The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[zorg198]

Brother.

Its understandable that you are like this. i'm over 100 days but who's counting. be strong. don't ever break your NC. you will be a better person because of this. i promise you .

Joe.

 

[Supersubie]

Day 4

Just saw her in her car driving too work. I almost turned around and drove there to talk too her. Luckily didn't do it.

Gonna be a bad day, I have nothing to do so my mind will go haywire.

Goddamn how can someone go from over the top in love to basically acting like you're the worst being on the planet.

I feel close to sending her something.

Stay strong man! Maybe go for a walk or a jog and leave your phone at home? I work quite a physical job and the sheer excruciating effort of working in long hot days really helped me work through a lot of anger. After work for a time at least I feel above her, better than her and ultimately sorry for her that she just lost a great guy ad she doesn't even know it yet!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Goddamn how can someone go from over the top in love to basically acting like you're the worst being on the planet.

Defense mechanism. It would eventually drive her insane if she were to continuously entertain thoughts such as "I can't believe I let go of such a catch", so she has to repeatedly tell herself that you're a loser, that you're beneath her, that she can clearly do better, that she deserves better etc., and you know what? It's not such a bad idea for you to follow suit and paint her black yourself.

 

[Witch_King]

Hey everyone, i just found this forum and it looks great(a sad great) to see that more people are having a hard time to deal with a breakup such as me.

I'm having a bit of a strugle to stay with no contact rule... How does this work, do i just post my story? I'm really confused, and although i already feel healed i have no idea how to proceed next :/!

 

[sowhat]

ok guys, i admit. i suck.. i was sto stupid and in denial that i made all the mistakes despite reading all this **** here.. the reason is that i couldn't stand her ****ing with some other dude. now i know, so i hope i will freaking start my day one and grow some balls finally, i was never this guy, always strong but this just ruined me beyond my recognition. she is enjoying it i know because she is a manipulative biatch.. she is blocked, she is done. but my biggest fear is how not to contact her , i know her number in my head god damn it. i already said some of the nastier things i can imagine, the funny thing she responds, she responds to the message when i say she is a ****ing slut, because she knows it's truth..

i moved from a city here in a village because i lost my job and don't have much to do. can't stop thinking about the *****.. can't think about sex with other girls while i'm this way... wtf, i just want to heal and forget her, get her out of my life for good.. mother****ing *****.

 

[Jmurphy55]

ok guys, i admit. i suck.. i was sto stupid and in denial that i made all the mistakes despite reading all this **** here.. the reason is that i couldn't stand her ****ing with some other dude. now i know, so i hope i will freaking start my day one and grow some balls finally, i was never this guy, always strong but this just ruined me beyond my recognition. she is enjoying it i know because she is a manipulative biatch.. she is blocked, she is done. but my biggest fear is how not to contact her , i know her number in my head god damn it. i already said some of the nastier things i can imagine, the funny thing she responds, she responds to the message when i say she is a ****ing slut, because she knows it's truth..

i moved from a city here in a village because i lost my job and don't have much to do. can't stop thinking about the *****.. can't think about sex with other girls while i'm this way... wtf, i just want to heal and forget her, get her out of my life for good.. mother****ing *****.

We've been there before, or I have anyway.

Start memorising a load of random phone numbers, you'll soon forget hers fairly quickly.

 

[sowhat]

god dammit i have a strong memory, i remember what i was wearing on some particular day 15 years ago and what did i have for breakfast , have all my friends numbers in my damn head, even they don't know their damn numbers..

i'm so happy for this forum, and i'm sorry we all share the same destiny but it's much much easier knowing that someone understands you..

i can have a new girl, who is way better, who will give me all that this ***** can't and i just can't use her to heal.. maybe i should just meet her for a coffee.. you know that feeling when you can have most of the hot girls who find you attractive and think you are funny and great guy but you always pick the dumbest ****ing biatch in this goddamn world. i'm so pissed. i wish i would stay pissed like this for a month.. but the ugly thruth is , it will pass .. then i will grieve, it will come to me , to write a ***** a song hahahaha. but she will never win.. i know she won't.. i will get my justice.. and the thing is with that justice, it always comes when it's not really important to you.. you can't enjoy it it when it comes, because you will be long gone, you will not feel a **** about a biatch.. that is what makes me mad..

 

[Jmurphy55]

Honestly, just memorise loads of other numbers and it will go.

I've been NC for 3 weeks now. Still miss her which is natural as it was a 2.5 year relationship, but I'm through the worst of it. Looking forward to moving to London in September, got some holidays planned and a -2 week fitness plan and got my first date lined up for next week.

