Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
Her? She's my butler.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
beatjunkie
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2014
- Messages
- 262
- Reaction score
- 9
guys. i'm officially dealing with a demon here.
i swear i just came from long walk and cleared my mind. i was set on moving on once and for all. and as soon as i update my journal entry here... BAM! i get a "how r u" text from her.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!U took a big part of my soul when you left. I didnt eat proper and still cant sleep properly because of thoughts of u. everytime i want to move on, u drag me back..FVCK YOU!!!!!!!
i swear i just came from long walk and cleared my mind. i was set on moving on once and for all. and as soon as i update my journal entry here... BAM! i get a "how r u" text from her.
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!U took a big part of my soul when you left. I didnt eat proper and still cant sleep properly because of thoughts of u. everytime i want to move on, u drag me back..FVCK YOU!!!!!!!
Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
You gave me the best advice when my ex contacted me.
IGNORE!!! Let her hamster spin itself to death.
IGNORE!!! Let her hamster spin itself to death.
beatjunkie
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2014
- Messages
- 262
- Reaction score
- 9
problem is bro. i work with this cvnt and she is in a position of power that can make my life hell. advice from senior djs is to not do anything to piss her off. so i will reply(an hour later) with "doing great. u r welcome!"...her message was "how r u? thanks for the cover letter"
beatjunkie said:
I know what you mean , when we decide we want to move on or we already did move on our exes just show up to torture us . I call them sick people, I think they get off by behaving like this. otherwise, ex is an ex , they belong to the past . They have no reason to come back and visit us. They just want to feed their stupid egos and get the attention. I pity them .
Next time my ex decides to call me for no reason I will definitely tell him to fvck off.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Day 19. (I think?)
Thought it was time for an update.
My life has become chaos, and certaintly very social. I cant remember having an evening in just doing nothing.
My thoughts of my ex's are mixed.
The long term ex appears to only be thoughts of getting the house situation sorted. I know when that days comes (sooner the better) there will be a sad feeling in me as we say our last goodbyes. We have known each other for 16 years, 5 months and 10 days. There is no doubt, despite my dislike of her that you cannot know someone that long and not feel anything as the final curtain call is made, I continue to brace myself for that very emotional day, when it comes I will start NC with her, but it will not be for a set time, it will be until/if fate makes our paths cross again.
The second recent ex has no remaining effect on me at all. I still occationally think of her and wonder what she is up to in life, but its now been 111 days of NC, and I can honestly say I feel nothing. I have realised she isn't a nice person and is very shallow, so I'm happy and feel closure on her.
The third ex, the most recent one. I still feel very mixed. The most prominant feeling is one of sadness, That two people can get on sooo sooo well in such a short time and yet be unable to be together, it makes me loose a little faith in people. I mean are we really that fickle in life that we cannot see the best in people? The other emotions include a sense of loss, not that I've lost her, more that I've lost respect for her, to learn that straight after seeing me she has moved on to a Pretty boy guy who is only after sex - It makes me feel I did not know her at all and she is a shallow person, this leaves me with a very sad feeling. I also think about how I would feel if fate causes us to cross paths again, I know she will never ever contact me - she is tooo stubborn and proud do that, disaster would have to strike in her life to make her want to. I also know I will never contact her as I'm equally stubborn and have to much self pride. But I still ask myself the question, what if fate throws us into the mix in an attempt for friendship? Honestly I dont know, I guess it will depend on where I am in life, but I think more than anything I would struggle due to my loss of respect for her.
I do also think about the fact she is now seeing someone else, are they enjoying the same time together we did? are they having a connection that has what our relationship lacked? Truth is it really doesn't matter. Her history of relationships is not good, and unless she starts to look at herself instead of going from guy to guy nothing will change.
I also question myself on why I'm still thinking of her, as we only knew each other a short time, and I conclude its about expectation - you meet someone and it is soo easy to get along with them and there seems to be an almost instant connection that you expect great things - so when it fails (as it always will if you expect too much) it hurts, sometimes as much as loosing someone you have known a long time. I console myself that I am, afterall only human.
