The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

It's been 4 1/2 months since she left me.
No contact or anything since then.

She's still on my mind every day, even though I've started to approach girls (with success) and focusing on my life. Also I'm busy every day with sports, other Hobbys, trips and so on.

Why the hell is it so hard to get over your first love ffs?

Ends up like a drug addiction. Talking to other women helps immensely. Really gives you perspective on your ex and knocks her off that pedestal and helps with your confidence. If your ready, get out there, maybe start with OLD or cold approaching random people. Just strike up conversations with women, you don't even have to number close.

At two months, I can say that I still think about my ex every day, but I don't really get that longing feelings for her any more. I have even had a couple days where I don't recall even thinking of her. If at 4 months, you are still driving yourself crazy for her, you need to really start focusing on yourself. Gym, read, work, whatever...

 

[5chm1dd1]

Ends up like a drug addiction. Talking to other women helps immensely. Really gives you perspective on your ex and knocks her off that pedestal and helps with your confidence. If your ready, get out there, maybe start with OLD or cold approaching random people. Just strike up conversations with women, you don't even have to number close.

Well, I've been approaching other chicks, that's not the problem.

I guess it's only the fact that she was my first love which is holding me back.
This summer I'm going to be busy af, multiple festivals and trips to other countries, so yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Let's see how things are going to develop, I'm not that disappointed with my progress, even though I still sometimes wish that it would be over

 

[Roober]

Well, I've been approaching other chicks, that's not the problem.

I guess it's only the fact that she was my first love which is holding me back.
This summer I'm going to be busy af, multiple festivals and trips to other countries, so yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Let's see how things are going to develop, I'm not that disappointed with my progress, even though I still sometimes wish that it would be over

She was a life lesson, nothing more... think about if you would have stayed together. You would not get the opportunities you have now.

 

[Mick88]

Day 135

So I've had NC with the woman from last summer/autumn. I'm finally beginning to feel I'm over it. Every now and again I reminisce about the times we had together.
However, I'm realising now that the woman I invested in never existed, I idealized and projected everything I desire in a woman onto her.

I ignored so many red flags, right from the first date. I completely misjudged this woman.

The reality is that this woman:
- Has a history of violence/ threats of violence
- Claimed she was raped
- Has serious daddy issues
- Is on anti anxiety/depression medication
- Major ups and downs in mood
- Is highly promiscuous
- Gets what she wants out of someone then splits
- Is an attention/validation ***** aka lots of orbiters, still speaks to exes, highly flirtatous with guys.

I can see this now that I've got her out from under my skin. I think its highly likely she has BPD. I felt that her ditching me was a reflection of my worth, however I now realise that with her issues, it doesnt.

However, I've learn a few things:
- Never put a woman first ahead of yourself
- Don't ignore your gut, it bypasses your horniness and rationalization of red flags
- A woman who still talks to exes cannot be trusted, it indicates either they aren't over them or love the validation of their exes wanting them back.

This one went out on a date about a week after she ditched me with her ex who was begging for her back when I was seeing her, however, another week after that she hooked up with another guy.

Trying to make sense of a crazy woman like this can mess with your mind for a long time, I've just accepted that hoes will be hoes and you don't have to let them affect your self worth or sense of self.

 

[MrAddiction]

NC for two month

Hey guys,

I broke up in Juli with my what I suppose BPD ex after an 8year LTR because I thought she was kinda cheating.
Last time i saw her was two month ago. That time she already had her new Boyfriend - the guy I sensed she was cheating on me before - living together with her. He broke up with his wife for her and is 10 years oder than her.
Till then i thought I could handle the breakup. But seeiing that that guy had already moved in gave me a servere setback. I did not to back to zero in regards to recovering After breakup - I went back to -10!
Since then - the two month now - i have no contact. I did not respond to christmas greetings nor to some other bull****.

I feel like a moxxxerfcuking Heroinaddict! I know what **** she pulled me through- thats why I ended the LTR, but part of me still longs for her or the good things she did - or I thought she did. Especially the Last Free Werks have been hard because I got several ill, had to stay at home where WE lived together before an nobody there - feeling alone. On top: the meds I had to take did cause some kinda Depression an a known sideeffect. Due to that I relived the hole bull**** of the end of the LTR again.
I should hatte her - but I seem not to be able;-(( ...like a heroinaddict.

The day before yesterday she textet, whether I would celebrate my birthday, which is today. I ignored that. Thought what the fcuk. What does she think, to come and celebrate with me? With her new Boyfriend? But Even without him? What should that be like? Her telling of her new life?
Today she called and left a message, wishing me a happy birthday with some notion of me not responding to her texts, which definately pissed her Off in some way, and maybe sh would call again later.

