The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lozboss]

Gents,

My Update.

Finally got the call from the ex asking why I had been cold/distant for the last few weeks.
I told her I wasn't interested in being 'just friends' and I wanted a relationship or nothing.

She said she didn't want to lose me, that she had realized that me not being in her life was not something she wanted. That she wanted to try again.

So we are having dinner, taking it slow and no pressure.

I share this because to those of you looking for reconciliation: No contact works. It helps you get some power back, it heals you.

After the NC period, you still act distant but you have selected contact. Sooner or later they will crack and you can tell them the situation- a soft ultimatum.

 

[SayWhat]

Day 3

I guess I'm doing alright, I have the occasional break down like yesterday evening. And also mood swings which can change as fast as a minute.

But overall it's ok I guess, I can still persuade myself to go to the gym, work in the garden,... The hardest part is when I get inside and sit in front of the laptop or when I go to bed. Keeping busy does help.

I will have more harder moments, as when we have to work again and see her acting normal to others and that we don't have that anymore... But I know in the end it will pass.

Lozboss: you say your ex asked why you have been cold/distant. This means you still had contact from time to time?

 

[Supersubie]

Hey guys,

So I have been hovering here over the past 2 weeks, its actually really helped me through some tough **** that's going on right now! So I thank you for that.

Anyway I am 25 and just broke up a 5 year LTR with my 22 year old gf. We have recently moved into a flat together about 6 months ago, broke up around Christmas because of money issues and stress. ( also her birth control was making her a nightmare to be around) I managed to convince her back and to change her birth control and for a while it was going great!

Fast forward to this month and things went downhill! We were getting distant and all she was doing was moaning that I was not buying her gifts and flowers and taking her out at all, I wanted to because I have not in quite a while but I told her I was not going to just buy her **** because she moaned at me for it. If I brought something to me it had to mean something.

Anyway as this is going on she was getting closer with a guy at work, thought it was just a best friend/good mate kind of thing because she was trying to set him up with her current best girl mate. I was very assured of my worth as a boyfriend. Boy was I ****ing wrong. I am not a jealous guy and ive never had a girl cheat on me but I ****ed up somewhere down the line here with her and pushed her away I guess.

Anyway, whilst I was making us a dinner (she was working at her job in a shopping center late) I went on her mac to look up a recipe, her imessages were up and she was texting this yusif guy. I read the first message and she was going on about how she was so cringey and he was saying I knew you would regret that when sober etc. At this point alarm bells are ringing and i decide to ring on. She had been out with friends on the saturday night, and these texts were on the sunday where she had refused to have sex with me because she was hung over and wanted a sleep ( lo and behold as I was watching tv in the next room she was texting this guy how much she liked him)

I had to wait 2 hours for her to come home and i immediately gave her the chance to fess up anything she desperately needed to tell me. She went pale white and wouldn't say anything for ages, until I told her i knew about the texts. I kicked her out of the house that night to make her stay at her mums. all she could say was how sorry she was that I had found out.

After this I went straight NC for 4 days until I had to text her to sort out what was happening with the flat. I cannot afford to keep it on my own but she seems to wants it. (no idea why been living here the past 2 weeks alone and i can certainly say it has brought up so many painful moments because it reminds me of so many good times!) So I have asked for all the money im owed from the deposit etc to be paid to me before I move out. Anyway im moving out this weekend and plan on going full NC after that date.

I had a serious moment of weakness last Easter weekend on a family dog walk. I text her saying how much this had cut me up, it went back and fourth for a while with her saying how she still loved me and always will and how she wants to be friends because im still her best friend and always will be. I said it hurt so much because I still thought the relationship still had legs and it must be easy for her because seemingly she has already moved on. I really really regret sending those texts big time! made me look so so weak.

Yesterday she came over to sort out bills etc transferring them to her, I kept it amicable and cool, not being affectionate or looking particularly upset. This seemed to confuse her because when she left and i just said bye without getting up to see her out, she asked if I didn't want to give her a hug or anything. I lost my frame her and said no I really didn't want to hug her particularly, but as i said it my eyes watered up a bit and my voice went a bit emotional. She left crying and after this I cried my eyes out uncontrollably. The first time i have cried since we broke up. Why did she want to hug me? I feel like its just to let her know she didn't do anything to bad etc im not giving in to it. After saturday im deleting her number, fb everything and going for a full NC for a while. I don't know whether to tell her im doing this or not seems a bit weird to tell her. I dunno.

