The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Colette]

Well...Don Juan was a man. This is a male self-improvement forum.

Are you implying that this site is your land and we have to leave according to bible?

 

[Dtsm3]

Day 21

I've had a few pieces of positive news in my life over the past few days (not related to women), which have been a welcome distraction.

With regards to the ex's I find myself wondering what they are up to. Wonder if they ever think of me or miss me. Oh well. They ain't with me so **** um! lol

I do keep dwelling on why the last two short relationships ended, and I still can't shake this feeling that it was my own fault, I started relationships too soon after a major long term break-up, but also I was too pushy with them. Have I ruined the chances of some great friendships? I guess only time will tell.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Are you implying that this site is your land and we have to leave according to bible?

You are welcome to stay as much as you'd like, but only if you'll introduce me to your hot friends.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Day 48:

Long time no see folks. How's u guys doin'? I've been pretty busy, which obviously is great because it's keeping me from thinking about my ex.

Last week I managed to break my dry spell which I was going through for the past few weeks. I had sex with an old friend of mine who I haven't seen for 3 years. After 3 years of no contact with her I just so happened to cross her path. I managed to pull a "Great Gatsby effect" on her and that same night we ended up f*cking. It made me feel really good about myself.

Today however I have a bit of a bad day. I f*cked up some important tests at school (university) and that ruined my mood quite a bit. My bad mood caused me to get into my own head and before I knew it I was making myself miserable with all kinds of toxic thoughts about my ex. It doesn't help that she has not even remotely tried to contact me at all in the past 48 days even though we left things unresolved (I guess that's just my hamster spinning and I need to get rid of that feeling that things are "unresolved"). I have no clue what she's up to, how she's doing and how she's feeling (about me). Last time I checked she blocked me everywhere so even if I wanted to contact her I won't be able to.
That's why I'm writing this post now. Writing about it and talking about it helps me to put things in perspective and it helps me to clear my mind. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow.

Day 48, twelve more days to go. Will I get over my ex completely before day 60?

 

[Manowar]

I was with a girl for about 3 years. Things had felt a little off the last few months but I didn't expect to be dumped. She texted me one day and said she wanted to come over and talk after work. This was really unusual and I realized what was happening. I texted her back and told her to call me to tell me whatever it was.

Ironically when she got home from work before she called she got the valentine's day card I sent her telling her I loved her. She told me thanks for the card, then said she was upset that I would not let her come over. She said we had become more like friends and that the relationship was over. She said she still wanted me.in her life. She bought a dog during our relationship that I really loved, and she said I could come see the dog.

I kept the conversation short and said very little. I only asked her why she had not said anything sooner and she said "it was never the right time."

After I didn't say anything she asked if I wanted to be friends. I told her I needed time to think goodbye. I immediatly threw away anything sentimental she gave me (cards etc). A few days later I dropped the things of hers I had at my house off at her door while she was at work.

That was 2 and a half years ago. I have never tried to contact her and she has not contacted me. I think I handled it the best way I could have. Although part of me wants to know, and if she ever reaches out to me I probably will demand to know why she couldn't have discussed it with me instead of dropping subtle hints I didn't pick up on until after the breakup.

The biggest thing I worried about is how I should react and what I should say if I bump into her.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I was with a girl for about 3 years. Things had felt a little off the last few months but I didn't expect to be dumped. She texted me one day and said she wanted to come over and talk after work. This was really unusual and I realized what was happening. I texted her back and told her to call me to tell me whatever it was.

Ironically when she got home from work before she called she got the valentine's day card I sent her telling her I loved her. She told me thanks for the card, then said she was upset that I would not let her come over. She said we had become more like friends and that the relationship was over. She said she still wanted me.in her life. She bought a dog during our relationship that I really loved, and she said I could come see the dog.

I kept the conversation short and said very little. I only asked her why she had not said anything sooner and she said "it was never the right time."

After I didn't say anything she asked if I wanted to be friends. I told her I needed time to think goodbye. I immediatly threw away anything sentimental she gave me (cards etc). A few days later I dropped the things of hers I had at my house off at her door while she was at work.

That was 2 and a half years ago. I have never tried to contact her and she has not contacted me. I think I handled it the best way I could have. Although part of me wants to know, and if she ever reaches out to me I probably will demand to know why she couldn't have discussed it with me instead of dropping subtle hints I didn't pick up on until after the breakup.

The biggest thing I worried about is how I should react and what I should say if I bump into her.

They can't stop us
Let them try
For heavy metal WE WILL DIE!

Welcome to SoSuave, Manowar!

First off, you've handled the situation marvelously. Going on No Contact right away and holding it for two years requires some serious balls!

Second of all, you don't have to worry about anything. She's the one who broke up with you, you don't owe her explanations - and if anything - she's the one who suppose to feel uncomfortable bumping into you!

Third, I hate to say it brother, but she most likely forgotten about you. It's hard to soak up but it's the brutal truth. If she cared at all she would've tried to re-initiate contact by one or more of these stages of NC:
Second week
First month
3rd month
6th month
Your relationship probably wasn't exciting enough for her to miss it. You were most likely the "nice guy" and she just couldn't create a deep emotional attachment to you, thus resulting in a breakup and her not contacting you.