What am I suppose to Do?
No contact or a small thank you?
If i will nor respond, she might Freaks out on me when she might see me next time in the Gym?
...and on the other hand I am afraid to never ever hear of her again...

I feel just fcuked:-(

Thanks for your help!

MrAddict

 

[finality]

NC for two month

Hey guys,

I broke up in Juli with my what I suppose BPD ex after an 8year LTR because I thought she was kinda cheating.
Last time i saw her was two month ago. That time she already had her new Boyfriend - the guy I sensed she was cheating on me before - living together with her. He broke up with his wife for her and is 10 years oder than her.
Till then i thought I could handle the breakup. But seeiing that that guy had already moved in gave me a servere setback. I did not to back to zero in regards to recovering After breakup - I went back to -10!
Since then - the two month now - i have no contact. I did not respond to christmas greetings nor to some other bull****.

I feel like a moxxxerfcuking Heroinaddict! I know what **** she pulled me through- thats why I ended the LTR, but part of me still longs for her or the good things she did - or I thought she did. Especially the Last Free Werks have been hard because I got several ill, had to stay at home where WE lived together before an nobody there - feeling alone. On top: the meds I had to take did cause some kinda Depression an a known sideeffect. Due to that I relived the hole bull**** of the end of the LTR again.
I should hatte her - but I seem not to be able;-(( ...like a heroinaddict.

The day before yesterday she textet, whether I would celebrate my birthday, which is today. I ignored that. Thought what the fcuk. What does she think, to come and celebrate with me? With her new Boyfriend? But Even without him? What should that be like? Her telling of her new life?
Today she called and left a message, wishing me a happy birthday with some notion of me not responding to her texts, which definately pissed her Off in some way, and maybe sh would call again later.

What am I suppose to Do?
No contact or a small thank you?
If i will nor respond, she might Freaks out on me when she might see me next time in the Gym?
...and on the other hand I am afraid to never ever hear of her again...

I feel just fcuked:-(

Thanks for your help!

MrAddict

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

 

[xstang77]

Day 29, Fvck me sideways, banged my bpd ex again last night now that I've learned how to handle her for an occasion booty call, made her come 6 times in a row, I was hoping new year new Pvssy but still working on that.

 

[Roober]

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

Agreed! If her new boyfriend was any good, she woouldn't even reach out to you...

 

[Carpathian]

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

^^^^^Absolutely this. If she knows you are reachable then it's a safety net in her mind.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 29, Fvck me sideways, banged my bpd ex again last night now that I've learned how to handle her for an occasion booty call, made her come 6 times in a row, I was hoping new year new Pvssy but still working on that.

Not good dude, even if you did get laid. You will never move on if you keep banging her. It will keep you tied to the past and the pvssy from the past. You should be thinking about new pvssy my friend.....

 

[Roober]

2.5 months

not sure why this morning, but thought about my ex quite a bit on the drive to work... Just kind of wondering what she is up to? I have written off all social media since Christmas, so that is not even there any more... Just saying guys, stay strong with the no contact. She won't ever be truly gone, but you have to realize she did you a favor! She gave you the pain to find answers on SS, and you will be better for it in every part of your life...

 

[MrAddiction]

I thought about it and tried biblebelts approach from this Thread:

"If you're strong enough, you can text her whatever you want. A flippant 'Love ya babe!' is fine as long as you don't really care. NC is about pretending you don't care, but once you actually reach that point, contact should not matter."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/advice-on-getting-happy-again-bpd-ex.223815/page-2#post-2225909


I sent a short "Hey Sweety, thanks for your gratulations"

She replied within minutes eventhough she was working:
"You are still alive!!!???"

So That I do not want to feed the BPD anyfurther - I am back on ghostmode.

Thanks all.

 

[resilient]

Day 0

I didn't get dumped per se, yet definitely got a hard no for a date 5 with a HB8 when I knew it was go or no go, do or die to escalate to the next phase. My delivery was off which is why I likely got a no in logistics, but in the end I didn't receive a counteroffer, so I know I arrived at an impasse when I got the text back hours later.

It's as DocLove always says "interest level cuts through everything." Better to have risked rejection and lost than to waste and chase months with a low IL plate. Rejection makes us stronger and prepares us for bigger and better possibilities down the line.

I deleted the text conversation, the phone number and went dark.