So how do I feel in myself? Very mixed. I have and still feel very happy in myself, I like who I am, I'm proud of how far I have come over the last year inspite of the setbacks. I feel excited about the future as I know theres alot to look forward to. I feel lonely, being truly on my own for the first time in 14 years, yes I have alot of great friends - but that also makes me feel sad as I seem to be very capable of making friends, but not anything more then that, but I still feel lonely, no one to talk to about my days, no one to talk to me out theirs, no one to hug or be with. I feel worn out with everything that is happening in my life, and long for the day it starts to feel a little easier, and sad at some of the people I have lost, but I have made some great new friends along the way - some I have become very close to and mean alot to me.
I have also started dating someone, but taking it very very slow, we dont text or talk alot, and I have decided to take a new approach this time. Instead of chasing her all the time I expect her to make some effort back. If shes doesnt I know she is not for me. But lets see how it goes.
Anyway folks, remember, life is but an open door, we only have to use it!
Roll on day 60 of NC and day number 1 of NC with the long term ex.
Thought it was time for an update.
My life has become chaos, and certaintly very social. I cant remember having an evening in just doing nothing.
My thoughts of my ex's are mixed.
The long term ex appears to only be thoughts of getting the house situation sorted. I know when that days comes (sooner the better) there will be a sad feeling in me as we say our last goodbyes. We have known each other for 16 years, 5 months and 10 days. There is no doubt, despite my dislike of her that you cannot know someone that long and not feel anything as the final curtain call is made, I continue to brace myself for that very emotional day, when it comes I will start NC with her, but it will not be for a set time, it will be until/if fate makes our paths cross again.
The second recent ex has no remaining effect on me at all. I still occationally think of her and wonder what she is up to in life, but its now been 111 days of NC, and I can honestly say I feel nothing. I have realised she isn't a nice person and is very shallow, so I'm happy and feel closure on her.
The third ex, the most recent one. I still feel very mixed. The most prominant feeling is one of sadness, That two people can get on sooo sooo well in such a short time and yet be unable to be together, it makes me loose a little faith in people. I mean are we really that fickle in life that we cannot see the best in people? The other emotions include a sense of loss, not that I've lost her, more that I've lost respect for her, to learn that straight after seeing me she has moved on to a Pretty boy guy who is only after sex - It makes me feel I did not know her at all and she is a shallow person, this leaves me with a very sad feeling. I also think about how I would feel if fate causes us to cross paths again, I know she will never ever contact me - she is tooo stubborn and proud do that, disaster would have to strike in her life to make her want to. I also know I will never contact her as I'm equally stubborn and have to much self pride. But I still ask myself the question, what if fate throws us into the mix in an attempt for friendship? Honestly I dont know, I guess it will depend on where I am in life, but I think more than anything I would struggle due to my loss of respect for her.
I do also think about the fact she is now seeing someone else, are they enjoying the same time together we did? are they having a connection that has what our relationship lacked? Truth is it really doesn't matter. Her history of relationships is not good, and unless she starts to look at herself instead of going from guy to guy nothing will change.
I also question myself on why I'm still thinking of her, as we only knew each other a short time, and I conclude its about expectation - you meet someone and it is soo easy to get along with them and there seems to be an almost instant connection that you expect great things - so when it fails (as it always will if you expect too much) it hurts, sometimes as much as loosing someone you have known a long time. I console myself that I am, afterall only human.
So how do I feel in myself? Very mixed. I have and still feel very happy in myself, I like who I am, I'm proud of how far I have come over the last year inspite of the setbacks. I feel excited about the future as I know theres alot to look forward to. I feel lonely, being truly on my own for the first time in 14 years, yes I have alot of great friends - but that also makes me feel sad as I seem to be very capable of making friends, but not anything more then that, but I still feel lonely, no one to talk to about my days, no one to talk to me out theirs, no one to hug or be with. I feel worn out with everything that is happening in my life, and long for the day it starts to feel a little easier, and sad at some of the people I have lost, but I have made some great new friends along the way - some I have become very close to and mean alot to me.
