The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[5chm1dd1]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved. It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't. Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing and she's now lost all feelings for me. 2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time. She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home. It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

What you feel now is completely normal, I was exactly where you are now roughly 7 months ago.

Read the Bible, initiate NC ASAP and don't play along her bs. Set your boundaries, and keep them.
She had her choice, and all this "I need time for myself buhuhuhu" bullsh#t only serves one purpose : for her to check out other d1ck while still being able to come back to you, as you're still on her hook.

But hell no! You're not going to play this game, as you're going to become a better man.

Trust me, it'll hurt a. F. The first few weeks or months, but in the long run you'll be f#cking glad she did this.

Keep your head up Bro, it'll all pass by and you'll get through this!

 

[MrAddiction]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved.

Whatever it was, your gut told you from the begining that she is untrustworthy. Broken trust is hardly to be resolved. Never make that mistake again and start with a Girl you do not trust. After Reading the whole post that alone makes it impossible for you to continue a relationship with that Girl. Because now there will be more distrust.

It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't.

If you had reason to not Trust her, and you had as you said she caused that from the begining, then you did not fcuk up, you just reached the limit of being able to ignore what your gut was telling you all way along.

Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing

If someone wants an objektive on something, one asks a good and close friend - not some ex-flirt. And I would add that such a thing is better talked about via phone or in person, but maybe that Last thing is just my view which might be age related.

[/QUOTE]and she's now lost all feelings for me.[/QUOTE]

After just three days she lost all feelings for you. Forget about that bytch. She is not worth it.

2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time.

There is no such thing as a Break in a relationship. There is no time out, where she can look for something better and if nothing is found can come back to you. You are not a light switch. ONCE the light is out it is over. Forever. Everybody has one chance. Do never give a Girl a Second chance. Never give a LTR a second try. Never make the same mistake twice. You do not want to relive that relationship again. It will not get better. It will get worse. You will never be able to Trust her anymore. There is only one chance for ones trust for everyone.
Hers is gone!

She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home.

She will Never ever get a possibility to tread you that way again. Women think they can get away with sich behavior and Most Time they do. But you are a man. You will nötig accept that. You will remember that Bad behavior when she comes crawling back. You will Show her the door.

It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

Listen: it is over. You will not go to her and ask for closure or to,be honest. Either you text her that it is over and then NC. Or you to straigth ahead NC and do know for yourself that it is over and act on this basis.


And like always let me remind you of the important Iron Rule no 7 of Rollo Tomassi: Never get back with an ex.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Thank you guys. The last 2-3 days, I've spent talking with male and female friends, talking with family members and I've been reading a sh*t-ton of NC stuff. F*ck her, stupid *****. It hurts a little to say that because I love her and I know, deep down, she's a good person. But that mother ****er Francesco dude (ex flirt), has corrupted her mind. I'll get over her once I start school and become social again. But there's still 5 months left before that will happen. Already last week we planned dates for the next weeks and what to do in the summer, going on trips and ****. Now, that stuff is out of the window.

Again, I'm working with her. I will of course only talk about work related stuff and be professional. It just hurts, that the days we used to work together, we always went home to my place. Now I have to get used, to go home alone and just tell her "Thank you for today."

By the way. I'm currently reading a lot of stuff about NC on the internet. Yesterday I read a blog from a guy called BlackDragon.

It's basically NC. But it's a little different, it's about ignoring her for 4-6 months, completely. Unless, she wants contact.

I'm quoting a little:
If she contacts you first, completely out of the blue, then it’s okay to respond even if it’s well before four months. This is likely a indicator of interest, and is often a good sign.

Respond to her in a casual, non-needy, outcome independent way. Feel her out and find out why she’s contacting you. If she’s contacting you for a purely logistical reason, like she wants her leather jacket she left at your house for a date with her New Boyfriend on Saturday, then robotically address the logistics as fast as you possibly can and then terminate the conversation as fast as possible. Then start the four-month ignore timer all over again.

If she’s contacting you because she’s bored or just wants to talk, this is great news. Suggest she comes over to your place and proceed as normal into her pants. If you get serious resistance to the idea of her coming over or seeing you, terminate the conversation as fast as you can and reset the four-month ignore timer again.

Eventually, if you do this as I’m describing, you will have sex with her again. It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy ***** or extreme ******* while you were dating her the first time around.

--

Soo basically. I don't know whether I should follow his NC or this NC challenge? Of course, my ex (yeah, I'm referring her to my ex now, grr.) is a very, very stubborn woman. I doubt she'll even contact me.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Soo basically. I don't know whether I should follow his NC or this NC challenge? Of course, my ex (yeah, I'm referring her to my ex now, grr.) is a very, very stubborn woman. I doubt she'll even contact me.

Her not contacting you ever again would be the best that could happen.