 

[Carpathian]

It's coming from the ex think and fast now - nine months after she dumped me and I went NC. She dumped me - no reason at all - and at the time told me she was not feeling it, she didn't feel the same way about me anymore, she did not want to here from me again. And now....
-> Misses me
-> I'm always on her mind
-> Cant get me out of her thoughts
-> I'll always be her baby
-> Cries herself to sleep thinking about me and what we had

These BPD's are fukking crazy....
I'm with my new girl for seven months now and love her a lot. But messages like that - even though I ignore them/her - somehow still sting ..... Like many others guys here, I invested a lot of myself with my ex. I loved her. We had everything, wild sex, great times, laughter, travel, families who loved each other, everything. Yet she dumped me for nothing. It still stings at times even though I am happy again with my new woman....

I need to block her. But somehow I don't want to. Tell me I am crazy...

I am still in NC though, practicing what I preach to others - and I will remain so. But even the strong can sometimes feel weak

 

[exhausted]

It's coming from the ex think and fast now - nine months after she dumped me and I went NC. She dumped me - no reason at all - and at the time told me she was not feeling it, she didn't feel the same way about me anymore, she did not want to here from me again. And now....
-> Misses me
-> I'm always on her mind
-> Cant get me out of her thoughts
-> I'll always be her baby
-> Cries herself to sleep thinking about me and what we had

These BPD's are fukking crazy....
I'm with my new girl for seven months now and love her a lot. But messages like that - even though I ignore them/her - somehow still sting ..... Like many others guys here, I invested a lot of myself with my ex. I loved her. We had everything, wild sex, great times, laughter, travel, families who loved each other, everything. Yet she dumped me for nothing. It still stings at times even though I am happy again with my new woman....

I need to block her. But somehow I don't want to. Tell me I am crazy...

I am still in NC though, practicing what I preach to others - and I will remain so. But even the strong can sometimes feel weak

stay strong, do not lose your NC you have worked too hard to start that **** over. be appreciative you have a good girl now.

 

[RoKKo]

Day 90

This will probably be my last post in this thread until she reaches out. Nothing from her and i am happy about it. She is still draining energy by randomly popping up in my mind. Still catching myself having discussions with her about why im better of without her. All i miss about her is the companionship and nothing more. Hopefully this will go away within the next 90 days...

Taking a few steps back and overcomming the pain made me finally see how low-quality this woman actually was. But actually... this situation seems to be the best thing happened to be in my life. It showed me how ****ed up and childish my "adult behaviour" and my life before the "breakup" was. A painful lession indeed. Still got some self-destructive procrastinating behaviour but this will change within this year...

Listening to the Black/Beige Philips Show, spending countless hours in this forum reading the bible, the book of pook, the rational male... helped me overcomming the crisis mentally. Working out 4 times a week and entering the nofap challenge did the physical job (I wanted to try it for 30 days, but i am confident to actually do the 90 days challenge since it should normalize the testosteron level and the damage i dealt to myself due hardcore fappening). Reading stories from other sufferers here helped me to understand that i am not alone with the problem of losing the soulmate-girl of my dreams. Talking to friends actually didnt help me since i felt that they are the same AFCs as i was / probably am now (and their pity felt even more humiliating). Keeping myself busy and always mantra-like remembering that i do this stuff for me and only me helped me to clear some thoughts.

Every sufferer and every single post within the last 3 month helped me to get back my sanity. Thanks everyone. - RoKKo

 

[Carpathian]

@RoKKo
Agreed, speaking to friends is worse than useless. These friends are often married and as in the dark as you were. So they come out with sh1t like "fight for her" and equally pathetic garbage and quickly tire of any discussion of your ex (which is understandable if yo keep going on about it). That's why many DJ's, in this area of their lives, are somehow "different". They do not chase women, over pursue them, text them all day long or tolerate their sh1t if they start giving it.

 

[MrAddiction]

Yes, it seems as if there is one DJ in a thousand men. Nearly impossible to encounter somebody with the same thoughts about Women in your social circle . There are some that seem to get it by their own but they are far from what WE are thinking. I hate to see all those white knights in shining armor. Even if I do not know them I find it obese and digusting. For a little smile from a girl they give away all their power - their attention.
Guess what. None of them is getting any poon of these gals.
And on goes the vicious circle.

Thats why this forum is so important to stay on track.

 

[MrAddiction]

If Weezy wants to contact her again,it's probably BECAUSE HE MISSES HER,NOT BECAUSE the original cause of the breakup was fixed.

I am just reading some older posts, but the question it brings up remains the same.
What I wonder: is there ever a case, where the original cause of the breakup can be fixed?
Today is another day, I miss my ex. I will not contact, because on a logical basis I know no good will come out ever again and I will never be able to trust her again. My Heart just has not realized what my mind already has.

 

[MrAddiction]

No

Thats what I think to.