the strongest mate to mate with. Like you said, it isn't sexist. It is just a fact of life.

If a man isn't leading, she will view him as weak. If likes her too much, she no longer has to conquer challenge. If he is too nice she sees him as weak. You are correct in saying it isn't sexism. At the turn of the century in the year 1900, men were the head of the household. They lead. Women followed. Most marriages succeeded. Very few divorced.

100 years later society has been doing its best to destroy and beat down men to the point of treating us as nothing but sperm doners and atm's in the war on men., that now women have received what they want nad guess what? They aren't happy.

Women wanted submissive men. They got it. And now women are in a delema. They found out too late WHAT THEY WANT, THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO.

affairs are up in women. Women leaving families to chase other men, looking for that take charge dominant man once again and last most marriages are failing because society has told women " hey you don't ever have to accept responsibility. "

You are 100% correct.

 

[Killakittie]

Woke up today feeling awesome! Going on day 3 NC.. Just out and about and getting alot of female attention feels damn good. A cute blonde gave me her number this morning lol

Fvck yeah

 

[resilient]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

 

[Killakittie]

Day 4 of NC and i am more focused, positive, and in general good spirits.

I work and go to school full time, working on my credentials to be an English professor, so right now i am feeling excited to be able to divert the energy i was wasting in my toxic relationship towards my credentials. I already live a good life, not extravagant, but good for this point in my life, which is temporary until i start teaching. I also just bought another motorcycle which is getting me back in touch with my masculine side. (along with my gym routine)

I still have moments i think about her. But knowing she is talking and most likely fvcking someone else just makes it effortless to accept that she was not for me. I have decided against entering any relationship for at least a year and most likely it's going to be longer then that. I will enjoy dating for what it is and i will do what you guys recommend and just build my foundation, carreer, fitness, and finances. I will only increase in value.

The real challenge will come someday though. She is bound to reach out at some point and i have to remain strong. Remember that i mean nothing to her and never did. I am content with that.

 

[Killakittie]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

Time brother...

I have been separated from my soon to be ex wife for over a year and have just began no contact because before this point i was in a emotionally chaotic state. I tried dating, fvcking other woman, working out, and at the end of the day they were all temporary distractions that did little to change the way i felt. Only time truly heals all wounds. Keep up at the gym, eat healthy, work on yourself, because these things all pay off and are only good for you. Do what's good for you. Take care of yourself. Accept and experience the ****ty emotions you are feeling. Let them come, linger, and go. Don't fight them or try to ignore them. Remember us men love unconditionally, women do not, women only love their own children unconditionally.

Time brother... It's ok to fvck up and contact her. I did it close to 30 times before i truly had enough. She instantly went to some other c0ck and is most likely fvcking him now..Oh well.

 

[dude99]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

Music is a great idea. Learn to play guitar. I have played guitar now for about 28 years. Took up a hobby of even building them. Pick your favorite artist and learn to play their songs.

 

[resilient]

I work and go to school full time, working on my credentials to be an English professor, so right now i am feeling excited to be able to divert the energy.

Excellent. "An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." ~ Ben Franklin

I also just bought another motorcycle which is getting me back in touch with my masculine side. (along with my gym routine)

Awesome on the the bike and gym routine. I'm thinking about getting into riding (and possibly buying a motorcycle someday).

I still have moments i think about her. But knowing she is talking and most likely fvcking someone else just makes it effortless to accept that she was not for me.

The visualization hurts... yet helps to cement that it's over and she has someone else. She may not be happy or the other guy is just a distraction to get over you, but ya fvck it, who cares right? You've got your own life back.

I have decided against entering any relationship for at least a year and most likely it's going to be longer then that.

Who knows the timing? If you're not LTR hungry and you love being independent and not needy, they'll come out of the woodwork once they sense your confidence and ability to not need them = creates challenge. That worked wonders for me until I got attached to my main plate, lol... We DJs got to respect the frame... always.

...build my foundation, career, fitness, and finances. I will only increase in value.

Good stuff.

The real challenge will come someday though. She is bound to reach out at some point

Yeah stay NC, responding only resumes the hurt. If you forgave her and moved on, you'll probably safe to be cordial/amicable and then let things rest. Good luck.

