The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[unsycu]

As Lotus Effect explained quite well in his previous post on the other page this is not true. Time DOES NOT heal everything.

Its how you SPEND your time that determines whether you will heal or not!

If you spend your time wallowing in a pit of anguish and despair then all of eternity wont even be enough time for you to heal.

BUT, If you spend your time bettering yourself and continually self-improving then it will be absurd how LITTLE time it will take to heal. 2-3 months MAX.

Its all about how you spend your time. That is one of the HUGE misconceptions of break ups and the healing process!

 

[JonnySays]

alright Gents before I begin this ...

First I'll tell you my situation. My gf confessed she was bored and wanted a guy to take care of her and blah blah, but wanted to remain friends and stuff. Same old **** line. However, I've gotten with her before when she said this. Usually, I don't contact her for a week and then come back and show her one of the best times she ever had and look ****ing sharp as **** on that date. This leads to sex and getting back. But I feel this time is different I asked her out and she doesn't want to go out.

Yet I told her to print an application for a job, of course, I didn't care about this application she fights about but agrees to it and the following happens:

She kept saying how much she misses me and hell she even kissed me. She was smiling and saying how it was hard to move on blah blah blah... I'm a good guy...Even bought me food, but at the end said she wants time alone and started crying and hugged me. I didn't cry tho for some reason just got in the car and left. I was actually really aloof the whole time.

For me is another of her **** test. I told her that for me is just time away and I never agreed to anything. Which is true I do need some time away for I can start my business and find another job and get scrawny again (I'm skinny fat =/ )

I know I don't want to take care of her and all that nonsense. However, I don't mind taking her on dates and just having a dating vibe. Not ready for marriage or taking care of some chick- I do love her tho and care about her.

That same night we ate chicken together I ****ed up and called her. She angrily blurted out said she just wanted me to be a man blah blah in which I just smirked it off...and kept asking me all types of **** test. " did you cry?" etc... However, we left on the note that we would see what would happen in one or two months but she keeps poking me on facebook and texts me just now ahhh!!

When she pokes me on facebook it means, she misses me....( trap or no trap) I deleted her poke.

So what do you guys think? 60 days /30 days or 2 weeks challenge not even sure at this point. But I want to get it across to her that....

1) I am a man
2) I'm not someone to be friend zoned unless I'm doing the friend zoning...
3) don't ever disrespect me in such a manner.... also by the way she lost her virginity to me so yeah....

 

[unsycu]

Day 4

Sorry everyone, I'm going to break. Soon.

I've been doing everything right so far. Been to the gym every day since Day 1, eating right, talking to girls, and focusing on school. Lost weight, haven't gained a ton of new muscle obviously but feel like I'm on the way there. It's been a rollercoaster, sometimes I feel amazing and free from someone who doesn't deserve me. Other times I don't want to get out of bed and all I can think about is the future we'll never have.

However, today I wrote her a letter. I didn't have any intention of sending it when I started, but that changed. As I wrote it, I found myself editing it to the point where I really was writing it for her, and not just for myself any more. It made me feel much better, but my brain is so messed up that I'm not sure if it's because I was able to get my thoughts out, or if it was because I started to believe I could get her back again.

In it, I told her I understood she needed time to take care of herself (to recap, she really has been dealing with a major family issue and is studying for a major, difficult professional exam; but I still no idea if that's just an excuse). I said I wasn't asking for her back or to change her mind, but wanted her to know where I stand. That even though I still love her, and that I'm still interested in continuing where we left off when she's ready, I need to move on with my life and don't know how I'll feel down the road.

Yup, I'm an AFC right now, I'm weak as hell. It's a stupid move and I'll regret it. I'm not going to send this for a few days, if at all, so I have time to think it over. But I'm such a mess that I feel like if I'm going to move on anyway, she might as well know exactly how I feel, just in case it's that small chance that she really had personal issues, made a mistake, and comes to her senses.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Dont send the letter. It will make it worse. She will read it to her new bf or her girls and laugh at you. Control yourself goddamnit!