And even if she contacts you, what about it?
The only reason for you to respond would be that you still had interest in rekindling with her. But hell no, I don't think you want that.
You couldn't trust her before, so do you think that now it'll be better?
Plus, once it's been dragged to the curb, you don't go roaming through the garbage.

You'll move on, and you'll find a better and hotter chick sooner than you think.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

 

[5chm1dd1]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

60 days, not months

But yes, it works to the point that you'll definitely feel a lot better at that point.

The working part really sucks a$s, but try to minimize the contact at work as much as possible.

The time you need to get over an ex depends on many factors, for example the time you were together, whether it's your first time going through this, and how deep your love was.

Don't stress yourself, you'll take just the time you need. And if you're still feeling down in a few months, what about it. Then you'll just have to wait a few months more.
It's your recovery, and nobody has the right to tell you how long it should take you.

Just don't make the mistake of isolating yourself from the rest of the world and drowning yourself in pity, hate and alcohol.
Go through the motions like a man, and use this opportunity to improve yourself in any possible way, for example sports or your coping ability.

 

[Killakittie]

I struggle with sometimes secretly wanting her back. But i remind myself the reality of who she is and not what my mind wants her to be. The sad thing is i feel so lost sometimes and i don't know what to do so i just go with the motions until it passes. I have good days and off days and right when i feel myself getting my self back she starts popping up again! That's where I've always made the mistake of reciprocating. Then it feels like all my progress is erased and i got to start over.

Going through this with her has got my sense of self confidence and self esteem thrown off. I still love her and i hate myself for it. If she could change, stop bringing other men into our marriage, stop lying, stop being disrespectful i would welcome her back but i know my mind is fooling itself. That person never existed, i was in denial, and now i need to figure out how to break these damn chains. It doesn't change the fact that i still feel that way, and I'm left wondering how i allowed myself to fall into this trap .

I'm going on day two of NC but this is pretty routine for her. I expect she'll try to reach out by the end of the week. That's when i need to be ready.

 

[dude99]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved. It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't. Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing and she's now lost all feelings for me. 2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time. She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home. It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

On Thursday before she even has a chance to say anything to you, you say this to her:

I've had these last few days of peace and quiet to think things through. It's over. My decision is final. Goodbye. Take care.

Then walk away and have nothing to do with her ever again. You already know she is dating the old flirt. You know deep down she welcomed his attention with open arms.

Go full no contact after you say those words to her. If you wait for "her decision" it will only hurt you more. Make it YOUR decison this way it is in your frame and you are walking away.

 

[Killakittie]

From here on, stay completely NC, except for the divorce stuff.

You need to keep her away from you as far as possible, otherwise she will proceed to try to destroy your life and you.

Keep your head up, May isn't that far away. Stay strong Bro!

In the last week I've landed three dates and had two more set up that fell through. For the most part the longer I'm away from her the better i feel. It's when she starts coming around when i have the issues. Most times i do pretty good ignoring her. It's when I'm horney or just missing what i thought we had is when i respond. I also still feel guilty for seeing other women even though she's cheated and lied to me since I've known her. I've had some pretty damn cool dates so far though and looking forward to more. I just want to take things in moderation and try to heal from the damage she caused.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

 

[MrAddiction]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

Do not stress yourself to much. For sure you wish you were still together. But you wish to he together with the girl you knew and had fun with. This person does bot exist anymore. It is only an illusion you keep within yourself. It's like remembering your good days as a kid, but we both know these days won't come back. Same with the ex you remember in glorious colours.

Important and the thing about NC is that you get to know as less as possible about her life. Best nothing. Everything you get to know about her will make your mind Spin and Open up old wounds. Guy believe me I know what I am talking about. Due to the fact you have to work with her, keep any communiction only business related. Cut any talking immediately off, if she is trying to Talk about personal stuff.

That having said, let this be a warning to all other readers not to **** where you eat. If things went south, NC and moving on will be all the harder.

 

[MrAddiction]

I struggle with sometimes secretly wanting her back. But i remind myself the reality of who she is and not what my mind wants her to be. The sad thing is i feel so lost sometimes and i don't know what to do so i just go with the motions until it passes. I have good days and off days and right when i feel myself getting my self back she starts popping up again! That's where I've always made the mistake of reciprocating. Then it feels like all my progress is erased and i got to start over.

Going through this with her has got my sense of self confidence and self esteem thrown off. I still love her and i hate myself for it. If she could change, stop bringing other men into our marriage, stop lying, stop being disrespectful i would welcome her back but i know my mind is fooling itself. That person never existed, i was in denial, and now i need to figure out how to break these damn chains. It doesn't change the fact that i still feel that way, and I'm left wondering how i allowed myself to fall into this trap .

