The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Twist of Cain
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2012
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 37
3 weeks tomorrow since the last time ex and i spoke.
she initiated twice in three days before i left for the academy, an hour away from her place..
think about that - twice in three days. then nothing. in a prison type environment. don't ever let that happen to you.
how did i allow this to happen to me?
the very last thing she told me after we kissed was "text me". i looked her in the eye, and
said "no, ____. you text me.. you text me"
bad fuking move.
she initiated twice in three days before i left for the academy, an hour away from her place..
think about that - twice in three days. then nothing. in a prison type environment. don't ever let that happen to you.
how did i allow this to happen to me?
the very last thing she told me after we kissed was "text me". i looked her in the eye, and
said "no, ____. you text me.. you text me"
bad fuking move.
Been 5 weeks NC now, it's still very hard.
Initially after the break up I had some good fortune in that I got an offer through for a university in London which I'm buzzing for, and had an unexpected invitation to a friends wedding in Thailand, that coupled with a ONS temporarily took my mind off her, but it's starting to come back now. I think I'm at that missing her phase, I mean I was gutted to broke up at first, but you never truly miss the person until some time elapses?
Now all I can think about is her, I am constantly replaying scenarios in my head regarding how it ended, should I have given her more of a chance to explain everything? (She initially wanted to meet but I said there's no point, if we're breaking up then the phone is fine," and then I go to the other end of the spectrum and assume she may be with someone else, it's driving me ****ing mad. I know either could be true or neither and either way it doesn't affect me as she isn't in my life, but it's very hard to just think about something else.
Additionally I'm on a diet cut currently currently, reducing alcohol a lot and working out, maybe the calorie deficit and lack of alcohol is manifesting itself like this.
Ahhhhhh it's driving me mad, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all in the 5 weeks either which probably hasn't helped.
Initially after the break up I had some good fortune in that I got an offer through for a university in London which I'm buzzing for, and had an unexpected invitation to a friends wedding in Thailand, that coupled with a ONS temporarily took my mind off her, but it's starting to come back now. I think I'm at that missing her phase, I mean I was gutted to broke up at first, but you never truly miss the person until some time elapses?
Now all I can think about is her, I am constantly replaying scenarios in my head regarding how it ended, should I have given her more of a chance to explain everything? (She initially wanted to meet but I said there's no point, if we're breaking up then the phone is fine," and then I go to the other end of the spectrum and assume she may be with someone else, it's driving me ****ing mad. I know either could be true or neither and either way it doesn't affect me as she isn't in my life, but it's very hard to just think about something else.
Additionally I'm on a diet cut currently currently, reducing alcohol a lot and working out, maybe the calorie deficit and lack of alcohol is manifesting itself like this.
Ahhhhhh it's driving me mad, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all in the 5 weeks either which probably hasn't helped.
Between_The_Lines
Master Don Juan
Be glad. If she feeds you breadcrumbs, she thinks there's a chance you might be foolish enough to fall into her web of orbiters. You think you want that elusive text from her, but trust me, really, you don't, especially given your present state of mind.Jmurphy55 said:
Stop thinking in "what could have been"s and focus on the "what can be"s and what will be"s.
Text her man...I dont know the whole story...but if she dumped you and then is reaching out, telling YOU to text her...reach back out...its like a tennis match...shes put the ball on your side...you have to return the ball over. Just my .02Twist of Cain said:
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,474
I think cane was getting a bunch of wishy washy bull**** from his ex which is why he went NC. In his case I think he's still emotionally messed up from it all in which case NC is a good thing.
Cane three weeks is nothing, keep it up and center yourself. If she comes back you'll be in a stronger negotiating position.
Cane three weeks is nothing, keep it up and center yourself. If she comes back you'll be in a stronger negotiating position.
Twist of Cain
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2012
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 37
Infern0 is right..
she was being hot/cold, whenever convienent for her.
i could go on about the comments of "future progress" she made to me during both those nights.. but its all talk, not action.
feel very cold and lonely. constantly.
she was being hot/cold, whenever convienent for her.
i could go on about the comments of "future progress" she made to me during both those nights.. but its all talk, not action.
feel very cold and lonely. constantly.
Twist of Cain
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2012
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 37
bottom line : if i reach out, im chasing.
however, if you read through all my posts and still think i should reach out.. let me know.
however, if you read through all my posts and still think i should reach out.. let me know.
Infern0
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 1,646
- Reaction score
- 1,474
Absolutely not.Twist of Cain said:
If you do then you'd be handing over any shred of power you have, and letting her know you'll settle for whatever she throws you.
She's been acting like a *****, NC takes a while to kick in because she's probably expecting you to break. Soon she will start to realize that you ain't coming back.
On the same tune it gives you a chance to detach and get stronger.
Your attitude needs to get to the stage where it's "if you are going to behave and be a good girl I MAY be willing to give it another shot"
you have to get out of the scarcity mindset where you give a fvck about her tbh
Don't reopen comms until you are at that stage.
