The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[soulforge]

Three years before the last time i asked her to leave which was Jan of 16. This entire last year she's been trying to get me back and I was holding out hope she might "wake up" and start putting real effort into her marriage. So there was alot of back and forth during that time.

Thats quite abit of history man.. mine was 2 years, but not that much going back and forth..

Do you think you would had been better off walking away way back then??

 

[soulforge]

The fact that she is on tinder only shows how desperate she has become for attention, validation, and companionship. Tinder is the absolute worst, most degrading, most time wasting social app a woman can possibly find herself on. The men there will only waste her time and look to use her, which is probably the only thing she is good for.

To break free from a relationship with a toxic woman is one of the hardest things to accomplish in life - the toll on you both mentally and emotionally will be great.....

but the peace in your life once it is over will be greater.

Don't let yourself get sucked back in. Stay NC and eliminate this toxic fvcked up woman from your life!

Bradd80 whats your perspective on the healing processes if it was me who did the dumping? Even tho it was some what a forced dumping.. offcourse I would have preferred for things to have worked out with her.

And dumping someone you love is hard as fuk man!

As the dumper should it be a little easier to move on? Than the dude how got treated like chit by a toxic woman, then for her to dump him too on top of that.

Isn't that a much bigger blow to take on? I mean i dumped, walked away, no begging, pleading, wanting to talk etc..

Blocked, and walked the **** away..

 

[Lion1985]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

 

[soulforge]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

I have done exactly that man... changed my mobile sim card.. she cannot call, text, nothing!!

Its a hard fuking thing to do man.. for all i know she could be texting me, begging etc..

But i feel i have no choice but to cut this woman out forever.. otherwise she will mentally destroy me!

Going back to her does not seem an option anymore.. i do not trust her any longer, i do not believe she has my interests at heart... so why the fuk hold on..

Why sit there watching my phone, holding on to hope!

 

[Roober]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

You can also block her number. Texts will not go through and she can leave a voicemail, but that is unlikely because on her end, it will ring once and the line goes dead for a while tll VM picks up.

 

[soulforge]

One thing i am learning from this experience.. never ever over look red flags..

Never put up with any bad behaviour.. dump and walk away sooner... rather than a year or two down the line!

Longer you stay with a toxic woman.. bigger price you will pay..

When I look back now.. it was crystal clear, I should have dumped her 3 months into the relationship.. instead I carried on with her for nearly 2 years!!

 

[soulforge]

Toxic women are lots of fun......... for a short time.

You can help them fill the first few months together with lots of hot sex, but sticking around after that is dangerous territory. After a month or two tops, it's time to GTFO. Slam and dash is the only way to go with these women, sticking around any longer than the first few months and you open yourself up to all kinds of insanity, humiliation, degradation, and colossal mindfvcking on scale you could not believe was possible.

Amen to this.. at first it won't be so obvious, especially if she is quite successful.. good job, house car..

You might think you landed on a good one here.. few months in, you will notice something is wrong..

Within a few months I knew her behaviour was not right.. on several occasions i felt like pulling the plug on the relationship, but held on in the hope things MAY get better..

But she is who she is.. you can't fix how she behaves..

Just get out, as soon as you sense something is wrong.. don't let the sex and her pretty face fool you

 

[Billtx49]

Amen to this.. at first it won't be so obvious, especially if she is quite successful.. good job, house car..

You might think you landed on a good one here.. few months in, you will notice something is wrong..

Within a few months I knew her behaviour was not right.. on several occasions i felt like pulling the plug on the relationship, but held on in the hope things MAY get better..

But she is who she is.. you can't fix how she behaves..

Just get out, as soon as you sense something is wrong.. don't let the sex and her pretty face fool you

Amen again. If she triangulates on you and she branches to the new guy, he just earned best friend status by taking her off your hands.

 

[soulforge]

Amen again. If she triangulates on you and she branches to the new guy, he just earned best friend status by taking her off your hands.

Well this is how I am beginning to see things now man, she is someone elses problem!

At first when I ended it, i felt fuking devestated.. she agreed with the break up, and i felt even fuking worse..

but seriously looking back now the fog is clearing somewhat..

what the fuk did this chick really have to offer me??

01. Long distance relationship
02. Sex once a week sometimes once a fortnight
03. Rudeness
04. Embarrassed me infront of her friend & family a couple of times
05. No long term future or living together, no marriage
06. She is 50 fuking years old
07. She never apologises or aknowledges the things she does wrong
08. She was a bar girl at the age of 50, regular in and out of bars in her city.. so big risk factor there
09. We lived together for 4 months, and she walked out as soon as things got a little tough.
10. A big loss in trust her, after the last break up
11. She is very imature for her age, dresses like a 25 year old, constantly in high heels
12. Passive Agressive drama every so often

Why the hell do I gain in holding onto a woman like this.. she has NOTHING to offer me!

 

[soulforge]

lolwat?

Yes there is nothing much for positive in that list at all lol

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 5 of NC. She has left me alone over the weekend as well which is pretty extraordinary for her. This girl cannot be alone one day without having some communication. I imagine she is having fun with the Ex.

I had a good morning. Started lifting seriously again until I almost fainted. Missed the feeling. Am peace with myself.

On cue, she messages me this morning about some stuff I left at her apartment. They are not important (shoes etc). She wants to know should she come over to pass it to me or should she keep them until I am OK to see her again... Sounds like a valid question which warrants a short answer (throw them away) but honestly I rather be on NC and not respond... Any advice? Fundamentally, I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I am hurting.

 

[Lion1985]

I have done exactly that man... changed my mobile sim card.. she cannot call, text, nothing!!