I'm going on day two of NC but this is pretty routine for her. I expect she'll try to reach out by the end of the week. That's when i need to be ready.

Man I can feel you. It is exactly the way I feel. My mind is not willing to see her as one person, it's either the good or the bad site. Unfortunately even that is normal if you were involved with a Cluster B. And I am out now 10 month. First I thought I would be strong enough. But the more I knew about her, she kept contacting me every Second week, the worse my Situation got or I startet my recovery at Point zero.
I went NC since end of November. Did not reply to anything over the holidays only and had to Break NC three weeks ago, to tell her calling 15times per day is not an option.
What I am trying to say, I know where you are emotionaly right now and tell you that NC is definately helping. I am doing way better now. What you Must learn is to gain some willpower against yourself, your urige to contact her. Next Time, you think contacting her, you First post on here, we will set your head straigth!

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Do not stress yourself to much. For sure you wish you were still together. But you wish to he together with the girl you knew and had fun with. This person does bot exist anymore. It is only an illusion you keep within yourself. It's like remembering your good days as a kid, but we both know these days won't come back. Same with the ex you remember in glorious colours.

Important and the thing about NC is that you get to know as less as possible about her life. Best nothing. Everything you get to know about her will make your mind Spin and Open up old wounds. Guy believe me I know what I am talking about. Due to the fact you have to work with her, keep any communiction only business related. Cut any talking immediately off, if she is trying to Talk about personal stuff.

That having said, let this be a warning to all other readers not to **** where you eat. If things went south, NC and moving on will be all the harder.

You're absolutely right. As my friend earlier told me today "I'm sure that for the most of the time, she is very sweet and very caring.. but it's the tough times, you get to see the true personality of people." Exactly. She IS sweet and she IS very caring. But like you said, that was during the times she we were in love. We just recently got a new waiter (he's a guy and he's the only waiter who's a dude at work). She hasn't really spoken to him since a staff meeting last monday. Yesterday or today, it looks like she added him on Facebook. Sure, it could be work related, but why the hell didn't she do it earlier then? I know she hates me now because of the brainwashing that Francesco dude has been giving her.. but I don't know how to handle seeing her laugh and having fun with the new waiter, if that happens? Because she laughs a lot. And I know, she will try to make me jealous. The new waiter isn't ugly at all, he looks like a real f*ckboy. Should I tell him out of respect for me, that he shouldn't flirt or try anything with my ex, when a time comes?

 

[5chm1dd1]

In the last week I've landed three dates and had two more set up that fell through. For the most part the longer I'm away from her the better i feel. It's when she starts coming around when i have the issues. Most times i do pretty good ignoring her. It's when I'm horney or just missing what i thought we had is when i respond. I also still feel guilty for seeing other women even though she's cheated and lied to me since I've known her. I've had some pretty damn cool dates so far though and looking forward to more. I just want to take things in moderation and try to heal from the damage she caused.

The feeling of guilt is normal, I had that too.
Trust me, it'll pass with time.

You just go on with your life in the speed you decide is right. Nobody has the right to tell you how fast you move on, how fast you heal and how fast you get another girl.

Do what you want, it's your life. In my eyes, that's the true definition of being an "Alpha": do only what you think is right without giving a sh#t about what others think.
And this includes your healing. In my opinion, the more time it takes you, the better and more profound your healing and personal closure will be.
Maybe some will disagree, and I don't say that it's the truth for everybody, but that's what I've been going through.
The more somebody told me, or even tried to convince me to move on, the worse it got.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

Just one thing to this post:

DON'T LET YOUR PAST TAKE AWAY THAT MUCH FROM YOUR PRESENT.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Easier said than done, but you're right. It just keeps swallowing me up inside right now.
The past - What could I had done different, this or that, this or that.
The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

Can't wait for Thursday, I just need to let her go asap and go NC.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Easier said than done, but you're right. It just keeps swallowing me up inside right now.
The past - What could I had done different, this or that, this or that.
The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

Can't wait for Thursday, I just need to let her go asap and go NC.

I know, and as I said before: no stress.
It's still very fresh, so it's alright and more than normal.

The past- What if, what if, what if... F#ck this, honestly, can you change it? No. So why torture yourself any further?
Again, those thoughts are normal, and they will fade with time, don't worry.

The future- it's YOURS! you decide what happens, and with whom it happens, so there's no reason to freak out about neither.

Hit us/me up on Thursday on how it all went, and prepare yourself appropriately. You can do it, as we've all been able to do it, one way or another.

 

[dude99]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

A little heads up for your future relationships

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

 

[5chm1dd1]

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

This.

One of the hardest lessons to learn, but also one of the most important.

 

[MrAddiction]

The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

No that is not your future. Your future plans with her belong to your past now. Something that will never happen and only was another nice illussion.
It is hard to realize but it is done.