 

[unsycu]

Dont send the letter. It will make it worse. She will read it to her new bf or her girls and laugh at you. Control yourself goddamnit!

In all likelihood, yeah. But if either way she's gone, what do I care if she thinks I'm a joke? Is there no chance that she's not just f***ing with me and she really is figuring things out? That she's not cruel and could take my words to heart? I've been screwed over by terrible girlfriends whom I wouldn't give the pleasure of a chance to ridicule me. But this girl is a good person who I know still cares about me in some capacity. If she laughs, f*** her. But if she doesn't...

EDIT:

You just posted this in a threat about reasons women go cold:

Many reasons, doesn't always have to be another guy.
Busy at work/school, something social, maybe she had something medically going on, herpes breakout or something .

Couldn't this just be a more extreme version of that?

 

[QuadDeuces]

In all likelihood, yeah. But if either way she's gone, what do I care if she thinks I'm a joke? Is there no chance that she's not just f***ing with me and she really is figuring things out? That she's not cruel and could take my words to heart? I've been screwed over by terrible girlfriends whom I wouldn't give the pleasure of a chance to ridicule me. But this girl is a good person who I know still cares about me in some capacity. If she laughs, f*** her. But if she doesn't...

EDIT:

You just posted this in a threat about reasons women go cold:



Couldn't this just be a more extreme version of that?

Trust me, I've sent those letters in the past and have been disrespected more.
But I've also received letters from girls whom I have broken up with, many pages of emotional wallowing. I didn't even read every line of it because it was so cringily awkward to read, but it was easy to read between the lines.
The only thing the letters showed me was that it reinforced that the girl was beneath me and I deserved better and maybe I could call her if I'm bored at a later time with no other options.
I even showed it to a friend to boast, "look at this crazy girl begging for me, glad I got away from the drama in time" .
In the meanwhile my head was already in another dimension, work, other girls, everything, no emotional connection whatsoever to the ex, only a disgusted feeling of awkwardness.

Keep your dignity man, she's in another dimension, she will never read the letter with the same emotion as you are writing it.
Sending letters will only add more drama and emotional baggage, and reinforces her position.

 

[unsycu]

Trust me, I've sent those letters in the past and have been disrespected more.
But I've also received letters from girls whom I have broken up with, many pages of emotional wallowing. I didn't even read every line of it because it was so cringily awkward to read, but it was easy to read between the lines.
The only thing the letters showed me was that it reinforced that the girl was beneath me and I deserved better and maybe I could call her if I'm bored at a later time with no other options.
I even showed it to a friend to boast, "look at this crazy girl begging for me, glad I got away from the drama in time" .
In the meanwhile my head was already in another dimension, work, other girls, everything, no emotional connection whatsoever to the ex, only awkwardness.

Keep your dignity man, she's in another dimension, she will never read the letter with the same emotion as you are writing it.
Sending letters will only add more drama and emotional baggage, and reinforces her position.

I know you're right. I've gotten those letters before and they don't make a damn bit of difference. I'm just still trying to rationalize that it's not over in my head. I'll stay the course for now but it's tough.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I'm at 14 or 15 days no contact myself.
It's definately getting easier by the day now, had one hoover attempt but didn't respond.
I'm lifiting weights, and play team sports, and watch a lot of youtube videos about the law of attraction, and abundance mentality.
Wrote down a list of all the things that annoyed me about her.
But also making plans about a trip I want to take, and a course I want to take in my extra spare time now.
I have one FWB but haven't met her in over a week or so, I just want to detox from women for a while and focus on my own life.
I noticed I was slowly losing my character whilst dating this girl because I was putting my life goals on a backburner and most of my time went into her.

 

[MrAddiction]

just in case it's that small chance that she really had personal issues, made a mistake, and comes to her senses

If that would be the case, she was to come to her senses eventhough without your letter. You can not change the emotions of a women by sending a letter where you wallowed all your emotions. What a women cares least is how you feel. She only cares about how you make them feel.
Do not send that letter. It has at all the negative sideeffect that you are waiting desperately for any Kind of reaction, what does only one thing; keep you away from moving on.
And to make sure you will not send that letter. You go out NOW and Burn that letter! Do it.
If you the after a few days still think you should send it, you will have to write it again. And the hope is that at least than you come to mind and realize that it is not worth the effort.

