The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Carpathian]

Day 100
I got involved with a co worker last summer. Was seeing her for a month. It was pretty full on. 40 hours per week together plus me staying in her's 3-4 nights per week.
Thats a few months of dating crammed into a month. She literally went cold over night and ended it.
I still saw her in work every day for a month after that, she was cold and her hamplanet crew were absolute counts towards me, I know she was pulling the strings behind them.
I found a new job and got out of there. I havent attempted to contact her and won't, I still have her number though.
The thing is, when I think about disposing of the number, I feel anxious. She treated me like a disposable object and cut me loose like it was nothing, but a part of me misses her. This annoys me. If I look at it without emotion, I can see she was sooooo wrong for me, but I still ruminate about the whole situation.
She's probably went through another few guys since me. This sh1t has my head tied up and I can't stop dwelling on it.
I know I sound like a ***** but I can't shake it. This chick is a 6 according to my friends who have a ln objective view point, and I can see that. But I hate that I can't just let go of a poisonous person like they did to me.

Never get involved with a woman from work. Ever. That is a DJ bible top rule and downright common sense. Never mix the church and state as we say.

 

[Carpathian]

It's been 9 days of NC and her texts were literally ransom gibberish like its cold outside.

I know BPD gets through out a lot on this forum but my ex is legit. I won't mention all the proof out of respect but take my word for it.

Anyways, I know that her reaching out has nothing to do to me. It's not because I'm the best looking, banged her the best, or took top spot on her high score. It's 100% about her. She is sick and lonely and will always been alone despite the fact that is hot and will always have a guy in her life.

She does not want me to be happy and is only reaching out to serve her own intresests.

It took me close to 1 year to come to this realization... I mean logically I knew this but 1 year to really accept this as reality and there is no happy ending..she can't be saved.

She is drug and im an addict. Therefor my only recourse is NC for life. Took me a long time to accept this but no women is worth my health and sanity.

Well done dude.
I likewise was with a borderline woman. They are fvkked-up - a sinking ship that can take you down with them. You and me got away lightly. Yes indeed. Not that we knew it at the time but we were miraculously flung-off that sinking ship rather than being chained to the oars, going down with it in terror. Yes we were lost at sea for a while, floating around wondering why we were dumped. But we endured and we prevailed in the end. She did us the biggest favor she could ever have done; not that she knows that consciously. Some guys get married and have kids with these women and have to put up with a whole heap of sh1t for years and decades. For life even in some cultures. A moody, eggshell, no sex relationship. Really guys - the world is our oyster now that we are out of that sh1t. We can find a good woman who loves us.

 

[exhausted]

Well done dude.
I likewise was with a borderline woman. They are fvkked-up - a sinking ship that can take you down with them. You and me got away lightly. Yes indeed. Not that we knew it at the time but we were miraculously flung-off that sinking ship rather than being chained to the oars, going down with it in terror. Yes we were lost at sea for a while, floating around wondering why we were dumped. But we endured and we prevailed in the end. She did us the biggest favor she could ever have done; not that she knows that consciously. Some guys get married and have kids with these women and have to put up with a whole heap of sh1t for years and decades. For life even in some cultures. A moody, eggshell, no sex relationship. Really guys - the world is our oyster now that we are out of that sh1t. We can find a good woman who loves us.

Moody, eggshells, no sex.

U got that right.

 

[Roober]

Gah! It has been two months and been feeling good this last week. I still think about her daily, which sucks, but more like little things, not longingly missing her... Trying to clean up some old photos and move some files around on my computer (it's a bit of an OCD thing to keep my files organized). Ran accross a couple pictures of us, and I get the feels again. Hard to see the great times we had together and think of what it could have turned into.

Then I have to remember she reciprocated "showing" how much she cared little, if at all. She was a typical single mommy "princess" who felt like the world owed her something, and that her kid was better than my boys. As heavily stated in "the rational male", she used the power of the poonani to get me hooked... hard... and thinking back, the sex wasn't even that great, she couldn't ride a d*ck worth a damn, I was always on top doing all the work... wow, having a moment... kind of summarizes our relationship. I did everything... sigh... oh well...

 

[exhausted]

Gah! It has been two months and been feeling good this last week. I still think about her daily, which sucks, but more like little things, not longingly missing her... Trying to clean up some old photos and move some files around on my computer (it's a bit of an OCD thing to keep my files organized). Ran accross a couple pictures of us, and I get the feels again. Hard to see the great times we had together and think of what it could have turned into.

Then I have to remember she reciprocated "showing" how much she cared little, if at all. She was a typical single mommy "princess" who felt like the world owed her something, and that her kid was better than my boys. As heavily stated in "the rational male", she used the power of the poonani to get me hooked... hard... and thinking back, the sex wasn't even that great, she couldn't ride a d*ck worth a damn, I was always on top doing all the work... wow, having a moment... kind of summarizes our relationship. I did everything... sigh... oh well...