I have also started dating someone, but taking it very very slow, we dont text or talk alot, and I have decided to take a new approach this time. Instead of chasing her all the time I expect her to make some effort back. If shes doesnt I know she is not for me. But lets see how it goes.
Anyway folks, remember, life is but an open door, we only have to use it!
Roll on day 60 of NC and day number 1 of NC with the long term ex.
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Machtwo
Don Juan
I haven't posted on here for a few months now, but I look & read most days.Dtsm3 said:
The above is exactly how I feel 14 months on from break-up & 11 months on from total NC.
Stick with NC, it is the only way.
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Machtwo said:
Thank you for your reply.
If we are all truly honest with ourselves, you never ever get over loss - you can't. You have lost something, something that had meaning to you. Even if you are the person leaving someone - which is the case for me with my long term ex, you are still loosing somthing, and that can never ever be replaced.
But take solice in this. I have been apart from the long term ex for nearly a year now, and in that time I have dated two people - one of which I fell in love with (not the most recent one), and the other I had a great time with. Will I ever find something similar to them again?? no! But I will find something. I have also made some truly amazing friends that I am as close to as anyone in a relationship can be.
Imagine hunting for gold, but finding a diamond instead, you found something of value, but its not what you expected.
Remember "when we loose a relationship we go into mourning, but not over the loss of the person, but the loss of what we hoped our lives would be. The solution? Let it go, life very very rarely turns out how we hope or expect, but things always have a way of working out anyway".
Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
Day 41
Accidentally saw an old joke picture of her wearing nothing but my boxer briefs, they looked so huge on her...I didn't laugh though, my stomach turned and I started to feel sick.
Nothing to worry about, I'll hit the gym soon and it will all be alright.
Accidentally saw an old joke picture of her wearing nothing but my boxer briefs, they looked so huge on her...I didn't laugh though, my stomach turned and I started to feel sick.
Nothing to worry about, I'll hit the gym soon and it will all be alright.
Ladies and Gents,
I would like to ask a question, it is something I have recently pondered over.
Which is the more emotionally mature.
a) A person whom is able to speak openly and honestly about themselves, and what they are thinking and feeling?
or
b) A person whom is able to keep their emotions and thoughts to them self, and only share what is nessesary?
What's your opinions?
I would like to ask a question, it is something I have recently pondered over.
Which is the more emotionally mature.
a) A person whom is able to speak openly and honestly about themselves, and what they are thinking and feeling?
or
b) A person whom is able to keep their emotions and thoughts to them self, and only share what is nessesary?
What's your opinions?
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I'll take a wild guess that you think A is the more mature way and she thinks B is the more mature way.Dtsm3 said:
She thinks B is more mature because you will be the "strong" boyfriend to her and she can do what the **** she wants and you won't be effected by it, because your her "mature" boyfriend. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO DEAL WITH ISSUES THAT INVOLVE AN ADULT RELATIONSHIP.
that bothers me on option B, to "share what is necessary"
So basically it's a justification that someone in the relationship doesn't want to deal with issues and the one with an issue should just shut their mouth and be emotionless
Reality is folks, an adult relationship is when 2 people don't have to censor how they truly feel and they can discuss it openly. If you have to censor yourself, you're not in one, BAIL IMMEDIATELY.
I'm an expert on this one. Had my ex tell me to be a "stronger" man, by that I mean be stronger for her and let her do as she wants, be emotionless, be "strong".
What a bunch of bull****
Noyou said:
Thank you for your opinion my good man!
You are of course absolutley right. Guess it just shows there are a lot of guarded and defensive women out there.
It was a question that played on my mind since my last attempt at a relationship, I don't know if it is an age of experience thing, but dating someone 7 years younger, she seemed very emotionally defensive.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
Well...Don Juan was a man. This is a male self-improvement forum.petitefri said:
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.