Anyway I just really needed to rant this out, everyday has been a roller coaster, from pure anger and hatred, to utter dispare and feeling of a serious lack of direction in my life. Just wanted to say thank you to this forum reading some of you guys going through the same feelings etchas pulled me out of some dark pits. Hopefully I can now start a path of self improvement! Look forward to hearing from you guys and helping some of you guys through some things as well!

 

[SayWhat]

Day 4

Just saw her in her car driving too work. I almost turned around and drove there to talk too her. Luckily didn't do it.

Gonna be a bad day, I have nothing to do so my mind will go haywire.

Goddamn how can someone go from over the top in love to basically acting like you're the worst being on the planet.

I feel close to sending her something.

 

[Supersubie]

Your post is almost a godsend. I've been dealing with my breakup quite well up until yesterday where I had a slight relapse. Maybe not relapse since it wasn't as if I wanted to get back with her. But I had had a stressful day and work and my housemate was being a d*ck and I just realised "I miss my best friend".

It's just so nice to feel like actually you are not alone in this and its so ****ed up to see just how many guys are put through this exact same ****! I am actually thankful for this experience i guess. I have decided to make sure that this will be the best damn thing that has ever happened to me. It sucks like hell sometimes but when im busy at work or with my friends I feel like a huge *****y weight has been lifted off of my shoulders!

I am still in NC mode been 2 days since i have seen her, I managed to get a pretty cool girl on tinders number and seemingly this has helped me forget my ex a lot! We are texting like mad and shes making me laugh. It will be nothing more than a crutch to help me through but im having fun. I can not recommend it to any one going through this feeling enough get someone girl any girl, and get into a flirty texty phase with her. Its a huge distraction to the pain, and softens those heavy depressing times alone!

I have had urges to text my ex today, last night whilst I was going through the washing basket for the remainder of my clothes I found a lingerie outfit thing she had not worn for me in many many months... no idea why it was stuffed down the bottom of the basket, but it obviously got my mind racing. I'm pretty sure there is a reasonable explanation for it but there is a serious urge to ask her about it. I will resit!

 

[zorg198]

Brother.

Its understandable that you are like this. i'm over 100 days but who's counting. be strong. don't ever break your NC. you will be a better person because of this. i promise you .

Joe.

 

[Supersubie]

Day 4

Just saw her in her car driving too work. I almost turned around and drove there to talk too her. Luckily didn't do it.

Gonna be a bad day, I have nothing to do so my mind will go haywire.

Goddamn how can someone go from over the top in love to basically acting like you're the worst being on the planet.

I feel close to sending her something.

Stay strong man! Maybe go for a walk or a jog and leave your phone at home? I work quite a physical job and the sheer excruciating effort of working in long hot days really helped me work through a lot of anger. After work for a time at least I feel above her, better than her and ultimately sorry for her that she just lost a great guy ad she doesn't even know it yet!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Goddamn how can someone go from over the top in love to basically acting like you're the worst being on the planet.

Defense mechanism. It would eventually drive her insane if she were to continuously entertain thoughts such as "I can't believe I let go of such a catch", so she has to repeatedly tell herself that you're a loser, that you're beneath her, that she can clearly do better, that she deserves better etc., and you know what? It's not such a bad idea for you to follow suit and paint her black yourself.

 

[Witch_King]

Hey everyone, i just found this forum and it looks great(a sad great) to see that more people are having a hard time to deal with a breakup such as me.

I'm having a bit of a strugle to stay with no contact rule... How does this work, do i just post my story? I'm really confused, and although i already feel healed i have no idea how to proceed next :/!

 

[sowhat]

ok guys, i admit. i suck.. i was sto stupid and in denial that i made all the mistakes despite reading all this **** here.. the reason is that i couldn't stand her ****ing with some other dude. now i know, so i hope i will freaking start my day one and grow some balls finally, i was never this guy, always strong but this just ruined me beyond my recognition. she is enjoying it i know because she is a manipulative biatch.. she is blocked, she is done. but my biggest fear is how not to contact her , i know her number in my head god damn it. i already said some of the nastier things i can imagine, the funny thing she responds, she responds to the message when i say she is a ****ing slut, because she knows it's truth..

i moved from a city here in a village because i lost my job and don't have much to do. can't stop thinking about the *****.. can't think about sex with other girls while i'm this way... wtf, i just want to heal and forget her, get her out of my life for good.. mother****ing *****.