 

[Stigma92]

Day 1. We had been on and off with this girl for 2 years and in the 2 years she was with me everyday and when she would meet some guy she didnt want to talk to me anymore but her relationships always fell after 2 weeks and she came back to me. She did this 4-5 times. She recently moved out from the same apartment complex where i lived and started dating a guy but we said we would remain in contact and friends through texts because we liked talking each other and there was still feelings for each other because we had been talking to each other almost 2 years everyday. 3 weeks ago i iniated no contact because i couldnt talk to her anymore so i said lets have break for a month so i can heal and then we can be fully friends again. She respected my decision but. little over 2 weeks went by and she contacted me and said she felt bad and we started talking again for 2 days and she even came to see me with her friend. But the next day she said she cant go back how we used to be and i disagreed and said we wouldn't go back how it used to be. She said she cant talk to me anymore because i affect her too much. We talked little bit more and said goodbye and take care and she said she cant say that to me because i seem to always survive faster and be happier about this than she. Its been 8 days since we talked but today i found this and i noticed those days wouldn't count because i had stalked her. I removed her from whatsapp and her number. So today day 1. I still miss her very much and i have had thoughts where i think she will regret stopping contact with me and maybe will send me and text and say hi, but i knon these kinda thoughts are part of process of parting ways with someone because you are used to them. Im still afraid that this time these goodbyes were for real and im very very very sad and hurt because i liked to talk to her but not live with her. Im just lost and between crossroads that maybe i should go and text her if she wants to talk with me someday but for me i think its better to focuse on my self and finally let go. It feels like a dream, like i have been woken up from a dream. I still cant focus on everything in my life but im making music again and finding a new job and going to a school

 

[Young_Don]

I've been NC for 38 days now, only about 7 of those days without checking her social media and that's what I'm finding to be the biggest challenge.. the curiosity, but I'm holding strong and worrying about my own shyt because I know there's a 99% chance she's been checking my fb/insta on the regular as well.
I still have dreams about her which doesn't help and they're never positive ones either. It sucks because sleep for me is an escape from reality so I don't want to have to deal with it when I'm dreaming.. and I never really have dreams either, which makes it even more annoying.

But I'm doing alright for myself now. I do miss her but it's whatever. I just don't feel like spinning plates/dating a number of girls, I don't see the point - just seems like more headaches to deal with and I don't need that crap. More so looking forward to eventually meeting a cool ass girl who I can connect with and build something worthwhile with (with the exception of making the same mistakes I did before), but all in good time I guess.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 1. We broke up yesterday. I did it. Things was getting harder and harder with her. And last weekend she spent the night over at some friend's place with a group of friends one of which is an Ex. It did not sit well with me and despite talking numerous times about it, she refuses to distance herself from this guy. Despite a year together where I helped her a lot to get over a lot of crap in her life, it seems that she has chosen to be with an Ex rather than me. So be it. We broke up.

Feel a bit numb. Has not fully sink it yet. Despite that, I am feeling hopeful as well. In any case, this is day 1.

 

[S. Aureus]

After more than a year that all this happen I've never felt better, just yesterday was kind of weird. I deleted her from all my social media, and seem she too. Yesterday she followed me in all like a crazy act but I didn't followed her back, I don't want to know her things. I think is better this way.
Btw in the dating world, I asked my crush for 2 dates and pretty good so far, only thing that concern me is that she doesn''t start the conversation. Something that usually at this point the girl do in my case, to find out if I'm doing something o some **** like that. It's weird but at the same time interesting because its something new for me.
Hopefully you guys get better, I know you can

 

[Carpathian]

Day 1. We broke up yesterday. I did it. Things was getting harder and harder with her. And last weekend she spent the night over at some friend's place with a group of friends one of which is an Ex. It did not sit well with me and despite talking numerous times about it, she refuses to distance herself from this guy. Despite a year together where I helped her a lot to get over a lot of crap in her life, it seems that she has chosen to be with an Ex rather than me. So be it. We broke up.

Feel a bit numb. Has not fully sink it yet. Despite that, I am feeling hopeful as well. In any case, this is day 1.

Dude, you did the correct thing. A man should not tolerate that sort of BS. Things will get better and you will find a woman who will not subject you to sh1t like that.