Remember you're not replacing your ex, you're meeting new people.

 

[zorg198]

So.... i'm 5 months with my previous ex. now i am entering day 2 of NC with this current chick. i feel ok, used to it . problem is i still think about my LTR ex.

Joe.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I suppose you can say I broke NC a few hours ago, because a girl I'm friends with on Instagram is a mutual friend of my ex's and so any pics that she "likes" will show up on my feed (assuming the profile is public). This mutual friend liked one of her pics, I clicked on the thumbnail, and saw a pic of my ex for the first time in several months.

I always thought she looked quite well for her age (she turns 30 in just over 2 months), but it very subtly appeared like there was a tug of war going on between her 20s and the approaching 30s visible on her face. It's difficult to describe, as if I could see an old(er) woman taking shape one moment, then a bit more youthful, late 20s girl would resurface a second later, a constant back and forth for as long as I stared. When we were together, she used to tell relatives that she was in no rush to pump out kids, that she had another decade or so before that took place. I think she was grossly miscalculating - I'd say she's only a handful of years away tops from slamming into the wall.

It will be 8 months since we parted ways very soon, basically the length of our relationship when we were together. I can't remember the last event that had such a strong impact on my life - even the death of a very close family member almost a year ago didn't rattle me to the core like the break up did, I'm ashamed to admit (goes to show how entranced and myopically beta I was in that relationship, I suppose) . Looking back since the time that we split, I've received many observations from others, a ton of feedback, that confirms that a massive change has taken place, that I am gradually changing, that I'm a bit different from who I was before. I still carry a small amount of resentment toward her, but all the theory I've consumed together with time and other girls steadily continues to bring it down closer and closer to nil. Knowing how she is, I strongly suspect she has nothing but hate and contempt for me. I (now) have a much better understanding of how the game works, so I don't hold that against her - it's expected. In my wildest dreams would I have imagined that such a bland girl (with a cute face, nice body and a golden pvssy, I should add) would have such a colossal impact on my life. Maybe I'll thank her some day in the future, years from now..

To the new members struggling with NC, torn up inside, facing hell day in and day out, grappling with the demons that follow a gut-wrenching break up, you have my word, with enough determination and perseverance, this is what you have to look forward to: an irregular but inevitable ascension in character and life. Don't give up.

 

[Jmurphy55]

I suppose you can say I broke NC a few hours ago, because a girl I'm friends with on Instagram is a mutual friend of my ex's and so any pics that she "likes" will show up on my feed (assuming the profile is public). This mutual friend liked one of her pics, I clicked on the thumbnail, and saw a pic of my ex for the first time in several months.

I always thought she looked quite well for her age (she turns 30 in just over 2 months), but it very subtly appeared like there was a tug of war going on between her 20s and the approaching 30s visible on her face. It's difficult to describe, as if I could see an old(er) woman taking shape one moment, then a bit more youthful, late 20s girl would resurface a second later, a constant back and forth for as long as I stared. When we were together, she used to tell relatives that she was in no rush to pump out kids, that she had another decade or so before that took place. I think she was grossly miscalculating - I'd say she's only a handful of years away tops from slamming into the wall.

It will be 8 months since we parted ways very soon, basically the length of our relationship when we were together. I can't remember the last event that had such a strong impact on my life - even the death of a very close family member almost a year ago didn't rattle me to the core like the break up did, I'm ashamed to admit (goes to show how entranced and myopically beta I was in that relationship, I suppose) . Looking back since the time that we split, I've received many observations from others, a ton of feedback, that confirms that a massive change has taken place, that I am gradually changing, that I'm a bit different from who I was before. I still carry a small amount of resentment toward her, but all the theory I've consumed together with time and other girls steadily continues to bring it down closer and closer to nil. Knowing how she is, I strongly suspect she has nothing but hate and contempt for me. I (now) have a much better understanding of how the game works, so I don't hold that against her - it's expected. In my wildest dreams would I have imagined that such a bland girl (with a cute face, nice body and a golden pvssy, I should add) would have such a colossal impact on my life. Maybe I'll thank her some day in the future, years from now..

To the new members struggling with NC, torn up inside, facing hell day in and day out, grappling with the demons that follow a gut-wrenching break up, you have my word, with enough determination and perseverance, this is what you have to look forward to: an irregular but inevitable ascension in character and life. Don't give up.

Wise words.

This kind of thing is a rite of passage as much as anything else I feel.