 

[Jmurphy55]

ok guys, i admit. i suck.. i was sto stupid and in denial that i made all the mistakes despite reading all this **** here.. the reason is that i couldn't stand her ****ing with some other dude. now i know, so i hope i will freaking start my day one and grow some balls finally, i was never this guy, always strong but this just ruined me beyond my recognition. she is enjoying it i know because she is a manipulative biatch.. she is blocked, she is done. but my biggest fear is how not to contact her , i know her number in my head god damn it. i already said some of the nastier things i can imagine, the funny thing she responds, she responds to the message when i say she is a ****ing slut, because she knows it's truth..

i moved from a city here in a village because i lost my job and don't have much to do. can't stop thinking about the *****.. can't think about sex with other girls while i'm this way... wtf, i just want to heal and forget her, get her out of my life for good.. mother****ing *****.

We've been there before, or I have anyway.

Start memorising a load of random phone numbers, you'll soon forget hers fairly quickly.

 

[sowhat]

god dammit i have a strong memory, i remember what i was wearing on some particular day 15 years ago and what did i have for breakfast , have all my friends numbers in my damn head, even they don't know their damn numbers..

i'm so happy for this forum, and i'm sorry we all share the same destiny but it's much much easier knowing that someone understands you..

i can have a new girl, who is way better, who will give me all that this ***** can't and i just can't use her to heal.. maybe i should just meet her for a coffee.. you know that feeling when you can have most of the hot girls who find you attractive and think you are funny and great guy but you always pick the dumbest ****ing biatch in this goddamn world. i'm so pissed. i wish i would stay pissed like this for a month.. but the ugly thruth is , it will pass .. then i will grieve, it will come to me , to write a ***** a song hahahaha. but she will never win.. i know she won't.. i will get my justice.. and the thing is with that justice, it always comes when it's not really important to you.. you can't enjoy it it when it comes, because you will be long gone, you will not feel a **** about a biatch.. that is what makes me mad..

 

[Jmurphy55]

Honestly, just memorise loads of other numbers and it will go.

I've been NC for 3 weeks now. Still miss her which is natural as it was a 2.5 year relationship, but I'm through the worst of it. Looking forward to moving to London in September, got some holidays planned and a -2 week fitness plan and got my first date lined up for next week.

Remember you're not replacing your ex, you're meeting new people.

 

[zorg198]

So.... i'm 5 months with my previous ex. now i am entering day 2 of NC with this current chick. i feel ok, used to it . problem is i still think about my LTR ex.

Joe.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I suppose you can say I broke NC a few hours ago, because a girl I'm friends with on Instagram is a mutual friend of my ex's and so any pics that she "likes" will show up on my feed (assuming the profile is public). This mutual friend liked one of her pics, I clicked on the thumbnail, and saw a pic of my ex for the first time in several months.

I always thought she looked quite well for her age (she turns 30 in just over 2 months), but it very subtly appeared like there was a tug of war going on between her 20s and the approaching 30s visible on her face. It's difficult to describe, as if I could see an old(er) woman taking shape one moment, then a bit more youthful, late 20s girl would resurface a second later, a constant back and forth for as long as I stared. When we were together, she used to tell relatives that she was in no rush to pump out kids, that she had another decade or so before that took place. I think she was grossly miscalculating - I'd say she's only a handful of years away tops from slamming into the wall.

It will be 8 months since we parted ways very soon, basically the length of our relationship when we were together. I can't remember the last event that had such a strong impact on my life - even the death of a very close family member almost a year ago didn't rattle me to the core like the break up did, I'm ashamed to admit (goes to show how entranced and myopically beta I was in that relationship, I suppose) . Looking back since the time that we split, I've received many observations from others, a ton of feedback, that confirms that a massive change has taken place, that I am gradually changing, that I'm a bit different from who I was before. I still carry a small amount of resentment toward her, but all the theory I've consumed together with time and other girls steadily continues to bring it down closer and closer to nil. Knowing how she is, I strongly suspect she has nothing but hate and contempt for me. I (now) have a much better understanding of how the game works, so I don't hold that against her - it's expected. In my wildest dreams would I have imagined that such a bland girl (with a cute face, nice body and a golden pvssy, I should add) would have such a colossal impact on my life. Maybe I'll thank her some day in the future, years from now..

To the new members struggling with NC, torn up inside, facing hell day in and day out, grappling with the demons that follow a gut-wrenching break up, you have my word, with enough determination and perseverance, this is what you have to look forward to: an irregular but inevitable ascension in character and life. Don't give up.

 

[Jmurphy55]

I suppose you can say I broke NC a few hours ago, because a girl I'm friends with on Instagram is a mutual friend of my ex's and so any pics that she "likes" will show up on my feed (assuming the profile is public). This mutual friend liked one of her pics, I clicked on the thumbnail, and saw a pic of my ex for the first time in several months.