You can do nothing to change her mind. She ended it. She knew it was not your idea. So she knows you would still want to be together with her.

Do not send that letter. Do not break No contact.

 

[MrAddiction]

It s again on of those days where you wake up and wish back for the happy days.

Knowing there is no going back nor a possibility to relive the good times, so there is no benefit in breaking no contact. I will stay strong.

It realy feels like being heroin addicted. Longing for something that you know will never be there again neither really might have been. It's like searching for the artificial paradies.
That is so draining.

 

[unsycu]

If that would be the case, she was to come to her senses eventhough without your letter. You can not change the emotions of a women by sending a letter where you wallowed all your emotions. What a women cares least is how you feel. She only cares about how you make them feel.
Do not send that letter. It has at all the negative sideeffect that you are waiting desperately for any Kind of reaction, what does only one thing; keep you away from moving on.
And to make sure you will not send that letter. You go out NOW and Burn that letter! Do it.
If you the after a few days still think you should send it, you will have to write it again. And the hope is that at least than you come to mind and realize that it is not worth the effort.

You can do nothing to change her mind. She ended it. She knew it was not your idea. So she knows you would still want to be together with her.

Do not send that letter. Do not break No contact.

Letter is gone. But I know someday soon I'll be weak again.

 

[MrAddiction]

Letter is gone. But I know someday soon I'll be weak again.

Sure you will be. But instead of replying or calling you will come back here again and get your Head set straight - maybe not by me, but trust me, there will be somebody calling you out.
Always remember. You found this site. You are a lucky guy. Most other guys out there have not such kinda supporting "familiy". Make use of it - whenever you need it.

 

[unsycu]

Sure you will be. But instead of replying or calling you will come back here again and get your Head set straight - maybe not by me, but trust me, there will be somebody calling you out.
Always remember. You found this site. You are a lucky guy. Most other guys out there have not such kinda supporting "familiy". Make use of it - whenever you need it.

Day 5

I really appreciate it. The more I think about contacting her or sending her something the worse of an idea it seems. I could have made a huge mistake. I hope anyone reading this follows suit.

EITHER she's not thinking about me at all, in which case she's not the person I thought she was or the kind of person I'd ever want to be with anyway, and I'll get to the point where she's dead to me and I don't think about her any more in a hurry. OR she's thinking about me and she'll be spinning the wheel in her head wondering where the hell I went and why I'm not begging for her back.

In the first case, contacting her won't do a thing, and make me feel like sh*t when she ignores it or rakes me over the coals again. In the second case, contacting her only stops that wheel.

 

[MrAddiction]

In the first case, contacting her won't do a thing, and make me feel like sh*t when she ignores it or rakes me over the coals again. In the second case, contacting her only stops that wheel.

And that is exactly it. Contacting will do you shyt.
3. contacting or hoping for contact hinders you to move on. Get your life back (half Said to you, half to me)

 

[Roober]

Day 5

I really appreciate it. The more I think about contacting her or sending her something the worse of an idea it seems. I could have made a huge mistake. I hope anyone reading this follows suit.

EITHER she's not thinking about me at all, in which case she's not the person I thought she was or the kind of person I'd ever want to be with anyway, and I'll get to the point where she's dead to me and I don't think about her any more in a hurry. OR she's thinking about me and she'll be spinning the wheel in her head wondering where the hell I went and why I'm not begging for her back.

In the first case, contacting her won't do a thing, and make me feel like sh*t when she ignores it or rakes me over the coals again. In the second case, contacting her only stops that wheel.

Agreed! You will feel temporary relief, then sink back down. Just have to go completely no contact. No text, social media, letters, nothing... It really is the best way to heal. Use the time to work on you and you alone. Think of something you have wanted to do for a long time and go do it!