 

[SayWhat]

Day 5

Saw her at work (I didn't had that stomach turning feeling when I saw her which I guess is good?). I just was polite when she asked something. She didn't say hi or goodbye when I left, but I must say, I still have my break downs and I will have more horrible days then I have had (as when I hear she has someone else), but overall It's quite ok. I know I meant something serious in the past to her and I just have to move on, there is nothing I can do about it. I just would like to know what I did wrong so I can improve it, but this comes over as quite beta and that is not what I want.

With my previous break up, where I acted as beta as I could, I was depressed for over a year, but now I can still function quite normally after these couple of days. I don't hope this is because I hope of some reconciliation and that it is because I don't act as beta and am just a better man all over because of this forum (and because of my previous break up, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so thanks to that ex !).

A consoling thought for myself is, that I don't know if I loved her and that I just liked her because she gave me attention... I had moments in the relationship where I wanted to call it ends because of some issues that I couldn't get over. But I guess I hung in there because of the sex, that was amazing and I will miss the most I guess. I liked her in my company and had a good time, but I didn't really feel that click...

 

[Jmurphy55]

Social Leper-

What an absolute *****, it's one thing to sleep with someone when you're broken up but to randomly text you telling you? Clearly some pitiful attempt to make you jealous.

I've slept with another girl since breaking up with my ex but I haven't felt the need to announce it.

To try and guilt trip you into taking her baxk by threatening to resort to drugs? Seriously mate you've had a lucky escape!

 

[sowhat]

well update for me.. i can proudly say i'm not in a need of doing no contact.. no contact will remail until the rest of my life i suppose after today..imagine that i even felt guilty and missed her. just now i found out she has another dude , dont know for how long, ugly as ****, much uglier than me hahaha .. i wasn't sure it was him so i've sent him a message, told him how she ****ed me and how lucky he is in a sarcastic manner. i also told him how i screwed her just recently and even send him a picture of me and her together. then i told her she is a ****ing lying *****. well.. now i feel great. but do i think i didn't have tell that to the guy?

 

[Jmurphy55]

I'm not quite as cynical as you mate.
I do think there are some genuine women, I just think it's rare and unfortunately at our age (or mine anyway, I'm not sure how old you are but I'm 27,) we tend to end up with young girls who don't have their life in order yet and are bound to fluctuate with their emotions.

One thing I will say is I feel a far more determined person when I'm single. Maybe I feel that I have something to prove, I don't know, but since breaking up with my ex I've lost 8 pounds, got a load of work done (she dumped me right bang in the middle of what was an absolute nightmare of a week work wise, and I lost 2 days of work which i couldn't afford to lose and still got it all done,) I dress better, eat better, work cleaner.

I think being In a relationship made me complacent to be honest.

 

[SayWhat]

Day 7

Guess I'm doing ok, could have been worse.

Is it a good idea if someone asks how I'm doing, to say I've been on a date? This is not true, but I feel the largest reason why I feel down, is because of the ego hit and if the ex hears this she wouldn't think she's better than me (hopefully ).

Is it a good idea? Does this ruin any hope of reconciliation? I know I should never make up with mer, but I guess everyone goes through these feelings...

 

[drake33]

WTF Happened Here?

I've read this entire thread and it has really helped me out with this rough time.