I'd like to chime in and add from my own experience, sometimes girls like to play games and on a conscious level keep their ego's chin up (this is a result of YOU setting a weak frame), they will either try and contact you once or will wait until you're the one who contacts them first. These in my opinion are low quality girls who require passing a lot of ****-tests and maintenance. My ex was like that.

You haven't posted much in detail about what happened during the relationship with your ex so I can't really tell whether or not it applies to you but it's a good piece of info.

I'd like to ask you to post your ways of handling your NC period, 2 years is fairly impressive!

 

[petitefri]

day 11
well this would have been day 29 only i broke the contact rule on day 18 and started all over. well, fair to say some days i go by without thinking about my dump ex. i have been chatting with a few guys, picking up some interest.

oh i also got a promotion at work in two different departments, more money for me - thank God!

haven't heard from him and for that shoe of mine at his, i made up my mind am not replying to his email and he can throw it away or post it to me.
however i bet his email was a way of making me replying on how he should send me my shoe. i mean it was a long distance relationship so all he can do is post it, or does he want me to reply to that bloody email to say 'post'? or ' i will come collect it' like my fair will cost me almost same as the shoe. its expensive but who cares/? plenty of shoes in the market.

been ill these past few days, think its cause i have been out with mates a lot lately drinking. a habit i have decided to drop.
saying all these to keep me relax.
still miss him some times and worst a colleague at work has same name as him.... sucks .

 

[Manowar]

You haven't posted much in detail about what happened during the relationship with your ex so I can't really tell whether or not it applies to you but it's a good piece of info.

I'd like to ask you to post your ways of handling your NC period, 2 years is fairly impressive!

:rockon:

I was 32 and she was 43. We had a great, close relationship. But, toward the end we rarely had sex and did become more like friends. Looking back I can recognize all the subtle hints she was dropping. I think she wanted me to pick up on the hint and initiate the end of the relationship, and she only did so when she became exasperated that I was not getting it. Of course, I realize now that women tend to "communicate" that way. And she would always give the "everything's fine" impression if I probed her feelings a bit.

I doubt she has forgotten me. We had been very close and I was very good to her. I think she did still care because I believe she felt guilty about hurting me. I think she wanted me to initiate the breakup because she didn't want to feel guilty about it. The timing of her getting my valentine card couldn't have been better; that probably really made her feel bad. And I think she never expected me to react the way I did. I think she really thought I would want to be friends. During our relationship there was only a handful of days we did not talk or text each other, for almost 3 years. She seemed bothered by the fact that I would not let her come over. I don't think she ever expected me to drop all contact. This either made her feel even more guilty, or perhaps she just told herself "well I tried to be friends and he didn't want to" and that assuaged her guilt.

But I suspect she feels guilty, because I think the way she wanted to avoid guilt was to have me be her friend, so that she could feel like she didn't really hurt me that bad. Of course I denied her that.

As far as how I stayed NC:

1. I immediately shredded any cards, etc she gave me, and threw away any sentimental stuff. I didn't throw everything away; she gave me a few decent gifts and I was not about to throw nice stuff away. But I threw away anything personal
2. I didn't delete all our photos together. I don't believe in deleting photographs, they record a part of your life you may want to revisit. But I never look at any photos of her.
3. I deleted her from social media accounts. I went into my email, and deleted ever single email either that I received from her or sent to her
4. Gathered all of the things she left at my house and dropped them at her doorstep
5. Bought a gym membership and a tanning membership and started working out
6. Resolved not to date or attempt another relationship until I had time to contemplate, reflect, and get my mind right
7. Resisted any temptation to look at her Facebook page or to learn anything about her life

I didn't delete her from my phone though. Reason being, if she ever does call me, I want to see the name on the screen and not be taken by surprise.

I'll be honest, I still think about her a lot. But I will not contact her. I have too much pride to do so. If she contacts me I will respond, how I am not sure, it depends on what she has to say. I am about ready to resume dating relationships now, and I have had alot of time to reflect, read books on "red pill" type stuff, psychology, etc, and I am in a better position financially as well.

 

[Colette]

You are welcome to stay as much as you'd like, but only if you'll introduce me to your hot friends.

compare with your ex look ,any girl on this planet is hot.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

compare with your ex look ,any girl on this planet is hot.

Did I miss something? How do you know what his ex looks like?

 

[Noyou]

she just told herself "well I tried to be friends and he didn't want to" and that assuaged her guilt. .

This prob is the truth and the most insane type of thought process she came with.

1. I broke up with him
2. But I want to be friends
3. String him along for my ego
4. Oh he doesn't want to be friends?
5. ..well I tried... Guess I'm not a *****

See how insane that sounds?
She sounds like my ex

Correct way to answer said scenarios

1. Sucks to be you
2. No
3. *****
4. That's right
5. You are, burn, don't reproduce

She sounds like a narcissist

http://doug-bartholomew.com/behavio...issistic-or-borderline-personality-disorders/

Read

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Haha Noyou you need to calm down with the narcissist accusations. Not every girl in the world is a narcissist man. I know most 18-28 years old girls from the west these days are pretty ****ed up and egocentric, but calling them all narcissists is taking it a bit too far.