I gave you my advice over a month ago and it still remains the same.Twist of Cain said:
Don't reply to any messages unless she is begging for you to come back.
All she needs is your attention to feed her ego, she wants you to chase just for that. What a waste of time and resources.
Pff I saw her again after a week. She says hi and bye like nothing is going on, I really need professional help to get through this but I can't afford it. I know she has bpd, but still the hurt she caused me.
I saw her but didn't say hi first, so now she must feel good about herself thinking I can't get over her. And it's 15h15 here and I'm already drinking, there hasn't been a day these past three weeks I didn't touch alcohol. Goddamn how can someone be so unrespectful.
I saw her but didn't say hi first, so now she must feel good about herself thinking I can't get over her. And it's 15h15 here and I'm already drinking, there hasn't been a day these past three weeks I didn't touch alcohol. Goddamn how can someone be so unrespectful.
Last edited:
Lozboss
Master Don Juan
No contact is a great way to heal- everyone needs to hold to this like a life raft.
Only when you DONT care anymore is it time for that raft to be discarded and you will be able to tread water alone.
Only when you DONT care anymore is it time for that raft to be discarded and you will be able to tread water alone.
Supersubie
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2015
- Messages
- 7
- Reaction score
- 0
Day 13 of NC
So it's been 13 days since I sat spoke to her. Wow it really does seem like so much longer! Broke up on the 30th of last month so it's nearly coming to a month since I chucked her out of my life!
Things have changed, I was devastated when I first caught her texting that guy from her work but I'm really surprised by how quickly I seem to have healed. I think about her a lot less now, although she did drive past me in town a few weeks back which shocked me at the time. I still keep an eye out for her car which I really do need to stop doing haha
I've joined a gym and I'm keeping to a 3 times a week lifting programme, I really enjoy it and I think it's been fundamental in helping me move on. Couldn't recommend it enough to any of you going through a ****ty time!
I passed my driving test last wednesday, over the moon about that. I put up a fb status tagging my mates because we have planned a road trip from London to Manchester. What was funny was that my ex's sister and best friend were the first two to like my status, then my ex did the next day. Weirded me out a bit. It was always a bone of contention in the relationship that I didn't drive but living in London I didn't need to. I
wonder if me passing pissed her off?
Anyway just wanted to say, the more steps I'm taking to improve myself the more distant her and the pain she managed to cause me seem. So seriously for any of you going through a tough time atm, hit that gym and rectify any weaknesses you have in your life! It's seriously the only way to go. And remain NC
So it's been 13 days since I sat spoke to her. Wow it really does seem like so much longer! Broke up on the 30th of last month so it's nearly coming to a month since I chucked her out of my life!
Things have changed, I was devastated when I first caught her texting that guy from her work but I'm really surprised by how quickly I seem to have healed. I think about her a lot less now, although she did drive past me in town a few weeks back which shocked me at the time. I still keep an eye out for her car which I really do need to stop doing haha
I've joined a gym and I'm keeping to a 3 times a week lifting programme, I really enjoy it and I think it's been fundamental in helping me move on. Couldn't recommend it enough to any of you going through a ****ty time!
I passed my driving test last wednesday, over the moon about that. I put up a fb status tagging my mates because we have planned a road trip from London to Manchester. What was funny was that my ex's sister and best friend were the first two to like my status, then my ex did the next day. Weirded me out a bit. It was always a bone of contention in the relationship that I didn't drive but living in London I didn't need to. I
wonder if me passing pissed her off?
Anyway just wanted to say, the more steps I'm taking to improve myself the more distant her and the pain she managed to cause me seem. So seriously for any of you going through a tough time atm, hit that gym and rectify any weaknesses you have in your life! It's seriously the only way to go. And remain NC
Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
It's been a little over a year since the breakup. (4 year relationship, first love)
We haven't spoken since her last message to me ("I cheated on you twice" to which I did not answer) which was about 10 months ago. (10 months NC!)
Our paths did cross twice, she became pale and speechless lol, I didn't even stop to say hello.
Fellas, it gets much easier. To this day, I'm 90% healed.
I don't hate her anymore.
I don't love her anymore.
I'm indifferent.
We haven't spoken since her last message to me ("I cheated on you twice" to which I did not answer) which was about 10 months ago. (10 months NC!)
Our paths did cross twice, she became pale and speechless lol, I didn't even stop to say hello.
Fellas, it gets much easier. To this day, I'm 90% healed.
I don't hate her anymore.
I don't love her anymore.
I'm indifferent.
Ok my whole life is falling apart. Where I work they said a week ago I would be doing more hours, but now they say it won't happen and they hired someone else. I can't help but feeling this is because of some work issues between me and my ex. Ok they know I'm also searching for a steady job as I already have a diploma but no I can't believe this. This gets worse and worse.