U are lucky to be out. As i am.
I also had a single mommy who had 50- 50 custody , when she had her kid i was involved like a step dad doing everything, however when she didnt have the kid she wasnt cooking for me or even around much, always go home to nap or eat what her mom made for dinner, she lived w her parents.
To top it off she is bipolar, drop of a hat could be mean as shiiit, and i mean MEAN...add into that flipping out over nothing.
U dont need a woman around not treating ur kids right, they will feel uneasy inside and dont need that.

 

[exhausted]

Exactly how I feel about it. It's not losing the girl at a certain point, it's despairing over the future .

Yep.
Well i am 38, raised a kid by myself and just wasted 3 years on a girl.

I have the despair and disappointment of missing out in this life on having a marriage, a family, a partner.

Most people dont know the pain in putting up a Christmas tree with just ur kid, sitting at sporting events by yourself, school plays and activities , church, all as a broken family single parent while being around families. Its a torturous affair. 17 years of it.
So my son will be leaving this summer for college , and it will be a drastic change going from having a kid in the house to not.

 

[Roober]

U are lucky to be out. As i am.
I also had a single mommy who had 50- 50 custody , when she had her kid i was involved like a step dad doing everything, however when she didnt have the kid she wasnt cooking for me or even around much, always go home to nap or eat what her mom made for dinner, she lived w her parents.
To top it off she is bipolar, drop of a hat could be mean as shiiit, and i mean MEAN...add into that flipping out over nothing.
U dont need a woman around not treating ur kids right, they will feel uneasy inside and dont need that.

I am beginning to see now why single mommies tend to stay single. Just read that part in the rational male. These women believe they really are such victims. Looking back to mysituation, I think she "careless" with her birth control to tie down baby daddy. Hell... we had a preggo scare about two months after dating, and she was upset she wasn't preggo because she "loved me so much".

Fortunately, I didn't have to deal with any real psychological issues. Mine was just entitled, lazy, and selfish...

 

[Roober]

!

You are crazy. That's an instant dismissal. It's like fvcking a venis flytrap or something.

I had a woman last summer that didn't want me to use protection. When I asked her "you use birth control?", she said "....no".



Yeah, I don't think so.

My cousin recently has been screwed over in the same way that you nearly were. He got with a woman off of Tinder who already had 2 kids with 2 different fathers. I think she had a "pregnancy scare" really early. 2 months later and she is pregnant for real this time (went to the doctors).

Even the women in my family are saying that the "false alarm" was a test to see if he would stick around, before she did it for real. She has him earmarked as a good provider and wants in to that money.

Have to be prepared to dump a woman over her getting pregnant. No white knight sh*t.

lessons learned for sure, should have been a huge red flag... I have much to learn... fortunately, I had a vesectomy years ago, so I knew she was probably just late on the period. I don't share that info with women. Looking at baby daddy, he would only see her once a month or so, but she got preggo? sucks to be him!

 

[exhausted]

I am beginning to see now why single mommies tend to stay single. Just read that part in the rational male. These women believe they really are such victims. Looking back to mysituation, I think she "careless" with her birth control to tie down baby daddy. Hell... we had a preggo scare about two months after dating, and she was upset she wasn't preggo because she "loved me so much".

Fortunately, I didn't have to deal with any real psychological issues. Mine was just entitled, lazy, and selfish...

I finshed the Rationale Male this week.
Single moms expect all our resources to go to them and their kid. Now i would understand their reasoning if they married us, cooked cleaned did laundry and helped wirh finances, but these single moms as expecting to be treated like princesses as they do barely anything, good fukn god.

 

[exhausted]

Simple push/pull. Women will get away with what they can.

The truth is that single mothers are the lowest value women in this market.

Plate-spinners have to deal with a woman who has commitments, and other annoyances.

Ltr guys have to actually accept being a cuck and investing in raising the products of another man's loins.

Dated single-mothers, and it gets worse the longer it goes on. Which further lowers their value, as I don't consider them (in general) stable plate material.

Just a bad deal in general. They should have a far worse reputation than they do.

Great point they do get worse as time goes on, that makes sense now. Here i was getting more and more resentful as she appreciated nothing and did little for me.
I attended a year of sporting events, 2 years of school events and other **** like taking them out to eat all the time over the years, helped w her kid and treated her like my own and this ***** cooked for me ONE time this year. ****ing one. Wtf?? Gave me hard times when i needed her most.
She started bitching about me not doing things for them and i flipped my wig and that was the end of it. .unappreciative fukn vampires is what they are.

 

[MasterAce]

I've just realized it's been 100 days NC.
Here's to the next 100. NC is my control and I'll never relinquish it for a needy, insecure mess.

