The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

3 weeks tomorrow since the last time ex and i spoke.

she initiated twice in three days before i left for the academy, an hour away from her place..

think about that - twice in three days. then nothing. in a prison type environment. don't ever let that happen to you.

how did i allow this to happen to me?

the very last thing she told me after we kissed was "text me". i looked her in the eye, and
said "no, ____. you text me.. you text me"

bad fuking move.

Text her man...I dont know the whole story...but if she dumped you and then is reaching out, telling YOU to text her...reach back out...its like a tennis match...shes put the ball on your side...you have to return the ball over. Just my .02

 

[Infern0]

I think cane was getting a bunch of wishy washy bull**** from his ex which is why he went NC. In his case I think he's still emotionally messed up from it all in which case NC is a good thing.

Cane three weeks is nothing, keep it up and center yourself. If she comes back you'll be in a stronger negotiating position.

 

[drake33]

Oh, I didn't know. Don't fall for the breadcrumbs. Tell her what you want and walk. If she comes back at you and is willing to comply, go for it. If not, walk and don't look back.

 

[Twist of Cain]

Infern0 is right..

she was being hot/cold, whenever convienent for her.

i could go on about the comments of "future progress" she made to me during both those nights.. but its all talk, not action.

feel very cold and lonely. constantly.

 

[Twist of Cain]

bottom line : if i reach out, im chasing.

however, if you read through all my posts and still think i should reach out.. let me know.

 

[Infern0]

bottom line : if i reach out, im chasing.

however, if you read through all my posts and still think i should reach out.. let me know.

Absolutely not.

If you do then you'd be handing over any shred of power you have, and letting her know you'll settle for whatever she throws you.

She's been acting like a *****, NC takes a while to kick in because she's probably expecting you to break. Soon she will start to realize that you ain't coming back.

On the same tune it gives you a chance to detach and get stronger.

Your attitude needs to get to the stage where it's "if you are going to behave and be a good girl I MAY be willing to give it another shot"

you have to get out of the scarcity mindset where you give a fvck about her tbh

Don't reopen comms until you are at that stage.

 

[way2smart]

bottom line : if i reach out, im chasing.

however, if you read through all my posts and still think i should reach out.. let me know.

I gave you my advice over a month ago and it still remains the same.

Don't reply to any messages unless she is begging for you to come back.

All she needs is your attention to feed her ego, she wants you to chase just for that. What a waste of time and resources.

 

[Infern0]

Day 20 and she texts me.

Apparently she "misses me and is thinking of me"

GTFO

I ain't gonna bite. No way

 

[SayWhat]

Pff I saw her again after a week. She says hi and bye like nothing is going on, I really need professional help to get through this but I can't afford it. I know she has bpd, but still the hurt she caused me.

I saw her but didn't say hi first, so now she must feel good about herself thinking I can't get over her. And it's 15h15 here and I'm already drinking, there hasn't been a day these past three weeks I didn't touch alcohol. Goddamn how can someone be so unrespectful.

 

[drake33]

Feeling ok today but as I said still having doubts about my decision.

Took 2 weeks off work and flying out to Italy for a bit with a few friends so won't be around. Will also be great to get away and distract myself and then when I return I'll be able to look at things more objectively.

Getting away always helps! Gives you better perspective. Enjoy Italy bro! While you're over there bang out some randos...all that foreign ass! On some straight Trey Songz ****!

 

[Lozboss]

No contact is a great way to heal- everyone needs to hold to this like a life raft.

Only when you DONT care anymore is it time for that raft to be discarded and you will be able to tread water alone.

 

[Supersubie]

Day 13 of NC

So it's been 13 days since I sat spoke to her. Wow it really does seem like so much longer! Broke up on the 30th of last month so it's nearly coming to a month since I chucked her out of my life!

Things have changed, I was devastated when I first caught her texting that guy from her work but I'm really surprised by how quickly I seem to have healed. I think about her a lot less now, although she did drive past me in town a few weeks back which shocked me at the time. I still keep an eye out for her car which I really do need to stop doing haha

I've joined a gym and I'm keeping to a 3 times a week lifting programme, I really enjoy it and I think it's been fundamental in helping me move on. Couldn't recommend it enough to any of you going through a ****ty time!

I passed my driving test last wednesday, over the moon about that. I put up a fb status tagging my mates because we have planned a road trip from London to Manchester. What was funny was that my ex's sister and best friend were the first two to like my status, then my ex did the next day. Weirded me out a bit. It was always a bone of contention in the relationship that I didn't drive but living in London I didn't need to. I
wonder if me passing pissed her off?

Anyway just wanted to say, the more steps I'm taking to improve myself the more distant her and the pain she managed to cause me seem. So seriously for any of you going through a tough time atm, hit that gym and rectify any weaknesses you have in your life! It's seriously the only way to go. And remain NC

 

[Cerwin Vega]

It's been a little over a year since the breakup. (4 year relationship, first love)

We haven't spoken since her last message to me ("I cheated on you twice" to which I did not answer) which was about 10 months ago. (10 months NC!)