 

[Noyou]

Haha Noyou you need to calm down with the narcissist accusations. Not every girl in the world is a narcissist man. I know most 18-28 years old girls from the west these days are pretty ****ed up and egocentric, but calling them all narcissists is taking it a bit too far.

True, but the way I see it, it leads a good 50/50 on how it ended, how he/she wants to lead them along as a backup, mess around for a good 2-8 months, then come back after they went to have fun and to do things for their own selfish need, and come back like they didn't do anything wrong.

That sounds like it to me

That or they are ****ed up or insane.

 

[Cheeks]

Day 3, 6 months later. I haven't been contacting her in that time, but this is only the third day of not looking at her Twitter feed and stuff like that.

 

[Noyou]

See http://www.bpdcentral.com

Lots of good tidbits there too

 

[tripod23]

hi guys.....its been 10 months of nc for me with my long term ex . its been a hard few months if im honest but here I am , still breathing ......well something interesting happened , me and my ex are often employed by a company were we would be working together.

as you can imagine since we split up the company owner has made sure we are not working at the same time , until the end of this month when we were meant to be doing a job were we were both needed.

but the company owner has come to me and said my ex doesn't feel she can handle me being there .

the company owner has tried to get me to go along for only half the shift so our paths don't cross......which has lost me a lot of money , which is just an excuse in my eyes and a load of bs.

my ex has not tried to contact me......... even tho in the past I was the one always patching things up , when really I should have been walking away......!!! this time I have walked

anyway this time I have gone hard ghost and vanished..........no phone calls no texts ....nothing.......for 10 months

im just thinking why is it such an issue and why cant my ex handle me being at the place of work , I mean its not like she has been trying to get me back or anything of that nature , as far as I was concerned she had moved on , and was happy doing her thing........

we have all known this job was coming up , but right at the last minute the bombshell was dropped on me.

anyway I told the owner of the business that its not acceptable to let me down at such short notice , and lose me money .......so told them I wouldn't be taking the offer of breadcrumbs just because my ex sees it fit to create drama..............

im thinking me walking away like a ghost in the night has certainly made my ex stop and think.

iv done my upmost to improve my life as much as poss, its been hard but iv got this far........then all of a sudden bs hits the fan.

my ex and the owner and me were all friends , so reading between the lines I think we all know whats going on here .......

your thoughts are always welcome tho...

stay strong guys and good luck

 

[Noyou]

hi guys.....its been 10 months of nc for me with my long term ex . its been a hard few months if im honest but here I am , still breathing ......well something interesting happened , me and my ex are often employed by a company were we would be working together.

as you can imagine since we split up the company owner has made sure we are not working at the same time , until the end of this month when we were meant to be doing a job were we were both needed.

but the company owner has come to me and said my ex doesn't feel she can handle me being there .

the company owner has tried to get me to go along for only half the shift so our paths don't cross......which has lost me a lot of money , which is just an excuse in my eyes and a load of bs.

my ex has not tried to contact me......... even tho in the past I was the one always patching things up , when really I should have been walking away......!!! this time I have walked

anyway this time I have gone hard ghost and vanished..........no phone calls no texts ....nothing.......for 10 months

im just thinking why is it such an issue and why cant my ex handle me being at the place of work , I mean its not like she has been trying to get me back or anything of that nature , as far as I was concerned she had moved on , and was happy doing her thing........

we have all known this job was coming up , but right at the last minute the bombshell was dropped on me.

anyway I told the owner of the business that its not acceptable to let me down at such short notice , and lose me money .......so told them I wouldn't be taking the offer of breadcrumbs just because my ex sees it fit to create drama..............

im thinking me walking away like a ghost in the night has certainly made my ex stop and think.

iv done my upmost to improve my life as much as poss, its been hard but iv got this far........then all of a sudden bs hits the fan.

my ex and the owner and me were all friends , so reading between the lines I think we all know whats going on here .......

your thoughts are always welcome tho...

stay strong guys and good luck

If you got a feeling something is wrong, it is.

Bail, now.

 

[Noyou]

Day 3, 6 months later. I haven't been contacting her in that time, but this is only the third day of not looking at her Twitter feed and stuff like that.

Hey it's ok if you looked at her FB, twitter, etc. For me it helped see all the bull**** that was going on and how pathetic things are.

What is bad is if you're wasting time contemplating on what is and what may be. There is only absolution here.

 

[Cheeks]

Hey it's ok if you looked at her FB, twitter, etc. For me it helped see all the bull**** that was going on and how pathetic things are.

What is bad is if you waste time contemplating on what is and what may be. There is only absolution here.

For me it was making things worse to see how happy she was without me.

 

[Noyou]

For me it was making things worse to see how happy she was without me.

How do you know that?
Because she looks that way?
Or are you putting way too much effort to think if she is happy without you?

If you treated her well, more than likely she will try to fill the void to get over you and post pictures to show she is over you.

What you should do is not care. It's hard I know but you have to stop looking at her FB, twitter, etc.
Most of the time it's bull****