Its a hard fuking thing to do man.. for all i know she could be texting me, begging etc..

But i feel i have no choice but to cut this woman out forever.. otherwise she will mentally destroy me!

Going back to her does not seem an option anymore.. i do not trust her any longer, i do not believe she has my interests at heart... so why the fuk hold on..

Why sit there watching my phone, holding on to hope!

i will do the same thing bro
blocking apps are not an alternative, i will fight allthe time the urge to uninstall them
i need a radical cure, im to weak, i need this symbolic, final step, to make a restart.
i will get my new xiaomi device tomorrow, will put in a new sim card.
and symbolic i will throm the old device into the river next to me, with the sim, or the sim will be cut in the half.
i have to kill the hope that she will someday contact me
as girls are sms-types they will never know you have a new number
i very rarely had girls contacting my after some time be phonecalls, only sms.
they will not know you have a new digit, they will think you just ignore them.
man this must be hard for you.
do you sometimes maybe regret it to throw away the old number?
or its eventually better and you feel relief?
what you did with your whatsapp app connected to the old number, you deleted the whole account connected with the old number or just let it as it was?

but i dont want to regret it, what if she contacts me in some months....its soo hard...

 

[soulforge]

dude if she was a toxic person in your life, why would you want her to come back in some months time?

if she was a good person, and things just went wrong, then I get it.. you might want her to get back to you..

but if she was toxic, then do whatever it takes to get her out of your life, even change numbers.. do it for your own sanity

 

[Lion1985]

dude if she was a toxic person in your life, why would you want her to come back in some months time?

if she was a good person, and things just went wrong, then I get it.. you might want her to get back to you..

but if she was toxic, then do whatever it takes to get her out of your life, even change numbers.. do it for your own sanity

was she toxic? yes maybe a little bit, but i was neither an angel, i was controlling and jaleous

the biggest problem in our relationship was her mother, she was against us.

she has very big power and influence over her, she did everything to sabotage or relationship, so often no harmony between us..

I broke NC of 4 months, managed to bang her several times despite she was seeing someone new since 5 weeks.

She dont want to break up with him, he is her "Soulmate" (TM), I told her i have feelings and I miss her, freindship is not possible

than something weir happened:

some days later, last weekend, a sms woke me up at 3 am!, its her, she is now at a disco with her friends, i shoul join if i want and not asleep yet (flirty sms with smileys)

-> WHY IS SHE WRITING THIS?

Why is she sending an sms at 3.am to join her at a party, despite she has a SOULMATE and dont wanna break up with him?

-> Does she missed me at this moment?
-> Does she want to check if her puppy dog will appear at the party to show her friends how important she is for me?

I cant understand the sense behind this sms at 3 am!

I ignored the sms, I never showed up at the party, and also next day nothing, currently at 3rd day of NC.

Now im starting to doubt my action:

Mybe i should have answered the sms, showed up at the party and have a good time with her, than she would maybe realize....

Maybe i fvcked up every chance to change her mind...

 

[dude99]

Day 5 of NC. She has left me alone over the weekend as well which is pretty extraordinary for her. This girl cannot be alone one day without having some communication. I imagine she is having fun with the Ex.

I had a good morning. Started lifting seriously again until I almost fainted. Missed the feeling. Am peace with myself.

On cue, she messages me this morning about some stuff I left at her apartment. They are not important (shoes etc). She wants to know should she come over to pass it to me or should she keep them until I am OK to see her again... Sounds like a valid question which warrants a short answer (throw them away) but honestly I rather be on NC and not respond... Any advice? Fundamentally, I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I am hurting.

If you have no use for the shoes and stuff just ignore her. She will try to contact you a couple more times. Ignore her attempts. She will get pisssed off and then tell you she threw them away, hoping to get a rise out of you. Ignore ignore ignore.

If the stuff is of no value then there is no need to talk to her anymore.

 

[resilient]

You can also block her number. Texts will not go through...

Solid advice.

Day 2

I blocked her number so texts won't go through yesterday. I blocked her email address as well. If she tries to send anything it won't show up in my inbox and will continue to be ignored in the spam folder. I know if I got an email soon it would just be her whining for me to come pick up a few pointless replaceable objects... no thanks!

I saw a picture of her out on an upscale lunch date, dressed up with another guy Sunday, smiling and bragging how nice the weather was in her caption all the while, we were trying to "patch up" over the weekend over spontaneous texting. The picture felt like a knife in the stomach. I then deleted my Instagram so I won't lurk to see her or our mutual friends pictures.

It can't be stated in this thread enough: Blocking on all social media, electronic devices and absolute strict NC is the best medicine for recovery.

Today after work, I'm looking forward to buying that amazing acoustic guitar to get my mind off dating and especially the ex.

 

[Reboot2017]

If you have no use for the shoes and stuff just ignore her. She will try to contact you a couple more times. Ignore her attempts. She will get pisssed off and then tell you she threw them away, hoping to get a rise out of you. Ignore ignore ignore.

If the stuff is of no value then there is no need to talk to her anymore.

I going with that mantra... Ignore, ignore, ignore...

 

[Jozzy44]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

 

[Desdinova]

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact?

That shouldn't matter. The purpose of no contact is to help yourself heal and move on.

how do I ensure that she does

Again, it's irrelevant. She told you she wants it to be over. Your job now is to make sure the relationship is 100% finished. Every woman should get one chance per lifetime. If she fvcks it up, she will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of her life. You'll be able to find another woman.

3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

Very likely. Women can replace men very easily until they get older and their age begins to show.

 

[dude99]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

To fix your problems in this relationship, next her. Go date other women. This one is done. Afterall she kept saying so.

Meet new women. Date new women