Our paths did cross twice, she became pale and speechless lol, I didn't even stop to say hello.

Fellas, it gets much easier. To this day, I'm 90% healed.
I don't hate her anymore.
I don't love her anymore.
I'm indifferent.

 

[drake33]

Day 13 of NC

So it's been 13 days since I sat spoke to her. Wow it really does seem like so much longer! Broke up on the 30th of last month so it's nearly coming to a month since I chucked her out of my life!

Things have changed, I was devastated when I first caught her texting that guy from her work but I'm really surprised by how quickly I seem to have healed. I think about her a lot less now, although she did drive past me in town a few weeks back which shocked me at the time. I still keep an eye out for her car which I really do need to stop doing haha

I've joined a gym and I'm keeping to a 3 times a week lifting programme, I really enjoy it and I think it's been fundamental in helping me move on. Couldn't recommend it enough to any of you going through a ****ty time!

I passed my driving test last wednesday, over the moon about that. I put up a fb status tagging my mates because we have planned a road trip from London to Manchester. What was funny was that my ex's sister and best friend were the first two to like my status, then my ex did the next day. Weirded me out a bit. It was always a bone of contention in the relationship that I didn't drive but living in London I didn't need to. I
wonder if me passing pissed her off?

Anyway just wanted to say, the more steps I'm taking to improve myself the more distant her and the pain she managed to cause me seem. So seriously for any of you going through a tough time atm, hit that gym and rectify any weaknesses you have in your life! It's seriously the only way to go. And remain NC

You're still friends on Facebook? That's not nc!

 

[SayWhat]

Ok my whole life is falling apart. Where I work they said a week ago I would be doing more hours, but now they say it won't happen and they hired someone else. I can't help but feeling this is because of some work issues between me and my ex. Ok they know I'm also searching for a steady job as I already have a diploma but no I can't believe this. This gets worse and worse.

 

[Twist of Cain]

wanted to say thanks for the posts infern0 and way2smart

 

[SayWhat]

The ending of the night

First of all I want to say sorry about all the sad stuff and questions I post here. But thanks for the responses.

Now for what happened 10 minutes before I left.

Her new toyboy left 20 minutes before closing time, my ex comes in 10 minutes before closing. I was refilling the refrigerators. First thing she says to everyone 'where is X?' X being her new guy. She starts texting like mad. I keep on refilling, she starts to help and says to me 'you're a real fun guy not answering on my happy birthday wishes', on which I said 'o didn't I respond?'. She says 'never mind'. She sended happy birthday by text three days ago.

Now I know this was just an attempt to make her feel better and in a way I think my response did, but I couldn't come up with something better.

I said to her, you close the bar? And I just left, I said bye to everyone and exited with a loud bye from her.

How did I do?

 

[drake33]

The ending of the night

First of all I want to say sorry about all the sad stuff and questions I post here. But thanks for the responses.

Now for what happened 10 minutes before I left.

Her new toyboy left 20 minutes before closing time, my ex comes in 10 minutes before closing. I was refilling the refrigerators. First thing she says to everyone 'where is X?' X being her new guy. She starts texting like mad. I keep on refilling, she starts to help and says to me 'you're a real fun guy not answering on my happy birthday wishes', on which I said 'o didn't I respond?'. She says 'never mind'. She sended happy birthday by text three days ago.

Now I know this was just an attempt to make her feel better and in a way I think my response did, but I couldn't come up with something better.

I said to her, you close the bar? And I just left, I said bye to everyone and exited with a loud bye from her.

How did I do?

Not bad. When she commented about the birthday text..."We're not friends. It didn't warrant a response." Keep moving forward

 

[Between_The_Lines]

First of all I want to say sorry about all the sad stuff and questions I post here. But thanks for the responses.

No need. All of us here know how brutal a break up can be. Stay focused on getting through this and working on yourself.

Her new toyboy left 20 minutes before closing time, my ex comes in 10 minutes before closing. I was refilling the refrigerators. First thing she says to everyone 'where is X?' X being her new guy. She starts texting like mad. I keep on refilling, she starts to help and says to me 'you're a real fun guy not answering on my happy birthday wishes', on which I said 'o didn't I respond?'. She says 'never mind'. She sended happy birthday by text three days ago.

Now I know this was just an attempt to make her feel better and in a way I think my response did, but I couldn't come up with something better.

I said to her, you close the bar? And I just left, I said bye to everyone and exited with a loud bye from her.

How did I do?

You did fine.

See? You're learning, you're already aware of her doing things to "make her feel better". Don't be a sucker for her little feel-good games. Good job.

Keep this frame in mind at all times - "I think it's best that we both move on"

She asks you why you didn't respond - "Listen, I think it's best that we both move on"

She replies, "What, we can't be friends???" - "Like I said, I think it's best that we both move on."

 

[Infern0]

Day 21.

I have to admit the text from her last night bothered me and I had to make an effort not to just text back to be polite. Been there before though and I know her strategy will be to try and friendzone me or else start stringing me along again.

"Miss you" is such a load of crap. It's her fault I left. I gave her many chances, too many.

Keeping to the no contact