I'll make this short and sweet.
*Dated her since she was 17, she is now 25. I was 21, I am now 27.
*Lived together for about a year and a half
*Have a 5 y/o daughter together
*Split in August 2011. Had some issues, communication, etc. Normal things.
*Remained friendly to each other. Had sex often. Light talks of reconciliation over the years. Co-parented very well.Helped each other emotionally, financially, and with our daughter.
*Both dated others, she is currently dating someone now, who she chose over me, after I tried to reconcile. Hes my age and is trying to get disability...WTF...I work two jobs and bust my ASS!
*On Feb. 26th, I laid it all out, like neither of us had done before. She cried, and then was sending messages like why now? You had your chance. Im happy, Ive moved on, etc. So to be completely honest, it really felt like that was when we really broke up.
*March 2nd, I ask her to come over, and talk, we do, we have sex, and she says shes going to leave this guy. Next day changes her mind, says shes giving him a chance. A week later, we talk on the phone, shes crying her eyes out, I love you, I miss you, I want our family, etc. I had to work, I said lets talk when I get done, and she agreed. I am a personal trainer, I had a client for an hour session, once, I was off, she had sent me texts saying she couldnt, and she wanted to give him a chance.
*March 15th-The final straw. She came to pick up our daughter and I got very emotional. Begging and pleading. She was trying to walk away and our daughter said "Please listen to my daddy." Shouldnt have ever happened like that. It broke my heart. So, I sent an apology text the next day and havent spoken to her since. Everything has been strictly related to our daughter. No good mornings, no how are yous, nothing. Ive almost made it 30 days of NC. I'm 2 days short. I deactivated fb. At pick ups, our daughter is old enough that I can send her out the door once I see her mom pull up into the drive. There has been no attempt on my part to contact her in any way.
I want her back, but I honestly feel disrespected and betrayed. I want another chance. I am planning to not contact her at all. She's allowed our daughter to try to facetime here lately, which is different, but I havent answered. She didnt let her for the longest time, Idk if thats a sign or not, but I want her to man up and to come to me straight up. Since February 26th, and she chose that other man, she hasnt let her facetime me. Not sure what to do. Im becoming indifferent. I am NOT doing this to get back at her, its what I started out trying, I'll admit it, but thats why the previous attempts of nc failed. But since March 16th, after the sorry text back and forth, I've gone ghost. Im beginning to heal. I see myself laughing and happy again. Our daughters bday is coming up and Im thinking of suggesting separate parties...weve never done that in the past, but you guys have to truly understand...this is a complete shift in everything thats happened before. Shes had boyfriends and Ive had girlfriends, she just stabbed me in the back.We may have broken up years ago, but it doesnt feel that way...we broke up last month..crazy huh? Her Gma reached out to me and told me she loved me and respected what I had tried to do and that she thinks shes clearly confused. Im spinning a few plates as you guys call it, but she ****ed me over royally...pretty hurt...I dont think I will ever speak to her until I get an apology. She also made some threats about our daughter...court talk...when she lost her job? Seriously? I simply ignored it...she later said she would never do that...to which I didnt respond to that nonsense...felt like bait...any input would be appreciated. Everybody in this thread....stay strong...YOU ARE A PRIZE and deserve to be treated with respect and value! Nothing less than that.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Having undertaken this process a couple of times and also having read the last few pages, here are a few notes for reference:

1. In the short to medium term (1-2 weeks), after the initial shock of a break up (which is when NC should ALWAYS start), going NC will provide a sense of relief. This sense of relief is commonly mistaken for having 'healed', having 'moved on' etc.

I notice a few guys lately claiming these things after 7-10 days; so here's the tough love - you are doing the right thing, but you're just getting started here. It's called the 60 day Challenge for a reason, not the 14-20 day challenge. I am currently 30-odd days NC with my latest GF and though it's been a reasonable ride so far, last night I lost sleep with anger over her immaturity. Negativity will come and go, maybe forever, regards these people; the real challenge is how this is dealt with on an ongoing basis.

2. @saywhat: what's the point in lying about dating, just in case you ex hears about it - this is not really in the true spirit of NC. How about just go on a real date, regardless of what the outcome is? It doesn't sound like you're ready for it though - when people harp on about 'focus on oneself' for a while, they say it for good reason.

3. Go through this process 3 or 4 times (probably/preferably with different people) and you begin to understand the value of NC and it becomes easier; value genuinely starts to shift back toward oneself and we start to develop real standards to ourselves - this may take years, rather than mere days.

4. In moments of weakness, DO NOT relent.

5. Understand the Law of Attraction and live by it.

 

[zorg198]

I'm past the 100 days and sometimes its still hard.

 

[finch2015]

The Monkey King is so right.

Its been approx 40 days since no contact, from our last meet. Thing is, I haven't a clue what shes doing now as I told her to leave me be after the last words were spoken, and get in touch if she changed her mind over the breakup. I held my head up high and left the relationship without begging, crying etc. Just expressed how I felt, and that was that.

Annoyingly, she has honored my request and left me alone, and something inside wants simply a courtesy a text seeing how I am.... Oh well, this healing process is my only option as I WILL NOT be in touch with her.

Wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't. I feel just as much as much pain in the pit of my stomach as I did a few weeks ago, God I hope this passes. Rumination is my worst enemy and the feeling of loss is so strong (even though she WAS a callous, selfish narcissist). It's funny how you miss those that don't deserve it.

I love TheMonkeyKing's points 4 and 5:

4. In moments of weakness, DO NOT relent.

5. Understand the Law of Attraction and live by it.

I am adhering to this ruleset. For my own healing.

Meanwhile I'm trying to date but it only alleviates a bit of the grieving. Guess I was hooked on my ex more strongly than even I originally thought.