 

[exhausted]

9 days. Struggling.
Unresolved questions.

 

[Roober]

9 days. Struggling.
Unresolved questions.

It is cetainly not easy. Make sure you

-have a good group of people to talk to
-get to the gym, or just exercise
-get out and do things
-Read
-journal

lots of ways to get it out. If you need a day or two to just veg and let it all pour out, then do it. It has been 2 months for me, and I still think about her every day. The way you think about them changes though. It's more of an afterthought than that longing desire to have them with you.

Stay strong! It is not easy, but it will make you a better man in the end!

 

[exhausted]

9 days is nothing after a 3 year relationship. Give yourself 6 months to heal. The next 50 days are going to be rough, sorry to say. You will have setbacks farther out than that, as well. But you will heal.

You probably have PTSD from her bipolar/narc rage outbursts. Try to address that.

Try not to blame yourself for being fooled, it happens to just about everyone.

Some of her insults are in your subconscious and you need to root them out, even if you don't consciously believe them bc you know she's crazed.

Thanks.
I know I have been through worse, divorced from a borderline pd ten years ago after only one year of marriage, then single spinning plates for seven years until I met this girl, just felt I had more to offer than bang girls all over the place.
The emotional instability, outbursts and such are very hard to handle, I think however what I am missing at this point is that roller coaster of resolving the tension or problem. If that makes sense. They say bipolar gives the relationship up and downs and its the ups that you are addicted to receive to set things straight or at ease so to speak.
I however initiated the NC, after a month of her trying to get me back, and immediately blocked her, though I have that stupid unresolved feeling.
It is pathetic really.

 

[exhausted]

It is cetainly not easy. Make sure you

-have a good group of people to talk to
-get to the gym, or just exercise
-get out and do things
-Read
-journal

lots of ways to get it out. If you need a day or two to just veg and let it all pour out, then do it. It has been 2 months for me, and I still think about her every day. The way you think about them changes though. It's more of an afterthought than that longing desire to have them with you.

Stay strong! It is not easy, but it will make you a better man in the end!

Thanks, this site helps tremendously. I have been blessed/cursed with an analytical mind where it is a struggle not to resolve things, finish problem solving, puzzles, **** like that so I have trouble not putting all pieces together in situations.
No appetite yet, hard to have energy to get out and do things.
At this point, 38 years old, I am tired of having to go through the ropes of meeting a girl, chatting her up, having to learn about her, assess, evaluate and vet her, her family, friends, orbiters, go through the 6 months of progressing and not progressing, vetting and all that bull****.....Seriously I think I have been through just too many girls, str, plates, ons, ltr's, I am worn out and tired of all the bs to it all. It is exhausting

 

[exhausted]

Of course, especially if it mirrors our childhood. I knew logically that something wasnt right but it was so oddly comfortable...

That feeling of "relief" when you "resolve" a problem or fix a mini-breakup after some bogus fight is addicting, and of course the good times are good. Thats not to say there isnt that seething bitterness underneath it all where you learn to really dislike them for being a disruptive force as well.

Makes sense.
My oldest sister is bipolar. As a kid i remember many times her freaking out on us (2 other sisters or parents) or me and i would just go somewhere else rather it be another part of the house and I remember many times getting my bike before i could drive and just go ride out of there to get away from all that.
Now makes even more sense when this girl had her outburts i would just drop her off and leave or go home early from her house ending the day. At first i never did that i always tried to resolve things but soon realized that it wasnt possible for awhile. I would leave and hear from her later appologizing and such returning from the manic state, genuinely tho.
My sister today has a very kind and loving heart despite her bipolar behavior, this is why i put up with this girl for almost 3 years. I just felt she couldn't help it and maybe she could be more good than bad. Wrong.
Stupid of me as she would not take meds consistently either.

Let this be a lesson to everyone. Don't try to be accepting or helpful to a girl with mental illness just gtfo of that situation asap.

 

[narcissist]

About to break up with my girl in an hour. It just time. She's changed. Not girlfriend material any more. Plus its co dependence. Down hill from here. Not about to drag it out. Quick and painless. Will be posting here every day.

 

[Roober]

About to break up with my girl in an hour. It just time. She's changed. Not girlfriend material any more. Plus its co dependence. Down hill from here. Not about to drag it out. Quick and painless. Will be posting here every day.

Good luck man! Not an easy thing to do!

 

[exhausted]

About to break up with my girl in an hour. It just time. She's changed. Not girlfriend material any more. Plus its co dependence. Down hill from here. Not about to drag it out. Quick and painless. Will be posting here every day.

Good luck and check in daily for sure. Great support here.

 

[xstang77]

I've lost count, haven't heard from her since the break up on dec 5th, it's eating me up alive, they say you get better or you get bitter, I'm getting bitter.