I always thought she looked quite well for her age (she turns 30 in just over 2 months), but it very subtly appeared like there was a tug of war going on between her 20s and the approaching 30s visible on her face. It's difficult to describe, as if I could see an old(er) woman taking shape one moment, then a bit more youthful, late 20s girl would resurface a second later, a constant back and forth for as long as I stared. When we were together, she used to tell relatives that she was in no rush to pump out kids, that she had another decade or so before that took place. I think she was grossly miscalculating - I'd say she's only a handful of years away tops from slamming into the wall.

It will be 8 months since we parted ways very soon, basically the length of our relationship when we were together. I can't remember the last event that had such a strong impact on my life - even the death of a very close family member almost a year ago didn't rattle me to the core like the break up did, I'm ashamed to admit (goes to show how entranced and myopically beta I was in that relationship, I suppose) . Looking back since the time that we split, I've received many observations from others, a ton of feedback, that confirms that a massive change has taken place, that I am gradually changing, that I'm a bit different from who I was before. I still carry a small amount of resentment toward her, but all the theory I've consumed together with time and other girls steadily continues to bring it down closer and closer to nil. Knowing how she is, I strongly suspect she has nothing but hate and contempt for me. I (now) have a much better understanding of how the game works, so I don't hold that against her - it's expected. In my wildest dreams would I have imagined that such a bland girl (with a cute face, nice body and a golden pvssy, I should add) would have such a colossal impact on my life. Maybe I'll thank her some day in the future, years from now..

To the new members struggling with NC, torn up inside, facing hell day in and day out, grappling with the demons that follow a gut-wrenching break up, you have my word, with enough determination and perseverance, this is what you have to look forward to: an irregular but inevitable ascension in character and life. Don't give up.

Wise words.

This kind of thing is a rite of passage as much as anything else I feel.

 

[SayWhat]

Day 5

Saw her at work (I didn't had that stomach turning feeling when I saw her which I guess is good?). I just was polite when she asked something. She didn't say hi or goodbye when I left, but I must say, I still have my break downs and I will have more horrible days then I have had (as when I hear she has someone else), but overall It's quite ok. I know I meant something serious in the past to her and I just have to move on, there is nothing I can do about it. I just would like to know what I did wrong so I can improve it, but this comes over as quite beta and that is not what I want.

With my previous break up, where I acted as beta as I could, I was depressed for over a year, but now I can still function quite normally after these couple of days. I don't hope this is because I hope of some reconciliation and that it is because I don't act as beta and am just a better man all over because of this forum (and because of my previous break up, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so thanks to that ex !).

A consoling thought for myself is, that I don't know if I loved her and that I just liked her because she gave me attention... I had moments in the relationship where I wanted to call it ends because of some issues that I couldn't get over. But I guess I hung in there because of the sex, that was amazing and I will miss the most I guess. I liked her in my company and had a good time, but I didn't really feel that click...

 

[Jmurphy55]

Social Leper-

What an absolute *****, it's one thing to sleep with someone when you're broken up but to randomly text you telling you? Clearly some pitiful attempt to make you jealous.

I've slept with another girl since breaking up with my ex but I haven't felt the need to announce it.

To try and guilt trip you into taking her baxk by threatening to resort to drugs? Seriously mate you've had a lucky escape!

 

[sowhat]

well update for me.. i can proudly say i'm not in a need of doing no contact.. no contact will remail until the rest of my life i suppose after today..imagine that i even felt guilty and missed her. just now i found out she has another dude , dont know for how long, ugly as ****, much uglier than me hahaha .. i wasn't sure it was him so i've sent him a message, told him how she ****ed me and how lucky he is in a sarcastic manner. i also told him how i screwed her just recently and even send him a picture of me and her together. then i told her she is a ****ing lying *****. well.. now i feel great. but do i think i didn't have tell that to the guy?

 

[Jmurphy55]

I'm not quite as cynical as you mate.
I do think there are some genuine women, I just think it's rare and unfortunately at our age (or mine anyway, I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 27,) we tend to end up with young girls who don't have their life in order yet and are bound to fluctuate with their emotions.

One thing I will say is I feel a far more determined person when I'm single. Maybe I feel that I have something to prove, I don't know, but since breaking up with my ex I've lost 8 pounds, got a load of work done (she dumped me right bang in the middle of what was an absolute nightmare of a week work wise, and I lost 2 days of work which i couldn't afford to lose and still got it all done,) I dress better, eat better, work cleaner.

I think being In a relationship made me complacent to be honest.