 

[QuadDeuces]

She probably thinks of you a lot, but not really in a way that she misses you, perhaps she feels sadness out of empathy for you, but the biggest thing she feels is that she dropped a burden bag of sand from her shoulders. (Otherwise she wouldnt have dumped you.)

Just look at it from the third person, and think of the girls you dumped yourself, what did you feel? Perhaps you felt some sadness because you hurt the girl, but you didn't really miss her, in fact you were glad she was gone because she was holding you down, perhaps you missed the sex, but her personality flaws didn't outweigh the quality of sex.

It was only if the girl went NC and didn't beg and send awkward humiliating letters, you would be curious after a few months and you looked her up on Facebook to see what she was up to.

But in reality NC is not for her but for you, think of the burden you got rid of, make a list of all the bad things about her, make another list about all the moments she made you feel like sh*t. And make a third list about all the goals you are going to achieve besides girls.
Learn xx language.
Gain xx pound of muscle.
Travel to xx country.
Carreer advancements
Explore cultural interest
Anything

You have no one holding you down anymore.

 

[phil2015]

Day 1

Things weren’t going too well between me and her recently, mainly due to
her contrast insecurity, mistrust and unusual behaviours. We spoke to each other
yesterday in the morning and she said she ‘loved me more than anything, and didn’t
want to lose me’ etc…….Yet when I had gone home I found she had left half a day
early and emptied the house of her things. She didn’t even tell me what she was doing
We lived together and she told me she had been planning what she would do in life for
WHEN we broke up, not IF. She had been planning these things out since November and
I said if that’s how you feel then I want her to go now, I did get mad and got a bit nasty but I
was so incredibly hurt by what she said. Here I am planning Valentine’s day meals, sending
flowers, buying Christmas presents for the last 3 months etc and all the while she’s thinking
of what she wants to do when it ‘all goes wrong’.

I was and am upset and confused as this was a massive shock to me so, I went to her mum’s house where
she had gone and we had a chat. She said she couldn’t get over some of the arguments we had and
things I said and did, so that’s why she left. I begged and cried, and we told each other we still loved
each other.

I feel she took the cowards way out, slipping away and throwing in the towel whilst I was elsewhere.
Such a shame, I offered her a good life, holidays, money, a family etc buy no doubt she’ll be online
dating and getting used and abused again like she did before.

I left and went home, called her a few times and spoke about things briefly. I had a lengthy chat with
her last night and she seemed to be questioning her decision about what had happened, and I hope she
regrets it.

After this I have gone NC and deleted all of her facebook/numbers/mum etc
I’m trying my best but I can’t stop thinking about her and its really hard!

 

[MrAddiction]

was so incredibly hurt by what she said. Here I am planning Valentine’s day meals, sending
flowers, buying Christmas presents for the last 3 months etc and all the while she’s thinking
of what she wants to do when it ‘all goes wrong’.

Women always plan their exist long time before.
You might like to read this
How Can Girls Change Feelings So Abruptly?
( I was searching for another Thread to post, but that one nails it either way - and reading this was a good reminder to me what my ex did and why I should stay no contact!)

Read that too.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...h-t-that-can-ever-happen-in-your-life.212047/

 

[unsycu]

Day 6

After the worst f*cking day yesterday, today has been the best (relatively, of course).

Last night I went on YouTube and looked up how to properly trim a beard and style my hair. For the first time ever I'm a decent looking guy who looks like he gives a sh*t. It's only been 6 days, but I've cooked clean meals every day, haven't had one bite of junk food, and haven't missed a day of working out. I've definitely lost weight and gained a little muscle definition already. I'm motivated as hell.

And then, of course, all I start thinking about is how much I want her to see me now and it all crashes back down. Goddamn it.

Tonight my crew is headed out into the city and going hard (no class/work tomorrow), and I'm going to get drunk and not give a f*ck. Pray for me that I don't drunk dial her...

 

[phil2015]

Pray for me that I don't drunk dial her...[/QUOTE]

Delete every way you have of contacting her....numbers/whattsap/call logs/messages etc

I've had to do the same thing to prevent myself ringing my ex up